My Two Husbands

by Yari Martinez

  “Enjoy helping Amanda. Now leave.”

  “Are you serious?” I seem to have broken through his perfect composure.

  “Yes, leave. I’m sure your helping hand is needed somewhere else.” I maintain a soft, unaffected tone, hoping it frustrates him as much as he does the same to me.

  “I can’t believe you’re taking it to this level,” he says.

  “No, what I can’t believe is how you took this to another level. Now go!”

  If I am over-reacting, I don’t feel it. I need him out of my sight. I need to get him far from me. If I could drag him out, I would. I look at him getting dressed, and all I can think about is beating him with a bat. Thank God he is leaving, because I can’t endure another minute of his presence.

  As he makes it to the door, he looks back at me but the pain in his eyes doesn’t faze me.

  “Brook, I didn't do anything to disrespect what we have. I simply helped Amanda and her mother. I love you.”

  He definitely has a funny way of showing his love.

  “I said leave.”

  Without making any further attempts to appease me, he walks out, slamming the door behind him. I can finally breathe. I’m not sure I ever want to see him again.

  I gave up my daughter, but he can’t give up his ex-wife?

  Chapter 3

  I can’t stop thinking about Dominic. I guess somewhere deep down, I know we will never be together the way I want, but I still hold on to a little hope. The saying “Nothing lasts forever” must be at least partially true. I just think that’s a horrible thing to believe. Instead, it should be my life motto.

  I wasn’t prepared for this abrupt end, but is there really any good way to pull off a band aid when you know for certain it will hurt?

  So, what am I going to do with myself now? I can’t continue entertaining solitude, which is slowly but surely becoming my best friend.

  For the last couple of days, all I have done is think about Amanda and Dominic. I visualize them living a perfect life—doing everything together as I sit here, alone and daughterless.

  I haven’t bothered to call Dominic or answered his calls: what’s the point? I don’t have anything to say, and I can’t figure out if I even want answers to my questions.

  I have gone over my feelings time and again, and I find that I can’t wrap my mind around the idea that Dominic was justified in not telling me ahead of time that he was going to help Amanda at the hospital if there was nothing going on between them. Regardless of the fact that we do not live together or that we aren’t married, it’s only right that he have some respect for me. I gave up everything for him. That must mean something to him.

  I can’t seem to find the energy to do anything. I haven’t bothered to show up at work, but the bills don't pay themselves, so this morning I figured it’s about time I get up and move on with my life, even if I begin simply by going back to work.

  I don’t think it will be very exciting to see my coworkers, but I hope it will put me in better spirits and maybe even give me an appetite.

  I dread walking out and abandoning my solitude of these last couple of days, but I force myself to grab my car keys and walk quickly out of the apartment before I change my mind.

  The day is beautiful, and it saddens me that I have nothing to look forward to. I wish I had Kaylee with me to remind me there is more to life than this. Without her, everything is starting to feel empty. My heart is taking a beating, and there is nothing I can do to help it.

  I read somewhere that a positive outlook on life yields positive results, but it’s not as easy as they make it seem in the books.

  “Is that—? No, it can’t be—of course that’s his car. What the hell is he doing here?” I exclaim out loud, picking up my pace to get to my car before Dominic reaches me. How long has he been here?

  I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. I try to control my emotions, but the closer he comes, the less I can control the reaction of my body. My heart stops for a second, and I feel as if I have received a shot of adrenaline. Dominic reaches me before I can get into my car and stands in front of me, blocking my way. It’s unfortunate, but I’m not ready to deal with him.

  “Brook, I need to talk to you,” he says urgently.

  “I have to go to work,” I snap. “What are you doing here? You know what, don’t answer that, I really have to go.” I attempt to maneuver around him with little success.

  “You won’t answer my calls! You gave me no choice but to wait for you out here, in front of the house!”

  “I haven’t answered because I don’t want to. I have nothing to say. The time I spent alone wasn’t enough for me to come up with anything productive,” I shout.

  I remember how I would have wanted to hear what he has to say a couple of days ago. I would have cared to know what he was feeling, thinking, or what he was about to do. But at this moment, all that means nothing to me.

  “We need to talk,” he repeats. “I gave you space, but we are going to talk.”

  This is the problem with Dominic—he believes when he wants to talk or when he is ready to talk, everyone must stop and listen.

  I have no idea how emotions transform without warning, but I move from being depressed to furious in seconds. “Has Amanda granted you permission to park in front of my house and wait for me like a creep?” I scream, wiping tears from my face. The strange thing is I haven’t cried since I last saw him, and I have no idea why I am crying now.

  Taken aback by my outburst, his face falls, and he looks confused. “I don’t need her permission,” he says simply.

  “You could have fooled me. Anyway, I’m going to work now. We can talk later.” I grab his arm, pushing him to the side. I know I don’t move him, but he moves out of my way.

  “Call your office and tell them you are running late,” he instructs.

  “Are you deaf or stupid Dominic? You do what you want, when you want, and I have to accept it without any objections? And now you want to control how I do things. I’m going to work now. Either we talk later or we don’t talk at all. I don’t have time for this right now,” I rant.

  “Think of what you want to say, because we are not ending this—not like this. I’ll see you after work. Either call me or I’ll come back to see you here,” he says.

  I stand rooted to the spot with shock paralyzing my body as he walks away. I wonder if I am really stupid enough to believe that this scene is an expression of real love.

  I make it to my car. I should have prepared myself to see him or at least had something to say. But what could I have said? Instead, I felt like a deer in headlights. Could I have been any lamer?

  I hold my car keys in my hand, looking at them blankly, wondering if it’s best to go back inside and hide another day. But what good would that do?

  I make it to work. Of course nothing distracts me there: everyone is busy with projects I have to review before forwarding them to my boss. Even my secretary Zoe is gone for the day, having taken care of everything I left these last couple of days. I have no one and nothing to occupy my mind with. Without much effort, my entire day belongs to Dominic.

  Five years ago, I worked for a newspaper, writing a column on political events. My editor, who is a dear friend, knew this didn’t satisfy me and that my dream job was to work for a major magazine. As a gift on my twenty-ninth birthday, he got me an interview with Mr. Kuntz, my current boss and the CEO of a reputed magazine company. He had me present my ideas, which I did, hoping I would land my dream job. Little did I know at the time Mr. Kuntz meant to introduce a new magazine to the industry. Just like that, he put me in charge of his dream, making us business partners, with Mr. Kuntz owning sixty percent of the company and me the other forty percent. Our magazine has grown to become one of the most widely read ones in the world: “V.”

  “V” is a platform for various things and involves an international staff of contributors, but the best part is when we get teams together and fund them to help them publish ou
r annual special edition. If our magazine reaches a certain number of copies sold, we grant everyone on the team a full scholarship to fulfill their dream of going to college to learn everything there is to know about the magazine industry.

  Yet with all that in front of me today, I can’t find anything to distract me, and I still have nothing to say to Dominic. The truth is, there is nothing to say about a man who wants to help out an ex-wife at the cost of his current partner.

  What is Amanda’s role in his life? Should I ask? Or is that not my place? I wish I could call Amanda and ask her, but what do I say? “Hey! I’m your ex-husband’s new girlfriend. What’s the deal with you two?” Yes, that would be really mature of me. She would laugh. I would totally laugh at me in her place.

  Even though my day is uneventful and a waste of time, I wish it were a little longer. I’m still not ready to face Dominic. I love him, and I want nothing more than to have the words to bring us back together, but why should I have to fix something I did not damage in the first place?

  I would cancel on him, but seeing him waiting outside my house totally freaked me out. I’d rather not deal with any creepy stalker behavior.

  “I’m off work. Where do you want to meet?” I text him. I barely know what to say. Might as well not waste the few words I have by calling him.

  “We can meet at your house?” he immediately replies.

  Of course he would love to meet at my house. How nice. Come over, sweep me off my feet, and creep back into my bed, my house, my life without much effort. I think not.

  “I’d rather not. I’ll meet you at the Starbucks where I usually stop to get coffee before work,” I type.

  “K,” comes the immediate reply.

  The Starbucks parking lot is not crowded. I slide my car into a spot, hoping that the smell of coffee will take my edge off. While driving I made up my mind that I don’t have to say anything to fix the situation. It’s his doing, and he can find a way to correct it.

  Dominic is standing beside the door of the café. He instantly recognizes my car and makes his way towards me, so I get out. He stops to wait for me.

  “Hi!” he says and attempts to kiss me. I avert my face—a kiss is not what I want. What I want is to be left alone.

  “Can we just hurry up and talk? I really need to get home.” I avoid eye contact.

  “Let’s take a seat, order coffee and talk for a bit?”

  “That’s why I’m here Dominic.”

  We walk in and settle down at a small table. As I wait for him to buy two coffees, I feel lifeless. The barista is fast, and within minutes he is heading back towards me. Watching him walk towards me gives me a clear picture of why I love him. I look away, refusing to become weaker.

  He hands me the coffee and sits down beside me. He finally begins, “I have to admit I’m a bit nervous about your reaction to all of this. I never meant to do anything that would make me lose you. I sure never thought that me helping anyone would ruin our relationship. I felt obligated to help Amanda. Our marriage didn’t work out, but we have history together and her mother is a part of that history. She’s been there for me when I was going through difficult times. Being in love is not a justifiable excuse to avoid helping those who have helped us along the way. I’m sure you understand my position, I also believe you would have done the same.” He never looks away, as if he’s studying an unknown creature.

  I finally meet his eyes, wondering if I will see in them the answers to my questions. How can I make him understand he can’t take advantage of me and that we are in this relationship together?

  “Would I help someone in need? You’re right—I would. Will I always be grateful for those who helped me? Yes, I will, but I would not and will never keep you in the dark about anything I do for them. I’ll never behave as if you have no say or no right to know. What you did was the act of a coward, because a real man would have explained what was happening if there was nothing to hide. You had no regard for me. That’s what bothers me. You say that you and Amanda are a thing of the past. Yet you can’t call me and explain that there’s an emergency? I don’t think you should worry about my reaction. You should worry about why you felt the need to stay quiet for as long as you did. It seems to me you two aren’t done yet.” Leaving my coffee untouched, I get up because I’m done with this Amanda crap.

  He too jumps to his feet, ready to chase me if he must. “Brook, please,” he pleads in sheer desperation, bringing me to a complete stop.

  Chapter 4

  Deep down, I know I should walk away and never look back. Dominic’s words alone should not be good enough reason to stay committed to this relationship.

  I don’t know if it is his light brown eyes screaming their love for me or my stupidity guiding me to stay, but I don’t walk away. I find enough strength to speak to him. “Give me a reason to stay Dominic, because I want to. But not at the expense of having your ex-wife as my shadow,” I tell him.

  As I hold the door open to the Starbucks, ready to leave this chapter of my life behind, Dominic walks up close to me and stares into my eyes. Without hesitating, he says, “I have never been more sure of anything in my life as I am about you. I can’t say I have done much for you or have given you good reason to stay another minute. Yet you have given me more than I deserve. I beg you to give me another chance to prove I am the man you deserve. Amanda isn’t a bad woman, and I’m sorry I led you to believe otherwise. I will speak to her and tell her I can’t help anymore with her mother, and if I have to, I will speak to you first. You won’t ever have to deal with her again or me omitting anything.”

  As I am about to say something to Dominic, a woman tries to enter, “Would you like to move out the way or are you the new door monitor?” she snarls.

  I have always been pretty impressed with people who speak without thinking, who believe there will never be any consequences to their words. What would she think if I were a lunatic waiting for someone to cross my path and trigger my craziness? I’m sure her mouth wouldn’t be as salty.

  I move out of her way, and she rolls her eyes at me, making her expression distinctively ugly. She could have just said “excuse me” without the dramatics.

  “Have a nice day!” I call after her. I’m sure she needs one with a personality like that.

  After Cruella de Vil walks in, I walk out of the Starbucks with Dominic following me. I turn around to face him, wishing I could read his mind. I wonder if he is as remorseful as he sounds.

  “I want this,” I tell him, “but you make it difficult for me to stay. I want to believe you will stop hurting me, but the truth is I know that you will always have a connection with Amanda. I also know that when it comes to choosing between her and me, you will always pick her. I’m tired of being second best. I shouldn’t have to feel that way with the man I am spending my time with. I have made unimaginable sacrifices to be with you, and little by little you are making me regret it. How can I trust you, when all you have done is test how far you can stretch that trust? I don’t know if Amanda is a good person. I don’t care to know. To me, she is nothing but your ex-wife, and I don’t see any reason to deal with her. You’re the one who planted this bad seed in my mind. You have no one to blame but yourself. I sincerely don’t think I can do this anymore.”

  “Please stop talking as if you don’t want to be with me. You’re right. I haven’t made you feel as if you come first. I’ve been afraid to put my guard down with us, because I’m afraid, like you. I too had a failed marriage. You know it’s not easy to start over. But it can’t be too late. I will be committed to us. We both deserve a fresh start. C’mon, give us another chance,” he pleads.

  We do deserve a fresh start. It’s unfortunate something like this has to happen for him to realize that we don’t want to lose each other.

  “Dominic, I’m not going to worry about Amanda anymore. I have respected the friendship you insist on maintaining with her despite your failed marriage, but I have had enough. If Amanda becomes a priority
one more time, this is over. I will not accept another apology,” I say.

  Surprisingly, I believe what I’ve just said. I don’t care for the apologies. I am done forgiving.

  I see his shoulders relax, and he finally smiles at me. I can’t control smiling back.

  “I feel horrible for making you think I would pick Amanda over you, but I’m not going to defend myself. If you feel I’m not putting you first in my life, it’s my place to correct it. And I’ll begin right now.” He moves in and kisses me, and I give in without hesitating because I have missed him.

  I feel pathetic, needing to be loved. As our lips unlock, I stare at him for a few more seconds, gathering my thoughts.

  “Well,” I manage to say, “I’ll see you tomorrow after work. I need to get some rest. I feel tired and haven’t slept well at all.”

  For some reason, I feel I have forgiven him too soon. I still have no idea what is going on with Amanda and Dominic, but how can I find out anything? I’m exhausted to the point that I couldn’t care less about my own decisions. Maybe all we need is to put this behind us.

  “Sounds good. I have to head back to work. I have a few things I need to take care of before the week is done. I'll give you a call later tonight, after you have settled in at home,” says Dominic.

  “See you tomorrow,” I reply, giving him a hug, relieved I am finally out of my lonely hole.

  “See you tomorrow, I love you.”

  We turn around and head to our cars and go our separate ways. Maybe I was exaggerating with this Amanda situation but at least I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I was tired of wondering what the hell was going on. My instinct might have been right, but I will never know the truth. At least he has opened his eyes to the possibility of losing me. I hope he gets his act together.

  When I pull my cellphone out of my pocket, the picture of Kaylee I have set as my wallpaper lights up. Comfortable in the car, I dial Hunter’s number before it gets too late.