The Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Treasure Hunt

by Megan McDonald

  Judy and Stink sat on a driftwood log and opened the clue.

  -... .-.. .- -.-. -.- -... . .- .-. -..

  “It’s in Morse code!” said Stink.

  “Morse code? Oh, no! We don’t have a clue what this means.”

  “Who says?” Stink reached into his survival backpack again.

  “Shh!” said Judy. “Spies on deck. Spies on deck.”

  “You have the map,” they heard Tall Boy tell Smart Girl. “Where’s the library?”

  “The library!” Judy whispered. “Good idea. Let’s go —”

  Stink held up a spiral notebook with Morse code on the cover.

  “You have Morse code in your survival kit?” Judy asked.

  “You never know when you might get marooned on a desert island, like Gilligan’s Island, and have to send out a rescue signal.”

  “Stink, have I told you lately you’re a genius?”

  Stink grinned. “You just did. But tell me again.”

  Judy looked up each letter of the coded message, writing them down in Stink’s notebook as she found them.

  “What is it? What does it say?” Stink pestered.

  “Let me finish,” said Judy.

  “It’s Bad-Bear,” said Stink. “Blab-ear? Blackbird? Blackbear?”

  “BLACKBEARD!” screamed Judy and Stink at the same time, forgetting all about spies.

  Judy and Stink met Mom and Dad in front of Barnacle Bob’s. “Those two girls with painted faces have maps, too,” said Judy, pointing.

  “So does that surfer-dude kid,” said Stink. “And he’s not stopping to eat hot dogs.”

  Judy and Stink wolfed down hot dogs, then their parents drove them all over town while they tried to solve the next clue. Something about Blackbeard.

  They went to Blackbeard’s Castle. They peeked inside a gift shop called Blackbeard’s Folly. They checked out the Barefoot Blackbeard, a surf shop. But all they found were a lot of flip-flops.

  “Let’s park and walk into the center of town,” said Mom. “I need to get sunscreen. And I’m hoping to find some art supplies so we —”

  “Do we have to?” asked Stink. He could already feel his feet falling off from all the boring old shopping.

  “C’mon — it’ll be fun,” said Mom. “There’s a toy store, and a pet shop like Fur & Fangs, and an ice-cream place.”

  “Pirates don’t play with toys,” said Stink. “Or go to pet shops.”

  “Not even Toys Arrr Us?” Mom joked.

  “And they definitely don’t eat ice cream,” said Judy.

  “Not even Marrrs Barrr Crunch?” Dad teased.

  “Sometimes parents are clueless,” Judy whispered to Stink.

  “We’re clue-less, too,” said Stink. Judy and Stink laughed till their stomachs hurt.

  “Stop!” said Stink. “You’re making me get scurvy again.”

  In the village, Judy and Stink saw kids with maps everywhere. “Stink. Across the street. Tall Boy and Smart Girl.”

  “Are you doing the Girl-Who-Cried-Pelican thing again, where you get me to look?” He looked anyway. “Let’s follow them. As in spy.”

  “That’s called cheating, Stink.” said Judy.

  “Pirate Rule Number Something-or-Other: Cheat every chance you get.”

  “Carbunkle,” said Judy.

  Judy and Stink trudged up and down Back Road and School Road behind Mom and Dad, in one shop and out the other. Stink made bored sounds. Judy made bored faces.

  Until . . . they heard a voice.

  “Walk the plank! Walk the plank!” said the voice. It was not a Scurvy Sam pirate voice. It was a high, squeaky voice. “Shiver me timbers! Shiver me timbers!” the voice screeched.

  “I think it’s coming from the pet shop,” said Judy, rushing inside.

  “Pet shop!” Stink called to his parents, rushing after Judy.

  “Jolly Roger! Pieces of eight! Jolly Roger!”

  “It’s that parrot!” said Stink, pointing to a large red, yellow, and blue bird with long tail feathers. They hurried over to his cage.

  “RARE!” said Judy.

  “What’s your name?” Stink asked in a parrot voice.

  “Stink, it says right here that his name is —”

  “BLACKBEARD!” Judy and Stink both screamed at the same time.

  They rushed over to the teenage boy behind the counter. He had coal-black hair that fell in his eyes, a green army jacket with the sleeves ripped off, and a silver hoop earring.

  “Maybe that guy’s Blackbeard,” Stink whispered.

  “Do you know about the treasure hunt?” Judy asked the guy. “Because we think your parrot is Blackbeard, and that’s our next clue.”

  “You got it,” said the kid, putting on his red sash. He pressed a button on the cash register and handed them four pieces of eight. “That’s ten!” said Stink. “We have ten! We’re gonna win! We only need to solve three more clues and get six more pieces of eight.”

  Stink and Judy went over to the cage again. They looked around for a piece of paper inside the cage, outside the cage, under the cage. “Hey, there’s nothing here,” Judy said to the guy.

  “He has it,” the guy said, smiling. “Just ask him.”

  “Bwaack! Blackbeard singing in the dead of night!”

  “Hey! He’s singing that old Beatles song Dad sings about the blackbird,” said Judy. “Maybe the clue’s a black bird.”

  “Is it a black bird?” Stink asked the parrot. “Is that the clue?”

  “Sign of the pirate. Sign of the pirate,” said Blackbeard, ruffling his feathers and bobbing his head up and down.

  “He’s getting all excited. Maybe ‘sign of the pirate’ is the clue.”

  “Bwaack! Sign of the pirate.”

  “That has just got to be it,” said Judy. “Every time we say the word clue —”

  “Bwaack! Sign of the pirate.”

  “There — see what I mean?” said Judy.

  “Yeah, he sounds just like a broken record,” said Stink.

  “Is it ‘sign of the pirate’? Is that the clue?” Judy asked the guy at the counter. The guy nodded.

  “Sign of the pirate,” Blackbeard the parrot squawked again.

  “We know! We know!” said Stink, covering his ears. “Let’s get outta here. I can’t think.”

  Judy and Stink waited outside while Mom and Dad were in the art store. A family with two little kids walked past, clutching the first clue.

  “They didn’t even find the You-Know-What yet,” Stink whispered.

  “But what about that kid?” said Judy. She pointed to a red-haired, freckle-faced kid with white gunk smeared on his nose. “I think I heard his pockets jingling when he walked past. As in pirate booty.”

  Stink wasn’t looking. He was busy counting silver coins again.

  “Hey, Tall Boy and Smart Girl are going into the smoothie shop.”

  “Do you think they know something we don’t know?” Stink asked.

  “Not unless the shop has a pirate sign on it somewhere. C’mon, Stink. Think. Get that genius brain humming.”

  “Maybe they have a special flavor like Shiver Me Timbers ice cream, and that’s the sign of a pirate.”

  “Oh, brother.”

  “Or else, I think it’s gotta be a flag,” said Stink.

  “I think you have flags on the brain,” said Judy.

  “Yeah, on the genius brain,” said Stink, cracking up. “I mean a pirate flag. Every pirate has his own sign on his Jolly Roger or Bloody Red.”

  “Don’t look now, but I think somebody’s spying on us.”

  Across the street, while Smart Girl slurped a smoothie, Tall Boy was looking through binoculars — aimed right at Judy and Stink.

  “Those Sneaky Petes,” said Stink.

  “Let ’em spy,” said Judy. “We’re not even doing anything.”

  “Yeah, they’re not the only spies on this island,” said Stink, taking out his spyglass and pointing it at Tall Boy. “Never mind. They’re n
ot even looking at us. Looks like they’re spying on the art store.”

  “What’s the big-whoop deal about the art store?” asked Judy. “It’s just paintbrushes and stuff.”

  “I think they’re checking out every store on this side of the street. Probably looking for any signs that have pirates on them.”

  Judy looked up to read the old-timey wooden sign.

  “Way rare,” said Judy, pointing at the sign. “Check that out. The sign is in the form of an acrostic — get it? The first letter of each word spells out PIRATE. That’s gotta be it! I just know it! C’mon, Scurvy Stink.” Judy yanked her brother by the arm. “Let’s hurry and get our next clue before those Nancy Drews beat us.”

  The Assistant Pirate at the art store handed over three more coins — and the next clue.

  As they were leaving the store, Tall Boy and Smart Girl crossed the street, heading for the art shop. Judy and Stink ducked in a doorway and bent their heads over the next clue.

  “Clock!” Stink said in a loud whisper. “It’s a clock!”

  “But the clue says it doesn’t tick or tock,” said Judy. “Or have hands. Hey, maybe it’s a digital clock — like a watch.”

  “Let’s ask Mom and Dad if there’s a watch store around here.”

  Judy read the clue again. She looked at Stink, who was walking the plank (aka sidewalk bench), waving his pirate flag in the air while they waited for Mom and Dad to catch up.

  “Hey, Stink, you know that Christopher Moody pirate guy? Didn’t he have a saying about time running out?”

  “That’s what the hourglass stands for on his flag,” said Stink. “It means don’t mess with a pirate, or you’ll be dead. Wait! An hourglass is a clock with no hands! It doesn’t tick, and it doesn’t tock, and it doesn’t have hands, and it does have sand! The sands of time.”

  “Right you are, matey!” said Judy.

  “But where are we gonna find an hourglass?” Stink asked.

  “Wherever there be dead pirates,” said Judy.

  “I’m hot,” Stink whined.

  “Hi, Hot. I’m Thirsty,” said Judy, cracking herself up.

  “You kids have been at it all day,” said Dad. “Let’s go back —”

  “No!” yelled Stink.

  “We can get a cold drink and chill out back at the room until it’s time for dinner,” said Mom. “And you can look at the shells we found.”

  “Shells, smells,” said Stink. “We can’t quit now. Other People are getting close. Other People are taller than us. And smarter. Other People could win.”

  “For sure and absolute positive,” said Judy.

  They went to the antique shop. No hourglass. They checked the library. No hourglass. They went to the museum, where they saw all sorts of shipwreck stuff — but no hourglass.

  “What a bust,” said Judy.

  “At least we got to see real gold,” said Stink.

  “You mean gold dust,” said Judy. “C’mon, Stinkerbell. We’ve been looking for an hourglass for the last hour. Even I want to go back.”

  “Okay, Poopy Longstocking,” said Stink.

  Back at the inn, Stink flopped on the big bed and stared at the ceiling.

  “Now who’s Poopy Longstocking?” said Judy.

  “Yeah, but she had a suitcase full of gold coins,” said Stink. “We got nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero.”

  “Don’t give up the ship now,” said Judy. “We only need three more.”

  “After a rest,” said Mom, “how about if we get some dinner, then go on the town Ghost Walk? I got some art supplies in case you want to make rubbings of any of the old gravestones.”

  Stink sat up. “Will there be dead pirates?”

  At the first sign of dusk, a group of visitors met in the parking lot outside the Village Artisan.

  “Guess who’s following us? I mean, spying on us. Tall Boy and Smart Girl! Copycats,” Stink hissed.

  “Copy kittens,” Judy echoed.

  A white-haired man with a bolo tie led the tour. “Almost three hundred years ago, Blackbeard met his death here. They went chop — off with his head — then tossed him overboard. Story goes, the headless body swam around the ship seven times before going under.” He pointed through the trees to a sandy beach. “Some say if you go out on Springer’s Point at night, you’ll see the ghost of Blackbeard himself, glowing in the dark, roaming around, looking for that head.”

  The small band of people followed the man up and down Howard Street, peering over wooden fences into graveyards, where they were treated to stories of folks buried on the island: Old Diver; Edgar the banjo player. They stopped at three cemeteries sprinkled with headstones that had ships and seashells, anchors and arrows, hearts and handshakes.

  But not one single hourglass.

  At the end of the tour, they came to a small graveyard behind a big white historic house that was now a museum.

  Judy was working on a gravestone rubbing of a whale when Stink rushed up to her. “Guess what? I was spying on the You-Know-Whos. I heard Tall Boy say ‘X marks the spot.’ Then they both died laughing, like it was a really good joke.”

  “Weird,” said Judy.

  “Double weird,” Stink agreed. “So I followed them.”

  “Did you find out anything about an hourglass?” Judy whispered.

  “Did I!” Stink pulled out a rolled-up piece of paper from behind his back. When he unrolled it, Judy saw a crayon rubbing of an old pirate grave with an hourglass on it. The shape of the hourglass looked like a big X.

  “X does mark the spot,” said Judy. “This has to be it, Stink. I feel it in my bones. Let’s go turn it in and get our silver.”

  Judy and Stink ran around to the front of the house and yanked on the door. It was closed. As in not open. As in locked up tight.

  Stink pressed his nose to the glass, peering in the front window. “We have to bust in there, or Tall Boy and Smart Girl are gonna beat us for sure.”

  “Stink, it’s too late. Nobody’s here. We can’t just bust in —”

  “Hey, maybe we could set off the fire alarm!”

  “Great idea, Stink — if you want to go to jail.”

  “Wish that I had super-duper, double-quadruple X-ray vision,” said Stink. “If there’s another clue, I’d see it from here.”

  “Forget it, Stink. We just have to wait till morning.”

  “Says you,” said Stink.

  “Says Pirate Rule Number Ten-and-a-Half: He who breaks into a museum after dark will get locked in the brig, fed to the scurvy rats, and end up in Davy Jones’s Locker. Mad Molly O’Maggot has spoken.”

  “Drat and bilge bunkle!” said Stink.

  As Judy and Stink went back down the steps, a blood-red moon rose in the sky. Twisty branches of the live oaks made spooky shadows across the sidewalk. An owl hooted. Tree frogs croaked. Judy and Stink nearly jumped out of their skins when they heard a squeaky, creaking sound.

  “It’s just this rusty old gate, folks,” said the tour guide. “Or is it? Folks around these parts have been known to hear strange sounds: laughs, cries, voices out of nowhere. Flashes of light that can’t be explained.”

  Stink shivered. Judy pulled her arms up into her sweatshirt.

  “Let’s get outta here,” said Stink. “This place gives me the spooks.”

  “Some pirate,” said Judy.

  When Judy and Stink finally fell asleep that night, visions of hourglasses danced in their heads.

  The next morning, they dragged Dad out of bed as soon as they woke up. As he drove them to the old white house, Judy kept an eye out for Tall Boy and Smart Girl.

  Stink checked Dad’s watch a hundred times. At last, a lady with ten hundred keys came to open the door. “You’re up early,” said the lady. “You must be treasure hunters.”

  “Sure are,” said Dad. “Have you had many others?”

  “Like maybe possibly a real tall boy?” said Stink. “And a girl who wears glasses and looks super-smart?”

  “You’re my first
customers,” said the lady.

  Stink unrolled his rubbing of the gravestone with the hourglass and showed it to the lady with the red sash. “Is this it? Did we figure it out? Do we get any silver?”

  “Yes, yes, and yes,” said the lady, handing over two silver pieces.

  Stink dumped out all his coins on the counter. “Two, four, six . . . fifteen! All we need is one more. One!”

  “Okay, Stink. I can count,” said Judy. “But we still have to figure out the last and final clue, and it’s the hardest. We only have till twelve noon.”

  “Here you go,” said the lady, handing the clue to Judy.

  “Let’s go back to the inn and get Mom. Then we can all go eat some breakfast,” said Dad.

  “I’m not hungry,” said Stink. “Read it! Read it!” he cried. Judy read the clue:

  “Spitballs and barnacles,” said Stink. “It doesn’t make sense. Sound, but no ears? A voice, but no tongue? Not possible.”

  “Other stuff has a tongue,” said Judy. “Like sneakers.”

  “But sneakers don’t have a voice,” Stink pointed out.

  “Well — bells have rings, but they don’t have fingers.”

  “Great. All we have to do is find a giant talking sneaker bell.”

  “Or in your case, a Stinker Bell.” Judy cracked herself up.

  “What about the crab’s right hand?” Stink asked. “It says, ‘Find the last silver at the crab’s right hand.’ Crabs don’t even have hands.”

  “A crab’s right hand is a claw, Stink. A crab claw.”

  “There are millions of crabs on this island, and they all have claws.”

  “But there’s only one place called the Crab’s Claw,” said Judy, pointing to the map. “It’s a restaurant on Ocean View Road.”

  “Suddenly I’m hungry,” said Stink. “Hungry as a shark.”

  Before Judy and Stink could step inside the Crab’s Claw, out came another family. Tall Boy and Smart Girl! Judy said, “Hi.”

  “Why did you say hi?” Stink asked when they sat down.