Parker's Island

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  “Delaney, you always make me crazy. Maybe we should just go.”

  “Okay,” I said and started to walk past him.

  He pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard, ignoring the obvious warnings.

  I kissed him back, but knew that this kiss was too deep, too passionate and as I was just about to pull away, I heard my name.

  “Delaney Marie Miller! What do you think you two are doing?” my mom called from the doorway.

  My mother’s voice immediately brought us both back to reality. “Sorry Mom, I thought you were at the Larkin’s.”

  “I’m sure you did! Delaney, do I need to remind you of the rules in this house?”

  “Mom, come on, we were only kissing.”

  “And what would I have found if we came home in another 30 minutes?” she accused.

  “You would have found the house empty, because we’re just on our way to a movie,” I said.

  “Well forgive me if I don’t believe you!” she said. “Brian, you know that we like you and that you are welcome in our home, but you are not welcome in this room or even upstairs. You know the rules, and we expect you to obey them,” she spat.

  “Mom, this is my room! I’m 18 years old and I should be able to have my boyfriend in my room if I want. We weren’t doing anything wrong, not that you could stop us anyway!” I said, angry for the way she spoke to Brian.

  “Delaney, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have come up here. I did know the rules Mrs. Miller and I am very sorry. It won’t happen again.”

  “That’s good to hear, Brian. I think you should go home, now.”

  “MOM!”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Delaney,” Brian said, obeying my mother without question.

  “STOP right where you are!” I told Brian. “Mom, I know you love me, and I know you think you’re trying to protect me, but I am not a baby anymore. Brian’s parents trust us, why can’t you?”

  “I don’t think they would have been very happy to know that he was in your room tonight, young lady!”

  “Why? I’m in his room all the time!”

  “You’re what?”

  “I told you, if we wanted to have sex, you couldn’t stop us. But, we’re not doing anything improper! Brian has been a perfect gentleman, and in fact, I asked him to kiss me!”

  “I don’t like your tone, and I’m not thrilled with this conversation. Brian, please leave. I need to talk to my daughter…alone.”

  He looked at me as if to say, “What should I do?”

  “Don’t worry Mom, he’s leaving, and I’m going with him!” I said, furious now.

  “Just where do you think you’re going?” she asked.

  “To a movie, just like we had planned!”

  “Delaney, this isn’t like you!” my mother screeched.

  “How would you know? You don’t know me at all. You know, Brian’s parents are out of town all weekend and if we were planning on sleeping together, we wouldn’t have needed to come here! Now, we’re going to a movie,” I said, grabbing Brian’s hand, and then added “An R-rated one!”

  I slammed Brian’s car door shut, seething at being convicted without cause. “Why can’t my parent’s be more like yours?” I whined.

  “Delaney, I think you were a little hard on her,” Brian said, and then changed tactics when he saw the look on my face. “Okay, maybe she is a bit over-bearing, but she does love you and she just wants to protect you.”

  “I know. I know that, I do! She just jumps to conclusions and for no good reason,” I said, angrier more at myself then than her.

  “Delaney, why are you so angry?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I know she thinks that we’ve…you know, and we haven’t.”

  “So what if she does? You and I know the truth.”

  “I’m a good girl. I am! I haven’t broken the rules!” I said, crying now. Furious at Chad for taking my virginity, stealing something I should be saving for the man I love.

  “I know that! Of course you are! Please don’t cry. You haven’t broken any rules. I know that,” he said, putting his arm around me and pulling me to him.

  “She doesn’t! She thought I was pregnant last year just because I was upset and crying in my room about…” I stopped, not wanting to hurt Brian by mentioning Logan.

  “About what?”

  “It doesn’t matter. The fact is, she doesn’t believe me and she obviously doesn’t trust me.”

  “She just worries about you. You are a good girl Delaney, and the only one you need to convince is you. I know it, my parents know it and honestly, so do yours.”

  “Thank you. You always know exactly the right thing to say.”

  Changing the subject, he asked, “So, what movie would you like to see?”

  “I don’t want to see a movie.”

  “But, you told your…”

  “I know. I lied. Well, I didn’t lie, exactly. I’ve just changed my mind.”

  “Okay. So, then what do you want to do?”

  “Go to your house.”

  Brian took a deep breath and said, “Delaney, I don’t think that would be wise.”

  “It will be fine Brian. Just drive,” I ordered.

  “Okay,” he said, obviously worried that he wasn’t going to be able to resist temptation.

  “Okay, we’re here. Now what?” he asked, nervously fidgeting with his keys.

  I didn’t say anything. I just took his hand and led him upstairs toward his room.

  “Delaney, what are you doing?”

  “Breaking the rules.” I kissed him at the top of the stairs with obvious intention.

  “No, Delaney! This isn’t happening!”

  “Yes, it is,” I said, pulling him along into his room.

  “NO!”

  I put my arms around him and kissed his neck. He smelled very good and I said so.

  “Delaney, stop this.”

  “Why?” I said, unbuttoning his shirt.

  He was breathing hard as I pulled his shirt down over his shoulders and dropped it to the ground. “Delaney, we really…”

  I kissed him again, and unbuttoned my own shirt. His eyes were closed. He was trying to keep himself in control, but he wasn’t having much luck. I dropped my shirt next to his on the floor. He opened his eyes and looked down at my state of undress. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again. I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm and then ran his hand down my shoulder and down to the side of my breast. He opened his eyes and pulled his hand away like it was on fire.

  “Get dressed!” he ordered, stepping back, refusing to look at me.

  “Brian, we’ve waited long enough. You told me to let you know when I was ready, and I’m letting you know.”

  “Are you just trying to get even with your mother?” he asked.

  “No, I want to.”

  “Why now?”

  “Oh no, don’t tell me I need to give you ‘the right reason’ for this too?” I asked, grinning up at him.

  “Yes! More so than ever!” he said, still refusing to look at me.

  “Well, I’m prepared tonight. I have the best reason,” I said, reaching around to unhook my bra.

  “And what’s that?” he asked, standing rigid in the center of his room, his arms crossed over his bare chest.

  “I love you!”

  He looked at me then, “And you said I always know the right thing to say.”

  We kissed for a few minutes before he asked, “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  “Yes,” I said, sitting down on his bed, reaching for his hand.

  He took a deep breath and sat down next to me. “I love you Delaney and I want this to be perfect for you,” he said, looking in my eyes.

  “It is perfect, I’m with you,” I said.

  “I…I haven’t ever…um,” he started to say, suddenly worrying about his lack of experience and pleasing me.

  “Brian, we love each other. The rest will fall into place. There is one thing though…um…I don’
t have…I mean, I’m not on the pill or anything.” Why was this so hard to talk about, I thought.

  “Oh, just a minute,” he said, pulling a huge box of unopened condoms out of his dresser.

  “Planning on a big night?” I actually grinned.

  “I just thought…hoped…you know, someday…”

  “Brian, hush,” I said and kissed him, pulling him toward me.

  I was leaning over him, kissing his lips and moving to his neck. He sighed and then gently pushed me back on his bed. He stared down at me. I watched him swallow hard and take a deep breath as he lightly touched my nipple with his thumb. I looked up at him and knew how much I loved him, but as he leaned over to kiss me, the image of Chad briefly flashed through my mind and I started to panic. I found myself transported back to that room at the Inn. I pushed Brian away, screaming at him to stop.

  “Are you okay, now?” Brian asked after I had calmed down enough to talk.

  “I’m so sorry, Brian. I don’t know what happened,” I said, feeling horrible.

  “If you didn’t want to make love, then why did you…”

  “I did want to. At least I thought I did. I guess I’m just not ready after all,” I said, sniffling.

  “Was it because of your mom?”

  “NO. My mother has nothing to do with this!” I wasn’t really sure if that was true or not. She had made me pretty angry.

  “Then, what is it?” he asked, obviously confused.

  “I don’t know,” I said again. There was no way that I could explain how I felt, why I panicked. “You must think I’m crazy.”

  “No, I don’t think you’re crazy. I just don’t think you’re ready. It’s okay, Delaney.”

  “But, I was ready, I was! I wanted to…I wanted you! But when you leaned over me and kissed me…” I couldn’t go on. I was terrified that he would guess my secret.

  “What happened when I kissed you, Delaney?”

  “I saw…I saw…” I wanted to tell him, I needed him to understand why I turned him away. I was shaking and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about Chad, couldn’t bring myself to even say his name.

  “What? What did you see?”

  I just looked at him, and I still couldn’t get the words out.

  “Logan?” he asked, realizing it would upset me even more, but needing to know.

  I was instantly angry, but I couldn’t blame him for thinking it, so I kept my anger to myself.

  “No, Brian. It wasn’t Logan. I swear it,” I said, looking him straight in the eye so that he knew I meant it.

  “I’m sorry. I had to ask.”

  “I swear he had nothing to do with it.”

  “I think I know what it is,” Brian said.

  I looked down, suddenly worried that he had guessed my secret.

  “You think we should be married first.”

  “What?” I asked, stunned.

  “That’s how you were raised. Why shouldn’t you feel that way?”

  “Brian, I don’t think that’s…”

  “We’ll wait, Delaney. It’s okay.”

  “Brian, I’m not asking you to marr…”

  “I know, but I will ask you. When the time is right, I’m going to ask you to marry me. I love you.”

  “Brian, I don’t know what to say,” I said, unprepared for any of this.

  “You don’t have to say anything. Let’s go get some ice cream and then I’ll take you home. I think you and your mom need to talk.”

  Brian was the most understanding man in the world. I knew that if I could bring myself to tell him about what Chad had done, he would be very understanding and I would probably feel so much better. But, I also knew he would go after Chad and I couldn’t live with that. Brian was so wonderful, and I knew that even though I did love him, I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve him, because even now, when Brian said Logan’s name, I was instantly transported back to that moment when just his touch sent electricity coursing through me. I knew that no matter how much I loved Brian, if Logan walked through the door, I would leave with him without hesitation. Brian didn’t deserve that. He deserved much better than I could give him. But I knew he wanted me, and I also knew that Logan wasn’t going to walk through the door. I needed to continue on with my life; my life with Brian.

  I stood up and took his hand. I kissed him lightly on the cheek and said, “I love you. I’m sorry.”

  “Delaney, your love is all I need for now. The rest will come with time.”

  The summer had started out on a very sour note, but as the end was approaching, I felt certain that my life was headed in the right direction. Brian and I had both been accepted to the University of New Haven and we were planning on leaving for college together in just a little over two weeks. Brian was offered a full football scholarship, and I had been offered an academic scholarship, so it seemed like the perfect solution to our not wanting to be apart.

  “So, have you started packing yet?” I asked Brian.

  “No. Have you?” he asked, looking like the thought hadn’t even occurred to him.

  “I’ve been ready for weeks.” I laughed at the look on his face.

  “What’s to get ready? Throw some clothes in a bag and go!”

  “Men!” I said, and giggled at his obvious lack of concern regarding our up and coming journey.

  “The only thing I can’t live without is you!” he said.

  “That’s nice, thank you,” I said, and kissed him softly.

  “No, that’s nice!” he said, pulling me closer for another kiss.

  “Um, I think we should go do some shopping,” I said, trying to cool him down a bit.

  “Shopping? Women!” he scoffed, mocking me.

  We ran down the stairs and were just heading out the door when Brian’s mom asked to speak with us.

  “What’s up, Mom?”

  “Would you two sit down for a minute, please? I think we need to talk.”

  Brian and I sat down at the dining room table across from her.

  “Is everything okay?” Brian asked, not used to having his mother look so serious.

  “You tell me?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I know…” she said, looking at Brian, and then me.”

  “You know what?” Brian asked.

  “Come on you two, I’m not blind. When did you plan on telling us about this?” she asked.

  “Tell you what?” Brian asked, looking completely confused.

  “Tell us that Delaney’s…” she stopped, in mid-sentence, staring at her son.

  “Delaney’s what?” he asked; looking worried now.

  “You don’t know? Delaney, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil anything. I just assumed you had told him,” she said, looking at me.

  “Told him what?” I asked, just as baffled as Brian.

  She stared at me, looking very bewildered. “I was certain that you both were just waiting for the right time to tell us, but since you’re both leaving for college soon, I thought we needed to do some planning.” She stared at me for a few minutes, saying nothing and then asked, “You really don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?”

  “I’m sorry, Christine, but I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, honestly baffled.

  “Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, I was sure you’d figured it out. I mean, how could you not know?” she asked, shaking her head.

  “Mom, what are you talking about?” Brian asked, concern showing in his face now.

  She ignored her son and focused on me. “Delaney, honey, when was your last period?”

  I was shocked by her question and I blushed.

  “Mom, don’t you think that’s a bit personal?” Brian asked.

  “I need to know,” she said softly, and reached out to touch my hand.

  “Um, I don’t know. I don’t usually keep track. I guess it’s been a while. Why?” I asked, never having been one to pay attention to my periods.

  “Ho
ney, surely you can see all the signs?”

  “What signs?” I asked, still baffled.

  “Well, you’ve been nauseous and vomiting for months now, with no actual ailment to speak of. You’re exhausted all the time, your period is late, and well, I know that you were blessed with ample…cleavage, but you are a bit more ample now,” she said, looking at my tightly fitted T-shirt.

  “Mom, what the hell are talking about?” Brian asked, still confused.

  “Delaney, honey, I know I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure that you’re…pregnant. Aren’t you?”

  “What?” I asked, shaking my head to clear my thoughts.

  “How could you not know?” she asked.

  “Mom, she’s not pregnant,” Brian said, grinning, and obviously relieved.

  “Delaney?” Christine said, staring directly at me and ignoring Brian.

  My head was spinning. I stared off in the distance trying to absorb what she was telling me. All of the signs and symptoms were there, but I had blocked them out. I had completely ignored what I should have known all along. I knew then that Christine was right. I started shaking, not sure what to say or do. I stared down at my trembling hands, refusing to look at either Christine or Brian.

  “Mom, she’s not pregnant!” Brian said. “Tell her, Delaney. Tell her you can’t be pregnant! Mom, honestly, she’s not pregnant. We haven’t even…”

  But Christine was watching me, and when our eyes finally met, she knew that I was hiding a secret. She knew that it was true, and that her only son was about to have his heart broken into pieces.

  “Dammit, Delaney, tell her that you’re not pregnant!” Brian ordered.

  Christine stood up, “I’m going to give you two some time to talk. Brian, honey, I’ll be in my room when you need me,” she said, with a sheer look of utter pain on her face for what she knew her son was about to learn.

  “Delaney…tell her! Tell her you’re not…Tell ME you’re not pregnant!” he demanded, begging me to tell him it wasn’t true.

  But I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, because I knew without a doubt that it was true. Our lives were not going to turn out like we’d planned. Chad had managed to take that from me too, from both of us. And as I sat there shaking, I knew what I had to do. I had to go away, leave Brian before I hurt him again.