Love and Robotics

by Eyre, Rachael

  Alfred felt distinctly uncomfortable. Was it the thigh against his? The green eyes glinting? When he gathered up the courage to look at Josh, he was confronted with such adoration he was embarrassed.

  “The only thing that stands out is you kissing me. Whenever I see a maple tree -”

  The time was now. It couldn’t be dismissed as a blip in his programming.“Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you -?”

  “In love with you? Yes.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you still love me. I couldn’t bear it if you didn’t.”

  “Have you thought about this? What I’m trying to say, badly, is: do you understand?”

  “I know my own mind.”

  “What about Claire?”

  “I doubt she cares.”

  “You know how I feel. But it’s got to be what you want. Don’t do it out of pity, or some misguided -”

  “I mean it too,” Josh said huskily.

  He kissed him. Alfred had worried that it’d be different, the chemistry would have gone, but he had nothing to fear. It was ardent and messy and real. His tongue slipped into Josh’s mouth and the artificial gave a little start. “Oh,” he gasped. “I remember.”

  “Too right.”

  They reached for one another and tumbled backwards. Alfred’s hands found Josh’s hair, Josh found his nape, and they pressed together.

  “You feel like you’re burning up -”

  “Never better.” He ran his tongue along Alfred’s throat; he retaliated with the skin beneath Josh’s ear. They bumped foreheads.

  “Still no coordination.”

  “We can work on it.”

  There was something so lewd about Josh making the moves. Straddling him, stroking him, sucking his neck. When he took off his shirt and sat on top of his cock, Alfred thought he would faint. “Damn, you’re beautiful,” he whispered.

  “Let me see you.” Josh tugged at his buttons, losing two. Alfred turned away as he heard the familiar intake of breath.

  “I suppose you want me to put it back on.”

  Once he’d had a body he’d been proud of. Now he couldn’t look at himself without shuddering. His torso was a patchwork of scars, starting from his collarbone and slashing to his navel. Some were faint lines, others ugly gouges. It was why, before Josh, he hadn’t had a relationship in years - nobody wanted to make love to a scarecrow.

  “Of course I don’t.” Josh kissed them with no sign of disgust.

  “You’re not being kind? You don’t think I’ve been ravished by a woodpecker?”

  “Lucky woodpecker.”

  Being Josh, he had to know how each one was made. The scars caused by the bomb he already knew. Alfred was happy discussing the arrow in his face, the spear through his shoulder, the bullet wounds and lash marks, but when it came to the two vertical lines running down his face, he shivered.

  “If they don’t make people run away, they attract nutters. One man didn’t do anything to me, just slobbered and groped himself.”

  “What a weirdo,” Josh said. Their eyes met. They couldn’t stop laughing.

  They spent an instructive hour kissing, touching and holding each other.

  “There’s something I want to do.” Josh hid his blush against Alfred’s chest. “If you don’t mind.”

  “What?”

  He flicked his eyes downwards. Alfred swallowed. “Oh. Well.”

  He ran his hands over Josh’s chest. The artificial shivered, his nipples rising. He went lower. “Whoa. Where’ve you been hiding this?”

  “Is it bad?” Josh asked anxiously.

  “Quite the reverse.”

  It might have graced a statue. It was one of the most generous Alfred had seen, and he was a connoisseur. A bead glistened on the end. He resisted the temptation to lick it off.

  Slow stealthy stroking, quickening with Josh’s responses. There are few things as stimulating as arousing somebody else. The beautiful face was inches away, his body trembling.

  “Let me do it to you.” Josh reached inside. “You’re so hard!”

  “That’s the effect you have on me. Though -” as Josh gripped him - “go slowly, or I might not last.”

  Flickering in Josh’s hand. There was only now, the artificial’s breath on his cheek, their bodies moving together. That pleasure a hair’s breadth from pain, building until you can’t stand it. They kissed roughly, only breaking apart for Josh to bite his nipple. He knew that impulse: being so wound up you don’t know what to do with your body.

  Blessed, aching release. Josh covered him in kisses.

  “You’re freezing. Why didn’t you say?”

  “You were keeping me warm. We should go back.” Alfred pulled on his shirt and jacket. “Will I disgrace you?”

  “You look gorgeous.”

  “Not true, but thanks.”

  “What time do you have to be at the Forum?”

  “Not till eleven.”

  “Ten hours to kill. Well -” Josh knelt, gazing up at him. “Alfred Wilding, will you go to bed with me?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Josh rubbed against his beard. “Once you’re there, what will you do?”

  “I’ll lay you down and kiss you all over. I’ll come inside you again and again.”

  “Ohh,” he sighed. “Take me home.”

  “Are you sure? I’m staying at an inn -”

  “Alfred.” Josh wagged a finger. “It’s my first proper time with the person I love. I want to be in my own home with my own things around me.”

  They walked to the city centre and flagged down a fly. Josh’s hand found Alfred’s in the dark of the cab. He felt feverish to touch.

  The fly hit the pavement outside Josh’s apartment building. As they paid and dismounted, Josh cried out. “Claire’s home.”

  “How can you tell?”

  “She’s angry.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “I’m not having you dragged into this. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  Alfred wondered by which definition sneaking into somebody’s house to have sex with their husband constituted ‘nothing wrong’. Robots had such peculiar logic.

  “I’m sorry,” Josh whispered. “This is my fault.”

  “It’s nobody’s fault.”

  “If she starts screaming -”

  “I’m big and ugly enough to fight my own battles.”

  The door whirred open. One of the books from earlier was on the table, a mug of coffee growing cold. As Alfred was saying, “I don’t see her,” the china cabinet flew open and Claire leapt out. Josh’s hand sought Alfred’s. She didn’t miss this, or that his flies were open. “Caught in the act.”

  “I don’t have time -” Josh began.

  “Where’ve you been?”

  “We went to the Winter Gala with Gwyn and Nanny.”

  “A likely story.” Everything about her was chilly, varnished: ludicrously straight hair, pinafore dress, brittle smile.

  “Ask them.”

  Alfred caught sight of their faces in the mirror. There was no way they could disguise what they had been doing. He’d never seen Josh look so flushed and dishevelled. Not only was his hair sticking up in some places and flat in others, the beginnings of a love bite bloomed at his throat. As for him, he was wearing a disgusting silken smirk he couldn’t wipe off.

  “Linford says you’ve been cosy,” Claire accused.

  Alfred had his speech prepared.“I’ve been looking in because of Josh’s upgrade -”

  “Do you think I’m stupid? I asked you to leave him alone. Instead you’re carryin’ on your sordid little affair -”

  “It wasn’t sordid,” Josh said.

  “You admit it?”

  “It wasn’t an affair,” Alfred said. “We’ve never gone past kissing -”

  “And hand jobs,” Josh pointed out. “We went together twice, but that’s before I met you.”

  Claire looked as though she was going t
o retch. “If you won’t tell the truth, I know who will.” She marched to the window. “Kevin!”

  A flurry in the bushes. “Hello, Ms Howey.”

  “Is my husband boffin’ Lord Langton?”

  “I don’t have pictorial evidence, but they’ve been very cuddly.”

  However spacious the flat was, they couldn’t put enough distance between themselves and Claire. “Well?” she demanded. “Well?”

  Josh leant against the sofa, a hand to his forehead. “I can’t bear this anymore.”

  “That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said.”

  “I can’t bear this.” He gestured to the cabinet, the paperback on the table. “I’m sick of pretending.”

  “It’s real to me.” She brought down their wedding portrait. “Are you saying this means nothin’?”

  Josh laid it aside, an action so dismissive it was worse than if he’d smashed it. Alfred shadowed him, not trusting the tightness around Claire’s mouth.

  “I’m sorry, Claire. Everyone said love grew with time.” His eyes flicked to Alfred. “It’s always been him. Believe me -”

  She went for his face, ripping the skin above his eyebrow. She started in terror. A flap of skin had torn away, revealing platinum. No nose, no lips. Only the eyes were familiar. She couldn’t stop screaming.

  Alfred crouched down where Josh had slid to the carpet.“Don’t look,” the artificial whispered.

  “Stop that. We’ll get you to Sugar, have you cleaned up.” Alfred kissed the exposed metal.

  Soon afterwards they left. Alfred practically carried Josh, having to stop every few steps. As they limped down the drive, the window scrolled open and a pair of shoes landed on the grass. It was followed by a suit, then a rack full of shirts and ties.

  “I don’t want them,” Josh said. “I hate her.”

  “Hate’s a strong word. Save it for someone who deserves it. Will Sugar be at CER?”

  “No, but I know his address. It isn’t far.”

  They were half way down the street when they heard feet running. Josh threw his arm over his face. It was Kevin, holding out a cap with ear flaps.

  “Will you be okay? She’s gone mental -”

  “We’ll manage,” Alfred said. “He needs medical attention.”

  “Take this, it’ll keep your ears warm.” Kevin shuffled his feet. “If you need somewhere to stay, you could always share my tent.”

  “Thanks, but no thanks.”

  Josh linked his arm through Alfred’s. Pulling the hat down over his ears, he trudged up the road.

  ***

  If Sugar objected to being woken at such an unsociable hour, he didn’t say. He led them to an extension he’d set up as a surgery, propping Josh up in an operating chair. “Tiff with the missus?”

  Josh cringed. “You could say that.”

  “No matter how we adapt, nails slice through artificial skin. This is only a small procedure, you’ll be ready to go in a few hours.” He nodded to Alfred. “You’ll probably not want to watch.”

  “I’m going nowhere,” he said. Sugar averted his eyes from the fact they were holding hands.

  The doctor peeled back the damaged skin and dabbed at the metal with solution. Josh squeezed his eyes shut and clutched Alfred so tightly it hurt. Sugar heated a branding iron until it was red hot and applied it to the skin. He asked Josh if he wanted to be unconscious. He shook his head.

  “Don’t touch it till it’s had time to cool.” His glance in Alfred’s direction plainly said, That means you too. “And now gentlemen, I bid you goodnight.” He shut the door with such care they couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Poor chap,” Alfred said. “He probably expects to come down and find us doing unspeakable things to each other.”

  “If only. What a night, eh?”

  “The best and worst.”

  Josh wriggled so Alfred could join him on the chair. “What now?”

  “We get some rest, Sugar discharges you-”

  “You know what I mean. My marriage is void. Before she jumped out of that cabinet, we were going to - well.”

  This was the Josh he knew: mounting him one moment, blushing the next. It reminded him why he’d fallen in love with him in the first place. “We need some time apart.”

  “What? We can’t!”

  “You’ve just come out of a relationship. We shouldn’t commit unless you’re sure.”

  “What part of ‘It’s always been you’ don’t you understand?”

  “I love you. Never doubt it. But - it’s complicated. Everyone’ll think we’ve been carrying on behind her back.”

  “Weren’t we?”

  “No, Josh.”

  “I don’t care what people think.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I’ve done research -”

  Alfred blushed. “That’s not what I meant. I promised Gwynnie I’d take her abroad. It’ll give Claire a chance to simmer down.”

  “What if she doesn’t?”

  “Whatever else she is, she’s not vindictive.”

  “Um, this?” Josh gestured at his face.

  “She’s angry and scared. A cunning person would pretend to forgive you, then stab you in the back.”

  Josh squeezed his fingers. “Even now you surprise me.”

  “It’s what Nanny calls pussology. Knowing people,” as Josh looked bemused. “You predict what they’ll do in any given situation.”

  “Can’t say I know about that.”

  “Stay put till I get back. Don’t do anything stupid.”

  “I’ll wait for you.”

  They clung to each other, Alfred kissing his hands, neck and chest. “Better skedaddle before Sugar goes into a tailspin.”

  “Keep out of trouble.”

  “Occupational hazard, love.”

  Claire hugged the cushion like a security blanket. Catching sight of the book cover, Jennifer simpering at her robot lover, she flung it across the room.

  It was an hour since Josh had left. Leaving her with a cold empty flat and her shattered pride. Yes, there had been cracks in her marriage, but she knew how to paint on a smile and soldier on. It had been easier since Langton backed down. He’d lingered like perfume, played on their minds. But she was convinced nothing between two men could match the love between a man and a woman; to put it crudely, two keys couldn’t open a door. Josh would get over his crush, or whatever it was, and be a true husband to her.

  Now she was weeping on the settee, staring at her wedding band. She’d taken it off and put it back on four times. Had it always been too loose or was it her imagination?

  Going behind her back. She wouldn’t have believed it if Linford and Kevin hadn’t confirmed it. If that wasn’t enough, sauntering in with clothes skew-iff and satisfied expressions. She knew Josh’s post sex face. And he couldn’t stop gazing at Langton. He’d never looked at her like that.

  Why? Langton was sort of attractive, but in the way of a once grand house with a jungle for a garden. He smiled and you saw the man he had been, he had that knee trembling voice, but he was so old. In a few years he’d be sixty. Could you have still sex at that age?

  She picked up the tube. ‘Only use in emergencies’, the scrawl on the card said. What was this if not an emergency? She punched in the number, biting her thumb.

  “Ms Jones?”

  Together and Apart

  From the instant Alfred announced they were going away, the preparations didn’t let up. Trunks Gwyn hadn’t seen for years were unearthed, travelling clothes pressed. She and Nanny were engaged in writing lists, labels and everything else you might need for a three month trip. In the rare instances Alfred looked in, he kissed her, joked with Nanny and discussed matters with Derkins.

  He hadn’t been the same since the gala. He was haggard and thin, always listening for something. He’d creep to the tube, put his hand out and think better of it. The areas he set aside for Josh - the green armchair, the place at the table, his guest room - gathe
red dust. One time she caught him curled up on the bed in there, fast asleep. If she hadn’t found his pipe smouldering on the dresser, the house would have burned down.

  The night before they left, they were playing snooker in the library. She potted three balls on opening. Normally they were evenly matched but his mind didn’t seem to be on the game. The hand holding his tumbler shivered.

  “I’ll get Nanny to light the fire,” she said.

  “It’ll only make a mess.” His shot missed entirely. “Losing my touch.”

  “Is Josh joining us?” she asked after a time.

  He threw back the rest of the whisky. “No. It’s just us.”

  “Have you had a row?”

  He addressed the snooker table. “The night of the gala, we nearly - you know.”

  “Oh.” She felt unnaturally shocked. “How close is ‘nearly’?”

  “Claire came in and - you can guess the rest. We’re having a cooling off period.”

  “I see.” She didn’t. She’d never been good at this sort of conversation. At last she realised what was bothering her. “But - arties -”

  “I might not be a very good man but I’m better than that. He took the plunge.”

  She suppressed a giggle. Little Josh mounting gigantic Alfred - what a weird mental image. “What are you going to do?”

  “I can’t help feeling whatever we do, he’ll get hurt. I love him more than anything in the world.”

  “Huh!”

  “Other than you, darling.”

  ***

  Josh felt disoriented. He’d never slept this late in the day. As he ran a hand through his hair, his skin felt tender. He remembered then what had happened, where he was. He was still wearing his dress suit, the shirt rumpled and the trousers grainy with sand.

  “Alright, dozy?” Sugar asked. “How’s the face?”

  “Itchy.”

  “That means it’s healing. I’ll get you food while you freshen up. I’ve clothes put out.”

  Josh climbed into the surgery shower, the water tickling his skin. He hummed tunelessly, thoughts drifting - he couldn’t help it - to the shell. He might have been bashful discussing sex but when it came to thinking about it, he had no qualms whatsoever. I want you inside me. I want to watch your eyes as I make you come.