The Light Between The Shadows

by Tsukiko Spark

  Ben had no choice. “I’ve undergone a process… I’ve changed,” he said.

  “What do you mean by process, you’ve changed?” she asked, demanding more information.

  “I’ve undergone a change…a treatment…” he started to say. He tried to keep the details to a minimum.

  “Oh!” Tina said as if remembering something. “You mean to tell me you went for that treatment instead of going on vacation?”

  “What? How do you know about the treatment?”

  “How do I know?” She laughed. “I ordered it for you, sweetie.”

  “You? It was you? Why did you do that?”

  “Why not? It came highly recommended by a family friend after one of your tantrums. I told her I would never give you up. I know you’ll eventually come to your senses and we’ll be together. She hooked me up with some guy—Jason… Jordan… No, wait, I think his name was Jacob. He asked for a half a million or something, plus guarantees in case of a lawsuit, so I gave it to him. He explained it would take some time, and that they had to wait for the perfect timing in order to start your treatment. This was more than six months ago.”

  “So… I guess you know what I went through there?” he asked quietly.

  “No. It was obvious it would be some sort of unconventional forced therapy, but all the small, boring details about the process didn’t interest me… What was important for me was to see results. And the result is amazing, honestly—you really did change! Wow. I’ll recommend it to all my girlfriends,” she said happily, and extinguished her cigarette. A big smile lit up her face.

  “So how do you feel?” She took his hand in hers, her eyes gleaming.

  “Hmm… strange,” he said. He hadn’t seen Tina that excited since they first met.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?” she asked.

  “I don’t know…” Ben was still stunned by the discovery. “I’ve been through so much in such a short time… B-but I need to get back to the office… George is waiting for me.” He was flustered and anxious to get back to work.

  “Then I know!” She jumped excitedly. “Let’s celebrate tonight! In our favorite hotel, Pierre de la Pierre, and you can tell me everything, pour your heart out to me.”

  It was clear to Tina that their relationship would only get stronger from this point on and eventually lead to that proposal she had yearned for ever since they met.

  ❧

  Ben got swept into a romantic evening Tina organized for them. He wasn’t sure what he wanted. He was still confused. Shira had explained to him that he wasn’t really in love with her, and the closest thing to love he knew was Tina. He didn’t see any reason to turn down a romantic evening with her. But something didn’t work, didn’t come together, and he couldn’t find in himself the same feelings that Tina showed him.

  They sat down to a nice dinner in the hotel’s superior suite.

  “You’ve hardly touched your food,” she noted.

  “Yes. I’m not really hungry.”

  They finished dining, sipped champagne from tall glasses, and ate strawberries for dessert.

  “So tell me how it was. Did you make new friends there?” Tina asked curiously.

  “I thought the details didn’t interest you.”

  “It wasn’t interesting at first. But now I see an incredible change in you and I’m curious. Tell me,” she demanded.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Aww…come on. I’m dying to hear about the hardship you experienced there.” Her voice became seductive. “Did they drag you into treatment? A strong man like you must have been tamed forcefully.” Her eyes invited him to bed. She stripped her clothes off sensuously, revealing a sexy, seductive lingerie set.

  He got excited but didn’t respond.

  She kept on going, taking off his shirt. He was very passive as she dragged him to bed. Finally, she pulled out two sets of metal cuffs from the night table.

  “Wait, Tina…” he said.

  He couldn’t understand why all the women in his life wanted to tie him in bed. In the past, whenever a woman fantasized about cuffing him to the bed during a sexual act, he outright objected. He had to be in full control. He didn’t want to be passive and helpless, especially not with the opposite sex, which he didn’t trust.

  “I thought you’d like it this way, after all you’ve been through,” Tina whispered seductively, unaware of the deep confusion Ben felt in this situation.

  He allowed her to cuff his hands to the headboard, one hand on each side. He sat on the bed, shirtless, and leaned back. She slowly removed his pants and sat on top of him. She stroked his hair and moved in to kiss him passionately. He closed his eyes. He saw Shira’s image before him and was filled with passion for her.

  “Shira,” he mumbled.

  Tina sat up angrily. “What do you mean, ‘Shira’?” she burst out. “Your last assistant?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “I thought you’d changed! But you’re back to your nonsense!” She was upset. “I’ll show you!” She got up, picked up her clothes, and got dressed.

  “I’ll give you all night to think about her and regret the perfect night you could have spent with me!” she yelled at him, and left the suite.

  He calmed down. Unlike Shira, he didn’t trust Tina, and he was worried about other things she could have done to him.

  After everything he had been through at Shira’s, it was quite easy for him to remain cuffed to the bed for one night until room service came the next morning.

  DAY 8

  Ben woke up to the sound of a knock on the suite door. For a moment, he thought he was still in Shira’s studio.

  “Room service,” he heard from outside the door.

  “Yes. Come in,” he said in a hoarse voice, after remembering where he was and in what condition. He felt frustrated.

  After a few moments when no one came in, he cleared his throat and said louder and clearer, “Come in.”

  A young man walked into the posh suite. He saw Ben cuffed and half-naked and lowered his gaze. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it was okay to come in.” He hurried out.

  “No, no, come here… I was left like this.” Ben was embarrassed.

  “Oh,” said the young man, trying not to stare directly at him. “I’ll call the assistant hotel manager. He takes care of things like that.” He hurried out.

  Some time passed, and the assistant hotel manager walked into the suite alone. He also tried to avoid looking at Ben and the unpleasant situation he had found himself in. He came over, holding a key chain, and tried to unlock the handcuffs. While he was trying out the different keys, Ben noticed his face for the first time.

  It was Don!

  He looked different. It was clear that Don knew the man he was currently trying to release from the bed was Ben Brattler. Ben’s heart skipped a beat. Now he was at Don’s mercy, and Don could pay him back for all his misdeeds.

  None of the keys worked.

  The assistant hotel manager left and Ben’s heart pounded. He returned a moment later, holding a large pincer. Ben grew even more anxious. After a short minute of terror and two pincer actions, Ben was free. Don left the suite in silent dignity.

  Ben was relieved. He gathered his belongings and decided to never return to that hotel.

  ❧

  The days went by. Ben and George continued to work on the project. George worked vigorously, but Ben seemed less committed. He was late every so often, and he kept glancing at his cell phone and staring into space.

  DAY 18

  On one of those days, during work, Ben fell asleep at his desk.

  “Are you listening to me?” George asked loudly.

  Ben lifted his head, but his hands remained folded on the table. George examined him.

  “Hey, did you shave this morning?” Ge
orge asked.

  “Yes, why?”

  “No, it’s just…” George felt his face as if indicating Ben had grown a beard. “Never mind. I need help with the ad about the career women. They didn’t like it, and I’m having a hard time finding something suitable.”

  “Maybe you should change the ending,” Ben suggested, still half asleep. “Instead of the gentleman showing up with a rose, she actually recaps that whole day with one small difference. She gets up in the morning with a man next to her. She does everything the same, but with a better feeling. She smiles more and laughs more, and finally she reaches the park and the guy joins her for a jog.” Ben felt like he didn’t sell the idea as convincingly as Shira.

  George was silent for a moment and then said, “I don’t think so. What exactly is the connection to a serious dating website and marriage? It’s the same mistake as before.” George got angry. “You know what? I’ve had enough of you!” He burst with anger that seemed to erupt out of nowhere. “You’re late every morning. You don’t even show up in the morning anymore! You pretend to be working, but you’ve done nothing for a whole week. I carry the brunt of the work—I’m the one stressing out while you come up with nonsense that doesn’t even help me! Either you help me or go away!”

  Ben slowly rose from his seat. He straightened his suit and tie, lifted his briefcase off the floor, cleared his throat, and walked out.

  “Good. Go, daddy’s spoiled brat! Leave behind the people who have to work for a living!” George yelled over his shoulder. All the employees on the floor walked out to the hallway to see what was going on.

  Ben picked up his pace and took off.

  When he reached his apartment, he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes.

  “Shira…” his mind uttered, as if longing to see her again.

  Her smiling image came back to him as a pleasant, heartwarming memory. He recalled the sunlight that washed over her body in the mornings, when she tried to lead him through guided imagery. He invoked the heavenly taste as she let him taste from the fruit in her Garden of Eden. He reminisced over her rolling, loveable laughter, and how he was happy every time he made her laugh. The good memories from his time with her kept flooding him with a warm sensation until he fell asleep.

  DAY 19

  The following morning, Ben saw no reason to go back to work. He stayed at home, watched TV shows, and ate ordered food. He did the same the following day and the day after that.

  After a few days like that, he thought it useless to even change clothes, practice, or shower.

  DAY 29

  One morning, Ben woke up to a knock on the door. He opened it. On his doorstep stood Ben Brattler… No, it wasn’t the demon. The facial features were similar, but it was someone else. “Joe?”

  His brother looked the same as he remembered him from when he abandoned him at the airport years ago. He hadn’t realized how much they looked alike.

  “Hello, Ben” Joe said, and entered.

  He walked between the piles of trash and mess that had accumulated, moving in a straight line and kicking every dirty obstacle he stumbled upon. “It’s dark in here,” he commented as he examined the apartment.

  Ben quickly turned on the light, but it was still dark inside. He turned on another light. That didn’t help either. He turned on all the lights, but nothing made a difference.

  “So this is where you live?” his brother asked skeptically.

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “This is what came out of you in the end?”

  “I can do better, really.”

  “We expected more of you. What happened to you?”

  “I’ve changed,” Ben said.

  “For better or worse?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Maybe you should answer the phone,” Joe suggested.

  “What? What phone?”

  “The one that’s ringing. Maybe it’s Shira.”

  He searched for the cell phone that continued ringing. He finally found it and picked it up.

  “Pick up the phone,” Joe said.

  He searched again and couldn’t find it.

  “Hello?”

  “Pick up the phone, it keeps ringing,” Joe said.

  “But where is it? I can’t find it.”

  “Shira wants to speak to you—pick up.”

  Ben woke up from his dream to the sound of his cell phone ringing. “Shira?” he answered.

  “No. It’s Agnes. Your father asks that you come into the office at once. He wants to talk to you.”

  “Tell him I’m coming right away.” He hung up.

  He sat up on his bed. It was morning. The sun came in through the window, but it was still dark.

  Why is it so dark in here? He couldn’t understand why an apartment as stylish and expensive as his couldn’t let the sun in as well as Shira’s studio did.

  He got out of bed and looked at the window. A large, ornate wallpaper was affixed to it. How could he have agreed to such a design? He couldn’t understand. He peeled the wallpaper off the window, piece by piece. Slowly but surely, the sun began to penetrate the room. The more the room lit up, the more he was determined to tear off all of the covering. In an uncontrollable frenzy, he ripped and tore and threw it on the floor—long minutes of diligence, determination, and fury. Finally, the window’s large lit glass was exposed. Scattered pieces of wallpaper remained stuck to it, but the difference was apparent. The morning sun came directly into the room, filling it with radiance. He lay smiling on his bed.

  A few moments later, having relished in this minor triumph, he jumped out of bed. He got dressed and ready, left his apartment, and drove his car toward the office. But his car had a mind of its own, and its wheels took him elsewhere. He realized he was driving to Shira’s. He continued happily on his way for about an hour, until he found himself knocking on her front door.

  Mika opened the door. “Oh, hi Ben, how are you?”

  “I want to talk to Shira.”

  “She’s not here,” she said, and turned quickly toward the kitchen.

  “Wait.” He prevented the door from closing.

  “I have to watch the pot so it doesn’t burn,” she yelled to him from the kitchen, the smell of cooking rising from it.

  Ben entered the house.

  “Where is she? I’ve been looking for her for a long time,” he said while examining the house, recalling his good and bad moments.

  “She started working on a new case,” Mika said, stirring the dish in the pot and adding spices.

  “Can you tell me where she is?” He continued scanning the house.

  “No, I’m sorry. You can leave her a message and I’ll give it to her.”

  His watchful eyes landed on a business card left on Shira’s desk. It was stapled to a printed sheet of paper with details about a guy named Vincent. It must be her new client, he thought.

  “Okay, I’ll try her on her cell phone.”

  He hurried out with the business card in his hand. The card came from a large law firm located right in the center of the city. After an hour of driving, Ben arrived there.

  At the entrance to the office building, he straightened his clothes, tightened his tie, and approached the lobby receptionist.

  “Hi. I scheduled a meeting with Vincent, but he didn’t show up. Could you direct me to his floor? I’ll surprise that bastard,” he said, and smiled his irresistible smile. The receptionist blushed and gave him directions.

  He went up the elevator and reached his destination. He noticed Shira from afar, as she stood out against the background of gray people. She was sitting behind a counter, and next to her stood another woman who was talking to her. He approached her.

  A tall, blonde, elegantly dressed man walked out from one of the rooms and approached Shira. Ben recognized him. He had run into hi
m at common events in the past. He wasn’t very fond of Vincent, but he didn’t know him well enough to justify that.

  Shira noticed him approaching. She was already in the middle of a conversation with Vincent when Ben invaded their personal space.

  “Hi, Shira. I have to talk to you.” He interrupted the conversation.

  “Not now. I’m at work,” she said quietly. He caught her gaze and stared at her. She was so radiant and striking.

  “Is this man is bothering you, my dear?” Vincent asked as he examined Ben. “Ah! I know you. You’re Ben Brattler, aren’t you?” The man smiled politely.

  Ben continued staring at Shira, ignoring the other man’s presence completely.

  “He’s not bothering me. I worked for him until recently,” Shira said pleasantly. “I guess there’s something really urgent that brought him all the way here to talk to me. I’ll be right back.” She realized Ben wasn’t going to leave that easily. She hurried away from there, dragging Ben with her.

  She pulled him to one of the isolated corners on the floor. “What are you doing here?” she whispered angrily.

  “You don’t pick up the phone and you don’t return my calls. I had to talk to you,” he said in frustration.

  “Shh… Not now. It can ruin everything.”

  “If you don’t talk to me, I’ll come here every day.”

  “All right, all right. Let’s meet up at my place at nine tonight,” she whispered.

  “Great.” He smiled broadly.

  “Oh, and shower and shave before then.” She walked away.

  Ben couldn’t remember when he had last showered.

  He went back home happy and invigorated, with plenty of time to get ready before he left for her place. He showered, shaved, sprayed on some aftershave, and wore an elegant evening suit.

  In the evening, he drove out to Shira’s. He reached her home and knocked on the door. She opened it, wearing a short floral dress, with her hair halfway up. Pretty, round curls fell to her neck; she was so beautiful to him.