Subtle Reminders

by D. J. Pierson

  “What the hell were you thinking leaving us in the dark like that?” Dad grilled me as I was leaning forward to take my first bite.

  “Rich!” Mom gasped.

  “No. It’s okay,” I told her, setting the sandwich on the plate. “Everything happened so fast, then I heard a small heartbeat. Time stood still and I thought the worst part was over. Telling you guys or Joey on the phone definitely wasn’t the way to go. No one at the hospital seemed worried. The doctor only suggested I stay overnight because he didn’t feel comfortable sending me back to the dorm. He said the stairs would be too much to navigate and he was afraid nobody would be there to help.”

  “Brielle, we should’ve been notified the second you were in trouble.”

  “You would’ve overreacted and jumped in the car. Driving upset isn’t smart, Dad. Isn’t that what you’ve always told me?”

  “This was different. Do you have any idea how awful it feels knowing we weren’t there for our daughter?”

  The floodgates opened. “It wasn’t my intention to make you feel bad. The only thing I could think about was the enormous hole in my heart and how I’d do anything to keep it from happening to yours. There was no reason for us all to suffer!” I buried my face in my hands, and Dad wrapped his arms around me. “Especially Joey. He would’ve lost everything.”

  “That’s just it. He did, sweetie. He lost you. You are everything to him.” Dad rocked me the way he did when I was little. When I scraped my knee on the concrete. The time I fell off my bike and banged my elbow. After having teeth pulled and I couldn’t sleep because of the pain. At my grandfather’s funeral. Whenever I needed him. “I only know because if I lost any of my three girls, I’d feel exactly the same way.”

  “So you understand why I couldn’t tell him.”

  My dad sighed. “I do. It doesn’t mean I like it, though.”

  For the most part, they eased off with the questioning. I didn’t doubt there were plenty more answers they’d want, but I was grateful for the break. Lex called to check in, which helped occupy them. I spoke with her first, then handed off the phone. While they were chatting about how beautiful Hawaii was, I snuck out and went to my room.

  Checking my cell, I saw a missed text from Joey saying he was caught up in something and would stop by when he finished. It was at precisely that moment the well-constructed wall holding me together all those years cracked and crumbled into millions of pieces.

  Knowing Joey would never let me leave, I decided it was time to go. If I stayed any longer, I’d always feel as though the guilt forced him to remain by my side. He deserved a life where he’d be happy, and I wasn’t sure he’d get that from me.

  As I began stuffing the second bag, Mom popped her head into my room. Looking at my bag and then at me, her brows furrowed. “What are you doing?”

  “Packing.”

  “Brielle...” She tried hindering my progress, but I just worked around her. “This is crazy. The last couple days have been hard. You need to stay the rest of the week and relax. We’ll work it out together. Or, if you’d rather, we won’t even bring it up, but please don’t go. Not yet.”

  “If I don’t go now, Joey won’t let me.”

  “Sounds like another reason to stay.”

  “You don’t understand.” I glanced around the room to see if I had forgotten anything. The rose was still in the vase, and the stuffed animal from the boardwalk sat on my bed. I grabbed the monkey, tucking it under my arm.

  “Then explain it to me.”

  “He wants a family, Mom.”

  “That’s horrible,” she mocked.

  I stopped and stared at her, wondering if she had listened to anything I said the last few days. “What if I can’t give him the only thing he’s ever talked about?”

  “You’re being ridiculous.”

  “Am I?”

  “Yes! Joe loves you, Brie.”

  “He may think that now but, down the road, he’ll look back and realize he missed out on so much. I won’t do that to him.”

  “So you’re not even giving him a choice?”

  “No. He’ll choose wrong.”

  “Says who?”

  “Please, don’t make this any worse. I’ve already gone through this once. I should’ve never let Lex talk me into this. There was nothing wrong with coming in for the weekend of the wedding, then heading back.” We stomped down the hall and the stairs.

  “Don’t blame your sister! And heading back to what? Aidan? We both know he’s not the one for you.”

  “What’s wrong with Aidan?” He wasn’t for me. I knew that. I’d known since he asked for more. Maybe even before that.

  “Nothing is wrong with him. He’s a really nice guy. I just know you and Aidan won’t work.”

  “I’m not going back to him, Mom. We broke up the other night.” He’d asked me to reconsider and told me to give it time, but nothing would change my mind.

  Dad heard the commotion and came to check it out. “Why do you have bags in your hands?”

  I sighed. “I love you both, but you have to see things from my point of view. I can’t live here anymore. The memories, the futile hopes, the shattered dreams are too much.”

  Dad opened his mouth to argue, but Mom stopped him. “Let her go,” she whispered in defeat. Knowing she was famous for changing her mind, I hugged them both, promised to call the second I walked through the door, and ran for the car. I couldn’t get out of New Jersey fast enough.

  Just before crossing into Connecticut, my phone rang. Assuming Mom had reassessed, I answered, already having an excuse to hang up. To say I was shocked to hear Joey’s voice on the other end would be an understatement. I honestly believed once my parents told him about me leaving, he’d give up. Why was he making shit so difficult?

  It was late when I pulled into the garage. The headache from the previous night hadn’t gone away, but it was now compounded with the strain from the day. After locking up the car, I went inside. The door hadn’t even closed before it hit me. Looking at my furniture and seeing my stuff set up exactly the way I wanted it, I realized how empty it truly was. It wasn’t my home and I certainly didn’t belong there. Making it as far as the living room, I dropped my bags on the floor, sat on the couch, and reached for the cordless phone on the end table.

  My mom answered on the first ring. She didn’t speak a single word before I whispered, “I want to come home.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  “I don’t know what to do.” Buying the house was stressful enough. What the hell would I do with it?

  “That’s why you have us. We’ll take care of everything. Most importantly, we’ll take care of you.”

  “I’m sorry for letting you and Dad down.”

  Anyone who had gone through the process would tell you making it on your own was hard. Despite the odds, I’d done it. I had a college degree from a good school, a career with a promising future, a house, a car, and independence. However, what good was any of it if I still felt empty?

  “I’m sorry you feel that way because we don’t. You’ve never disappointed us, Brielle. We are so proud of everything you’ve accomplished and the wonderful person you’ve become. You should be, too.”

  “It’s not so easy.”

  “It may not seem like it, but I’m confident you’ll be very happy with your decision in the long run.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I love you, sweetie.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  “Want to stay on the phone?”

  “I think I’ll shower and go to bed.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. Call me in the morning, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “Goodnight, Brielle.”

  “Hey, Mom?”

  “Yes?”

  “Thank you.”

  I heard the smile in her voice. “No thanks needed. That’s why we’re here.”

  After talking with Mom, the loneliness wasn’t nearl
y as overwhelming. My surroundings became tolerable since they were no longer permanent, even without knowing exactly when I’d be leaving. More importantly, my family wanted me with them. Things were looking up. Then my sister sent a text.

  Lex: I know it’s late, but the photographer sent me some previews. This was one of them.

  A few seconds later, the picture popped onto the screen. It was of Joey and me at the park while we paused from posing with champagne glasses, toasting the newlyweds. Joey stood behind me, one hand on my hip, the other holding the glass by his side. His face rested against mine, and a shy smile shaped my lips. I remembered what he whispered.

  “It was always you, Buttercup. It’ll only ever be you.”

  I dropped the phone on the coffee table and went upstairs to take a bath. The massaging jets of the tub normally soothed the tight muscles in my lower back, but it wasn’t working. Ultimately, I gave up trying to unwind in the steamy water and opted for reading. Choosing a dark thriller from the shelf seemed a better choice than a sappy romance, but it didn’t grab my attention. My stomach growled, reminding me it hadn’t been fed all day. Noticing it was nearing midnight, I trudged back down the stairs. After opening only one cabinet, the reality that my kitchen was bare sank in. Forcefully pushing the door shut startled me, but only because the doorbell rang at the same time.

  “Who the hell?” Confirming the alarm clock beside my bed was correct, I checked the time on the microwave, the stove, and the clock hanging on the wall. They all read eleven fifty-five. It was too late to turn off the lights and hide. Sneaking over to the door and peering through the peephole, my heart sank when I saw the back of a person, but the front of a baseball hat. Wordlessly, I undid the two locks and opened the door. He turned around, holding a plastic bag.

  “The convenience stores up here suck. How the hell do you tolerate this shit? Don’t people around here eat past ten?”

  “What are you doing here, Joey?”

  “I finished a long ass shift, then drove four hours to get here. Aren’t you even going to invite me in before you start with the questions?” I stood to the side and motioned for him to enter. “Thank you,” he grumbled on his way to the kitchen. “Nice place. It’s pretty much what I expected, though.”

  I bolted the locks, then followed him, crossing my arms over my chest. Not planning on company, I had only put on a cami and pair of shorts. “Sorry to be so predictable.”

  Joey chuckled, rooting through the bag. “Lately, you’re anything but predictable. Please tell me you at least have coffee. Not being able to get a decent cup at this hour should be illegal. I’m going to have to have a chat with the local PD. Someone needs to fix this shit.”

  “I do. I just don’t have any milk at the moment.” Joey always put milk in his coffee, along with a pound of sugar. Smiling, he produced a quart from the bag. “Wow. Can’t wait to see what you do for the finale,” I sarcastically remarked, scooting around him to the pot. From the cabinet, I pulled out the container full of different kinds of coffee. He selected one, then I added it and water to the machine. I grabbed a mug and set it underneath.

  “Seriously? That’s the only cup you have?”

  “I assumed you’d want it quickly. It was the first I saw.”

  I wasn’t sure why he made such a big deal about it. Did he think I had anything other than purple glittery mugs with my initial? There may have been a plain white one among the collection, but why bother searching for it when you could have a pretty color? We both stayed silent until the coffee finished brewing. He thanked me when I set it in front of him, along with the sugar bowl and a spoon. Once it was mixed to his liking, he grabbed the cup and the bag, then walked over to the couch. Settling down, he let out a sigh of relief. I sat, too, facing him and tucking my legs under me.

  “Now, can you please tell me why you’re here?”

  From the bag, he dug out pretzels, cookies, trail mix, and candy. “Want something?”

  “An answer would be nice.”

  Joey shook his head. “I’m here because you hung up on me.”

  “I was done talking.”

  “Well, I wasn’t.”

  “There isn’t anything left to say.”

  “Maybe not for you.” He pulled apart the bag of pretzels and shoved in his hand. I shook my head when he offered some.

  “What was so important you had to drive all the way up here to tell me?”

  In between bites, he said, “You were wrong.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You were wrong. I know it’s not usually your thing, but you were really fucking wrong this time.”

  “About?”

  “You said it was too late for us. I hate to break it to you but, where you and I are concerned, it’ll never be too late.” He casually sipped his coffee, as if he spoke about the weather. “You’ll just have to suck it up, Buttercup. This is how shit was meant to be. You’re stuck with me and I’m never letting you go again.”

  “How could you want anything to do with me?”

  “How could I not?” I exhaled, frustrated. “How many ways do I need to say it?” He dropped a pretzel back into the package. Taking my fingers, he raised them to his lips. “It was always you, B. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. No one does it for me like you. It’s always going to be you.” He removed his hat and placed it on my head. “Anyway you want to say it, you’re mine.”

  “I-I can’t be,” I stuttered. Tears slid down my face, and Joey wiped them away with his thumb.

  “Why do you think that?”

  It was time to lay it all out there and be done with it. Keeping the truth from him had only made things worse. He’d appreciate knowing where things stood. “The plans we once had… They’re no longer possible.”

  “B, I’m exhausted. Please speak English.”

  “I don’t know if I can give you the family you’ve always wanted. Honestly, after what happened, I don’t have it in me to even try. The pain was too much. I won’t put myself through it again.”

  His expression was a mixture of relief, irritation, and sadness. He tucked part of my hair back that had fallen out. “It’ll be different now.”

  “How?”

  “Not only will you have me by your side, you’ll also have a very special angel watching over you.”

  Why was it so difficult to make him understand? “Joey, you’re not getting it. When I can’t give you everything you deserve, you’ll resent me. You’ll never be truly happy.”

  “No, BC. You’re the one not getting it. You are everything.” He pulled me closer so our heads touched. “You’re everything and so much more. All I’ll ever want is you.”

  “Joey…” I opened my eyes to see his lips getting closer to mine, capturing me in an unbelievably perfect kiss. It was soft, slow, and completely Joey. Pulling away, he flashed the infamous cocky Sullivan grin. “What the hell is that about?”

  “I was going to ask if you still loved me, but I figured it would be better to find out for myself.”

  My hand rested on the back of his neck so he didn’t move away any farther. “I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen, Joey. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t.”

  “Please don’t ever try to do that shit again.”

  “Okay.” Leaning me back until I rested on the cushion, a distinctive look flickered in his eyes. It only meant one thing. “I thought you needed coffee.”

  “I’m suddenly wide awake.”

  “Should we go upstairs?”

  “Nope. I’m good right here.”

  I’d take Joey Sullivan anywhere.

  It wasn’t the first time BC’s stubbornness tested my ability to curb a bad temper, nor was I under any presumptions it’d be the last. However, there was no way in hell I was about to sit back and allow her to keep up the bullshit. Throwing random clothes in a bag, I called my mom, asking if she’d mind watching Maddie for a few days. Pop must’ve mentioned my idea of going to the shore because she said
it was never a problem to have Maddie stay with them, but reminded me how much she loved the beach. Then I had to quickly explain about chasing the pain in my ass to Connecticut. Mom reminded me how BC had been through a lot and I needed to tread lightly.

  “Sure. No problem,” I sharply told her. “Right after I stick my foot up her ass for pissing me off.”

  “Joe…”

  “Mom, I’m all for everyone defending her, just not right now, okay? She’s not the only one who lost something here.”

  “Think of it from her point of view. The moment Brielle found out she was carrying a baby, she became a mother. For someone like her, it’s an instant change. Then a cruel twist of fate stole the whole world from under her. I’m not sure that kind of void can ever be filled. There’s also a large amount of guilt associated with something like this. It’s important she knows much you love her, but it’s also important that she heals.”

  “Why would she feel guilty? None of this was her fault.”

  “Of course it wasn’t, but something tells me her heart is saying otherwise. You’re the only one who can make this better or, at least, tolerable for her to move on. That’s all I meant.”

  “Yeah, I got it,” I uttered. How the fuck could I be mad at her after hearing Mom’s take on the situation? If she understood BC’s craziness, it had to be fairly rational.

  The caffeine supply from the first half of the trip had worn off by the end. Regrouping prior to seeing BC seemed logical, but my chances of staying two steps ahead decreased the longer I waited. The only place I found open was a twenty-four hour drugstore with no freshly brewed coffee. I was screwed.

  Seeing the main floor lit settled my nerves. I’d feel bad if I woke her, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t. Surprisingly, it only took one ring of the bell for the door to open. With it being so late, I hoped she would be cautious with answering, but also that she wasn’t expecting someone else. One look at her beautiful face and I knew I’d made the right decision. Convincing BC was complicated. Keeping in mind what Mom said, I put my foot down and took back the love of my life. That one night alone made up for it all.