He closed his eyes and peered to the side of his desk where a picture of them still sat. Men like him were so predictable, and easy to make my puppets. Like he did for his patients, I too had an eye for detail, except mine wasn’t to help people. I used my ability to ruin them to my advantage.
Abruptly, he grabbed my wrist and held me tight. “You think you can manipulate me with your threats? No one will believe the crazy person, not with my tenure. Keep threatening me and it will stop.”
I jerked my arm away. “I guess we’ll have to see about that. I happen to know you like fucking me too much to stop. You probably jerk off when I leave, because you can’t hold out till the next time you’ll get me alone.”
Mikael stood and hauled ass over to my side of the desk. Before I was able to spin and move, he had me pinned. His hands pressed one of mine behind me on the hard top surface. I could feel his breath against my lips as he narrowed in on them. I reached for his tie, tugging just enough to get a rise out of him. “What’s wrong? Did I hit a nerve?” I taunted.
Our lips brushed slowly, before he pulled away. He took a step back, distancing the space between us. “You know what’s at stake if I get caught.” Mikael adjusted his shirt and tie before making his way back to his chair. “You know the rules. No fraternizing dur-.”
I finished his sentence, since I’d heard it more times than I liked admitting. “During our sessions. Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”
He smirked and shook his head as if I amused him. “Trust me, you make it difficult to stick to my own rules. We need to be careful. When the time is right things will change. You’ve got to be patient.”
While remaining in a standing position, I leaned forward over his desk so we were close again. “Rules were made to be broken, doctor. One day we won’t have them. Then what will you do? Will you find yourself another like me?”
I saw him quickly glancing at the picture of his wife again. “We’ll be together. I’ve already told you about the plan. Things are complicated.”
I smiled, pretending to be content with his response, though I knew better than to trust a horny man. To him, I was new pussy – a broken girl in need of attention. In his own ways he was infatuated with me, to the point he construed it as love. He thought he could control me. Being aware of his motives made manipulating him easier. What helped was knowing I could threaten to reveal our relationship. He was wrong with his assumptions. Some might not buy it, but others would. We’d almost been caught several times, further explaining our need to keep our distance during scheduled visits.
Nowadays, Mikael would make time for me after hours. He had access to our rooms, and when only one evening nurse was on duty, he’d use his clearance to take us to his secret quarters where he sometimes rested. It had a nice futon, a television, and a small mini-refrigerator. On several occasions he’d brought me fancy meals to enjoy as a reward for what I’d given him in bed. Little perks were always a nice distraction, especially considering how hard I had to work to pretend I was in love with him.
Since I knew this was a rouse to reassure me, I went along with it. “I’m scared I’ll never get out of here. I don’t belong with these loony people. The person in the room next to me rips her own hair out when she gets upset. Stephanie Pope has tried to kill herself more than five times since I’ve been on this level. I need to get out. It’s not helping. If anything, it’s making me feel like I’m losing it.” I licked my lips, making sure he was watching my body language. Usually my hair was in a ponytail, but when I knew we had a session I made sure to leave it down. It had grown longer, almost touching the top of my ass crack. I ran my fingers through a strand dangling over my right breast. “I wish you could get me out of here, even if it was only for a little while.”
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. The fact that he was even considering it let me know I was doing a good job. “It’s not as simple as you think. I can’t just walk you out of here. You’re a prisoner. You’re in here for a reason, Ivy.”
I sunk back down in the chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “You’re just like everyone else. You think I was actually capable of what went down. No matter how many times I’ve tried to explain to you that I was set up, you won’t believe me.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. A judge ordered you to serve a certain amount of time. I can put in a good word, but he won’t reduce your sentence until you are up for a review.”
“I get it.” I rolled my eyes and pretended I was being let down. “It’s not fair. I need to breathe, Mikael. Can’t you figure something out?”
He ran his hands over his thick dark hair again, seeming to become frustrated. “Ivy, I’ve thought about it a million times. There’s no way for me to get you out of here for more than an hour without people finding out about it. I have to go through security to check out of the building, and then again to exit the parking lot. Even if I managed to sneak you outside, someone would see me hiding you in my trunk.”
I picked at the hem on my cotton pants. “Say the night nurse got sick. What if you were there to take her shift? You could send her home and we’d have ample time to get out of this place, even if for only a little while. I could hide in the trunk and the night watchman won’t know. Wouldn’t it be nice to make love in a real bed? We could get a hotel room and sip wine while naked. We wouldn’t have to rush. You’d be able to see what it will be like once we’re able to be together as a real couple.” I kept at it, hoping to break him. “We could shower, or get a hot bubble bath. You could shave my legs. We could be as loud as we wanted.”
Mikael pushed his chair back and stood. It was obvious he was getting turned on. The proof was already making an appearance from under the fabric of his trousers. He put his hands in his pockets and jiggled some change around, probably to distract what was happening between his legs. “Our time is almost up. You’ve got to stop doing this to me.”
I stood and ambled in his direction, behind his desk. When my body was in front of his, he didn’t push me away. “Will you think about it? I promise to behave.” I slid my hands up his sides. “I need to be close to you; to be able to show you what you mean to me.”
He looked behind me at the closed blinds, knowing someone could walk in at any moment. His lips brushed mine before he backed away. “I’ll think about it.”
“You know I love you,” I whispered.
He smirked, looking ornery. “Yeah, and it is what’s going to get us both in trouble. I could lose my license to practice.”
“I happen to know how much you like being bad. Besides, we’ve already done too much to stop now. I mean, it’s not like you can erase how many times you’ve fucked me.” I said that in reference to his quirky fetishes, like wearing a ball gag and being walked on in fancy heels.
He laughed under his breath before escorting me to the office door. Awaiting on the other side was the guard. He smiled when our eyes met, so I returned one back. “What?” I whispered.
“I’ll come and get you tonight so we can finish what you’ve started in my pants,” he said low enough no one would be able to hear. Then, his voice was loud enough the guard was made aware of our presence. “Next week you’re going to talk about those feelings,” Mikael said professionally as I continued walking away from him.
I didn’t look back. There was no need. I already knew I’d gotten under his skin. It was only a matter of time before he broke down and set me free. Mikael was only a small part of my new plan. I still had a lot more to work out before being able to get my life back; the one that should have been mine. This time I wouldn’t screw it up. There would be no hesitation when I pulled the trigger.
Chapter 2
June 12th
I’m sick of looking at the same white concrete walls day after day. I know it’s better than prison. I’d hardly be able to live in such filthy and congested conditions. At least here I have a clean place to rest my head at night. Even the beds are somewhat bearable.
I’m not going to be
stupid and write down my feelings in this book. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I can’t take the chance of someone figuring me out. For now, I’m going to stick to the program, behaving the way they expect me to, so when it comes time to be freed, nothing can go wrong.
It was after midnight when I heard the lock on my door being turned. Mikael stood as it came ajar, staring at me with concerned eyes. It was obvious something had gone wrong between the hours we’d been apart, and I didn’t have the time or ability to ask him what it was, at least not until we were safely in private.
He led me to the open corridor, and then through a locked set of double doors. I knew where we were headed, and I could hardly wait to be close to him. Just because I wasn’t madly in love with him didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy being with him. He was a handsome man, who knew how to fuck. The way he touched me; how he prided himself in giving me pleasure, took me to new heights, and helped me forget why I was locked up in the institution.
Once inside the private room, Mikael turned around and fastened his hands on the hem on my uniform shirt. His lips were on mine, hungrily kissing me. I pulled away to address the elephant in the room. “What’s up with you tonight? I can tell something is bothering you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said as he came in for another kiss, only to be rejected when I tilted my head away.
“Hold on a minute. You can’t take out your frustrations on me, at least not until you spill.”
He shook his head. It was obvious my prying annoyed him. “I had a fight with my wife. She wants to pick up and move to New York.”
A knot formed in my stomach when I thought about my only chance at getting out of this place being taken away from me. “Please don’t tell me you’re actually considering it.”
He sighed and moved a piece of my hair out of my face. “I can’t leave you. I told her I wouldn’t leave my practice.”
“Then it’s settled. You’re not going anywhere.”
He seemed concerned. “Not exactly. You see, back when I was in med school her father paid for my last two years. I owe him, and feel obligated to the family because of it. He only paid for it because he knew I was planning on marrying his daughter.”
“Well, wouldn’t he want you to stay? Why would he be upset with you for wanting to keep his daughter close to him?”
“He’s opening a clinic in the city. He wanted us to come there with them. It’s his idea.”
My mind went to a lot of places it shouldn’t; mostly what I would have done if I were in his position. I considered the possibility of him being more invested if his wife wasn’t in the picture, more to the point of being dead in the ground. Without her around, he wouldn’t feel obligated to her father. He’d have more time to spend figuring out how to break me free.
My motives were selfish. I was fully aware I was a control freak. I needed things a certain way in order to be happy, and when they didn’t work to my advantage I’d go to drastic measures to change the outcome.
Knowing how Mikael was my doctor above all, I had to think like a rational adult. “Perhaps it’s time to get legally separated. Wouldn’t life be easier if you didn’t have to go home to her?”
I assumed he’d put on a brave face and agree with me, at least until he got me into bed, but Mikael wasn’t in the mood for games. “I can’t do it. I’m not ready. We’ve got a lot vested in our relationship. It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it. You’re making me feel like I’m a side piece of ass.”
We were standing face to face, almost close enough to touch, but keeping our distance. He brought one hand up and ran the back of it over my cheek. “When I tell you I love you I mean it, but at the same time, I still have strong feelings for her. I wouldn’t blame you for hating me. Sometimes I hate myself. I’ve gotten you involved in my screwed up life.”
I tried not to let my emotions take over. It wasn’t like he was hurting my feelings. I could have cared less if we never saw each other again, aside from the part of needing him to help me get out. I could feel tears forming in my eyes as I thought about having to seduce another employee to make it happen. With a sad face I let my head fall against his chest. “I understand. It’s like the way I feel about Stoshua. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop loving him.”
This made Mikael’s body relax. He brought his strong arms up and held me. “Thank you, Ivy. I won’t lie to you about my feelings. When I say I love you, it’s the truth. I want us to be together outside of this hospital.”
“I won’t be your mistress forever. I hope you get that.”
“I do.” He pressed his lips over the top of my head. “I just need time.”
Time.
It was what had gotten me into this mess. I was tired of basing my life on a clock.
I backed away, releasing his hold. “I’ll wait as long as you need me to, as long as you get me out of here first. I don’t need your money. I can manage on my own.” When he turned away I felt like he was ignoring me. I took my hand and held onto his chin, forcing him to look at me while I spoke. “You know I’m not sick. My parents put me in here to lock me away, because they wanted my sister to be able to raise her child with my husband.”
“Your files say otherwise, Ivy. There is a lot more involved in your case than a pregnancy. You threatened to kill people.”
“Put yourself in my situation. One day I’m happily married, and the next, my husband knocks up my sister. They’re planning their life together like I don’t exist. They’re making me look insane for it to be easier for others to accept them. This was their plan. Yeah, I took a gun to my parents and threatened to use it, but I didn’t. I could never hurt another human being.”
I think for a few seconds Mikael believed me, at least until he brought up something I’d neglected to mention. “And what about Rafe?”
“He was just a friend.” I quickly thought up a logical answer. “The truth is, he’s the person who discovered the affair. He wanted to help me, even if I didn’t have feelings for him. How was I to know he’d become violent?”
I had documented none of this. Up until this very moment I’d never divulged information about Rafe. Aside from the police report from my sister and Stosh, they’d never even asked for my side of the story.
“Ivy, I know you’ve been burned, and I don’t doubt the way you see things, but I know there is more to this story than you’re telling me.” He pulled me by the fabric of my shirt. “I think we should save this conversation for your next session and get back to the real reason you’re here.”
His comment made me withdraw. I stood there glaring at him, trying to come to terms with his statement. Maybe I was being overdramatic, but I was sure he’d just blatantly said he was using me for sex. I wasn’t having it.
“Whoa! Hold up a minute. I’m not here to spread my legs and smile.”
“I was playing. Come on. We don’t have all night.” He tried to take me back into his arms. I jerked out of his hands and continued moving away.
“Screw you. Take me back to my room. I’m not in the mood anymore.”
“What? You can’t be serious. Ivy, you know how it has to be, at least for now.”
“I’m telling you no, Mikael. Go home and be with your wife. I’m done here.” I spun around and crossed my arms over my chest, standing my ground no matter how difficult it was. Two could play head games, if that’s how he wanted to roll. If Mikael thought he was the one in charge, I was going to set the record straight. This was my game, and until he could play by my rules, he was cut off.
I wanted to laugh as he sank down on his small futon, almost like a pouting child. “Do you know what I risk by bringing you here?”
“Do you know how used I feel right now? I’m not a toy you can play with and set aside. I’m a human being. I have feelings. When I say I care about you, I mean it. Tonight only shows me you’re not as in love with me as I am you.” It was a low blow, but it would get his attention and provide me with the know
ledge I needed to proceed. If Mikael wasn’t willing to take risks, I needed to find someone else who would. Time was of the essence and I was tired of waiting.
“You’re misconstruing my words. I love you. Do you think I’d risk my career if I didn’t? I’ve never romped around with my patients, not once.”
I wanted to smile, because realistically I had him by the balls, but I kept my composure. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to prove it.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” He inquired.
“Get me out of here.”
Chapter 3
Mikael wasn’t always easy to read. Years ago, when he replaced the psychiatrist at the institution, he was determined, professional, and above all, good at his job. It’s not that those attributes had changed. It’s more like they’re easier to overlook because I know the real man behind the degree.
I still remember the first time I came on to him – to feel him out as being a possible resource. I knew early on I was attracted to the good doctor. For many reasons I could see myself as his wife, settled down with a couple kids. I’d be a good wife; making sure my husband’s needs were always met. Don’t get me started on my children. Ever since I could remember I’d wanted them. The fact that my body couldn’t carry a baby to term was devastating. Imagine your own sister having the life you wanted for yourself, including the man. You would hate her too.
Anyway, back to Mikael.
I’d given a lot of thought to how I would approach him in a physical way. He used to wear a pair of glasses to read. They rested on the bridge of his nose as he made notes during our sessions. He’s since gotten contacts, tossing the plastic accessories in the drawer where I think they still sat.
Twinsequences Ivy Page 2