“No I won’t. I think we’re both going to be in shock, and maybe driving back isn’t such a smart idea.”
Nicolas looks into my eyes, and without warning he kisses me. I do nothing to stop him. His kiss is soft, welcoming, his smell intoxicating. I don’t know how long we kiss, but it’s long enough for me to want more.
“We shouldn't be kissing?” I gasp, pulling back wishing I could relive that amazing moment again. If I weren’t pregnant, I would rip off all his clothes and get pregnant all over again, but how would that look? I know he will be the acting father of the baby, but the truth remains that this is Dominic’s baby.
“Why?” He sounds concerned.
“Because I’m pregnant with Dominic’s baby. I feel it will make me… I don’t know … dirty or something to do anything with another man.”
“Brook, I know it might be strange because here I come along at a difficult time in your life. But I am here to stay. Maybe it’s not the right time, but it feels right to me. I’m sorry I have to bring up the coward, but if Dominic was still around, I would back off. But he isn’t. At first I thought he would come back and apologize for hurting you, but he left, and the only memory you have of him is a bank account. As time passes, it only becomes clearer that he won’t return. He is not the baby’s father anymore! I am! And I am not going anywhere. I’m here to take care of you and remind you that it’s okay to live and love. I’m here to help you relax, to become less defensive, because I will never hurt you. Dominic might have donated the sperm, but I am the baby’s father. I will never abandon him.”
“I know, and I’m so grateful to have you and your friendship. But I wonder how my life got here. It’s crazy! I would have never imagined all this happening. Especially you...” Without allowing me to finish, Nicolas sweeps me off my feet and starts kissing me. Before I know it, we are on the bed, as he guides his hands over the most sensitive areas of my body. Extremely careful, he enters me while looking into my eyes. I can feel and see his love. Every negative thought I had about being with him leaves me, and I embrace finally being loved. To hell with what the world may think!
As soon as we are done, we rush together into the shower and get ready to leave.
Julie has good timing and arrives as soon as we are ready. I thank God she didn’t show up a minute before, especially since Diane is with her and has her own set of keys to my house.
“Are you sure you are ready for this?” I ask Julie as I get into the back seat of the car, allowing Diane to sit next to Nicolas as he drives us.
Julie has the look of death on her face, and guilt consumes me that I was being swept off my feet just a couple of minutes ago.
“It’s now or never,” she replies. “I once thought I would have to face him alone, yet here I am with backup, so I think I am ready.” She tries to sound confident even when I can see she is scared beyond words.
When we finally arrive, Julie runs out of the car and starts throwing up. It breaks my heart to see her sick to her stomach, but as soon as I reach her to help, I gag and bend down and throw up as well.
Julie soon stops and cleans her mouth with the napkins Nicolas hands her, and she starts laughing.
“I’m happy I could amuse you,” I say, laughing as I clean up as well.
We can’t help but laugh. Just like that, the mood is lighter. It turns out that a laugh is all we needed.
I think because of the laughter we share, we enter the institution without hesitation. But once we reach the receptionist, the laughter is forgotten. Everyone has their game face on. We don’t look like killers or anything threatening, but we sure have nothing to laugh about.
“Good afternoon. How may I help you?” says the receptionist with her loud red lipstick.
“We’re here to see an old friend of ours,” answers Diane, since everyone else seems lost and nervous.
“Sounds good. What is the patient’s name?”
“Umm… his name is Xavier Hall,” mumbles Julie, her hands trembling by her side.
“Mr. Hall is in room 426,” says the receptionist. “As a matter of fact, his daughter Nicole is with him right now. I’m sure she’s going to be thrilled that Mr. Hall has a few friends visiting. You can take the elevator down the hall. When you get off on the fourth floor, it will be to your right, three doors down. I need everyone to sign in right here, and you’ll be good to go.” She taps her well-manicured hand on the clipboard with the page we all need to sign.
The elevator ride is a long one, and when we make it to the fourth floor, I think Julie will fall down. But like the trooper she is, she doesn’t, and I admire her that much more.
“Are you sure you want to see this creep?” I ask one last time.
“Yes, I need to see him.”
“Okay, if that’s what you want,” I reply.
We follow Julie into the room and are greeted by his daughter Nicole, who was reading a magazine, with a cup of tea by the side.
“Hi,” she says, getting up to shake our hands.
“The receptionist just called up here to tell me my father has visitors. It’s been a while since anyone has come to visit him. It’s nice to see that people still remember him.”
“He’s almost unforgettable,” says Julie.
“How do you know my father?”
“He was my boss,” states Julie with a blank expression.
Nicole gives Julie a soft smile, looks back at her father and is convinced that we are well-wishers.
“Well, I’ll let you guys be then. He can’t speak, but he can blink. One blink is for yes, and two is for no. It isn’t much, but it helps. Anyway, I’ll be back in a little while. If you need anything, my phone number is on the pad by the table over there. The nurse’s button is on the remote control attached to the right of the bed,” she says, pointing. She gathers her personal belongings. “Daddy, I’ll be right back. I love you,” she says to her father before leaving. If it wasn’t for the monster we already know her father is, we would have thought it was a touching scene.
With Nicole out of the room, Julie inches closer to Xavier. We all watch tensely, waiting to see what she will do. But Julie simply takes a seat next to Xavier and starts crying.
Though we are here to give moral support, we don’t move, because this is Julie’s moment. We must allow things to move at their own pace.
Julie wipes her face and positions herself so that Xavier can see her without any difficulty. We can tell he is listening.
“I trusted you, Xavier,” she begins, her voice under control, “I trusted you. You were my friend. Never would I have imagined that I had to watch my back because of you. You stole so much of my life that night. I had to stop working to avoid seeing you, I hid from the world, from my family and friends, simply because of what you did to me. You have a daughter. How would you feel if a man she trusted beat her up and then raped her until she couldn’t move? What if he then left her to embrace her embarrassment and pain? You are a father. Didn’t that cross your mind when you beat me and raped me? I am someone’s daughter, someone’s granddaughter, someone’s niece. Yet you treated me like a piece of meat to pleasure yourself. What animal gets pleasure from anyone who doesn't desire them?” The anger in her voice is rising.
I never thought we would see a reaction from Xavier, but regardless of having no control over his body, tears flow down his cheeks.
“I thought my life was over back then. But today is the day you can fuck yourself, because my life isn’t over. It’s your life that’s over. I’m happy that you get to live in your own personal hell while you’re alive. No one can save you from this, and I’m happy you’ve gotten this opportunity to see me, because I want you to think about me while you lie on this bed. Rot in hell when you die as well. I will never forgive you! Ask God for forgiveness, because if there’s anything I still have for you, believe me, it’ s not forgiveness. I am not capable of that, not for you. I will pray no one does what you did to me to your daughter. I hope she never finds out the
monster she has for a father after all the time she has invested in you and your health.” Julie gets up abruptly from the chair and leans as close as possible to Xavier’s face, ensuring he sees, hears and smells her. I wonder if this affects him as much as the rape affected her life. “And you want to know why I won’t say anything to your daughter or your family? It’s because I want you to stay alive as long as possible in this hell. You don’t deserve to die and escape this misery. You bastard.” She spits on his face and hisses, “Fuck you! Live many more years!” She composes herself and walks past us, out of the room, leaving Xavier behind, both physically and psychologically.
Chapter 24
There is a saying that goes something like this: “If you can’t make your heart smile, feed your belly and let it soak up the tears, and your heart will come around.” So I have told Diane to come over and entertain me in the kitchen as I get busy over a sumptuous meal.
“Can you believe how karma came around for Xavier? I’m fascinated!” Diane yaps like a schoolgirl in a lunchroom.
Personally, I think we were all shocked to see how Xavier’s life turned out. We didn’t know him before we saw him in the hospital, but he must have been full of life earlier, given he found the energy to rape Julie.
“I have to admit, regardless of his condition, I can’t find it in me to side with Julie,” I reply. “She should go ahead and press charges against the bastard. I think he got away too easy, not having to face his truth in court. He doesn’t deserve to have a clean name, the world sympathizing with him, just because he is a helpless cripple. And you know what’s worse? That his family will always think he’s a saint. No one will ever know the truth. Where’s the justice in that? Where’s the justice in Xavier getting off with a clean slate?” I am genuinely angry.
“His condition is his karma. I bet he never imagined that Julie would return to confront him. It might not have been in court as we would’ve liked, but it happened the way it was supposed to happen. He’ll never forget seeing her looming over him as he once loomed over her when she was defenseless. He thought he had something to laugh about or something to reminisce about while he lay there. Instead, he gets to remember Julie taking back the life he wishes to have. While she has a second chance at life, he remains a corpse amongst the living.”
“But where is the justice for Julie?” I say, wiping tears from my eyes.
“Julie has got her justice and closure. She never has to worry about him hurting her or anyone else again. She was able to say what she had to say without having to relive the day he raped her in court in front of strangers, all the while worrying if he would be found guilty after the trial or not. Imagine how Julie would feel if she goes to court to face that creep, and then the court finds him not guilty. It will destroy her, and we don’t know how she will live after that.”
I never thought about what would happen if Xavier was found not guilty, but I can see how that could devastate anyone in her position. Maybe this is for the best after all. I nod in agreement, secretly hoping Xavier’s crime will one day be exposed.
“Hunter texted me earlier today to ask if it’s possible to keep Kaylee an extra day because he wasn’t able to do everything he wanted to do with her,” I say, changing the topic. We still find it hard to talk about Julie’s tragedy for too long.
Diane gets up and goes to the refrigerator. “Did you let her stay with him?” she asks.
“I did. I figured an extra day wouldn’t hurt. Serve me some lemonade please.”
“Well, that was nice of you.”
I shouldn’t be as generous with Hunter, given that he hasn’t shown any signs of change, but I figure one of us has to go first at the being-nice game, and I guess I’m it. Hopefully, when he drops Kaylee off tomorrow, I will be able to give him the letter I wrote for him and start on the road to recovery as parents.
“Are you staying tonight?” I ask Diane.
“Yeah. I’ve to be at work early tomorrow, and it’s easier for me to get there from here. Why? Do you have any plans with a special someone?” teases Diane as she hands me the lemonade.
“As a matter a fact, I do. So don’t wait up for me.”
“Don’t do anything I would do?” laughs Diane.
“It’s too late for the advice. We did do what you would do and more, and we decided to start dating,” I say, trying to tell her what is going on without getting into the particulars. I really don’t care to be asked questions. I’d rather everyone accepts what is going on in my life without the drama.
“Honey, I already know! I don’t need the details,” she exclaims. “It’s about time you admitted to yourself what we all already know. Plus Nicolas is a catch, you would be silly to let him slip by you.”
I want to ask her how much she knows, but the doorbell rings. I raise my finger up to my lips as I put my glass down and rush to the door.
“Hello beautiful,” says Nicolas as soon as I open the door for him and hands me a beautiful bouquet of red roses.
“Oh my God, they’re beautiful!” I cry, taking the roses and kissing him.
“I’m glad you like them.” Nicolas follows me into the house, and it hits me that someone will witness for the first time Nicolas and me being a couple. It never crossed my mind that I would be pregnant and get into a serious relationship with a man who is not my child’s biological father, but here I am, doing exactly that.
“Hey Diane,” says Nicolas, walking into the kitchen and kissing Diane on the cheek.
“What are you two lovebirds up to tonight?” she asks with a grin.
It’s a little weird to be accepted with all my flaws. For a moment, I seem to see my life from the outside as Diane embraces my unexpected situation without any weird reaction.
“I have a small surprise for Brook, then taking her out to get something to eat at a nice place I picked out,” answers Nicolas. “If you want to come, you’re more than welcome.”
“No no, I’m okay. I have an early start tomorrow. Plus it’s enough I invite myself over any time I’ve to start work early. You kids have fun. Brook will update me tomorrow.” She waves goodbye and walks out of the kitchen with her lemonade.
“So are you ready to have some fun?” Nicolas begins as he walks across the kitchen, placing my unfinished lemonade in the sink.
“Of course I’m ready, I love surprises,” I smile.
He quickly washes my cup, making sure the kitchen is clean before we leave. Seems his mother raised him right.
“Is there a curfew I have to follow?” he asks, turning off the faucet.
“Yes, I have to be back before the sun comes up.”
Nicolas flashes his gleaming teeth, “Why? Are you a vampire?”
“I bite on occasion,” I playfully snarl back.
He laughs. “I’m sure you do, little clown. Let’s go.”
Throughout the night, we ask each other hundreds of questions, getting to know each other better. It’s amazing to enjoy a youthful moment, despite having a daughter and a divorce behind me. As adults we laugh at teenagers who believe these moments last forever. Yet here I am, believing my time with Nicolas will never end.
I enjoy how every time we spend time with each other, I learn things I didn’t know before. Nothing he reveals about himself pushes me away.
The look on his face when he turns to face me couldn’t speak any louder. How could I make him this happy without doing anything?
“I have two surprises,” he says conspiratorially. “Which one would you like first? The one that will change our lives forever or the one that will make you smile until your cheeks hurt?”
“Wow! How do I pick?” I run my hands through my hair, feeling excited and nervous.
Go big or go home.
“I pick the one that will change our lives forever,” I say.
He grabs my hand and rushes me to the car. He can’t help smiling, and I sincerely believe he’s more excited than me.
Within minutes, we are in parked in front of a beaut
iful church. I feel confused.
“A church?” I say, staring at its doors.
“Come on! I have something to show you,” he urges.
What can we possibly do in a church at 9 p.m.? I am certain he is too good to be true. He’s surely going to kill me and leave my body here, then have a priest die of a heart attack at the sight of my dead body on the altar.
“Trust me,” he murmurs.
How can I not trust him? For the little while he has been in my life, I have trusted him with everything, including my unborn child.
We walk together into the church. Spectacular is the wrong word for such beauty. The ceiling seemed to be the sky itself. The painting on the ceiling looks like a gift from God, gracing every inch of the ceiling with a perfection that speaks to the heart without words. I can’t hold back tears.
“Why are you crying?” asks Nicolas. He wipes the tears from my eyes and stares at me with concern.
“Oh it’s just so perfect in here!” I gush. “I haven’t been in a church in such a long time! I thought I lost my right to enter a church a while ago, with how my life turned out. I guess I forgot the impact a place of God can have.”
“God doesn’t ever abandon us. Even when we think we don’t deserve his love he will always love us. Now come here.”
We walk up to the altar. He picks up a gold box about the size of a shoebox and hands it to me. I stand rooted to the spot, staring at the box in my hands as if it will reveal its contents on its own.
He glides his hand under my chin, allowing our eyes to meet, “I feel we were brought together for a reason, and I’m the first person to say I don’t believe in love at first sight. But today I do, because that’s a gift you have given me. Without knowing why or how, I have a baby on the way with an amazing woman. And as crazy as it sounds, my life couldn’t be any better than it is right now. I feel every man in this world should envy me, because I am blessed beyond words. I will do anything to put the world at your feet and the children’s. I say children because I want to love you for the rest of my life. I want to love Kaylee and our baby until my last breath. I have never been as sure of anything in my life as I am right now. I know I sound crazy, but I want you to marry me right now.” I can tell his words are absolutely sincere.
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