Hard Candy

by Jade Buchanan

  Wait, Aunt Gertie. As much as she hated asking her aunt for anything, Craig was right. They had lived just down the street from each other. Her aunt had obviously known about the journal when Penny had confronted her with it over the phone. Should Penny go and see her? Maybe she’d say something in person that she hadn’t said over the phone. It was worth a shot.

  She stood up in a rush. Bending down slightly, she touched a shaking hand to the headstone in front of her. “Bye, Mom. I’ll be back. I promise.”

  Hurrying to where she parked her car, Penny pulled her cell out of her purse and dialled Craig.

  “Hello?”

  “Craig, it’s me. I’ve decided to follow a hunch and go back to Missoula.”

  “What? You’re leaving? No, you can’t leave. Penny...”

  “No, no! I’m not leaving. I’m just going into Missoula to visit Aunt Gertie. It’d be a hell of a lot easier if she still lived in Bandit Creek, but I don’t mind the drive.”

  His sigh of relief came through loud and clear, making her feel bad for causing him any concern. “Okay, well, drive safe and don’t stay too long. You sure this is what you want to do?”

  “She’s the only one I can think of talking to. I was too mad before, and so was she. I mean, obviously, by her calling you it means she’s still pissed at me for asking about mom’s affair, but I need to see if she knows something else. I deserve to know, and she can just deal with it if she doesn’t like it.”

  “You want me to come with you?”

  She did, but at the same time this was something she should do by herself. Her aunt wouldn’t appreciate her bringing Craig along, even if she knew he was aware of everything. “No, you said you had work to do.”

  She opened the car door and sat down inside.

  “Pens, I can drop work. I want to drop work to be with you. If you need me.”

  Decision time. “I do need you. I’ve realized that easy enough. But, I also need to do this by myself. Promise me you’ll hold me when I come back?”

  “For as long as you want.”

  “Thanks, Craig.”

  Penny tossed her phone into her purse and started the car. She really should let her aunt know she was coming, but she didn’t know what to say.

  Instead, she let the miles drift past as she drove toward Missoula. Was this the right decision? Was this going to solve anything?

  She only had to stop once to call Craig back for directions, but eventually she pulled up in front of a modest bungalow. She’d never been here before, but she’d had the address. Her dad and his sister had written back and forth for years. Old-fashioned, maybe. But, it was a good thing now.

  She loped up the steps and rang the doorbell. Seconds later the door creaked open and her aunt was standing in the entranceway. That was fast. Had she been sitting right beside the door or something? Aunt Gertie hadn’t changed a bit. She was short and round, with a deceptively jovial expression.

  “Penelope.” Her aunt made her name sound like it was something dirty. Lovely.

  She sighed. “Hi, Aunt Gertie.”

  “Won’t you come in? I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “No, I’m sorry about that. I should have called.”

  “You haven’t exactly been exhibiting proper behavior, so I expect nothing less.”

  They took a seat in the living room. Penny surreptitiously looked around. The couches were pale ivory with huge flowers strewn across the fabric. Family portraits were the only decoration in the room.

  “Look, I’m sorry about the journal. About the way I confronted you with it.”

  “I know you think you deserved to know, but you were a child.”

  “I was seventeen!”

  “Yes, and you acted like a child. You don’t get automatic rights to know everything about your parents, Penelope. It doesn’t work that way.”

  Penny hung her head. It felt like she was back in elementary school again, being chastised.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Her aunt wilted, slightly. “I’m not mad about the journal, Penny, or your reprehensible behavior when you accused me of conspiring with Lord only knows who to keep it from you. I’m upset about you telling that boy. How many other people have you told about your parents private affairs?”

  Aunt Gertie grimaced at the last word. Penny assumed she hadn’t meant to say that particular phrase.

  “I haven’t told anyone else. I only told Craig because he’s so important to me. I really care about him. I had to tell him.”

  Aunt Gertie hrmphed loudly. She pursed her lips, looked Penny straight in the eyes and then finally nodded. “Well, then. That changes everything.” Aunt Gertie heaved a sigh. “I suppose you are right. You do deserve to hear the whole story. I do not know why your father kept the journal. I told him to burn it when he showed it to me. No good could have come of it.”

  “The whole story?”

  “Yes. That is not the only piece of documentation that you should see.” Aunt Gertie got up, moving slowly toward her credenza.

  Penny watched while she pulled out a stack of letters. Flipping through them, she finally came to one she must have been looking for because she picked it up and brought it back to Penny.

  God, she was nervous. What was this all about?

  “This was written by your father. Shortly after you moved to Houston. I think you should read it, before you judge either parent.”

  She picked up the letter. “What is this?”

  “It was the one and only time your father ever talked about what happened. I don’t even know if he remembered writing it. I’ve always assumed that he was into his cups when he wrote it. But, we never talked about your mother, so I could never ask. He regretted what happened. I know that much. Let it rest, Penny.”

  With shaking hands, Penny unfolded the piece of paper. Her gaze scanned the document briefly, before coming back up to rest on her aunt. “Thank you. Y-You don’t know how much this means to me.”

  “Does this mean you are coming home for good?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I thought it was horrible when your father moved you away. You needed family, then. Such a horrible circumstance, what happened to your mother. Perhaps...Perhaps you need family now.”

  Penny nodded. “Aunt Gertie, I know we talked about it before, but what do you want me to do with Dad’s ashes?”

  “Bring them home. Let him rest beside your mother, again. It’s the right thing to do. He loved her so.”

  ***

  “Hey, buddy. Didn’t expect to see you here tonight.” Craig held open the door with obvious reluctance.

  Mack shrugged. He wasn’t sure what he was doing here, to be honest. “Just finished up for the day, and thought I’d pop over to see how you and Penny were doing.”

  Craig led the way into the living room before slumping down on the sofa. “Penny went to Missoula.”

  Mack just about collapsed into one of the chairs. “She left?” Whoa. Why had she leave? What happened?

  “She didn’t leave, just went to visit her Aunt Gertie.”

  “Ah, gotcha.” Okay, so she hadn’t left. But, what was going on with her and Craig? Fuck, this was stupid. What was he doing here again?

  “You want a beer?”

  Mack laughed. “Yeah, give me something.”

  Craig got up and went to the kitchen. He was back shortly holding two bottles of brew. “You know, if you were really my friend you would have brought your own beer with you.”

  He rolled his eyes. “It’s not ready yet. Get off my back, dude.”

  Craig tipped his head back and let out a bark of laughter.

  They sat for awhile, taking turns talking and being silent. Not surprisingly, it was a mix of comfort and unease for Mack. He’d just start feeling relaxed, then he’d remember what he was doing here and he’d freeze up again.

  Craig finally sighed and put his bottle down on the table.

  “You going to tell me why you’re acting so weird?”
/>
  “I’m not.”

  “Yeah, you are. What’s up?”

  “Are you happy?”

  “What? Where’d that come from?” Craig frowned.

  Shit, Mack hadn’t meant to just blurt it out like that. He wasn’t stupid. He’d known when he saw Penny and Craig all curled up together on the patio that his chances were definitely gone. “I’m just asking.”

  “You getting all touchy-feely with me?”

  Mack rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You really want to go there with me?”

  Images flashed through his mind of the two of them together. The last time he’d been able to touch Craig. Run his hands over that body. Kiss him. Fuck him. Be with him. Shit. This was stupid.

  Craig swore. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” He looked away, before lifting his hand and rubbing the back of his neck.

  Mack couldn’t hide his flinch. “I’m not stupid. I get that. You want to be with Penny.”

  His friend instantly reached out, a look of contrition on his expressive face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

  “Yeah, but you still meant it.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  Mack froze. “What?”

  “I love Penny. I always have.”

  “Yeah, I know that.”

  “I just...”

  “Seriously, Craig. Spit it out.”

  “A lot has changed. I’m not the same person I was back then.”

  “You think I am?”

  “I love her.”

  Seriously? They were going to do this again? “I get it. You can stop saying it now.”

  Mack stood up. He couldn’t stay here and listen to this. He’d known it was stupid. Why had he come? Was he really hoping that Craig was going to drop what he had with Penny and agree to something with Mack? They may have had sex, but they’d never been romantic. Or, Mack hadn’t. He’d been so fucking dumb.

  This was painful.

  “Mack, stop!”

  “Look, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I gotta go.”

  “Please don’t leave.” Craig stood up and grabbed Mack’s arm. “I didn’t mean it. But, it doesn’t matter what I felt for you, or what I still feel for you. I want to be with Penny. I won’t cheat on her.”

  “Did I ask you to?”

  Craig sighed. “No.”

  “Then what makes you think I’m that kind of guy?”

  “What do you want, then? What’re you doing here, Mack?”

  Okay, that was it. “I fucked up. Last year. I shouldn’t have left like that, and I shouldn’t have just disappeared from your life. It scared me. What I was feeling for you was so huge that I didn’t know what to do with it. By the time I figured it out, you were doing your thing with Penny.”

  “Mack. We can’t do this. It’s not fair to Penny.”

  “I know that. Don’t you think I know that? I love Penny. I’d never hurt her. But, I’m in love with you and it’s tearing me apart knowing you don’t want the same thing I do.” Oh, man. He hadn’t meant to blurt that out. Mack dropped his head into his hands. What was he doing? For the hundredth time he questioned his sanity.

  Craig huffed in obvious surprise. “Shit! Mack, you can’t just...Is it true?”

  Mack thrust his hands through his hair. Shit, this wasn’t coming out at all the way he wanted it to. What was he doing? Craig was his friend. Only a complete fuck up would try to fuck it up for him.

  “Just forget I said anything. It doesn’t matter. You belong with Penny. You always have. Whatever may or may not have happened between us is in the past.”

  He started to walk to the door. Craig grabbed hold of his arm.

  “Stop. You can’t just come in here, say you love me and then pretend it didn’t happen.”

  “What’s it going to prove? You don’t want to be with me. I get it. Just let me leave before I say something else I regret.”

  “Why’d you say it then?”

  “I don’t know! What the fuck do you think? That I planned this? Jesus. I’m not blind. I can see how happy you’ve been just talking to her and if what I saw earlier this morning is any indication it looks like you’ve moved full steam ahead in your relationship.”

  “Nothing happened. I mean, we didn’t sleep together. We… well. We didn’t have sex.”

  Mack froze. He finally lifted his head to look at Craig. His friend looked terrible. Mack hated himself for putting that guilty look on Craig’s face. “What?”

  “She wasn’t ready. She’s got a lot going on right now, with all the bullshit that caused her to want to come back here. She’s just got a lot of other things on her mind.”

  “Like what? Why’d she come back here, Craig? I thought it was to be with you.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “So uncomplicate it.” Jesus, he couldn’t believe he was actually telling him this. “You want to be with her, right?”

  “Mack...”

  No, he had to fix this. They were friends. That was all they were ever going to be, but he could still at least earn his friend badge for the year. Craig deserved to be happy. Sure, Mack wanted it to be with him, but that wasn’t possible.

  “Fuck, ignore me. Don’t give me that look. Just pretend that didn’t happen. You want to be with her, right? So, what’s stopping you? You think second chances like this just happen to everyone?”

  “Mack, please...” Craig put out his hand.

  Mack wasn’t sure what he was about to say, but it didn’t matter, because the front door opened with a bang, startling them both. Craig whirled around and stepped toward Penny as she entered the living room.

  “Pens? You okay?”

  She practically threw herself into Craig’s arms, squeezing him tight.

  Mack frowned. That was his cue to leave.

  “I needed that.” Penny pulled away and swiped a hand over her eyes.

  “What happened?” Craig asked.

  Mack stepped forward. “I should get out of here.”

  “No, please, don’t feel like you have to go. I’m just out of sorts. Did Craig tell you?”

  “Tell me what?” Mack asked.

  At the same time Craig said, “No. It’s not my tale to tell.”

  What the hell? Mack was more confused now than he was when he’d come here. What was going on?

  “Oh. Well...” She was practically vibrating. It was obvious she’d been crying, although Mack was too much of a gentleman to point it out.

  Penny finally cleared her throat. “You remember the summer I left?”

  Mack couldn’t look at Craig. Where was this going? “Yeah. Hard to forget.”

  “Well, I found out some things about my parents when my dad died. A journal of my mom’s that had me questioning a lot of things. It made me seriously confused, and I didn’t know what to do so I came back to find out what really happened the year my mom died.”

  “I thought you came back because of Craig.”

  Penny shrugged. “I did. I mean, that was the other reason.” She held a hand out to Craig. “I wanted to be here.”

  Well, shit. Didn’t they just look like the perfect couple? He couldn’t believe he’d just blurted out the L word to Craig. He needed his head examined. What kind of friend was he?

  “Come on, I need to sit. Can I have some wine?”

  Craig pressed a kiss against her forehead before moving back into the kitchen.

  Penny turned to Mack. “I’m sorry to spring all this on you.” She flopped down on the sofa.

  Mack wasn’t sure what to say when it was just the two of them. He wanted to hold her, and that urge sure as shit surprised him. “You okay?”

  “No. But I will be.”

  “So, what did you find out?” And why wasn’t she kicking him out of the picture? He was the third wheel, wasn’t he?

  She took a deep breath. “My mom’s journal talked about my mom having an affair that summer.”

  He frowned. “No way.”

  “It’s
true. I mean, I don’t know how long it lasted.” Pulling her knees up, she curled her toes. Hey, when’d she take her shoes off?

  Mack didn’t have any kind of foot fetish or something, but he was suddenly struck dumb by the pale pink polish she sported on her toes. It was such an intrinsically feminine thing to do. He wasn’t used to thinking of Penny in that way.