Jester

by Lilly Atlas

  He nodded as he turned toward the house. “I know, but I promised her I’d avoid it, so if it’s at all possible I’d like to try to keep at least one promise to her.”

  Lila frowned as Striker came up behind her. “Come on, babe. I’ll carry your med kit.”

  As the group made their way to the house, Striker murmured to his fiancé. “You doing okay, Lila? Is this too close to home for you?” He was referring to Lila’s own terrifying experience only months ago where they had both sustained injuries at the hands of a madman.

  “I’m good, Striker, just worried about Emily. Worried about Jester, too.”

  Emily woke with a jolt at the feeling of a hand on her face. For a moment she’d thought she was still in the basement, and startled to struggle against the touch, even though it was light and in no way compared to Snake’s.

  “Shhh, easy, Emily, it’s Lila. You’re safe, sweetheart. Your man got you out of there. I’m just examining the bruises on your face. They are spectacular.” Lila smiled down at her, immediately putting her at ease.

  Her throat was dry and raw but she managed to rasp out a few words. “How’s my brother?”

  “Stubborn.” Lila snorted. “I had no choice but to admit him to the hospital. He’d lost too much blood from the gunshot wound, but he fought me tooth and nail. Kinda amazing for someone who came as close to the end as he did. He’s made of tough stuff, like his sister. He’ll pull through.”

  Emily let out a breath. For the first time in fourteen days some of the sick feeling of fear flowed out of her body. Johnny had a long road ahead of him, but he was alive. That was all that mattered.

  “Could I get some ice water?” Her throat grew more sore with every passing second, and now that she was talking, she needed something cool to ease the ache. “Snake squeezed it pretty hard and my throat is killing me.”

  “Fucking hell!”

  Emily glanced at the corner of the room where the outburst came from. Jester paced with a homicidal look on his face. “I wish I had five more minutes alone with that fucking scumbag.”

  She stared at him, unsure what to make of his presence. They hadn’t begun to delve into the mess they’d made of their relationship. But one thing she knew for sure was that she loved him, so she chose to see his presence as a positive thing.

  “Striker’s rummaging around Jester’s kitchen looking for a glass. He’ll be up with water any second. Jester, why don’t you wait out in the den with Striker and I’ll call you when I’m through.”

  “No!” Emily yelled, immediately embarrassed at the needy panic in her voice, but she needed him there. “I mean, he can stay if he’d like.”

  He seared her with an intense look that in another place and time would have had her nipples hardening and her panties drenching, but now it reassured her that despite her betrayal he didn’t despise her.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Em.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered as tears flooded her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit overwhelmed. Do you think…I mean…would you mind…” She trailed off, mortified by her weakness.

  “Baby,” Jester whispered as he moved to the enormous bed and sat down next to where she lay. “I’ll do anything you need me to do.”

  “Would you hold my hand?” A tear leaked out and she swiped at it grimacing when her hand encountered the bruises on her face.

  Jester picked her hand up and held it gently in his, rubbing circles with his thumb over her palm. The simple gesture soothed her taught nerves.

  Lila, who had been silent during the exchange spoke up. “Emily, tell me a little about what happened, injury wise, and where you’re hurting.”

  “My face hurts, obviously, they hit me a few times, kicked me in the ribs, choked me.”

  Jester’s hand tightened on hers, which, combined with the ticking of his jaw, was the only indication that her words were affecting him. His face was an unreadable mask.

  “Emily?” Lila’s voice was soft and comforting. “Were you raped?” She shot Jester a chastising look at his audible intake of breath.

  “No,” Emily whispered unable to hold the tears back. “Not sure what would have happened if I was there much longer, but no.” She cleared her aching throat. “Casper was a little handsy, but that’s all.”

  “Oh, that’s all, huh? Fuck! I wish I’d killed them all.”

  Emily squeezed Jester’s hand trying to give back some of the comfort he gave her.

  “I’m going to poke around a bit. If anything is too painful let me know.”

  She tensed at Lila’s first touch, but forced herself to relax. After the past few days she wasn’t thrilled about the idea of anyone’s hands on her, but she trusted Lila.

  Jester must have picked up on her distress. “Just look at me,” he whispered.

  Emily shifted her eyes until they locked with Jester’s. He continued to play with her hand, rubbing her palm, stroking her fingers until everything faded away but the feel of his fingertips and the mesmerizing depth of emotion in his eyes.

  “I’m all done. You did great, Emily. Seems like mostly bruises. Your face looks bad, swelling wise, but I don’t think anything is broken. You’ll be uncomfortable for a bit, but should be back to normal in a week or two, at least physically.”

  Left unspoken was the fact that the emotional trauma of the past four days would take longer than the bruises to fade.

  Emily tore her gaze away from Jester to nod at Lila. “Thank you, Lila, for coming out here in the middle of the night. I owe you one.”

  “No, Emily, I’ll owe you until they day I die. You could have sold our guys out to Snake at any time, but you didn’t, and you paid an awful price. I’m so sorry, honey.” With a gentle squeeze to Emily’s shoulder, she turned and departed the room.

  Alone with Jester, Emily wasn’t sure how to act. She turned her head to find his gaze still intent on her.

  “Do you need anything, Em?

  “No. I’m just tired. Would you mind staying until I fall asleep? I feel a little out of sorts.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He lay down next to her, and, with exquisite care, gathered her close.

  “Jester, I need to explain everything that happened. I need to be sure you know the whole truth and why I did what I did.”

  He placed a finger over her lips. “Shhh. Not tonight Emily. You need to rest and get some sleep.”

  “Please, I need you to know. I can’t live with it anymore. I’m sure you know most of it by now anyway, but I need to tell it all to you.” She sounded like she was on the edge, but it was imperative that he didn’t spend another moment thinking she played any willing part in Snake’s scheme.

  Jester lay on his side next to her, and propped his elbow on the bed, holding his head up and looking down at her. “Okay, baby, if it will help, go ahead.”

  His free hand stroked up and down her leg, under the large T-shirt of his she’d changed into before falling asleep again. It seemed to bother him that she wore Acer’s shirt.

  Warmth from his body seeped into her and helped her relax for the first time in weeks. She told him everything, starting with her brother and his drug dependence. She surprised herself and held it together well until she spoke about sneaking into the clubhouse.

  Her voice quivered and fresh tears left her eyes. He may not be able to forgive this transgression, and now that she knew Johnny was alive and would remain that way, her brain was free to focus on her relationship with Jester. If he cast her away now, she wasn’t sure she’d survive it.

  “As soon as I snapped a photo of the map, I felt sick. I knew I’d never send it to them. I just couldn’t do it. Every time I looked at it I thought of Lila and Marcie, and how devastated they’d be if something happened to Striker or Hook. I didn’t have to look at it to think of you. Thoughts of how I could possibly betray you were on my mind every second of every day, and I just couldn’t do it.” She wanted nothing more than to forget that day, forget the last fourteen days, but that wasn�
��t possible.

  “Baby, you can stop if it’s too much.”

  She shook her head. “Jester, I fell in love with you. I know it hasn’t been long, and we agreed to just let this burn itself out, but I love you. I tried to find a way to save Johnny without betraying you anymore than I already had.”

  The raw pain in her voice chipped away at his core, one word at a time. She’d been faced with a devastating choice, and that she’d chosen to protect him humbled Jester. Of course, it wasn’t acceptable; he didn’t need his woman to protect him.

  He promised himself then and there he’d work every day to make himself worthy of her decision. “Shhh, baby, please don’t cry. I need you to listen to me now, Em. Just for a minute. Really listen to me and really hear me, okay?”

  She looked up at him, her light eyes full of self-loathing, but she nodded.

  “Johnny signed his death warrant the moment he snorted his sale. There is no chance Snake would have let him live. You could have brought Snake every detail of every aspect of our club, and he would have killed Johnny just the same.”

  Her eyes widened and a fraction of the guilt cleared. “He would have?”

  “I know it without a doubt. This may not be what you want to hear, but it’s what our club would have done. It’s what happens when you betray the patch. Every one of us knows it, even as a prospect, just as Johnny would have known it. It’s just how things are done in the MC life.”

  “You live in a violent and ruthless world, don’t you?”

  “It can be, but that’s not what it always is. While we aren’t the same as the Grimms, we sure as hell aren’t boy scouts. We’re also a family, and we take that seriously. We didn’t know each other two weeks ago, but we do now and I need you to promise me something.”

  “What? Anything.”

  “Anyone gives you trouble, about anything, anyone tries to use you to get to me, you tell me. Doesn’t matter what it is, what you’ve done, what I’ve done. I will not let you be used as a pawn to hurt me. None of my brothers will allow that either.”

  “You sound as though you want me in your life.”

  He nodded. That she had to doubt his desire for her slayed him. “I do. I want you, and more than that, I need you in my life. Every aspect of it.”

  He held his breath. With just one word she could slice him in two.

  “We have some stuff to work out.” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “We do.” He tapped his finger against her lip and she released it. “Christ, baby,” he said resting his forehead against hers. “The hateful things I said to you the other day will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

  Emily shook her head. “I deserved it, all of it. Snake did send me. I lied to you and your family over and over.” Tears filled her eyes again, and he felt her despair deep in his soul.

  “You weren’t acting of your own free will, Emily. And in the end you stood up for the club. That isn’t something we take lightly. The MC demands loyalty above all else. Anyone of us would gladly die for our brothers. The loyalty you’ve shown to my club family and me before I’d even made you my official ol’ lady is amazing. And I nearly destroyed it by not listening to what you were trying to tell me. Jesus, Emily, you were nearly raped and killed because of me.”

  Her head shook back and forth as she reached a hand up to stroke his face. Her gentle caress on his face after the events of the past few days was a balm to his tattered soul.

  “No, Jester.” Her voice was strong and sure. “We both want to take on the guilt of this, but we need to lay it at the feet of the man responsible, Snake.”

  “I’ll try if you will,” Jester agreed, though he felt a hefty portion of that guilt belonged to Johnny as well. That was a thought he wouldn’t be sharing with Emily. “Do you think you can get some rest now?”

  “Yes, I feel like I could sleep for a week.”

  “Go right ahead, Em. I’ll be here the whole time. And, baby?”

  “Yes?” she asked, her voice thick with the need for sleep.

  “What we do together? Hands down the best fucking of my life. I should be shot for telling you otherwise.” He knew the words weren’t flowery or romantic. He wasn’t really that guy. Hopefully brutal honesty would be enough for her.

  She smiled and rested her head against his chest. “I love you Jester.”

  “I love you too. God, I fuckin’ love you. One more thing.”

  “Hmm?” She sounded half asleep.

  “Hope you’re good with being my ol’ lady because there’s no fucking way I’ll accept anything else.”

  She burrowed closer as sleep stole her away.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Johnny’s eyelids fluttered twice before opening. Emily smiled at him when his attention landed on her. Inside, she was a mess. Her baby brother looked like death, with an IV, oxygen tubing and a catheter all coming off his body. He’d required four units of blood to get his levels to a low, but sustainable number, or so Lila had said.

  “Shit, Emily, your face.” Johnny sounded as though every bit of saliva had been sucked from his mouth and replaced with cotton balls.

  She picked up a Styrofoam cup full of ice chips from a rolling table next to the hospital bed. Two balls of ice slid onto the plastic spoon she dipped in the cup. “My face is fine. I’m fine. You’re the one we need to be worried about. Here.”

  She turned back to him, holding the spoon to his cracked lips. He parted them and the ice cubes slipped into his mouth.

  “Thanks,” he said, already sounding more human.

  “Emily, I’m—”

  She shook her head and picked up the hand that didn’t have an IV, cradling it between both of hers. “You don’t need to say anything.”

  Johnny’s laugh was bitter and filled with disgust. As awful as the past few weeks had been, if this was the catalyst needed for him to finally get his life together, she could make peace with it.

  “I’m sorry.” His voice was laden with so much anguish it brought tears to Emily’s eyes. She didn’t want him to suffer for his mistakes, no matter how severe they were.

  “It’s over. We all made it out alive.”

  Wetness fell from his eyes and she wanted to crawl into the bed and hold him like she had after their parents died.

  “I forgive you,” she whispered to her only blood relation.

  “You gonna sell the house?” He moved on to an only slightly less uncomfortable topic.

  “Yes.” She shivered. “I couldn’t spend a night there for a million dollars.” Heat rose to her face and she bit her lip. “I’m, uh, I’m gonna be staying at Jester’s now. Indefinitely.”

  Johnny’s face clouded over and her heart sank. It wasn’t as though she expected them to be best buddies, but she harbored hope that sometime in the future they could reach an amicable relationship. Johnny’s narrowed-eyed stare and ticking jaw didn’t look promising.

  “The big guy?” he asked. “Shit, Emily, didn’t you learn anything from this horror show? You do not want to hook up with an MC brother.”

  Emily almost laughed at the fatherly way he scolded her, but the conversation was too serious. “You know nothing about it. And I’m sorry if this sounds mean, but you don’t get a say.”

  Johnny winced. “Fair enough.”

  “Lila found a rehab for you. It’s in Nevada, near Reno. They’ll transport you by ambulance as soon as you’re stable enough to travel. It’s six months. You need to do it. I’m not sure you’ll get another chance.”

  Johnny snorted and closed his eyes, the energy draining out of him. “Your boyfriend made that perfectly clear.” He said the word as though it left a bad taste in his mouth. “I want to hate him, but the guy does seem to care about you.”

  Emily frowned. What had Jester said to Johnny? She opened her mouth to ask that very question, but the even rise and fall of his chest stopped her.

  Jester stood in the hallway, right outside the door, his back against the wall. It was
the best he could do. Emily refused to let him in the room with her, wanting a few private moments with her brother, and he’d refused to be more than ten feet away from her since he’d pulled her out of that godforsaken basement.

  The compromise was him standing outside the open hospital room door, out of sight, but not out of mind.

  Damn straight he’d laid out conditions for Johnny. He didn’t trust the kid as far as he could piss, and it would be a long while before he started to.

  He sighed. That probably wasn’t going to sit too well with Emily. Well, that was just too damned bad. He’d protect her from anything, and if that included her own brother, so be it.

  Emily emerged from the hospital room and came to a stop in front of him, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised in question. “Don’t even try to pretend you weren’t listening to every word we said.”

  God, he loved her. Sweet and spicy. She got to him on all levels.

  He drew her into an embrace and kissed her deeply before moving his mouth to her ear. “I know he’s your brother, your only brother, and I know he’s the reason I met you, but he is also the reason I almost lost you. Forever. So give me some time. I can’t say he’s my favorite person right now, but we’ve got nothing but time.”

  She nodded, her nose rubbing up and down along his chest. “Let’s go home.”

  “Sure, baby.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Emily blew out a frustrated breath, as she lay in bed wet, aching, and very unsatisfied. Jester had been by her side for the entire week since he’d rescued her, doting on her and making sure she had everything she needed to heal physically as well as emotionally. It was perfect…except for one thing.

  He hadn’t touched her.

  At all.

  Okay, each night he slept spooned around her, but that was the most contact they’d had since the day after he brought her home and Emily was going out of her mind. She craved his touch, his taste, and the feel of him filling her up.

  She’d lain awake each night, wanting him with a strength that frightened her, especially since he didn’t seem to reciprocate the feeling. Sure, she’d felt his hardness pressing against her a few times, but she was starting to think it was just a consequence of sleeping next to a woman, any woman.