Cosmo and the Magic Sneeze

by Gwyneth Rees

  But it looked as though she was.

  ‘Cosmo, we’ve got to do something!’ Mia cried out.

  Cosmo sprang out of his hiding place, leaped up on to the nearest kitchen surface, open. Just as Sybil grabbed Cosmo by the scruff and flung him across the kitchen, Mia succeeded in letting the kittens out. As Sybil rushed across the room to try and block their exit through the cat flap, Cosmo rushed after her, this time biting her ankle. She reached for an empty saucepan to bash him with and ended up bashing her own leg instead as the kittens escaped through the flap, nose-to-tail, one after the other.

  Mia called to Cosmo from outside to hurry up and get out too, but Cosmo had fled behind the washing machine as Sybil threw a plate at him.

  ‘I’d use you in my spell if it didn’t mean depriving myself of a witch-cat!’ she screamed at him, starting to drag the washing machine out of its space. Inch by inch it was moving forward. If she pulled it out completely, Cosmo would be a sitting target for Sybil to grab. Cosmo didn’t believe any more that witches couldn’t harm cats. Somehow, he thought, starting to panic, all those history books must have got it wrong.

  8

  Cosmo couldn’t escape. The wall was behind him, with the fridge and a kitchen unit on either side. Sybil was in front of him, panting from the exertion of moving the washing machine, but still looking furious.

  ‘Got you!’ she shouted, reaching out and grabbing him.

  And this time she did have him. She had him by the scruff and she was dangling him in front of her where his claws could do no damage.

  Suddenly, Mephisto burst in through the cat flap, miaowing loudly.

  Sybil instantly dropped Cosmo.

  ‘Mephisto, thank goodness,’ she gushed. ‘I think I’ve given those poor little kittens a terrible fright. I was trying to do the witch-cat test on them and Cosmo must have thought I was trying to murder them or something. He just went mad! I’ve picked him up to try and calm him down, but he still seems to think he has to fight me off with all claws.’ She winced in pain as she gave her shoulder a rub.

  Cosmo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘It’s not true! She was going to use those kittens in her spell! She picked a kitten out of the box and took it over to her cauldron! She was going to drop it in!’

  Sybil seemed to guess what he was saying. ‘I suppose because I walked towards the cauldron to get my witch-cat test potion, which was just next to it, he must have thought I was going to . . .’ She broke off and shuddered. ‘But surely you’ve told him, Mephisto, that no witch can ever harm a cat? Why, I’d go up in a puff of smoke if I did!’

  That seemed to be enough to satisfy Mephisto. ‘Exactly!’ he said to his son, whose exit he was blocking by sitting in front of the cat flap. ‘You must have made a mistake, Cosmo.’

  ‘Father, please let me out of here,’ Cosmo cried out, and Mephisto saw that – mistake or not – his kitten was trembling.

  Mephisto let Cosmo go through the flap first, then followed behind him. Outside in the garden, India, Professor Felina, Mia, Jock, Tigger-Louise and the six kittens were all waiting for them. India immediately rushed up and started to lick Cosmo all over, but in a comforting rather than a cleaning sort of way.

  Mephisto told them Sybil’s version of the story. Mia, who had rushed to fetch the adult cats when she realized that Cosmo was trapped in the house, protested that it wasn’t true. She had seen Sybil take the kitten over to the cauldron too.

  ‘I’m not saying you didn’t see that,’ Mephisto miaowed back. ‘But she couldn’t have been going to drop the kitten in. That would be harming it and if she harmed it, she wouldn’t live to tell the tale.’

  Felina said, ‘I’m afraid that’s true, Mia. Remember what we read in the encyclopedia. No witch can harm a cat without destroying herself. It’s a historical fact.’

  ‘Oh . . . I’m sick of historical facts!’ Mia hissed, running off towards her own house.

  Cosmo, who had stopped trembling now, was trying to work out if he could have got it wrong. He remembered Sybil saying she’d use him in her spell if it didn’t mean depriving herself of a witch-cat, but maybe she had only said that to give him a fright. He looked at the grey kitten. ‘What did you think?’ he asked it.

  ‘I really thought she was going to put me in that cauldron,’ the grey kitten mewed.

  ‘Well, she wasn’t,’ Mephisto said firmly. ‘Now, do any of you want to go back and let my mistress do the witch-cat blood test on you?’

  Each kitten miaowed at the top of its voice that it definitely did not.

  ‘We’d better take you all back to the cats’ home then,’ Mephisto said briskly. (Apparently that was where Sybil had just got them from.)

  The kittens looked relieved.

  ‘You’re such beautiful kittens that I’m sure some nice person will be along shortly to adopt you,’ Felina told them, ‘but you must be careful how you select your humans . . .’ And she started to give them tips on how to act in order to get taken home by the human of their choice.

  Cosmo and Mia hadn’t told any of the grown-up cats what had happened to them that morning. They didn’t want to get into trouble for running away. But Cosmo spoke to his father on his own as soon as he got the chance and told him that he did want to be a witch-cat after all.

  Mephisto didn’t ask what had made him change his mind. He just looked pleased and told him that in that case he would take him out with him on the broomstick that night to help deliver Sybil’s new catalogue to all the neighbouring witches. He promised to fly the broomstick very carefully and said that they could stop and take a break if Cosmo started to feel sick.

  India, who thought that Cosmo taking a broomstick ride with his father was a good idea too, suggested Cosmo should have a nap and eat a good supper before he left. Tigger-Louise – who was used to travelling a lot with her humans in the back of their car – had advised her that a full stomach was the best thing for preventing travel-sickness.

  By the time they were ready to go it was dark. Mephisto said they would be riding by moonlight, which Cosmo thought sounded very exciting indeed.

  It was a beautiful clear night and the stars seemed to be winking at them. Mephisto looked as if he was searching the sky for something as they flew.

  ‘What are you looking for, Father?’ Cosmo asked.

  Cosmo was balancing more easily this time and Mephisto felt able to let go of him in order to answer. ‘My birth star,’ he replied. ‘Every cat has a birth star – a star that was shining brighter than any of the other stars on the night it was born. Cats with the same birth star are often drawn together during life and, when they die, their spirits rise up to join the same star.’

  ‘Wow!’ Cosmo gazed up at the twinkling stars in awe, straining his head so far back to look that he nearly lost his balance and fell off the broomstick.

  Mephisto grabbed on to him tightly again – so tightly that he pinched his kitten’s skin – but Cosmo didn’t complain. He was really excited and he couldn’t wait for them to land on their next rooftop so that he could ask his father to point out which star was his.

  It took a long time to deliver all of Sybil’s spells-and-potions catalogues down so many chimneys, but eventually they had only one catalogue remaining in the basket at the front of the broomstick. ‘This one is for Bunty,’ Mephisto said. ‘We’ll stop there and have a saucer of milk with Jet before we go home.’

  Scarlett answered the door and was delighted to see Cosmo. Then she noticed his paw. ‘What have you done to it? Come and look at this, Aunt Bunty! Cosmo’s got a golden paw.’

  Of course, Cosmo couldn’t tell her how it had happened. It was a pity witches couldn’t understand cats as well as cats understood witches, Cosmo thought. He would have loved to have a proper conversation with Scarlett and tell her about seeing his birth star, which had turned out to be a big, bright-yellow one with a circle of smaller stars around it.

  Scarlett was going into the kitchen to fetch some saucers of milk and
Cosmo followed her.

  ‘I’m sure Sybil must be a horrible witch to live with,’ Scarlett chatted to him as she opened up the fridge. ‘Mother and Aunt Bunty can’t stand her. Aunt Bunty always feels guilty buying anything from her, but sometimes Sybil is the only one who has what she’s looking for. Plus she knows that Jet likes to see Mephisto.’

  Cosmo miaowed that he liked to see Scarlett too, so that was another reason to keep ordering things that needed delivering.

  ‘I don’t think there’s anything Sybil doesn’t stock,’ Scarlett went on. ‘Mum says even she’s got to admit that Sybil’s a very shrewd businesswoman.’ After mentioning her mother again, Scarlett sighed. ‘Mum and Dad are away at the moment, trying to find us a new home in the country. That’s why I’m staying with Aunt Bunty. But I don’t want to move out of the town. Mum says we’ve got to because our flat is too small and there aren’t many witches’ houses for sale here. Mum and Dad couldn’t find one they liked anyway. I said, why couldn’t we buy a human house here and convert it, but Mum and Dad want something we can move into straight away. Mum’s going to have another baby next month – that’s why we need more space.’ Scarlett crossed her fingers for good luck. ‘I hope it’s a girl. I really fancy having a little sister.’

  Cosmo realized then that what he and Scarlett had in common – at least until next month – was that he was an only kitten and she was an only child. It was lonely being an only kitten sometimes and he wondered if Scarlett felt the same.

  Just then Bunty called to her niece to go and check the larder to see if they had any human wart shavings left, because if they didn’t she was going to order some. ‘It’s impossible to water those down!’ she added. ‘So I might as well get them from Sybil.’

  Cosmo followed Scarlett into the larder where Bunty kept all her spell ingredients. As Scarlett was looking for the right bottle, Cosmo leaped up on to the set of folding steps that Bunty used to reach the top shelves. From there he could see many of the same things that Sybil had in her cupboards at home. He touched one of them with his paw.

  ‘You’ve spotted the witch-cat-test potion, have you?’ Scarlett said, picking it up to let him have a closer look. There was a bottle next to it that looked very similar, which she lifted up too. ‘This is the test they used on me when I was a baby,’ she said. ‘To see what percentage witch I was. I was ninety-nine per cent,’ she added proudly. ‘Mother and Aunt Bunty dug it out of the back of the cupboard the other day so they can test the new baby when it arrives. Even if both your parents are witches, you can still vary between seventy per cent and a hundred per cent. The most powerful witches are nearer the top end – like Mother and Aunt Bunty. Of course, I’m not all that powerful yet because I’m only a child, but I will be when I grow up.’

  Cosmo hadn’t even known that witches could be tested in the same way as cats. He suddenly remembered Sybil admitting that she wasn’t as powerful a witch as her mother, Euphemia. Perhaps she was one of the seventy-per-cent kind and that was why she needed extra witch-cat help with her spells.

  Just then Bunty called out, ‘Never mind the wart shavings now, Scarlett. Come and look at this!’

  Scarlett and Cosmo went back into the living room where Bunty was flicking through Sybil’s catalogue. She had stopped at the last page. ‘Look!’ She held it out to show Scarlett. ‘Wait till I show this to your mother. She’s convinced Euphemia is up to no good and now it looks like Sybil’s got in on the act too.’

  On the last page of the catalogue there was a special advert. Scarlett read it out loud. ‘Beautiful ornamental cats for sale. Solid gold. Reasonable prices. Small, medium or large to suit mantelpiece, hearth or garden. Ten per cent discount if ordered through this catalogue. Order now while stocks last!’ Scarlett looked at Cosmo. ‘I hope she’s not expecting you to deliver these to people,’ she said. ‘They’ll be really heavy.’

  But Cosmo wasn’t worrying about that. He had just thought of something else, but it was such a crazy thought that he didn’t dare say it out loud. In his head he was hearing the words Euphemia had used on the Witch News when she had been asked how much gold went into the making of her gold cats. You’d be surprised how little, she had said. And he remembered Sybil looking at his paw after it had turned golden and saying, It’s only the fur, as if she had half expected it to be more than that which had changed. He remembered too how sure he had been that Sybil was going to drop that grey kitten into the cauldron. So what if . . . ?

  But he knew that was impossible. It was impossible because witches couldn’t harm cats – not unless they wanted to go up in a puff of smoke. He gave his head a shake and tried to shift the crazy thought from his mind.

  Next morning the thought was still there and Cosmo knew that it wouldn’t go away on its own. Crazy or not, he was going to have to check out his idea about the golden cats once and for all. Hopefully he would find some proof – preferably proof that he was wrong – and then he could stop thinking about it.

  Sybil had gone out straight after breakfast and Mephisto and India had left soon afterwards to spend one of their romantic mornings together at the goldfish pond. That meant Cosmo had the house to himself, so he decided to go next door and see if Mia was free to come and help him.

  Fortunately, Mia had been given a day off from studying and was allowed out to play. He told her that he wanted to find Euphemia’s recipe – the one that had made his paw turn golden – and that he wanted her to try and read what was in it.

  ‘I’ve only just started to learn some human words,’ Mia warned him. ‘I only know my name and address and a few other things Mother thought would be useful for me.’

  ‘Let’s just try,’ Cosmo persisted.

  The recipe book was lying on its side over by the cooker in Sybil’s kitchen. Luckily, Sybil was always forgetting to put things away in their proper places. Cosmo jumped up and started to nudge the pages over with his nose like Felina always did. ‘It’s the last recipe,’ he said. ‘I saw that when she opened it the day she bought all the ingredients.’ He held the book open at the last page with his paw. ‘Can you read anything?’

  Mia studied the recipe for a long time. ‘I know that’s a word,’ she said, pointing at one. And so is that. You can tell words because they have little gaps on the page on either side of them. It looks like some sort of list.’

  ‘It’ll be a list of ingredients,’ Cosmo said. ‘Look down it slowly. Can you read any of them?’

  Mia shook her head. ‘No . . . Oh!’

  ‘Oh, what?’

  ‘That one there looks like the start of our address – the bit that Mother says isn’t really a word but a number.’ She pointed to it. ‘Our address is a hundred Green Lane and that looks like the “hundred” part. The next bit is different though.’

  Cosmo remembered Euphemia’s conversation with Sybil about the recipe. We need a hundred, she had said, when they’d been talking about the spell’s main ingredient. So the word after ‘hundred’ must be the word he was looking for – the word that told him what the main ingredient was, like frogs or toads or . . . Cosmo pointed to it quickly. ‘Do you think your mother could read that word?’

  ‘Probably,’ Mia said. ‘But she won’t come and do it now. She’s busy getting ready for a meeting at Tigger-Louise’s house.’

  Cosmo was thoughtful for a minute or two. ‘Is that bag of cat crunchy-munchies in your kitchen still really easy to knock over?’

  Mia nodded. ‘There are still some on the floor from the other day. Why?’

  ‘I’ll show you in a minute. Listen, if I memorize this bit –’ He pointed with his paw to the first letter of the word that came after ‘hundred’ – ‘can you remember the next?’

  Mia thought she could – especially as it was the middle letter of her own name – so the two kittens hurried back to Mia’s house. Once they were inside the kitchen, Cosmo used his paw to push some of the little round cat biscuits that were still on the floor into the shape of the letter he had remember
ed. Then Mia very carefully tapped her biscuits into place next to Cosmo’s.

  ‘Come on,’ Cosmo said, starting to get excited as he saw how his plan might work. ‘We’ll finish it off and then we’ll ask your mother to come and read it for us.’

  They raced back to Sybil’s house and found that the next two letters were the same, so Cosmo said he could remember both of those. Mia memorized one more. There were only two more letters left after that – one each for their final trip.

  When they had added the last of the letters, they stood back for a minute to admire the complete human word they had made out of crunchy-munchies. Then they rushed upstairs to ask Felina to come down and read it.

  Up in her study, the professor was closing her morning newspaper ready to go out. ‘What is it?’ she asked as they burst in on her. ‘Tigger-Louise is just about to take me to meet her humans. Humans with new babies need especially careful training.’ She started to give her paw a lick where it had got covered in newsprint.

  ‘Mother, we’ve made a word out of cat biscuits and we want you to read it for us,’ Mia said breathlessly. ‘It’s in the kitchen.’

  ‘You’ve made a word?’ Felina looked surprised. ‘Well, well, Mia. I wrote my own first word when I was only a little younger than you—’

  ‘Yes, but I bet you knew what yours said,’ Mia interrupted hastily before her mother’s expectations could rise too high. ‘We’ve only copied this one.’

  ‘Where from?’

  But Cosmo shook his head at his friend to warn her not to say too much just yet.

  ‘Just from a book we found in Cosmo’s house,’ Mia said quickly as they led Felina downstairs.

  Tigger-Louise had arrived in the kitchen while they were gone. She was licking her lips and washing her front paws, and Cosmo and Mia immediately looked down at the floor where they had left their crunchy-munchy word.