It Takes a Thief

by Niels Hammer

  “That wasn’t all that bad, was it?”

  “No, but I did not like hurting you. It was worse than when you did it.”

  “It’s all in the mind and thinking makes it so, but let’s marry formally anyway as soon as possible and get my things moved over here to-morrow. But I want some of my clothes now so let’s fetch them right away?”

  United also by a common purpose they dressed and drove down to her house. The contingency of matrimony – light interspersed by shadows – the grace of speckled things – leafy shadows –

  “I thought that we could take quite a lot if using my car as well, but I think now it’s best to sell it as soon as I move out of here, so as not to let the car become associated with your house.”

  “Has the car attracted any attention? It’s so nondescript that it hardly makes any lasting impression.”

  They went upstairs in the house that had been her home and she began carefully to arrange her clothes in a large black suitcase. A change hovered in the air for such was the day.

  “Yes, but some people, whom you never would suspect of having an interest in the world beyond the confines of their family and work, as they appear to be utterly at rest within the masonry of their habits, which for all practical purposes seems to be synonymous with their imagination, may nevertheless, if aroused by a chance event from the ground level of their lethargy, suddenly take it upon themselves to become curious and inquisitive. So it’s probably best to sell it.”

  “Do you have any one in particular in mind or is it just a general feeling of uneasiness?”

  “No, I could not point to anybody; it’s not a question of uneasiness, but of being superstitious.”

  “So you’re superstitious without believing in astrology?”

  “Maybe, but what it really amounts to is simply plain caution based on an experience which forms intuitive premonitions. Quite comparable, by the way, to what lay behind your exposition about how we were fated to meet each other and fall in love. Here, I’ll just take my dresses as they are and place them on the back seat.”

  She swept the content of the shelves in her bathroom – plastic tubes – pink bottles and pearly flasks – into a capacious bag – put the strap across her shoulder and lifted the hangers with the dresses up to keep the hems from touching the floor although it looked spotless. He took her suitcase and they carried it all out to the car and drove back as the twilight erased the glowing farewell pictographs of the evening Sky. Another day in this that –

  “Would you like to go out early to-morrow morning like we did to-day?”

  “Depending on the weather and what you would like to do. It does not look all that promising.”

  “Never mind, we can wake up at three and if the weather’s bad just go to sleep again; but do you have anything to eat or do we have to buy something, if it’s not too late though?”

  Her natural buoyancy transformed the prospects of a sullen overcast and even rainy Dawn into a new adventure. Her joy just hang in gimbals.

  “I put a pheasant in the oven when we came home from the Broads.”

  “Excitement makes me hungry. I want to rearrange a couple of the rooms, if you don’t mind?”

  “You would probably do it even if I did mind, but you can of course do what you like, though I hope you do not intend to change anything in my atelier.”

  “Oh no, only the bedroom, the sitting room, the living room and the kitchen.”

  Her keen smile made the rearrangement or even the redecorating of the rooms with all the cumbersome practical details that that involved appear as pleasure prospects – because he was infatuated by her – even while knowing that he was infatuated – for that knowledge had not the slightest impact on his experience of her as a woman simply because he had beatified the features of her face or rather intensified the characteristics he found attractive and compelling so that he was unable to see her objectively – as the natural and wily woman she undoubtedly had to be – and yet he did not really want to do that for the present state of being infused with a sense of irremeable rapture seemed bound to last although he knew that in all conceivable likelihood it would not – but would slowly – Deo volente – be replaced by love – mutual empathy – care and consideration – though that only ought to appear when they had grown alike and dove-grey too together.

  “Here’s a glass of a really good Port, cheers!”

  “All right, but I don’t want to make a habit of it. However, I fear that I might indulge you far too often though on the other hand I trust that familiarity will have quite the opposite effect, so I’m confident about the future.”

  Taking her in his arms he gave her a long kiss of reassurance about the persistence of their present states of mind.

  “I can rely on you to keep me out of harm’s way just as you can rely on me to take care of you whatever happens.”

  “That reminds me about something we will have to discuss, and the sooner the better. Should I abandon my present livelihood or do you think it would be worth while if I continued at least for the time being?”

  “It’s up to you. I’ll gladly accept whatever it is you want to do.”

  His loyalty shaped the way she smiled to recognise love for what it was.

  “Could you even imagine joining me?”

  She said it as a matter of fact in a nonchalant tone of voice but beneath his feet the implications rumbled like an underground volcano.

  “As I have never broken into a house I cannot form a qualified opinion of what it feels like, so I am of course ready to try, and if you want to break into houses because it is exciting I shall do what I can to help you and minimise the risks, but I would at the same time feel a certain degree of anxiety lest you should have an accident, and I would hence endeavour to find another way of stimulating your dopamine circuit, and find something that would be beyond potential social consequences though not less exciting.”

  “But if you’re willing to try, then that’s the true spirit of adventure, and I think you’ll find it as exciting as I do. For the past two months I have been investigating a house that might prove to be a very rewarding possibility, and I know enough about the parameters now to act; but do you also mean that I would not be dependent on continuing?”

  She was considering her options – the character of the place – the communal imprint – caused by the bitter winds – the rocky soil and the rain – the ceaseless surge of the great sweet Sea.

  “I do! All worldly considerations are of secondary importance.”

  “Do you make enough money for us both?”

  Sceptical and hopeful she compared the various ways in which the future could develope.

  “I think I do, and with a little extra effort I might even make some more.”

  “It’s a prospect I have been investigating very carefully, and I think it’s an extraordinarily attractive option. You could join me to see what it would feel like, and even if you do not find it exciting you would have had an experience that would enable you to understand me better.”

  Though she abstained from considering the prospect of abandoning the game he sensed that she was mentally prepared to do so especially if he left the decision to her and to her alone.

  “Just before we die we’ll not regret what we did but that which we didn’t dare to do.”

  Causality and chance or beyond both non-deterministic as well as deterministic dimensions – but it was only his commitment that mattered.

  “There’s only one occupier of the house at the moment, a very well-off and vain middle-aged woman, but I suspect that she’s going to get married. Every Wednesday evening she is away from seven to about one o’ clock and her bonne à tout faire, as you would say, leaves the house in the early afternoon to return the following morning. So it’s about as attractive as it can be; however, there is one serious drawback, she has a large dog, which
roams the garden while she is away; but the pheasant is ready now. Come let’s eat.”

  While she put plates and glasses on the table he cut up the roasted bird in thin slices.

  “Tomatoes, olives, lemon, celery, and butter. Let’s make toast.”

  “The pheasant requires a Bordeaux. Taste this, it lasts a long time on the tongue and it lingers in the mind, speaking to you, and suggesting – ”

  “It’s very strong, overpowering, so to speak. You’ll soon make me addicted, I think.”

  “I don’t think so. You have a remarkably strong character.”

  “But sometimes I melt like fresh butter in the sun, and you seduce me, a poor girl from the harsh north, with this sybaritic life of yours. I do not stand a chance. You know too much – ”

  “No, hardly anything, as I said, but you’ll pick up what little I know in no time and become much better at it than I am. You’ll excel in the art much sooner than you think now that you no longer only have to cook for yourself.”

  “You’ll nivver succeed in making me addicted to la haute cuisine. I’m a plain woman and you can expect to get shepherd’s pie day in and day out unless you decide to cook yourself.”

  “You certainly have a very well-developed combative streak – ”

  “Yes I do, and you have an irresistible urge to kindle it.”

  “So you’ll nivver yield one tenth of an inch?”

  “No, for that’s just what you want and what you need. You expect me to fight back.”

  “I do, yes, I do; but what about the dog?”

  “Normally I would avoid a house with a dog, but this opportunity here makes my mouth water.”

  “Have you seen the dog?”

  “No, I’ve just heard him. Why?”

  “The amount of ketamine or even of cyanide would depend on how much he weighed.”

  “I would hate to kill the dog.”

  “So would I, but if we had difficulty administering the ketamine we could be forced to rely on a drastic solution. While a tranquilliser gun would be too impractical an electric gun would pacify him for a minute or two and that would greatly facilitate an anaesthetic injection.”

  “I have one. I bought it after the accident last February.”

  “I don’t know the dosis for dogs, but for Humans it’s about four to five milligrammes per kilogramme. If there’s fifty milligramme ketamine salt per millilitre and if it’s a fairly large dog, maybe weighing forty kilogrammes, he or she would need four or five millilitres.”

  “I’m not sure I feel confident enough to – ”

  “It would be prudent to practice a little. Few people would like to have their cherished pets immobilised by electric guns and rendered unconscious with ketamine, but a Sheep would do. I know where there is a secluded field with a fairly large number of Sheep, so let’s fetch your gun to-morrow, but how’s this house placed vis-à-vis the neighbours?”

  “On the north side there is a house one hundred and ten metres away and on the south side a bungalow somewhat closer, at a distance of seventy metres, so they would both be able to hear the dog bark. The approach is via a driveway, and it’s about thirty metres long.”

  “Are there any other ways of approaching the house?”

  “The river runs behind the house but it’s separated from it by a fairly large group of trees.”

  “Let’s have a look at the river to see if it’s deep enough. Come, the charts are in here.”

  She followed him into his atelier – both amused and astonished by his sudden enthusiasm.

  “Here’s the chart, now where’s the house and the river?”

  “It’s the river here, coming from the Broad. The depth is three feet. But is that always reliable?”

  “Usually, depending on the time of the year and the rainfall but we would have to have seen it, for when it’s dark it’s difficult to be certain of one’s bearings.”

  “So you would prefer to come by water? I have not thought about that.”

  “You don’t have that kind of a boat, but waterways are in social contexts safer than roads.”

  “Yes, I know what you mean, and it’s rather strange that I never considered this alternative seriously, but if I’m not mistaken you’re beginning to see it as a real adventure?”

  “The endeavour is in itself quite adventurous; together with you it will be very exciting, so to-morrow when we’ve fetched the gun we’ll get a small electric boat motor and three batteries. I have for a while been thinking about that anyway. The day after to-morrow we’ll sail to Wroxham. It will take us about three or four hours, there’s about twelve miles nautical. Such an electric boat motor hardly makes any sound as the motor is placed beneath the surface.”

  “You enjoy this kind of planning?”

  “I do! It’s a challenge, an adventure, as I said, and especially because of you.”

  “You see, that’s what I will have to miss. You have your painting.”

  “And trees, flowers, birds, Cranes, Cuckoos, ducks, Foxes, Otters, and when abroad the jungles. Nature is the ultimate challenge, for you can measure yourself or try yourself, in relationships with other human beings, for at a social level man is the measure of things, but the ultimate relationship is with the clouds, the Sea, the smell of the jungle, the howling of a hungry Jackal, the warning calls of Jungle Babblers, the scintillating azure on the wings of a Purple Emperor, the changing colours of Dawn, the way the Plēïades rise and the change of the seasons, for they make you grateful for being alive; they enrich your existence; they always make your soul expand as only great art or music sometimes do and they connect you with the entire universe, with its infinity, and not only with your fellow human beings of whom only a few appear to accept this degree of communion. When looking up into the starry Sky at night the infinity within becomes real, and it’s only the infinity-eternity aspect that matters, all else, all man-made measures, are half-measures if not simply irrelevant.”

  “Eternity is in our lips and eyes?”

  As an answer he kissed her lips – cheeks – nose – eyes – ears – chin – throat – over and over again – only to become more stimulated to kiss her the more he kissed her.

  “Then you want me to explore nature as it has a greater potential?”

  “You’ll see it for yourself as you’ve reached the state where it’s becoming inevitable.”

  “How do you know that?”

  Naturally sceptical about the veracity of ethereal postulates she had nevertheless the bland sensation that there might be an inkling of truth in what he said.

  “The aureole around your head tells me, the heat in your lips suggests it, the light in your eyes relocates the configuration of the stars to spell it out for me, the way you move in harmony with the waves of the Sea makes it evident; and what’s more, you don’t even doubt it yourself.”

  “As a child I played along the coast of the North Sea and on the green banks of the Deveron so I have naturally acquired an instinctive affinity with nature just as you say; and it was certainly intense, as it has been on many previous occasions, this morning; but your symbiotic relationship with what happened all around us, was contagious because of our intuitive communion, so I may, after all, have the courage to believe you.”

  “Breaking and entering may be a fascinating gamble, far more exciting than a game of chemin de fer or bridge or a Longchamp race simply because the potential risks are greater, but there are circuits in the brain that are able to elicit more profound emotions. I am not suggesting a substitute, like heroin is for β-endorphine, or cocaine for dopamine, far from it, but an intensification and an expansion as part of a natural development, I mean the process of becoming more aware of one’s unconscious self. Yeats said that there was nothing apart from the history of the soul, and it’s obvious that it has to be like that. It’s only the discovery of the soul that ma
tters, becoming aware of more and more subconscious sensations, dreams, images and memories; everything else is ephemeral. Life consists in becoming more and more aware of reality as infinite.”

  “So do you suggest that we should abandon the attempt to savour the fruits of this house?”

  Detached curiosity fused with the evening sadness of resignation.

  “No, for it will be a novel experience for me. Anyway, we can always make the necessary preparations as we are free to abandon the project whenever we want. It’s strange and even unnerving to see in how many ways the same act can be described and interpreted; and to see how the very nature of the act changes with the description and the interpretation. But I liked the metaphor you used. It drew out the underlying mythic pattern, and such mythic patterns underlie everything we do, all our acts and all our thoughts regardless of the extent to which we may be aware of them. And besides, we might even help this poor woman enter the Kingdom of Heaven by removing the very obstacles that are lying in her path?”

  “You’re forgetting that she’ll be reimbursed by the insurance company. And you’re only willing to do it for my sake.”

  “Yes, but I’m certainly in favour of lightening her coffers a little if the parameters for doing so are favourable, and knowing you I know that they are very favourable.”

  “My sudden doubt comes from the responsibility I now feel towards you. If we had an accident I would have betrayed you.”

  “That’s not the case. I do it willingly knowing the risk, but also knowing that it might cause us trouble and pain if nothing else. The consequences of whatever might happen are not so great that we cannot survive them, but we will do our utmost to minimise the risks. So I bear the full responsibility for all of my actions.”

  “Even when, because of me, you have forgotten the very existence of your surroundings, including the necessity to take care of your own safety?”

  “You don’t really mind that, do you? And on the contrary, love does not make me blind but love gives me depth of understanding, clarity of vision, clairvoyance even.”

  “You want to leave the human world of social illusions behind and live with me in the pristine wilderness of nature?”