Subtle Reminders

by D. J. Pierson

  She swallowed. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

  “Why not?” Why were girls so confusing? What could be so bad?

  “I’m scared,” she whispered so low, I barely heard.

  “Of what?”

  “Losing you.” My eyebrows drew in. “You’re my best friend. If something went wrong… I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”

  “I guess you’ll just have to keep me around then.”

  “I like being able to talk to you about anything with no complications.”

  “That doesn’t have to change. I’ll always be here for you.”

  “Joey…”

  “See? That right there is promise enough things will work out.”

  “What is?”

  “How just hearing you say my name makes me want to repeat our first kiss over and over again. It makes me want to hold you tight and never let go. I promise you, BC. Everything will be fine.” Seeing she was on the verge of tears, I tried to lighten the mood. “Besides, if you turn me down, I’ll just find a song you don’t know and get what I want anyway.”

  She laughed, but her eyes still glistened. “Arrogant bastard.”

  “Only when it comes to you. So… Are you going to give me what I asked for, or do I have to find another way?”

  She took a step back, causing my hand to fall from her face. “I guess you’ll have to wait until Friday to find out.” She was ready to put more distance between us, but I grabbed her hand before she had the chance. “It’s not your birthday yet.” Even when she was busting my balls, she couldn’t have been more beautiful.

  “BC…”

  “What if I already got you something?” she teased. “It’s in two days. Did you expect me to wait until you made up your mind?”

  “If you already bought me something, you can take it back.”

  She dropped her glove in the grass, coming closer. She clutched the sides of my shirt at the waist. I shook off my glove and wrapped my arms around her. “You didn’t strike me as the type of person to screw up.”

  “How’d I do that?”

  “By asking for something you already have. Now you’re out a birthday present.”

  “You’re the only gift I want. The only one I’ll keep forever.”

  BC took a few minutes to gather herself before meeting me at the back of the open trunk. I was thankful for the moment to myself. “Are you taking everything to the beach or can it go to the house?”

  “It can go,” she said, clearing her throat. “Lex has what I need for now. Want me to carry something for you?” I handed over my backpack and thanked her. “See you down there.” BC jogged to catch up with her sister, who had already started pushing the beach cart toward the dune.

  “Are you going to stand there and stare, or can we go park?” Vince smirked, leaning on the SUV.

  “I’m telling Lex you’re putting your nasty fingerprints all over her car.” I ignored whatever else he had to say, getting back into the driver’s seat.

  We didn’t stay at the house long. Vince ran the girls’ bags up to my room, and I switched on the air conditioner and took a quick look around. Everything was as expected, so we locked the door and headed toward the beach. By the time we got there, the umbrella was up, the four chairs were out, and the cooler was in sight. Being a weekday in the spring, the area was fairly empty. Only another week or two and the crowds would return.

  Lex lathered sunscreen on her arm. “Need help with that?” Vince offered.

  “I’m good,” she responded, smiling.

  I didn’t need to ask where BC was. She stood with her feet in the water, looking out over the waves, wearing the same bikini as the other night. Her skin was a few shades lighter than normal, but by the day’s end, it would be a glistening brown. The sun always treated her well.

  “She asked who was watching Maddie,” Lex said. “You’ll only have yourself to blame if your dog goes missing when Brie leaves.”

  I wanted nothing more than to tell her BC wasn’t going anywhere. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Why do you bother with that when you’re going to ask regardless of what I say?”

  “Smart ass,” I groaned. “Do you know the song ‘Nightswimming’?”

  Lex stopped what she was doing and glared at me. “Is that a real question?” Vince shook his head, grinning like an idiot.

  “Yes, it’s a real question. Why are you being so damn sarcastic? Do you know the song or not?”

  “Yes, I know the song,” she mocked me. “What’s it to you?”

  “Does it mean anything to BC?”

  “Not that I know of. Why?”

  I sighed, disappointed. If she didn’t tell her sister about it, it must not have been as important to her as it was to me. “Never mind.”

  “You can’t ask about R.E.M. and not tell me why!”

  I dropped my hat on the chair where my backpack sat so I could take off my shirt. BC wasn’t the only one who needed a day in the sun. “I was just wondering. No big deal.”

  “Babe, remember when you drove me three hours to see them in concert?” she asked, smiling at Vince.

  “Why the hell would you drive that far to see some band?” I wondered.

  “Some band? How could you say such a thing?”

  “You’re in trouble now,” Vince said. “No one refers to Lex’s favorite anything that way.”

  “Wait… What?” What the hell was going on?

  “How long have you known me? You don’t know how much I love R.E.M.?”

  “You do? Since when?”

  “Forever.”

  “No, really. Since when?” My heart sped up. No way. They were messing with me.

  “I don’t know exactly.”

  I tried to think back to what grade she would have been in when I met BC. “How old were you?”

  “Um… I’m not sure, but I was in elementary school. Why does it matter?”

  “Because it does. Did your sister know this?”

  “How could she not? We listened to the CDs on repeat all the time.”

  “That little bitch!” I threw my shirt onto one of the chairs and took off toward the water.

  “Sully?!” Lex called. “What the hell are you doing?”

  Hearing her sister’s loud mouth, BC turned and saw me coming. “Hey. You’re back already?” I said nothing, scooping her up over my shoulder, taking her out into the water. “What the fuck?!” she screamed. “Put me down.” I just kept going. “Joey!” The more I walked, the more she hollered.

  I came to a stop when the water reached my thighs, becoming higher when a wave crashed in. “I’m going to ask one time, and one time only. Why didn’t you tell me you knew who sang ‘Nightswimming’?”

  She caught on quickly. “Alexa! I’m going to kill you!”

  “I don’t even know what I did,” Lex responded. She must have followed me. “Put her down, Joe! She’s going to flip.” She was so paranoid about someone pissing BC off enough that she’d leave. Well, too damn bad.

  “I’m warning you, BC. Tell me right now before I throw your ass in the water.”

  “Don’t you dare! It’s freezing!” It was. My legs were already beginning to numb, but I was too fired up to give a shit. She squirmed to get loose.

  “What is he talking about, Brie?” Lex absolutely hated being left out of anything.

  “I made Joey believe he won a date with me to the eighth grade dance.”

  “You mean, won that stupid game you two always played?”

  “BC, I’m losing my patience,” I interrupted. I shifted, making her think I was going to throw her in.

  “Okay! Okay!” Still dangling over my shoulder, she wrapped her arms around my chest, assuming the act would save her. “I didn’t want to admit that I wanted to go with you.”

  I took a few steps toward the shoreline. “Why not?”

  “I told you, now put me down.” I retracted a step back into the water. “Damn it!”

 
; “Why not?”

  “I thought if you knew, you wouldn’t want to hang around me anymore.”

  How could she possibly think such a thing? I would’ve followed her anywhere. Only because I couldn’t feel my legs any longer, I walked back to shore and set her down in the sand. She exhaled, relieved to be back on her feet. “You strung me along for an entire school year because you thought I wouldn’t want to be friends with you?”

  “Wow. Maybe you should put in for detective the next time a position opens up,” Lex remarked, strolling back to her chair.

  “Joey, it was a long time ago,” BC said once her sister was far enough away. Clearly, she felt uncomfortable talking about us.

  “It feels like yesterday to me,” I whispered. She crossed her arms and turned to look out over the water again. “I guess this means you also wanted me to kiss you that day in the park.” I probably should’ve kept those words to myself. She closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were filled with tears. I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’m glad I know now.” And I was. It only gave me more motivation to fight.

  When Joey asked about the song, I should’ve lied. The truth only caused the past to resurface and neither of us needed to go there. Thinking in the privacy of my dark bedroom at night was painful enough. I couldn’t imagine how badly it hurt him back then. If I was a half-decent human being, I would’ve lied to prevent the tiniest bit of unhappiness for Joey, but I didn’t.

  As he walked away, I kept my feet buried in the sand. Everything between us had been going so well until then. Before coming home, I mentally prepared myself for the possibility of Joey not caring to even acknowledge me…or worse. He had every right to treat me as badly as I treated him all those years ago. Instead, he acted as he always had. Joey was sweet, caring, polite, understanding…and perfect. Down to his soul, he was exactly the way I had left him and, to be honest, that was more heartbreaking. It only proved how much I still loved him and always would, but that I did the right thing by letting him go.

  “Hey, Brie! Your phone’s ringing.” I turned, seeing Vince holding my cell in the air. “Want me to answer it for you?”

  “No, thanks,” I said, slowly heading back up the beach. Joey and Lex were busy pouring drinks into cups. It was entirely too early to be drinking.

  Vince handed over the phone. “It was Aidan. I could’ve put him on hold for you.” He smirked.

  “Or you could’ve not told her he called at all,” my sister mumbled.

  The phone immediately began to buzz again. “Hello?”

  “Brielle. I didn’t wake you, did I?” Aidan seemed rushed.

  “No. Actually, we’re at the beach. What’s up?”

  “Sorry to interrupt, but I needed to talk.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  Aidan exhaled. “Mrs. Moore’s PET scan results are in.” I held my breath.

  Mrs. Moore was a single mom of two teenage boys. Before her cancer diagnosis, she struggled to make enough money to pay escalating monthly bills and the costs of having both her children in high school. Mr. Moore took off with some girl, who was barely older than their sons, without looking back. The bastard sent divorce papers in the mail the week after she was diagnosed. She never told him about her condition. If anyone deserved good news, it was her.

  “And?” Preparing not to like what he had to say, I turned my back on Joey, Lex, and Vince.

  “It’s not what we were hoping for.”

  My body slumped, my head dropping in defeat.

  Strolling away from my friends, I listened as Aidan explained the choices Mrs. Moore had ahead of her. The thing with our patients was they weren’t just patients. We genuinely cared for each and every one of them. Their stories became our stories. We welcomed their families into ours. We shared in their triumphs, as well as their defeats. Even after they were no longer technically our patients, they were still part of our family.

  “When is she scheduled to come in?”

  “She’s my first appointment Wednesday morning.”

  “What a shitty way to start the day. Sorry I’m not there.” At the oncology center, Aidan saw patients in the same place they came for their treatments. When he gave my patients results of any kind, I’d walk down to lend support.

  “I know you’d be here if you could. I hate this.” He went silent. I pictured him leaning back in the oversized chair, closing his eyes. “How’s everything going down there?” he asked for a change of subject.

  “It’s fine.” Suddenly, I felt guilty for being on the beach. Relaxing in the sun while the waves rolled onto the shore seemed a lot less important.

  “Laney was in full Brielle mode this morning, if that eases your mind about being away.” He chuckled lightly. “She got in early and everything was ready to go long before I came in.”

  I was shocked. “She’s rarely on time, let alone early.”

  “Maybe she’s trying to steal your job,” he joked.

  “If anyone’s capable of it, it’s Laney.”

  “I really miss you, Brie. Friday can’t get here soon enough.” He paused, listening to someone in the room. “All right. I have to run. Call me when you can.”

  Once the call ended, I took a second to collect myself. How was I supposed to enjoy the rest of the day? Joey and Vince were having a catch. Lex sat watching them, holding a book on her lap. Could life really be that simple? They all stopped to look at me as I dug through the cooler. Nothing seemed appealing, so I slammed it shut.

  “Everything okay?” Lex asked.

  “Not really. One of our patients isn’t doing so well.”

  “That sucks, Brie. I’m sorry,” Vince offered.

  “Me, too,” I whispered.

  “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but why the hell did he have to call you with that?” My sister never had an issue telling anyone what she thought. “Technically, this is your first vacation day in five years and he finds it necessary to ruin it? What an asshole!”

  “That wasn’t his intention, Lex. You know how it feels to give someone bad news. Aidan needed to vent,” I defended him.

  “He’s in an office full of people. You mean to tell me he couldn’t have talked to one of them?”

  “Lex…,” Vince warned.

  She grunted, shoving her book into the bag next to her chair. “Don’t give me that! Did you hear what I said, Vince? Five years! She has been in that office, working her ass off every damn day for over five years. How the hell would you feel if you didn’t get any downtime?”

  “I understand. I’m just saying it’s not her fault he called. Chill out, okay?”

  My sister inhaled deeply, slowly letting it out. “I realize that. It’s just… She takes all of this stuff to heart. She deserves a break.” She glanced at me. “I just want you to relax and have a good time. If Aidan genuinely cared, he’d want that for you. You can’t change anything for your patient, even though I know how badly you wish you could. I know they are all important to you.”

  “I’ll be back. I’m going to take a walk,” I mumbled.

  “Brie?” Lex called.

  “I’m fine,” I said, not turning back.

  Despite the cool temperature of the water, I wandered along the edge, searching for a seashell. It had to be whole without any cracks. We were in the north end of town, so there was plenty of ground before me. There had to be at least one. I saw a few young families out enjoying the day, many greeting me as I passed them. It was a nice interruption from the thoughts swirling through my head. The amusement rides on the pier hadn’t opened yet, but there was a bit of noise carrying over from the water park which opened for school trips. Other than that, it was just the waves from the ocean and the seagulls.

  Lex was right. When a patient of mine went through a rough patch, I took it personally. The blame sat heavily in my heart whenever a treatment was unsuccessful. Seeing disappointment on the face of someone who had given the fight of a lifetime haunted me. On harder days, I thought
back to the very first time I sat down with an instructor at the beginning of the Radiation Therapy program. She warned me things such as this would happen, but I just didn’t grasp how tough it would truly be.

  For me, there were always strong emotions involved. In my eyes, no one who walked into my room was simply another patient. They all had a life to get back to living. They all had friends and family who needed them. They all had a unique story to tell, deserving the opportunity to tell it. They were all important. They all mattered. Being compassionate for others was never a challenge for me. It was the main reason I chose a career in healthcare. It was also the reason I became furious, sick to my stomach, and heartbroken when innocent, hardworking, honorable people lost battles they shouldn’t have had to fight in the first place.

  Lost in thought, I didn’t notice I was no longer alone.

  “You missed one.” I jumped at the sound of his voice. “Sorry,” Joey apologized, holding a seashell. He placed it in my hand. It always needed my approval to be considered good enough to keep.

  “It’s perfect,” I eventually declared.

  “Yes!” he cheered, forcing me to smile. His excitement was adorable. Cocky, but still adorable.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He continued walking by my side. “How far do you plan on going?” We both looked at how much beach was left. I shrugged. “Want to talk about it? It might make you feel better.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “Fair enough. Mind if I talk?”

  “Joey…” It wasn’t his job to make me feel better, yet there he stood.

  “Just listen for a minute. Sixty seconds isn’t that long.” A groan escaped my throat. I didn’t need a lecture. His eyebrows rose, warning me to keep quiet. “I get that I’m not a doctor. Trust me. My bank account speaks for itself in that respect.” I started to cut him off, but he covered my mouth and wouldn’t remove his hand until he was confident I’d behave. “I understand how it feels. As badly as we want to, it’s just not possible to save everyone. It sucks. Sometimes it fucking hurts. Shit doesn’t always go how we plan, no matter how hard we try. But, the truth is, we didn’t put those people in danger in the first place. You have to look at it as you and Aidan gave this person a chance he or she wouldn’t have had without you. For me, one of the hardest things is wondering what I could’ve done differently to change the outcome of a situation. Most of the time, the answer is nothing. I do what I’ve been trained to do and, unfortunately, there are instances when it’s not enough.” My hands fidgeted with the seashell. “BC, I guess what I’m trying to say is we do everything in our power for other people, for complete strangers, without asking for anything in return. We shouldn’t punish ourselves for things that are completely out of our control. If anything, this kind of thing serves as a reminder that we shouldn’t waste the time we’ve been given.”