I refused to look at Hunter and quickly walk out of the courtroom to get Kaylee, but Hunter catches up with me, leaving his lawyer behind. “Do not get comfortable with Kaylee,” he hisses. “This won’t stay like this, I promise you that.”
“Mr. Payton, get away from my client and stop talking to her. Don’t forget, there’s still an order of protection in place. You cannot violate that. And unless you’re speaking to her about Kaylee, you are in clear violation of that order,” says Julie sharply.
“Exactly. I was talking to her about Kaylee. So mind your business,” snarls Hunter.
Before I can think of saying anything Hunter walks away without any further incident.
I expected him to be upset, but not brave enough to confront me at court. The gloves are officially off, and I know nothing is going to stop him from getting back at me for this.
Chapter 22
“Brook! Julie is here,” shouts Nicolas from in front of the house.
“Tell her to come upstairs!” I shout back. “I’m in Kaylee’s bedroom!”
Kaylee is with her father this weekend. I figured it would be best to clean her room while she is gone. While Kaylee is home, I can never get her room to look how I want. I put one toy away, and another comes out. It’s a vicious cycle.
“Hello missy,” says Julie as she enters the room.
“Hi. Sorry for not going downstairs to greet you. I’m trying to clean up this room before I step out with Nicolas later today.” I put down all the toys on Kaylee’s bed and give Julie a hug. “I’ll finish cleaning up here later. Let’s go to the kitchen. Do you want anything?”
“I would love some coffee.”
“Would you like it virgin or with a little Kahlua?” I ask.
“For the record, no one has ever offered to put alcohol into my coffee. But it sounds interesting. I’ll take some,” she replies.
“Awesome. Let me ask Nicolas if he wants some too.”
I see Nicolas through the window collecting a couple of bags of garbage. I haven’t given it much thought, but seeing him in his plaid button-down shirt, blue jeans, boots—the whole lumberman look—makes me think that he fits right into my house. I wonder why some women insist on doing everything around their house themselves when men look edible doing house chores.
Just as I begin daydreaming about how delectable he is, he turns around and notices me, snapping me back to reality. I walk out to him and do my best to tame my thoughts. Good thing he is not a mind reader. I would hate for him to think that I’m an easily beddable pregnant woman. These pregnancy hormones have me all over the place.
As if I didn’t violate him in a couple of seconds in my head, I do my best to sound casual. “Umm, Julie’s going to have some Kahlua coffee. Would you like some?” I ask.
“Would love some. I’ll be right in. Give me ten.”
I quickly return to the kitchen to avoid any more inappropriate thoughts. This is probably the reason a woman needs to have a man by her side while she is pregnant—to keep these urges under control. Damn you, Dominic. I walk into the kitchen. Julie is going through the morning paper.
“So how are things going between Hunter and you with the visitations?” she asks.
“Surprisingly well, actually. The first few visits, I felt terrified. But every time I ask Kaylee how her visit was, she says fine. But with that said, she also tells me that he is always asking her if she has met anyone new. I’m assuming he wants to know if she has met Dominic, but she continues to tell him no. I think that’s keeping him a bit sane. I’m happy the gut feeling I was having before the hearing was wrong.”
“Good thing she’ll never meet Dominic. That way you won’t have to deal with Hunter’s reaction. Have you and Hunter spoken at all since the court date?”
“Not at all. I was thinking about telling him about what happened with Dominic to give him some peace of mind, since his biggest concern is Kaylee being around him. But I don’t know how to start talking to him. I was thinking maybe a letter in the mail. I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
Julie closes the newspaper as I start preparing the mugs. “I think you should wait to tell him, especially since things are going well. Have you thought about taking a co-parenting course?”
“No.”
“You should. That might give you an idea how to approach the entire situation without causing further damage to Kaylee.”
“I’ll think about it. I’m still scared of being next to Hunter, after his last assault. Seeing my stomach growing might trigger something I can’t control. I can’t imagine putting my baby in danger or losing him even before he is born.”
I take everything I need for the coffee and a dessert from the cabinet. I don’t want to remember being beaten or imagine losing my baby.
“How are you hanging in without Dominic around?” she asks, updating herself with my life.
“I thought I would be disturbed, but I find myself much calmer, now that he isn’t around to stress me out.” I never thought that I would be happier without Dominic, but this is the truth. It would have been sad going through a pregnancy with someone I can’t trust.
“Does Nicolas have anything to do with that?” she asks with smirk.
“No, we’re just friends.”
“If you say so. Anyway, I also wanted to ask you if you’ve checked the bank account to see if Dominic has been keeping his word about providing for the baby.”
“He has. But I haven’t bought anything for the baby. I don’t feel ready to touch the money yet. I don’t want to talk about Dominic anymore, if that’s okay. He disappeared, and I’d rather just forget he ever existed.” I have had enough of the interrogation. Julie is sweet, but she doesn’t know my limit.
It has been months that I agreed to Dominic’s terms. It was extremely difficult to decide at first, but I was left with a very small window, and he cut off all communication with me. I had so much to say to him, but he left me no choice but to embrace my hurt without a word. Every now and then, my mind revisits how I found out that he is still married and expecting another baby, how he abandoned us without a care in the world. It hurts like hell. I will never stop hurting from that moment of my life. But I have grown to accept it, even though I was forced to do so.
After his disappearance, I realized he had started putting money into the account. I didn’t care about the money, but I felt it was the only proof that he was once real in my life. I haven’t found the courage to touch the money. Maybe I never will. It’s a reminder that he picked a woman over our child. I would have respected Dominic more if he were man enough to admit the truth to me, end our relationship, and step up to his fatherly duties and raise our child, but he just didn’t have the balls to stand up to Amanda.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure he was living up to his part of the agreement. I didn’t mean to upset you,” apologizes Julie.
“You haven’t upset me, I just don’t want to think about Dominic more than I already do. There’s something else I wanted to share with you.”
“Shoot.”
“A little while back, Nicolas and I were talking about the baby. Though we aren’t a couple, he said he want to step up and be the baby’s father, and I kind of said yes,” I say, avoiding eye contact. I can feel Julie burning my skin with her stare, but I ignore it as best as I can. “I’m crazy right?” I ask.
“I don’t think you’re crazy, but I do think there’s no reason to rush. You don’t even want to admit there’s anything going on between you two, but now he’s going to be the baby’s father. Are you sure allowing Nicolas to step in is the right thing to do now? Have you spoken about this to Diane or your mother?”
I hear the worry in her voice, and I can’t blame her. I’ve been worried about the same thing, but my decision is made. “No, I’m not sure we made the right decision, but we’ve decided. I spoke to my mother about it recently because I figured we need to start accepting that Nicolas will be the baby’s father. I want her to get all her
questions and concerns out the way now. I don’t want to hear Dominic’s name anymore once the baby is born.” What Dominic has done to this family is damage enough. There’s no need to allow him to continue hurting us. I’m not interested in finding out how much more damage he can cause with his absence.
“It’s your decision, and I stand by you all the way, you know that. I won’t ever bring up his name is again. I’m simply surprised. I know it’s up to you who raises this baby with you, but know if this plan doesn’t work, either he has to continue being a father to the baby, or you will have a lot more to explain later on to the baby,” she says without mincing her words.
Her words are hard to swallow, but this is not something I haven’t put thought into. I feel embarrassed sharing our plan, but I still feel I have made the right decision.
“Have you spoken to Diane?” she asks again, when I don’t respond.
“Not yet, but I will.”
“Please tell Diane soon. And think about this a little longer. You don’t have to let Nicolas know you’re thinking about it.”
“Julie, I respect what you’re saying, but I didn’t share this with you so you can try to change my mind. I’m sharing it with you because we’re family. I don’t want to keep any of you in the dark about my decision.” I’m not trying to be rude, but my decision is made, and I will not have anyone try to change my mind. Julie grabs the newspaper that she put down and turns a few pages without reading.
“I wasn’t trying to change your mind. I was just asking you to sleep on it a little longer. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. C’mon, we won’t always agree on everything. Real friends have many disagreements. But I do want you to support me through this. Time will tell if I’m making the wrong decision. But I want you by my side, as I will always be for you.”
“Fair enough. Well, I have something to tell you too,” she says.
“Shoot,” I say, echoing her.
“They found him.”
“Who?”
“Him,” she repeats, breaking the tension between us.
“Oh my God! Where?”
Not long after my hearing, Julie and I went to the police station to report her rapist. It was a very emotional moment in both our lives, her as a victim, and for me because I have never known anyone who had been raped and hearing the details only placed me in the same room with her and that monster.
Once the report was made after the interview, we were told she would get an update soon. However, when the police went to his office, he was nowhere to be found. They had no idea where he had moved to.
“You are never going to believe it, he had a stroke some time ago. He’s in an institution now.”
“Are they going to arrest him?” I ask.
“The detective called me today to tell me where they found him and his condition. Brook, he’s in bad shape. He can’t speak or move his body. I don’t think he should be arrested. I know what he did was terrible and I hate him for ruining my life, but I don’t see myself torturing him with a court case right now. But I don’t want to stay quiet either. I have no idea what to do,” she cries.
Now I feel horrible. I should have let her continue asking me questions about my life, “What does your heart tell you to do?” I ask.
“I want to face him, I want to see him, and I want to tell him how he changed my life.” Her face is red with anger, and tears run down her face. I do nothing to comfort her, because she has a right to be angry. It’s about time her anger is released. She has been carrying it within her for way too long.
“Come with me to see him. I can’t face him alone.”
“That’s not even a question! Of course I’ll go with you!” I couldn’t be any prouder than to see her finally ready to face that monster.
Julie gets up and hugs me. “Thank you for being here for me. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” I say.
“I can’t believe I’m going to finally face him. I’ve been in hiding for so long!”
“Sometimes all we need is time before facing our biggest fears. Now go wash your face. You’re going to love this coffee!”
“Don’t forget my Kahlua, I need it now,” she laughs through her tears.
“Yes you do. Too bad I can’t have some too. I need it just as much.”
I notice Julie’s small frame as walks out of the kitchen and realize size doesn’t matter. Courage and strength come in all shapes and sizes. It’s funny how life works, how we are forced to face what was meant to break us down. Maybe it is time I face my demons and try to make things right on my end with Hunter.
Chapter 23
Dear Hunter,
It’s been a long time since we have spoken, but I think the time has come for us meet and speak of the things that have brought us to the point where we are today.
There are many unspoken words between us, and I don’t think another minute should pass in circumstances that are harmful rather than helpful to our family.
I have thought of many ways of reaching out to you and feel this letter is the best way. It will give you an understanding of where I stand and what I would like for us as a family without any interruptions and will give you a moment to think about what I have written.
This letter contains things that have affected us both, things we must to talk about.
The first thing I would like to tell you about is Dominic. I know that you have no way of knowing this, but he is no longer in my life and will never be a part of our daughter’s life. I won’t get into the particulars of what happened in this letter, but I will answer any questions you may have face to face.
The second thing I would like to mention is that I did love you. I don’t remember why we got off track with one another, but what I do remember is that we once loved each other very much. Though we are not together anymore, I know something of that love still exists. That will allow us to remain friends and build a healthy foundation for Kaylee’ growth. Regardless of the end of our marriage, I would like to believe we did the best we could and that we can still come together as parents. Kaylee deserves to see her parents getting along despite the past and the fact that we are no longer together.
To help us get on the right track, I think joining a co-parenting class together is a good start. I understand we have a finalized custody and visitation order in place, but I don’t see why we can’t get along and share Kaylee. She should not be forced to pick between us or to have to live believing that her mom and dad couldn’t come together for her.
The third thing I would like to say is that I’m sorry. For any pain I have caused you. For all our family has endured. I hope it’s not too late to do what is right for our family.
Lastly, I believe there should be no reason for an order of protection between us. If we are going to work together as Kaylee’s parents and as a family, we can go to court together and request that the charges and order of protection be dropped. I really cannot see the father of my daughter in jail.
If you are uncomfortable responding to me because of the order of protection but you agree with me, have your lawyer reach out to me so we can try and work something out.
Love,
Brook
I fold the letter, placing it neatly in an envelope inside my drawer, to be mailed when I am prepared to deal with a response. It’s difficult to imagine any positive outcome from this, but I place my faith in God and hope the love we once shared still means something.
I can’t help noticing the size of my baby bump in the mirror. It has grown so much. I don’t remember such a difference from when I was pregnant with Kaylee. “I hope you’re happy growing each day, my little one,” I say rubbing my growing tummy. “I can’t wait to meet you. Our journey started off a little rough, but I see us having the time of our lives together.” I wonder if the baby can hear my words or feel my love.
“You look beautiful. Our baby is more than happy growing inside of the best mother in
the world,” says Nicolas.
I turn around, surprised. It’s going to take some time to adjust to the fact that he is going to be the baby’s father. Come to think of it, I agreed without any disputes that he could be the father of my child, as if babies can be handed over without a care in the world. Yet I wouldn’t do anything to change my decision. I don’t question why he came to my rescue but accept his presence as a blessing. I will never say anything to hurt his feeling about stepping up to the plate, especially when it was never his place to do so. “Thank you, I’m starting to feel strange being pregnant, but it’s growing on me. Literally,” I laugh.
Nicolas laughs in return. “It suits you.” He walks up to me and gives me a big hug.
“What’s that for?” I ask.
“For being brave,” he replies.
That’s not how I think of myself, but it’s nice to be thought of as such.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he continued, “I called Julie and told her I would drive you both to see that monster. I really don’t think either one of you will be in any condition to drive back.”
Nicolas is right. I can’t begin to imagine how we will feel after seeing the pervert who raped Julie. Maybe it’s best he drive us.
“What did Julie say to that?” I ask.
He runs his hands through my hair and replies, “She agreed immediately. I hope you don’t put up a fight either.” I am desperate for another touch.
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