Fallen Angel, Part 1

by Podger, Tracie

  I wrapped a towel around myself and wandered back into the bedroom. I searched Robert’s wardrobe for something to wear. I found a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. The pants would be too long so I rolled them over at the waist and barefoot I made my way upstairs.

  I saw him sitting at the breakfast bar in jeans and a white shirt, clearly not dressed for work. He had a mobile phone to his ear and while he spoke he watched me walk towards him. I needed to see what mood he was in. I snuggled between his legs and kissed his neck as he spoke. I wanted him to know everything was okay. While he finished his call, I made some tea for myself and taking my phone, I called Sam. I was eager to know how his evening had gone.

  “Hi Sam, quick, tell me what happened,” I said, when he answered.

  “Oh Brooke, he said yes, of course. It was so lovely, we went for a meal, I was so scared and kept dropping everything, knife, fork, bloody glass, everything. Eventually Scott asked me what was wrong and I just blurted it out.”

  “I’m so pleased for you both, give Scott a big kiss for me. What are you guys doing tonight?” I asked.

  “Well, if you’re busy, and only if you are busy, we thought we might go visit Scott’s parents and let them know. If you’re not, we can go another day.”

  “I don’t know what’s happening but you go, while you’re still excited about it. By the way, I met your boss, Jonathan, last night, really nice guy. Now go, get back to work and I’ll call you later,” I said as I ended the call.

  I returned to the breakfast bar and noticed Robert had finished his call. He had been sitting silently, watching me talk to Sam. His face was totally emotionless and I was a little concerned.

  “Hi,” I said, as I sat beside him, using my tea to warm my hands.

  “Hi, yourself,” he replied.

  “You don’t look ready for work,” I said, eyeing his jeans and shirt.

  “I’m not going to work today. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you,” he answered, his hand was on my thigh.

  “Wow, when was the last time you took the day off?”

  He thought for a moment. “Probably about ten years ago,” he said, in all sincerity.

  “We need to talk, Brooke, seriously,” he added and I felt a change in the air around us.

  I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. He slid off his stool and we moved to the sofa. He sat next to me, not touching, with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. I really started to get concerned then.

  “Robert, talk to me, what’s wrong?” I asked, gently.

  It was obvious that he did not want to touch or be touched, so I just sat and waited for him to speak.

  “Brooke,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to come straight out with it.”

  At that he had my attention; I held my breath and my heart started to race.

  “I didn’t like how I felt last night. I know I’m not explaining this very well but for some reason, you get to me. You make me lose control, make me feel exposed. I’ve spent a long time learning to keep everything inside, not letting anyone know what I was feeling and in four days, you’ve undone that. I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t like to feel vulnerable, I spent too many years that way, and I don’t want to go back there.”

  I sat in silence.

  Please don’t end this, was the only thought that went through my head.

  I remembered what Evelyn had said and I felt a shiver run through me. I wrapped my arms around myself. She’d told me that whenever someone got too close, he backed off and that was what he was doing, I thought.

  “Robert, I’m not doing anything intentional. If you’re opening up, or you feel you are, then maybe that’s the right thing to do. Maybe how you’ve been living isn’t healthy, why not embrace the change?”

  He looked at me. “You have no idea what you’re saying. You don’t know me, Brooke, you have no idea what I’m capable of.”

  “You’re right, I don’t know what you’re capable of, but I do know you, better than you think. I know you, Robert,” I said quietly.

  “I know that you lost your parents and that must have been hard. I know that your parents used to leave you behind, that’s neglect. I know that your aunt abused you, blamed you for your parents, and I also know that you didn’t kill her, it was an accident.”

  He spun towards me so quickly with his fists clenched at his sides that I scrambled backwards on the sofa.

  “Who told you that?” he shouted, his face was contorted in pain and anger. “You know fuck all, Brooke.”

  Although my eyes were fixed on his, I saw a movement. A hand was placed on Robert’s shoulder pulling him back and away from me.

  “I told her, Robert,” I heard, whispered.

  As if in slow motion, I watched him jump up and spin round. My hand flew to my mouth and I was stunned to see the total calm on Evelyn’s face. There was not a trace of fear as she gently whispered to him, calming him.

  “I told her, she had to know. You need her, Robert. You deserve her.”

  The veins bulged in his neck, the muscles tensed across his shoulders as they stood looking at each other. His eyes were unseeing and she just continued to whisper to him, I watched him start to relax. He ran his hand through his hair and without looking at me he left the room. I heard him start a car and wheel spin out of the drive.

  I sat and my body shook, my hands still covered my mouth when Travis came running up. The tears started to flow while I watched Evelyn speak to him. He left, presumably to find Robert and she came and sat next to me. She took me in her arms and brushed the tear sodden hair from my face.

  “Oh, Evelyn, what have I done? I’ve just screwed everything up. I’m so sorry; he’s going to be so mad at you. I didn’t think about what I said,” I cried.

  “Don’t you worry about me, I can handle him. We need to get you sorted, are you okay?” she asked.

  I wiped my eyes on the t-shirt and nodded.

  “Let me make a cup of tea and then we’ll talk. We will sort this out you know,” she said, leaving me sitting on the sofa.

  With a cup of tea in my still shaking hands I looked up at her. “He looked like he could have hit you,” I said.

  “No, darling, he wouldn’t. He gets so mad sometimes, it looks that way and I know you must have been scared but he’ll be feeling really bad right now. We have to let him go and cool off. He’ll come back at some point and it’s up to you whether you want to be here or not. I won’t, and neither would he, blame you if you weren’t.”

  I sat sand sipped my tea, letting the drink warm my body.

  “Evelyn, you have to tell me, why is he like this? It can’t just all be about his aunt. How has he gone from a street kid to where he is now? Other things must have happened to him along the way to make him so scared to show his feelings.”

  She sighed and we both looked as we heard footsteps coming across the room. I watched Travis shake his head at Evelyn; he hadn’t found him.

  “This isn’t the first time he’s behaved this way, is it?” I asked.

  Travis sat on the coffee table in front of me; Evelyn was to my side with her arm still around my shoulders. I could see on their faces that they wanted to tell me, but ultimately their loyalty was to Robert.

  “All I can tell you, Brooke, is that he’s never had a normal relationship, he’s never brought anyone back here. He’s done things over the past few days that we’ve never seen him do. You could have knocked me over when he said he was taking the day off. You’ve done that to him. I know you guys have only known each other a week but you’ve changed him so much already. Ev and I were talking about it last night; we’re scared for him, and you. We want him to have a normal life, but we’re also scared what will happen to him when you leave. Today might be a good time to walk away. I don’t mean this to hurt you, but you’re going to be the one person that breaks his heart,” Travis said.

  I was totally taken aback.

  “What
about what he’s going to do to me? He could break my heart too, I love him,” I whispered.

  “I didn’t ask for any of this and I can’t help that he has changed over the last few days. You won’t tell me anymore will you,” I said as I looked from one to the other. I could see how conflicted they felt.

  “All I can say, Brooke, is that, if you take on Robert, you do for life, and you’re leaving in a couple of weeks.”

  I understood what Travis had said, he was right of course. I was stupid to have thought I could have some fun, a few nights of great sex with Robert and then go home. He was too much of a complicated, fucked up person for that and I wasn’t being fair at all. But I was in love with him and it hurt, a lot.

  “Travis, please, do you think I can take him on for life?” I said without looking up. In a split second I’d made a decision.

  I didn’t know if it was the right decision and whether Robert would want to see me again anyway, but Sam had been right. I had a great job but other than that, nothing to go home for.

  “I can’t answer that, he’ll fuck up often, can you deal with that? Can you deal with his mood swings? More importantly, Brooke, can you forgive him anything?” he asked.

  I was aware of the emphasis on the word anything.

  “Before you make any decisions, you need to know more about him and only he can tell you that,” Evelyn said. “Why don’t we wait until he shows up, see if he’s willing to talk to you, but please, darling, be prepared. He may not want to and you have to understand that he’s not a terrible person, he’s scared.”

  “Scared of what?” I asked.

  “He’s scared of getting close to someone, of falling in love and having that person leave him, be taken away. Let him tell you about himself, if he will, in his own words.”

  Travis left, he wanted to take the car and see if he could find Robert and Evelyn went to make something for us to eat. I needed to call Sam and as it was nearing midday, I knew he would be at lunch. He answered after the second ring and sensing the sadness in my voice was immediately concerned.

  “Brooke, what’s up, what’s happened? You were so happy earlier,” he asked.

  “Oh Sam, I’ve just fucked everything up.” I told him about the conversation and what had happened afterwards.

  I briefly told him of the conversation I’d had with Travis and Evelyn. With tears in my eyes, I also told him that I’d fallen for Robert and needed to make a choice to stay here or leave now. What I couldn’t do was leave Robert and stay in Washington; I couldn’t run the risk of bumping into him; that would hurt way too much.

  “Oh, honey, do you want me to come and get you? You know what Scott and I think, but it would be selfish of me to tell you to stay. I want you here for very different reasons, but you need to think real hard about this. Can you handle Robert Stone and the roller coaster that you’re going to be on? Personally, Brooke, I think if anyone can it would be you, but are you ready for the ride?” he asked.

  Was I ready for the ride? That was the million-dollar question.

  I was thirty years old; mature enough for a serious relationship. Most people would be married with kids at my time of life, but was I strong enough; I guess there was only one way to find out.

  I emailed my boss from my phone. I hated to do it that way but I asked him what the chance of extended non-paid leave was. I explained that an opportunity had arisen which would be good for me. I knew I was letting him down but I really wanted to know if staying was possible. I wrote that I was on a tourist visa and for the moment would like to stay for three months. I felt that three months would give Robert and I a chance.

  I sat with Evelyn at the breakfast bar; she’d made me soup and a sandwich. I could see how Robert and her had become such good friends; she was an exceptional woman.

  “Evelyn, one thing I notice is that the three of you don’t always speak yet you understand what’s going on, it’s like you’re telepathic or something.”

  She chuckled. “We’ve been friends for so long I can read them both so well, sometimes we don’t need words.”

  “Have you ever married?” I asked.

  She thought for a moment before she answered. “I came close once, but, and I’m sure you can guess this, we’re the three musketeers. With one of us comes the other two and I had to choose. Travis and Rob, or Carlo. I chose my boys. We’ve been through a lot, Brooke. You’ll no doubt learn a lot more about us but I don’t think we can be separated now, are you prepared for that?”

  I placed my hand on hers. “Yes I am, if I have the chance to, if you guys will have me,” I said and she smiled a warm, welcoming smile at me.

  I sat on the sofa; Evelyn took herself back to her apartment for a while. Every noise had me looking out the window waiting for Robert to return. I had the time to think and to prepare. In the meantime, I received an email back from my boss. He wasn’t happy about my decision and wanted to speak to me. I replied that I would call him the following day; I needed to speak to Robert first. I might be on the next plane out of there anyway.

  I wandered around the house, not to be nosy but more to occupy my time. The longer it went, the more worried I became. Should I have tried to stop him leaving? I guessed I was just so shocked by his reaction that I froze. I questioned myself relentlessly, asking the same thing.

  Why am I staying here, waiting for him?

  Any sane person would have given up on Robert, probably after the first date. He was controlling, intense, and not always the most polite, but that niggle kept coming back. I knew him; I saw through the exterior, the wall he surrounded himself with and knew that underneath was someone completely different.

  Underneath was that lost soul and no matter what reasonable argument I could come up with, I knew I could not walk away. Some force I didn’t understand was making me wait for him.

  I would have to seriously learn how to read him, like Evelyn and Travis could, and understand his insecurities. It would be hard work and I knew that I would have to make some real changes too, but I also knew that I would be prepared to do that, but would he? I sent a text to Sam and told him what I’d done, but to be prepared that I might have to go immediately if things did not turn out so well. I also apologised for being such a shitty friend. I’d come to see him and so far the poor man had been tangled up in my mess.

  I realised that I had no clothes, no toiletries, or anything at the house and asked Sam if he could pack a bag and send it over by cab for me. I’d used Robert’s toothbrush that morning but wanted to have a few of my own things, especially some clean clothes that fitted. I had to text Evelyn, to see that the cab could get in and she made a call. When it arrived, just the noise of the tyres on the gravel had my heart racing. I ran to the front door and was disappointed that it wasn’t Robert.

  I returned to the lounge and found the remote Robert had used. I pressed play. Soft music floated through the room. The sun had begun to set and still I waited. I tried to read the paper; I shuffled about the room, the kitchen, and made endless cups of tea.

  Evelyn came and went; she gave me a sad smile and a shake of her head to let me know Travis had not called. I discovered that the lights in the lounge were automatic. As the sun set, so they came on, low to start with, brightening as it got darker outside. I curled up in the corner of the sofa, let the music wash over me and at some point I drifted into sleep.

  I dreamt a horrible dream. I was running through woods trying to get away from angry voices and clenched fists. I dreamt of black, dangerous eyes and a lost soul. I heard my name being called faintly in the distance. I was sure it was in my dream until I felt fingers stroke the side of my face. I jolted awake and because I started, Robert moved quickly away. He was on his knees in front of me and he looked like hell. His hair was messed up; he had a streak of blood across his knuckles and spots of blood on his shirt.

  “You need to leave, Brooke. Go back to Sam’s,” he said sadly.

  I reached out for him and raised his hand to my lips
. I kissed away the blood and tears pooled in my eyes.

  “No.” I said. “No, Robert. I’m not leaving, not yet.”

  “Brooke, you don’t understand. I don’t want you here,” his voice broke and I knew he didn’t mean it.

  “No.” I said, a little more forcefully.

  His head lowered and his chin rested on his chest. “I could have hurt you and I never want to do that.”

  “You didn’t. You scared me for sure, but I’m still here. That has to say something doesn’t it?” I let the tears fall as I held his bloodied knuckles to my cheek.

  He leant forwards, his forehead rested on mine and I put my arms around him, stroking the back of his neck to soothe him. We stayed like that for a while. I heard voices, Travis and Evelyn, and he looked up at her with such sorrow on his face it broke my heart. Walking to her, he took her in his arms. He towered over her, and he hugged her to him as if his life depended on it.

  “I’m so sorry,” he said.

  She smiled up at him and nodded. I looked over to Travis, his shirt was torn, and he looked as bad as Robert. My forehead furrowed in question. He’d simply shrugged his shoulders and smiled before taking Evelyn by the arm and led her back to their apartments.

  Robert went to the kitchen and returned with two beers. He handed one to me and then sat in silence, his hand rested on my curled up legs.

  “Where did you go?” I asked quietly.

  Without looking at me he said, “I just drove for a bit, smashed the shit out the car in a parking lot somewhere, found a bar, and tried to get drunk. Then Travis showed up.”

  “How did he know where to find you?”

  He let out a soft chuckle. “Travis always knows where to find me. We sat, had a few beers, got into a fight, and then got chucked out. I can’t wait to see the papers tomorrow on that one.”

  “You got into a fight?”

  “With Travis, he tried to knock some sense into me,” he said with a small smile.