Nurse Saxon's Patient

by Marjorie Norrell

  He reached into the back of the car and took out the roll of drawings she had seen him poring over so often. Obeying instructions, she drove carefully to the end of the line of hedgerow and stopped, switching off the engine.

  ‘How many houses did you say there were altogether, Garth?’ she asked him. ‘I’ve forgotten the exact number.’

  ‘One thousand eight hundred, for the families we hope will fill them,’ he said promptly, ‘and forty-eight bungalows for old people. These may be added to if the Borough can buy more land close by.’

  ‘And the school?’ Julie prompted. ‘Where will that be?’

  ‘Over there.’ He strode ahead, more the man she knew him to be than at any time since the accident had happened. Here he was on familiar territory, here he was a man doing the job to which he gave his heart and mind. ‘You saw on the plan that it’s a comprehensive school?’ he asked, and she nodded. ‘And over there,’ he was ahead of her again, ‘ we start the section which will make up the five acres of community centre, the open play space, the nursery block, the medical block, bowls, tennis, ten-pin bowling, everything...’

  He was lost in his dream of the site when completed, and Julie walked beside him, seeing the dream take shape before her eyes as it had never really done on paper. Three churches had been planned for, Church of England, Roman Catholic and Methodist, each with their own cemetery and ground. A crematorium was to be built closer to Hyncaster itself at a later, date.

  She walked with him to the shopping centre, the section allocated for the public library and gardens, the two public houses, and round each section where the blocks of houses were to be placed.

  ‘One contractor isn’t doing it all, surely?’ she asked as she rested for a moment against the side of the car, wishing she could climb inside and sit down for a moment. Walking over this partly prepared site was far more tiring than walking about the hospital all day.

  ‘No,’ Garth answered her promptly. ‘Jenkinson’s are doing the roads, drains and what have you. Taylor’s are building the school and Firth’s are doing the houses. I’m not sure yet who is building the two public houses and the shops and so forth, but I know one contractor is doing two of the churches, someone else is doing the third.’

  ‘It’s such a vast project,’ Julie breathed, looking round. ‘I feel very proud to know the man whose brain conceived all this.’

  ‘Right now that man is more interested in his stomach than in anything else,’ Garth admitted. ‘Let’s picnic in the car, Julie. There’s nobody about—look, all the men have stopped for their lunch too.’ She was about to slip into the driver’s seat when he laid his left hand on her arm.

  ‘Let me,’ he said winningly. ‘Just for lunch. I can pretend I brought you out then, not the other way round. Gives me an illusion of independence!’ She laughed with him, running round to the passenger seat and settling herself beside him without even remembering that the last person who had sat there and beside him, had been Tansy ... the night she had given him back her ring.

  Lunch was a merry meal. Julie had enjoyed her stay at Woodlands, and the meal times had been some of the most enjoyable times of all, listening to the stimulating conversations between Mr. and Mrs. Crossman, listening to Garth, discussing points of interest from the day’s news with them and so on, but today was, she felt, outstanding.

  Garth talked a little about the development site and what he hoped to achieve there, how long each stage would take and such matters. He talked of his future plans, of his hopes that one day, when Mr. Anderby retired, he might succeed him as Borough Architect.

  ‘I don’t want to go away from Hyncaster,’ he confided. ‘It may be unambitious of me. Tansy says it is, but Hyncaster is a boom town, and the developments here and around here will go on for years and years. There’ll be enough building projects both in the near future and in the years to come to outlast my lifetime, and it’s a ... comfortable sort of town. It’s where I grew up, where my roots are...’

  ‘If Tansy loves you enough she’ll see that,’ Julie said before she had given herself time to consider her words, but he took her up on the statement before she had an opportunity to retract any of it.

  ‘If...’ he repeated. ‘She does, love me, I mean, in her own way, I suppose. But she has her own career to consider...’

  Julie did not answer. She did not consider that the world would have lost something valuable if Tansy Maitland never made another record, but she could not say so to him. There was silence between them for a little while. Julie busied herself tidying up the remains of their picnic and stacking it away in the elegant picnic basket Mrs. Crossman had provided, while Garth, awkwardly and with his left hand, lit cigarettes for them both. Then he seemed to relax again, obviously wanting to talk.

  ‘Has Tansy said anything more to you about this tour of the States, Julie?’ he asked. ‘She said something yesterday which made me wonder if you two had discussed it at all.’

  ‘Only the day she first told me about it,’ Julie answered. ‘She said then that if you did accompany her she would like me to go along too, to continue your treatment and so on, but I had to tell her that would be impossible.’

  ‘Why?’ Garth shot the question at her abruptly. ‘Because of Roger? Because of your brother?’ He eyed her closely for a moment and she had the feeling that somehow a great deal depended on her reply. ‘Does he really mean so much to you, Julie?’

  At first Julie could not find the right words with which she could reply, and it was with a sense of shock she realized the reason. Until now, each time Ian had asked her to marry him, as an instance, her first thought had been for Roger, for his welfare more than her own. She had pictured him living alone in rooms, managing his meals and his laundry in the way most men do at the beginning of such a stage in their lives, and she had not been able to bear it for him. When her mother had died she had taken up the burden of housekeeping, home-making, for both of them, and she had not felt Roger would be capable of looking after himself, save financially, and she was quite content to go on caring for his physical well-being, until, if ever, he found some other woman to do it for him.

  Now, she realized, Roger no longer came first. He came a very close second. Garth, and not Roger, was her first consideration now, and she knew that if Garth had not been Tansy’s fiancé and had asked her to marry him, she would have followed him to the ends of the earth, leaving Roger to find a capable housekeeper to take care of his own welfare.

  ‘Does he?’ Garth asked again, and she realized he was still awaiting her answer.

  ‘In some ways,’ she said honestly. ‘We’ve been together, looked after each other for such a long time, you see,’ she said, but for the first time the explanation sounded lame and weak in her own ears. She knew then how it must have sounded to Ian, Ian with his trained mind and his keen perception into the hearts and minds of others. He must indeed love her very much to have listened to such weak reasons for her refusal of his offer of marriage and all it would have meant to a man as brilliant and well-placed as Ian Greensmith.

  ‘And instead of accompanying me to the Statesif I’d been mad enough to say I’d go—you’d have handed in your notice and gone back to Mexico with Roger?’ Garth persisted.

  Julie picked up his lighter which was lying on the seat between them. She had to do something with her hands at that moment, find something on which she could focus her glance rather than meet his eyes in case he should see in her own what she knew must be written there, an open secret. She flicked the lighter on and off, and Garth made no comment.

  ‘I need a change,’ she said all at once, aimlessly and without conviction. ‘I want to get away. I may come back to St. Luke’s ... afterwards ... when Roger comes back to this country, I don’t know.’

  ‘And if he doesn’t?’ Garth pressed. ‘If he decided to become a scenario writer or whatever they’re called? I read an article in a magazine once. It was by the wife of such a man. He had made a film of his own book and then been co
mmissioned to write other books into films, transcribe them, change them—I don’t know the technical terms, I’m afraid. The work took him all over the world. Rome, Spain, the States, only every now and then they were back in this country. It was all very amusing and wittily written, but they were a family, with four children, and I couldn’t help thinking what an unsettled life those children led, no permanent home, no settled school ... It would be the same for you and your brother. A half year or so here, the next half somewhere else. You don’t strike me as being the nomadic type, Julie. Are you sure that would be enough for you as the years went by?’

  ‘If that was what Roger wanted,’ she said slowly. ‘And I should see different places, meet different people...’

  ‘And what about Ian Greensmith?’ Garth asked next. ‘When I first watched you two together—back at the hospital—I knew he was, is, in love with you. Where does he figure in all this?’

  ‘He doesn’t,’ Julie said shortly. ‘He never did, save as a very good and charming friend.’

  ‘But the day he took the plaster from my left hand,’ Garth gestured vaguely, ‘I ... it wasn’t something I intended ... but I saw him ... kiss you.’

  He brought out the words with difficulty, flushing painfully as he hastened to add: ‘It’s none of my business, and you’ve a perfect right to tell me so, but we’ve come to know each other so well these past few months I feel a sort of proprietorial interest. I want to be sure you’ll be happy.’

  ‘That’s very kind of you.’ The lighter in Julie’s fingers clicked rhythmically on and off as she avoided looking at him. ‘But you’re quite right,’ she ended more sharply than she had intended but because she felt she could not bear much more, ‘it is none of your business. Ian—Mr. Greensmith—kissed my forehead,’ she said, not knowing why she felt impelled to explain to him even now, ‘as a sort of goodbye to ... that sort of thing. He’d just asked me to marry him—again—and I’d said no. That was all.’

  ‘I see.’ He was silent for a moment, then with a brief laugh which held no mirth in its depths, added: ‘Aren’t people funny? Here’s Tansy Maitland, a lovely girl, a charming girl, but a pop singer, fond of life and change and wanting to go places and do things, engaged to someone whose main interest in life is building the sort of homes people will like to live in to the end of their days, to bring their families up in and to have their families come back to, and not longing to go haring off all over the world in search of change and adventure, and here are you, a splendid nurse, proposed to by a brilliant man in your own field of work, a clever man, charming and good-looking, cultured and an ideal companion, and all you can think of is trotting from country to country with your brother! I once read there’s nothing so queer as folks, and I guess it’s true. I wonder what makes us all tick, Julie? Have you ever done any psychology or anything like that?’

  ‘Not seriously,’ she answered. ‘I’ve read a great deal, because it’s a fascinating subject, but without proper guidance and instruction it’s so easy to form wrong conclusions, to make sweeping statements which have no foundation in actual fact.’

  ‘There must be some reason, though,’ Garth mused aloud. ‘I once read an article on the attraction of opposites. That could apply to Tansy and myself, I suppose, but it isn’t like that with you and Ian Greensmith.’

  Julie made no reply, and for a moment Garth was quiet, then abruptly he said:

  ‘There’s something still worrying me, Julie. I wake up in the night and think about it. I’m sure I shan’t really ... get over all this until I know...’

  ‘Know what?’ She had to ask because he fell silent again, but she could have predicted what his next words would be.

  ‘What happened ... that night?’ he said slowly. ‘Where were we ... and why? I mean just before the accident happened,’ he ended.

  ‘You may know, one day,’ Julie said with more confidence than she felt. ‘It doesn’t really matter, does it?’

  ‘I suppose not.’ Carefully he put away the bottle and glasses. ‘It’s just that I hate not to know. I feel as though part of me is missing, as if I’m somehow incomplete, and it isn’t a nice sensation.’ He gave a brief laugh. ‘That’s what I mean about the difference between Tansy and myself,’ he added. ‘That’s the sort of thing which doesn’t appear to worry her. I suppose it’s because she never knows where her next contract, next engagement, may lead to and she doesn’t think along the same lines as I do. I like everything neat and ordered, like a well-drawn plan, all the details fitted in and everything docketed and in its correct place. I’m just made that way, I suppose. I wonder how it will work out?’ he concluded musingly. ‘Tansy’s idea of ... marriage, I mean.’

  ‘Marriage?’ Julie knew she sounded as ridiculous as she felt in repeating the word after him in that way, but she was momentarily stunned by the implication of what he had just said. ‘You may have remembered before then,’ she ended.

  ‘That’s just the point,’ Garth said, watching her click the lighter but saying nothing to stop her doing so. ‘I want to know first. I feel—call it a hunch, call it what you like—that in a way it’s all tied up together with that blank space in my mind, and if Tansy has her way and the wedding is before she goes to the States...’

  ‘Before?’ Julie had not known she was going to sound as surprised as that, but, once Tansy had realized Garth was immovable on the subject of accompanying her, she had somehow taken it for granted the other girl would not want to marry before leaving the country. To have a sort of honeymoon without her husband, Julie had phrased it to herself. And now here was Garth saying Tansy wanted to be married before she went on tour.

  ‘Yes, hasn’t she told you?’ There was genuine surprise in his tone. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, but I was certain you’d know. You see, she badly wants you to be chief bridesmaid.’

  CHAPTER X

  For a moment Julie sat there staring at him with eyes which saw nothing but a blur where his face should be. His words echoed in her ears and she wanted to scream out at him that he ought to realize there was nothing in the world which could cause her greater distress. Her years of training and self-discipline stood her in good stead now, and held back the heedless words from her tongue.

  But action she must have! Julie had never been a person given to demonstration of any kind, but at that moment she felt that unless she could do something—anything—to get rid of some of the frustration, the bitterness, the disappointment which had built up inside her until it was like a tight ball in her chest, she would scream and scream until she had screamed herself into hysterics. Without being really conscious of what she was doing her hand went out to the little knob which fastened the glove compartment just before her. With a deft movement she pulled it open and flung Garth’s lighter inside, banging the little flap closed immediately.

  The smart bang which the little silver lighter made as it landed at the back of the glove compartment was loud and very satisfactory, but that was not the sound which put an end to Julie’s mounting hysteria and frustration. It was the smothered cry, half groan, half appeal for help, which came from Garth as the little flap banged shut, and as she quickly turned to look at him she was horrified to see him crouched forward, his head in his hands, awkwardly, because the right hand was still held by the plaster and bandage.

  Julie did not dare to speak. Like a message flashed across a screen her brain reacted immediately as she realized what had happened. Her actions must have been the exact counterpart of Tansy’s on the night of the accident, and somehow she had been instrumental in bringing back that episode to his memory, possibly even the entire evening.

  It was a few minutes before he spoke, and when he lifted his face and looked at her she knew that was exactly what had happened.

  ‘I know,’ he said in a voice strangely unlike his own, the voice of a distressed stranger. ‘I remember, Julie. I can remember everything that happened that night...’

  Suddenly he began to shake. Here Julie was on
more familiar ground. This was the result of the shock to his emotional system, and while she spoke soothingly, trying to give him back the calm she associated with him these days, she turned to the back of the car and felt for the Thermos of still-hot coffee.

  ‘Drink that and take these,’ she ordered, producing two small white tablets from her handbag. ‘We’ll talk in a few minutes when you’ve had time to recover from the shock of—all this.’ He hesitated a moment, staring at the tablets, and a small smile lit her face. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said reassuringly, ‘they’re only a type of aspirin, quick-acting. You’ll soon feel all right.’

  He took the tablets and the coffee and obediently swallowed both, some of the tension leaving him by the mere ordinariness of these actions. When he had drained the cup he relaxed a little, leaning back against the leather seat. Suddenly he looked at her, a look she had never expected to see on Garth’s face and which oddly frightened her.

  ‘You knew, didn’t you?’ he demanded accusingly. ‘You knew this ... engagement was all over ... finished? Why did you let me go on? Why all this pretence?’

  ‘You were so ill,’ Julie offered. ‘No one knew what effect it might have on you. Tansy was with you when you were admitted to St Luke’s. She said she was your fiancée. You couldn’t tell us yourself whether she was or not. You couldn’t tell us anything for a long time, and when you did it was obvious you didn’t remember her at all...’

  ‘I remembered you!’ Garth said with unexpected violence. ‘ Didn’t that mean anything to you, Julie? Didn’t you realize that if I remembered you it was because you were the one I wanted in my life, and if I couldn’t remember Tansy it was because I’d—mentally—shut her out of it ... for ever? Psychology!’ He gave a smothered laugh. ‘Ian Greensmith should have known something about that aspect of the case, surely?’ Before she could answer he had added: ‘But of course he had his own reasons for keeping me an engaged man, whether I wanted to be one or not!’