My Two Husbands

by Yari Martinez

  “Surprisingly not. I usually have to ask someone to get me coffee. Feels nice being able to get it myself.” He seems to be smiling.

  I love when I can tell without seeing his face that he is smiling. What is even more amazing is that it’s because he is talking to me.

  “Hopefully the rest of your day runs as smoothly as your morning,” I say.

  “Fingers crossed. I was thinking, have you spoken to Julie about your upcoming court date?” he asks.

  There goes the mood without much effort.

  “Funny you should bring that up. Julie left me a voicemail asking me to call her and discuss it, but I haven’t bothered yet. I’m tired of all of this. Sometimes I think I really can’t do this anymore.”

  Things would be different if Hunter and I could find a way to co-parent, but I’m afraid of talking to him. I’m afraid of landing in the hospital and losing my unborn baby.

  “Would you mind if I go with you?” he asks.

  “I really need to take a break from all of this. It’s becoming to much for me,” I say.

  “I know it is, but you’ve explained to me how important Kaylee’s happiness and well-being is to you. Think of this as part of that process. I’ll go with you, and then I’ll take you out to dinner for pushing through. What do you say?” says Nicolas.

  “That sounds great. I’ll call her in a little bit to find out what time is good for her to meet up,” I reply.

  “Let me know what you guys decide. Also, I end my shift around three. I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.”

  “Alright, bye.” I hang up immediately, not giving him a chance to say anything else.

  The old soul in me that remembers phone numbers starts dialing Julie’s number, but I struggle against myself and decide I’ll call Julie later. Maybe if I call her later, she won’t be able to meet up today.

  In the kitchen, my mother is setting up the table for breakfast. She gives me what she considers a wicked smile, and I laugh, knowing what she is thinking. “Tell me about this Nicolas,” she says as she continues fixing the table.

  I wish ignoring my mother was an option, but when she wants to know something private, she somehow turns into a little sister. I just can’t get her off my back until she gets what she wants.

  “He’s a friend I met at the hospital. Nothing more!” I say.

  “Is he a doctor?”

  “Yes, mom, he is.”

  “I like doctors. They get to practice God through science. When do I get to met him?” she demands.

  “You don’t, silly. We’re just friends.”

  “If he’s just a friend as you say, I would be getting more details and would get to meet him soon. Sounds to me you want to see where things are going before you make an introduction,” says mother as she smacks my butt while she takes the pancakes to the table.

  “I’m pregnant, mom! And it’s too soon to have anything other than a friendship with anyone.”

  The world is a cruel place. When I wanted someone amazing, I got Dominic. Now that I barely have the time to focus on anyone other than myself and my children, this amazing man is introduced to me, and I have to distance myself from him, hoping he meets someone who can offer him better.

  “So life threw you a curve ball twice. No need to turn into a nun or forget you deserve to be happy. I’m just saying. I hope I get to meet this Nicolas guy, who can put a smile on your face even when things are rough.” With that said, she drops the conversation about Nicolas. I’m relieved.

  Being in a relationship is not a priority right now. I enjoy having friends, but right now that’s about all I can handle.

  “I have to call Julie later today. She left me a voicemail saying we have to prepare for the custody hearing. Do you mind watching Kaylee for about two or three hours for me?”

  “Of course honey, you don’t have to ask me. Also, I don’t want you to worry about the hearing. Prepare for it and accept what happens. Focus on being the best mother you can be. That’s all you can do,” she says.

  I can’t wait for this to be over. I hate not knowing and having to prepare for two separate outcomes. I also hate that one of those outcomes means that Hunter will continue to mentally torture my daughter so that her love for me dies.

  “You’re right. I’ll try not to worry, but pray for us, mom. I can’t imagine packing Kaylee’s stuff to send her back to live with her dad.”

  “Mommy?” Without a sound, Kaylee has entered the kitchen. We whip around to see her almost in tears. Before I can ask her what’s wrong she says, “Mommy, are you going to let daddy take me away? I don't want to go.”

  Chapter 20

  “Why are you upset with Julie? She’s only trying to help you!” exclaims Nicolas as he slams the car door without giving me the opportunity to answer.

  We met Julie to review the evidence we have gathered and to discuss the argument we plan on presenting to the judge at family court during the custody/visitation hearing. As soon as were done with our discussion, I stormed out, as Meatloaf would say, “like a bat out of hell.”

  Nicolas walks around the car. Before he gets in, he stops and runs both his hands down his face, trying to gather his composure. I sit silently, hoping he forgets I am in the car too. When his composure returns, he opens the car door, gets in, and starts the ignition without making eye contact. He takes a few deep breaths and finally turns to me.

  “I want to know why you’re so upset with Julie. And I need you to be clear about it, because everyone is trying to understand you. But you’re making our task extremely difficult,” he says.

  I look down at my nails, focusing all my attention on them. I have no reason to be upset with Julie. Anything I say will sound stupid.

  “Are you going to answer me?” he asks, obviously annoyed. He starts driving, accepting I don’t want to answer his question. A couple of minutes later, I notice he isn’t driving towards my house.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “So it’s okay for you to ignore me, but now you want me to reply to your question. If you must know, I’m taking you to eat. I can’t starve you just because you’re are being irrational.” Without looking at me he grabs my hand, gives it a light squeeze, and doesn’t let go. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through,” Nicolas begins quietly, “but you must remember you aren’t alone. There’s no reason to push away everyone who loves you and wants the best for Kaylee. There’s nothing wrong with being upset and having us deal with it, but remember, you’re expecting. You don’t want the baby to feel you upset. I don’t know much about the legal aspect of things, but even a blind man can see that Kaylee belongs with you. I’m sure the judge will feel the same way. Take out your anger on me. I can put up with anything you need, but don’t push Julie away. She has Kaylee’s best interests at heart. Regardless of how you treat her, she’s fighting for you both. Trust her when she tells you that things will be okay. She’s knowledgeable about the legal process, and if she felt things were not going in your favor, I believe she would tell you. If for any reason things don’t go as expected and you need another lawyer, I’ll personally see to it, but I think you’re in the right hands. Trust me, I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

  Everyone believes I’m scared of hurting. No one seems to realize I’m scared for Kaylee. I don’t care to hurt—I know I can survive it. Now Kaylee being emotionally hurt is not something I can handle. But what choice will I have if Hunter is given the right to hurt her?

  I have been a selfish friend by not speaking to Julie about how I’m feeling, but I don’t want her to worry about me. I want all her attention on Kaylee. I have been here once before, and it was established that it would be best for me to lose my daughter. What is to say this judge will not feel the same way and not care about the facts presented to her?

  I can’t find the courage to look up at Nicolas, knowing I’ve been hurting those who love me.

  “My guard is not up with anyone,” I say by way of explanation. “If anything,
my guard is up with myself. In a short time, many things have happened, and everyone is affected, including a child who hasn’t been introduced to the world. I thought I loved Dominic, but never have I felt more disappointed than as recently. I can’t get over the way he abandoned our child. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath of my divorce with Hunter. I thought once the divorce was final, I wouldn’t have to deal with him this way anymore. Not the way I’m dealing with him right now, at least. I especially didn’t think Kaylee would be another victim to Hunter. But I was wrong. I stopped loving Hunter long before our divorce, but I still trusted him. When I initially lost custody of Kaylee, I was broken, but I thought he would do all he could to help her and me maintain a relationship. Instead, he hurt her mentally in his desperation to separate us. What kind of father does that? Now I have to deal with the possibility of losing custody of Kaylee again. It’s killing me to think of losing her, knowing she will be at the hands of that monster. I also have to think about the possibility of not losing custody of her and having to deal with Hunter and his crazy side. He’ll never be denied visitation. What he’s prepared to do scares me. Forget what I’ll have to face. I know he’ll come down hard on Kaylee. I’m afraid he will physically abuse her this time, just as he abused me. I find him capable of anything now. Now you understand why I’m having a difficult time facing what’s coming. Talking to Julie just makes it more real. That’s why I’ve been doing all I can to avoid her. It’s not that I don’t trust her or love her or know her good intentions. Believe me, I know Julie is an angel.”

  He doesn’t say anything during my entire speech. I wonder if he has finally opened his eyes to my messy situation and is about to kick me out of the car and drive away to save himself. I have said enough, and I don’t want to talk anymore. I wouldn’t hold him back if he wants to get away from my life now, when he still can.

  While waiting at the red light, he gently cups my face and turns my head to look at him. In his eyes, I see the pain of sympathy, and it’s adding the pressure on me. It weighs as heavy on me as everything else in my life. He wipes the tears from my face, looks at me and pulls me into his arms. It is most uncomfortable, hugging while sitting in a car. However, it is the safest I have felt in a very long time.

  “I’m sorry about Dominic walking out the way he did. I know we’re not in any relationship. Maybe we never will be. But if you let me, I will be the baby’s father. I know that sounds crazy for me to say. It sounds crazy to my own ears. Maybe I’m out of line here, but I fell in love with you when I first saw you. I would put the world at your feet. I promise to never throw myself at you. I know you’re going through hell right now, but I do ask that you don’t fight me about that one thing. Let me be a father to your child.”

  I hug him tighter than ever, and I don’t know if these pregnancy hormones are affecting my way of thinking, but I am overjoyed.

  “This baby is beyond blessed to have a father in you,” I tell him. I know anyone one would think that it’s irrational for me to decide like this without putting any thought into it, but this feels absolutely right.

  He pulls away from me. His eyes are brimming with tears, and he doesn’t say anything. But I can see that his tears are tears of joy.

  I look at him and hope my face isn’t expressing my thoughts. It is incredible to watch a good man cry, especially knowing it is for a child he has never met.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cry in front of you. You must think my feminine side is on flare mode,” he says, embarrassed.

  “No, not at all. I’m grateful,” I reply.

  “I want you to know that any parent in their right mind would be nervous when discussing the custody of a child,” he says, wiping his tears. “I can’t imagine anything more terrifying than having to lose custody, especially to an abusive parent. I can’t reassure you about what’s going to happen in family court, but I’m almost certain you won’t lose custody of Kaylee. But I do believe from what you tell me that Hunter is going to be highly upset. I think it’s up to you to find a way to co-parent in a positive way, even if that means you’ve to build friendly grounds with Hunter. I know that sounds impossible right now, but I believe it has to be done for Kaylee’s sake, because Hunter’s not going anywhere.”

  Nicolas sounds rational, and I hate to agree with him. But how do I do form a healthy relationship with Hunter? I’ll have to seek professional help when it comes to co-parenting with him. Things with Hunter are beyond repair.

  “You’re right, I have to face this and come up with a plan before I enter that courtroom. I just hate how scared I am.”

  “It’s all right to be scared. It means you have something to lose.”

  I wonder if I will ever have a son as brave as Nicolas. His parents must be proud of having raised such an amazing man.

  Without any further words, Nicolas drives us to dinner. It’s nice to take my mind off things, even if it’s only for a little while.

  Dinner is great. Just like all time spent having fun, it comes quickly to an end, and I’m back at home with my little one, who shows no signs of being tired. Where do children get their energy, I wonder.

  “Did you have fun with grandma?” I ask her.

  “Yeah,” Kaylee replies, focusing on not dropping her tower of blocks while carefully placing another block at the top.

  “What did you guys do after I left?”

  “Grandma and I made slime. We made some for you too.”

  She finally places her last block on top of the tower. When she turns around to get the slime, the tower collapses, and she watches in amazement how her work of art is now all over the floor.

  “I’ll build it again, mommy. Don’t you worry!” she says as I bend to pick up the blocks. “Let me get your slime.”

  She quickly returns with two jars of slime and gives me the purple one. “We made yours purple because it’s your favorite color. Do you like it?”

  “Oooo! I love it. It’s the most beautiful slime in the world,” I say as I move the jar around in the air, stirring up the glitter. “Thank you so much Kaylee, I really love it. I’ll put it in my room on the nightstand so I can see it every day,” I tell her, grabbing her and giving her the biggest hug I can.

  “You’re welcome, mommy,” she says as she runs to rebuild her tower.

  Nicolas is right. I have to find a way for Hunter and me to co-parent for Kaylee’s sake. She is the most precious thing in our lives, and we must do what’s right for her as parents, regardless of the outcome in court.

  “I’ll be right back, baby girl. I’ve to make a phone call,” I tell her, getting off the floor.

  “Okay mommy.” She says, intent upon rebuilding her tower.

  I put the slime down on my nightstand and pull my cellphone out of my pocket. I scroll through my contacts, looking for Julie.

  Unlike me, she answers her phone, “Hello.”

  “Hey it’s me,” I say.

  “I know it’s you, I have caller ID. Are you feeling better?” she asks.

  “I am, and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting.”

  “Stop, please. You don’t need to apologize. I know first-hand how difficult it is to face certain things. I’ll never take how you feel about court personally. I told you I’ll will be here for you no matter what, didn’t I?” she reassures me.

  She should be upset at me. I was acting like a spoiled brat.

  “No Julie. I really am sorry. You’re only trying to help, and I’ve been acting out of the norm.”

  “No, you’re acting the way a concerned mother does.”

  “Tell me something, what do you think I can do to help Hunter and me co-parent?”

  “Right now, I think we need to focus on getting you full custody. After that we can talk about what can be done to co-parent. Hunter’s lawyer called me after I saw you to discuss what she plans on requesting at court, now that Kaylee is not mentioned on the order of protection.”

  “What did she say?” I ask, as my heartbeat quicke
ns.

  “She’s going to request full physical custody and joint decision-making when it comes to medical, educational, and extra curricular issues. For you to continue getting every other weekend and two weeks in the summer. Basically, they’re not trying to meet half way.”

  “What did you tell her? Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I didn’t call you because you need a break from Hunter’s bullshit. I told her we’ll see her in court, that she can shove that offer where the moon doesn’t shine, because she knows it’s crap.”

  “He really isn’t trying to think about Kaylee at all, is he?”

  “No, he is not. And you need to stop worrying. It’s my job to worry. Believe me, the judge will laugh at that request. Trust me.”

  I pray she is right, because there will be no co-parenting if the decision is left to Hunter.

  Chapter 21

  It’s not easy, looking at Kaylee as she sleeps today. My heart aches at the thought of waking her up to my personal problems with Hunter, but I have no choice in the matter. How did we ever get here, I wonder again. “Good morning princess,” I whisper into her ear.

  She is the prettiest blonde curly-haired baby in the world, and I just can’t help but caress her hair.

  “No mommy, I’m tired,” she complains as she pulls the sheets to cover herself.

  I wish I could run out of the room and spare her today’s affairs. I can’t do that, but I can give her a few extra minutes in bed before getting her ready for court.

  Back in the bedroom, I prepare my things before taking a shower. It dawns on me that I have no idea what the judge is going to ask Kaylee or if what she says will have any influence on her decision.

  I know I’m nervous, but as I grab my dress from the closet, my shaking hands remind me of the extent of my fear of the outcome and the aftermath.

  I have never prepared myself for talking to Kaylee about court, and I have refrained from saying anything to her, but it would be careless to say nothing today. But I’m clueless; what do I say? What if I say the wrong thing? I’m not sure I have the right words to explain to her what is going on without scaring her.