At any rate, one afternoon I decided to give him what he wanted – conversation. Up until this point I’d devised nothing of value, complaining it’d been a mistake for me to be placed in such an establishment. I swore I’d been framed, and to this day I’m pretty sure I had everyone around me convinced.
With the opportunity to change our relationship in front of me, I adjusted my posture, ensuring he’d notice the way I was carrying myself as I began to confide my deepest desires.
“Ivy, how are you doing today?” It was how he always greeted me.
“Not so good. I’m afraid I’ve been a bit depressed. You see,” I crossed my legs and made sure to lick my lips. “Before I was sentenced to spend time in here, I was pampered.”
“I’m afraid I’m not following you. Are you talking about getting your nails or hair done? I understand habitual tendencies can sometimes be hard to break, but you knew that when you were brought here you’d be without conveniences. Your lifestyle has changed, and it will remain that way until you’re released.”
I snickered and shook my head. “No. I don’t think you’re hearing me. My hair color is natural, and I’m not concerned about my fingernails.” I drug my teeth over my bottom lip. “I miss having sex.”
“I see. It’s common to feel like parts of you are lost. I’m surprised it’s the first time we’ve discussed this.” He adjusted in his seat, as if my confession had made him uncomfortable. “May I ask why you’re bringing this up now? You’ve obviously been here for a while. Sex is a normal part of every person’s life.”
I ran my hands up my legs, hoping he was paying attention. “ I know, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I went from having it a lot to not at all. At night when I lie in my bed, I think about it with random people. I can’t stop. When I close my eyes I’m being stripped of my clothes and taken in strange places around the facility.” This was all fabricated to get a rise out of him. I’d hardly waste my time thinking about being physical with any of the imbeciles I dealt with on a daily basis. Aside from it being a women’s institution, there were only a handful of male employees to pick from; none being remotely attractive, aside from Mikael. Being with him would be easier than pretending to be attracted to anyone else. I knew I might even enjoy it, if I could convince him to stray from his professional work ethics.
“How does it make you feel knowing you’re not sexually active?”
For a second I saw him checking me out. It was all I needed to continue toying with his mind. “How would it make you feel if you couldn’t have sex?”
“I supposed I’d be frustrated to some degree.”
“You’re a guy. You’d jerk off and take care of the problem. I don’t really feel like masturbating to an audience, if you know what I mean. I know there’s always someone watching.” Cameras had been installed in each room for the safety of the patients, so he knew what I was referring to.
“You’ve given up a lot since you’ve been here, and with that comes the satisfaction of being sexually fulfilled. The good news is you won’t be here forever. You will have plenty of time to meet someone when your sentence has ended.”
I blew the hair away from my face, leaned forward, and pushed the picture of his wife to be flat. “Or you could do me a favor.”
He tapped his pen, giving me a once over. “I don’t know what you’re implying, but I’m your doctor. I’m afraid there’s not much I can do in that department.”
I stood, sauntering in his direction until I was standing over him. I let my fingernails on one hand trail over the fabric of his trousers. “No one would ever have to find out. It could be our secret.”
He slid his chair away, standing, so I couldn’t be in control. “I think our session is up for the day. Just to be clear, I don’t patronize with my patients. Our relationship is professional. I understand you have certain needs, we all do, however, I’m not the person to handle them.”
His rejection didn’t offend me. It was only a matter of time before he cracked.
It took me another two sessions before I decided to give it another go. I could tell from the one before it, he hadn’t been disgusted by the idea. Once again, I talked about my sexual desire. “So, doc, can we go back to what we were discussing a couple weeks ago?”
“Remind me what you’re referring to.”
“My inability to be satisfied. Don’t act like you’ve forgotten. I’ve been thinking about it since the moment it was mentioned. In fact,” I licked my lips. “I can’t stop imagining you being the person to make it happen. I’m attracted to you, and I have a feeling you’re attracted to me too.”
“I’m a married man, Ivy. My job is to make you aware of your issues and help to overcome and understand them. I can see how you would misconstrue my kindness.”
I threw up my hands. “Whoa. I’m not misconstruing anything.” I turned back to make sure the windows were shut before continuing. “Stop hiding behind your position. I’m offering you a win-win scenario. You’re a smart man, so I’m sure you’ve thought about it.”
“I’m not discussing this with you.” His inability to relax told me more than he was going to divulge.
I leaned forward on the desk, staring him in the eyes. “Tell me you haven’t thought about bending me over this table and fucking me into next week.”
He opened his mouth, stumbling to come up with an argument. “I’ve made a commitment to my marriage – to my wife.”
“She’ll never have to know.” I tugged on his tie. “This is between us. Come on, haven’t you ever fantasized about being with one of your patients?”
The doctor remained quiet until I walked around and stood in front of him, wedging myself between him and the desk. “I’m giving you free reign to take what you want from me. There are no feelings required.” I stepped closer, letting my lips hover over his. He didn’t push me away. “Tell me to stop. Say you want me to go sit back down.” I lifted my knee and ran it against his groin. I could feel him becoming turned on. “Say you don’t want to fuck me, right here, right now.”
That’s all it took. A few movements and a little taunting gave me the edge I needed to seduce Mikael. After that he couldn’t help himself. He took me right there on his desk.
Grabbing at my thighs, he slid closer, taking his hands and drawing them up my shirt. I helped him out by lifting it over my head. I hadn’t put on a bra, in hopes of this happening. When he realized the predicament he’d stumbled upon – my hardened nipples, he dove right in. While sucking each, I ran my hands through his thick dark hair. He brought his face up to my awaiting lips and finally kissed me, dragging his tongue against mine after only a few seconds. His hunger made it easy to continue. I unfastened his pants and used my feet to shove them down. His dick sprung out of the hole in his boxers, showing me the amount of girth he had to offer. A half-smile formed in the corner of my lips just imagining how good it would feel to be with him. He tugged on the elastic to my tan cotton pants, taking them and my panties down my calves, and finally off my feet. He gripped the back of my ass and pulled me upward. I could feel his cock at the base of my pussy. “Is this what you want?”
I nodded.
“You want to be fucked? You want what’s not yours?”
I bit down on my lip before lunging for his to feel them against mine again. He didn’t fight me. Instead our kissing intensified. He jerked his body, taking me before I was wet. It felt like he was ripping his way inside. I started to cry out, but he put his hand over my mouth before I was able to. The harder he performed, the more I knew I’d won him over. Letting him have his way was all part of what I needed to do to gain his trust. Once I had it, I could manipulate him into doing anything I wanted.
Mikael came fast, tightening up and collapsing against my bare chest. I remained still, coming to grips with satisfaction, not from the act, but from what I’d accomplished.
When it was over he went through the motions of feeling guilty, telling me it would never happen again, and that I’d t
ainted his good reputation. Then the next week came around and it happened again. Eventually he started taking me to his special place, and talking about his developing feelings. We became friends. He spoke to me about his marriage, while I sometimes gave him enough of a confession to keep him feeling as if he was making a breakthrough.
Now, years later, he was right where I needed him to be. He might need to be reminded at times, but he would get me out of this hellhole. Like it or not, he was my only hope.
Chapter 4
After turning Mikael away at my earlier session, I sat in my little room devising a backup plan, in case he couldn’t follow through. I thought about a lot more than my future. While unable to sleep, I let my mind wander back to when this started for me. Why couldn’t I get past it and move forward with new goals? Why couldn’t I let go of the man who I never intended to love in the first place? Stoshua Wheeler haunted my dreams. He was who I thought about when I first woke in the morning, and who I couldn’t get off my mind throughout the day. He’d become my world, and for a little while I assumed we’d be happy. I was smart enough to be fully aware of how I didn’t deserve him, but that had never stopped me before. If I’d learned anything from my parents it was if I wanted something I had to work hard for it. I’d made mistakes, and in a lot of people’s opinions Karma had come back to bite me in the ass in the end. I believe otherwise. Nonetheless, I’d never been one to worry about how other people felt. My life was my own to live. My choices were mine to make. Somewhere out there was a little girl who I should have been raising – a child who was supposed to be mine.
When I first came up with my plan to take Stoshua away from my sister, I didn’t have regrets. Not one part of me thought about the repercussions. I knew I wanted what was hers, basically to spite her. When I fell in love with Stoshua everything became foggy. I let my feelings get in the way. I started to trust him, even after I discovered he’d had an affair. In fact, it only made me want to keep him more.
I don’t know why I assumed I’d be okay with Stoshua and Willow sleeping together. I kept focused on the goal – getting her pregnant so I could take the child and raise it as my own with Stoshua. The baby would share my DNA. Since I couldn’t have children, he or she would be the closest I’d ever get. For the longest time it was all I wanted. It consumed me; to the point where I felt as if I couldn’t make it happen I’d lose him forever. I wasn’t worried, or very concerned about how to get rid of Willow. I didn’t even care if I was the person to put her out of her misery. I never thought I’d lose everything, because they’d devise their own plan to work against me.
She needed to go, because as long as she was living and breathing, Stoshua would never be able to stop loving her.
Every night, while locked inside of my room, I considered my options. My first goal was to get out of the institution. It was a good thing I’d hidden an emergency stash of cash and clothes before I was locked up. It wasn’t much, but enough to give me means to get around. The difficult part would be to collect the items, since they were strategically placed in the crawlspace of my parent’s home.
That wasn’t the only means of cash either. Sitting in an account in my name was money from Rafe’s life insurance. The measly forty grand would have to be spent wisely. It was going to give me a new start somewhere tropical. I’d have to purchase my daughter new things such as toys and clothes. I’d be required to put money down wherever we found a place to rent. It would take me a while to find a job, and someone I could trust to watch my little girl.
Since my family had no clue about the funds, I’d easily be able to withdraw them without having them tracking me down. When I was first put away I sent my sister letters. Part of my rehabilitation was to apologize for the things I’d done to her. I wasn’t sorry, not for a second. With Willow out of the picture I could of had everything I ever wanted. She’d forced me into making such drastic decisions. Inside my mind I knew everything made logical sense. There was never supposed to be two of us. Against my better judgment, I wrote her letters telling her how sorry I was. Sometimes I’d gag while writing words I’d never want to say to her. It made me ill thinking of her reading them and feeling sorry for me. Never in a million years would I ever care about Willow, not after she took my life and made it her own. I didn’t care how I’d done it to her first. She needed to go bye-bye and it would happen with my hands around her neck as I watched her eyes roll in the back of her head and her last breath escape her lips. If they thought I was evil before, they couldn’t begin to know what I’d be capable of given the chance.
While waiting for Mikael to get over his latest bout of guilt, I focused on being an ideal patient. I’d help others in the common areas, and say lovely things to the staff. For the past three years I’d perfected this; going above and beyond to be noticed for my positive attitude and kind demeanor. Not one person in this god-awful place would ever suspect what I’m capable of. They’d never see the real me – the one I’d hidden inside, just waiting for the opportunity to finish what I’d started.
Not even my parents had an inkling that while I was locked up I was scheming my way to find Willow, kill her, and make her perfect little family mine. This time I wouldn’t fail. This time I would study her, learn her new quirks – her secrets, and make sure I was prepared. This time I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I wouldn’t get involved with a new guy as a backup plan. There would be no need for one. All I wanted was to be a part of their life. If Stoshua decided he couldn’t live without his precious Willow I’d take care of him too. Together they could rot in a shallow grave somewhere they’d never be discovered. As much as I loved him, it was the child I wanted above all. Sharing both of our DNA, she’d be easy to pass off as mine. I’d have a part of Stoshua, and myself. She was my endgame; the only reason I’d kept fighting. That child was supposed to be mine. If her daddy couldn’t forgive me it would be his loss.
At night, when I closed my eyes, I dreamed of our life together – the beautiful little girl with red hair and ringlet curls. What saddened me to no end was being aware of how my parents had pictures of her but kept them from me. They’d purposely never bring her up. Barely did they speak about Willow. I’d get angry about it, but couldn’t react, because then they’d know. They’d figure me out and discover I still had a vicious plan to take what was rightfully mine.
What hurt the most, more than anything at all, was when they did come to visit, they were short and to the point. Was I taking my medications? Had I given any more thought to taking classes while I was locked up? Did I think my mother’s new haircut was suitable for her occupation? When was the last time I thought about my future?
I thought back to when it all started; back to the night I was prepared to send my parents into an early grave for what they’d done to me. I suppose it’s the reason they were withdrawn. I didn’t blame them for my part in how our relationship had severed. I’d lied to them, and threatened to harm them in a fatal way. I’d done inexcusable things to them over and over again, all because I wanted Willow to suffer. In my eyes, back then, I felt like they deserved it. They’d taken away my hope and replaced it with disappointment for as long as I could remember. They were the reason I’d been cast aside for, what they assumed was, a better version of me. It was always Willow this – Willow that. I’d heard it so many times I stopped counting. When they called me a monster, it was because of my upbringing. It was their fault. They did this. Still, given the chance to end their lives – to shoot them, I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t look into my mother’s eyes and pull that trigger. Had I done it, maybe I’d be free right now. I wouldn’t have my sister’s baby, but Rafe would still be alive. Not one single day goes by where I don’t think about the way his life ended. He’d bent over backwards for me, only to lose everything. I never had to seduce him to do my dirty work, because he genuinely wanted to do whatever it took to be with me. Sure, I’d told him lies about Stosh, making him out to look like a verbally abusive husband, among other
things.
I didn’t regret much in my life, but Rafe was an exception. We could have been happy together, even if he wasn’t my first choice. I wished I could have turned back time and kept him out of my life. I was wrong to involve him in such a dangerous situation, especially after knowing how crazy in love he was with me. He’d gone out without speaking to me and purchased a gun. He feared for my life, because I told him my sister was out to get me. He thought I was innocent.
The poor man was willing to go to extremes for me; to move us out of the country so they wouldn’t be able to track us down. He was okay with me kidnapping a newborn baby and making everyone believe she was ours. My web of lies left him vulnerable to repercussions. His life ended tragically, because of me. It left a bad taste in my mouth.
Shaking off the ill feeling of being at fault for someone’s life, I went back to worrying about Mikael. With him being my only way out of the institution, I couldn’t exactly piss him off. I had to tread lightly, because risking my future wasn’t an option. There was too much at stake, and I needed to act while my niece was still too young to understand. There was a good chance Stoshua would figure me out. If it happened, he’d have to go too. I had to make sure I could convince my niece I was her mother, and if that didn’t work, her new caregiver, because I had every intention of letting her know both her parents were dead. If my plans worked out in my favor I’d have Stoshua by my side, because he would rather be with me than die.
My decision might be heartless, but it was final.
I didn’t need people looking for us. The less family around to worry, the better. My parents would stop at nothing if someone harmed their precious favorite daughter. I’d had plenty of time to think about how I was going to do it and make it appear like an accident. By the time they found their bodies they’d be hard to identify, and I’d be long gone, living it up in another country with a child of my own.
Twinsequences Ivy Page 3