Still Waters

by Kathleen Creighton

  "For how long? Two days? A week? She forms an attachment to you, and then she's got to adjust to another change. And you-do you really think it would be easier for you to let her go then?"

  Maddy took a deep breath. "Then let me be her foster home. Come on, Larry, why not?"

  The psychologist made an exasperated sound and turned away from the window. "Maddy…"

  She gripped the sleeve of his rumpled tweed jacket. "Larry, if you put in a recommendation-"

  "I don't see how I could do that, Maddy."

  "Why?"

  "Maddy, you're not seeing things very clearly. Which is precisely why you shouldn't have allowed yourself to get involved emotionally in a case. To begin with, you're single, a working woman, with no experience with children."

  "No experience! What about my work here at the clinic? What about my programs in the schools? I see hundreds of children!"

  "See them, sure. But that's not living with them. Raising them. Dealing with the everyday problems- the tears and tantrums, the mess, the noise, the inconvenience. And most of all, the constant and unremitting responsibility."

  "Don't lecture me, Larry. I'm not a child, and I think I know very well what that little girl needs. She needs a lot of love and patience and affection, and I think I can give it to her!"

  "Maddy." Larry's eyes and voice were kind. "What Theresa needs more than anything is a normal home environment. Can you honestly tell me you could provide her with that? The way you live? In a fairy-tale cottage, surrounded by talking toys and a cat with a weird sense of humor? You know the standards for foster homes as well as I do. Honey, you can't give her a bedroom to sleep in. You don't even have a bedroom to sleep in!"

  Maddy just stared at him, frustrated by her yearnings and the knowledge that he was right. After a moment Larry pursed his lips and asked softly, "And then what happens… when she's adopted?"

  "Adopted?"

  "If no other relatives can be located, we'll push to have Theresa released for permanent adoption. As a matter of fact, we've already had an inquiry about Theresa, from someone interested in permanent custody."

  "Someone's asked about adopting Theresa? Already?" Maddy was stunned. "Who? Who could possibly know she'd be-"

  "Someone you might have heard of, actually." Larry's face was carefully blank. "Zack London."

  "What?" Maddy's voice rose to an incredulous squeak. "You can't be serious!" Of all the emotions bumping into one another inside her, the most recognizable were jealousy and a sense of betrayal. He knew how she felt about Theresa. Why hadn't he said anything to her about this yesterday?

  Larry was gazing placidly at her. "Sure am. Came to see me this morning, as a matter of fact. Of course, I told him he was a bit premature-"

  "Premature! Larry, he's no more qualified to be a parent than I am! You don't mean to tell me he'd be seriously considered-"

  Larry looked stern. "On the contrary, Maddy, he's a lot more qualified than you are. He's at least had experience raising a child. He's financially secure, and capable of providing materially for a child."

  "He's single!"

  "That's true," Larry murmured, nodding sagely. "That's true. But not likely to remain so forever. Once he's had some time to heal-"

  "How do you know? About Zack London, I mean? You sound as if you know him personally."

  "Oh, Zack and I have worked together on various projects-Boy's Club, Parks and Rec." Larry shrugged and smiled.

  Feeling frustrated and outwitted, Maddy abruptly turned her back on Larry and began stuffing puppets into their cases with uncharacteristic disregard for their well-being.

  "Hey… Maddy, listen." Larry Whitlaw was a good friend, and when he placed his big hands gently on her shoulders her anger at him ebbed. Her shoulders sagged, and he massaged them sympathetically. "You know that if anybody else did this, I'd put 'em on leave of absence, don't you? Emotional basket cases we don't need around here."

  She shook his hands off and laughed painfully. "So what makes me an exception?"

  He waved a hand at the puppet cases. "At the risk of making you impossible to live with, I guess a lot of people around here think you're damn near irreplaceable."

  She placed a hand over her heart and groaned. "Please. I don't think my ego can stand it!"

  He chuckled, and gazed fondly at her for a moment. "Tell you what. I don't see any harm in your maintaining contact with Theresa, once she's established in her foster home. I've no objection to a friendly relationship, as long as it doesn't interfere with her adjustment to her new environment and isn't disruptive to her or the foster parents. Is that understood?"

  "Understood," Maddy said softly, and smiled radiantly.

  But as she loaded her puppets into her car, she was thinking, with an acknowledged lack of fairness, Zack London, how could you do this to me?

  It was probably a good thing Maddy was still angry with Zack when she arrived at his home for her first swimming lesson. Without that spine-stiffening core of resentment, she might never have made it from her car to the front door. As it was, the finger that punched the doorbell shook noticeably. Maddy noticed it, and clenched her hand into a fist. Lord, how she wished she'd brought one of her puppets along! Bosley would have known exactly how to deal with this…

  A moment later she was thinking that Bosley, in her new incarnation, at least, would have had a field day.

  Zack opened the door himself. He was wearing only a pair of swimming trunks and a light blue cotton something with a hood. The blue thing-a light jacket or cover-up of some sort-was unzipped and hanging negligently off his broad shoulders. His chest, torso, and those long, smooth-muscled swimmer's legs were bare. Maddy stared resentfully at him. Why couldn't he have had a maid? His house, like all the houses in this part of town, was big, custom-built, and overlooked the golf course. She would have thought Zack London at least would have a maid.

  He, in his turn, was looking her up and down, taking in her neat navy blue linen slacks and white cableknit cotton sweater. "Hi. Glad you came," he said with amusement in his voice and eyes. "Did you come to swim, or ski?"

  "It gets cold in the evenings," she said defensively, clutching her oversized purse tightly. "And I don't make a habit of driving around town in a bathing suit."

  He mumbled something that sounded like "Pity," and stood aside. "Come on in. You can change in the bathroom."

  "Thank you," she said primly. Her teeth had developed a tendency to chatter. She clamped them together firmly and said brightly, "Nice place." She waved a hand that encompassed both Zack's manicured front lawn and the golf course beyond it. "Do you play golf?"

  "Not much." His expression and voice were neutral. "Carol-my wife-played quite a bit."

  "Oh." In her dismay, Maddy forgot to keep her teeth clenched. Sure enough, they made an audible clattering noise.

  Zack glanced at her with interest. "Are you really that cold, or is it nerves?"

  "Cold," she mumbled, hugging herself and lying with conviction. "Definitely."

  "Uh-huh." Zack's expression was carefully serious. "Well, it would probably help if you came in off my front doorstep."

  "Doorstep?" she looked around, surprised to find that she was still outside. "Oh…"

  Zack held the door, politely waiting. Maddy stayed where she was. After a moment Zack sighed, took her arm, and pulled her across the threshold.

  "Nice house," she said, looking around desperately.

  The living room was enormous, immaculate, and sterile, done in neutrals and cool shades of blue and sea green. Beyond it she could see a formal dining room, raised two steps above the level of the entryway and living room. It, too, was immaculate. It seemed unused, like a display in a furniture-store window. "It seems very… big."

  "Too big for one person, you're probably thinking. And you're right." Zack's jaw seemed to tighten, then relax. "I'm thinking seriously about doing something about that."

  Maddy's breath caught in her throat. "Do you… live here… all alone?
" It was hard to imagine someone as casual-appearing as Zack, with his jeans and polo shirts, his undisciplined hair and sunburned skin, living in a place as cold and empty as this. Maddy hated to think of Theresa living in such an environment. And surely the county-adoption caseworker would agree that this was no place for a child.

  "I have a housekeeper." Zack's voice was dry. Maddy glanced at him guiltily and saw a sardonic smile on his lips. "So you don't have to worry about being alone with me. And now," he said briskly, dismissing that subject and putting his hands on her shoulders, turning her the way one would a confused and balky child, "quit stalling. Bathroom's down that hall-first door on your right. Did you bring a towel?"

  She snapped her fingers. "Oops-I left it in the car. I'll just go-"

  Zack's arm made a barrier across the door just in time to thwart her escape. "No, you don't. I think I can probably find you something." His eyes were amused, but sympathetic.

  "I'm sorry," she muttered, feeling ridiculous. "I guess maybe I am a little nervous."

  "No!" He put a hand on his chest and looked incredulous.

  She stared resentfully at him for a long, tense moment, then gave an embarrassed giggle. "Okay, I'm sorry," she said. "Really. I'm being pretty silly."

  "Yeah, you are." He put his hands on her shoulders and smiled disarmingly at her. "Do I look like a maniac who drowns gorgeous blonds in my hot tub?"

  She focused on his dimple and shook her head. "No."

  "Oh, what a relief." His smile broadened and became irresistible. "Besides, Dahlia wouldn't allow it. Maddy… look. I'm here to help you get over your fears, not make them worse. Everything we do tonight will be pleasant. Enjoyable. Even… fun." His voice was soft and deep-throated. It soothed the rough, raw edges of her fear like warm oil. "Trust me. Nothing's going to hurt you tonight, or scare you. Okay?"

  "Okay." She nodded, but somewhat dubiously. She did trust him not to hurt her. So why was she still shivering?

  It wasn't until she was closed into the privacy of the bathroom and facing her own reflection in the mirror that she realized it wasn't the water she was afraid of at all. It was Zack. Just… Zack.

  The problem, she decided as she peeled off her sweater and folded it neatly, was that he kept giving off conflicting signals. Not that she was adept at reading such signals, granted, but she'd had enough of the wrong kind of experience to know when a man was putting the make on her. She just wasn't hearing the usual warning bells and sirens with Zack. And yet he'd already taken more physical liberties with her than she'd tolerated from any of the men she'd dated in recent memory.

  What did he want from her? On the one hand, he courted her trust. And on the other… what?

  Maddy pulled on her suit, the plain black one she had bought for her first lesson at the public pool, and surveyed herself critically in the mirror. Damn the suit, anyway. It had seemed so practical. She'd had no idea when she bought it that it would be so… revealing.

  "You really are cold, aren't you?" Zack said when she finally found the courage to rejoin him. She glanced down at herself and groaned inwardly.

  "Don't worry," he went on. "The hot tub will take care of those chills." He sounded comforting. Maddy tried to hide her telltale nipples behind a folded towel.

  "H-hot tub?" She stumbled a little as she followed Zack down a short flight of carpeted stairs to a sumptuously appointed room that appeared to be a combination den and game room. The carpet was thick, chairs and sofas big and comfortable, tables cluttered with books and magazines. One end of the room was dominated by a huge stone fireplace, the other by an equally enormous pool table. In between, wide glass doors opened onto a covered patio made jungly by potted and hanging plants. Beyond the greenery, Maddy could just see the turquoise glitter of the pool.

  "We'll start with the hot tub," Zack said, pulling open the sliding glass doors. His hand on her back was uncompromising. With a perfectly straight face he added, "It's a terrific way to warm up."

  "Hot tub," she repeated, balking suspiciously. "I thought you were supposed to teach me to swim." She glared at him accusingly. "I may be from Indiana, but I know you can't swim in a hot tub."

  "Hey, who's the teacher here? Quit worrying about the swimming part. Right now it's your fear of water we have to deal with. First things first. And the first thing I'm going to do"-he firmly removed the towel from her frozen fingers and dropped it onto the deck's rough paving stones-"is show you some of the sensual properties of water." His jacket joined her towel.

  "Sen-sensual?" Inexplicably, Maddy had begun to shiver again.

  Zack moved away to flip switches and punch buttons. He returned to hold out his hand to her in a gesture that was very much like an invitation to dance. "Yes… sensual. As in, 'appealing to the senses.' Your fear of water isn't all-encompassing. You don't get hysterical when presented with a glass of iced tea, do you?"

  "Of course not!"

  "And you take showers, don't you?"

  "Yes, of course I do. That's ridic-"

  "We're making progress! Baths?"

  "Yes!"

  "You see? We've just got to narrow the scope of your fear even further. If we eliminate all the things about water that don't frighten you, let's hope that, by the process of elimination, we can get to what's really bugging you. Come on, Maddy-take my hand."

  Fascinated against her will, she put her hand in his larger, warmer one, and allowed herself to be led to the edge of the tub.

  He stopped and murmured, "Listen."

  "What?" She stared at him, confused.

  "Hush. Listen to the water. Hearing's a sense, too. Don't you know that the sound of running water is considered to be a terrific natural tranquilizer?" Keeping a firm grip on her hand, he stepped into the bubbling water. Maddy had no choice but to follow.

  "Ever been in a hot tub before?" he asked casually as he guided her into the whirlpool bath.

  She threw him what she hoped was a disdainful look. "Of course I have. I didn't just fall off a hay wagon, you know!"

  He grinned disarmingly and peered closely at her. "Let's see." He picked an imaginary straw out of her hair, shook his head, and flicked it away. Maddy found herself grinning back, and curled her free hand into a fist and pounded it once, in gentle reproof, on his smooth chest. He captured it and, holding both of her hands between his, said softly, "Maddy, sit down."

  Without taking her eyes from his, she lowered herself into the frothy bubbles. Warmth, churning, caressing, tingling warmth enveloped her to her chin.

  Maddy hadn't lied. She had been in hot tubs before. But not like this. She wasn't sure why, but this was… different. The sensations were indescribable. And delicious. The water stroked her body like fingers, magical, sensitive fingers. And the churning seemed to be inside her…

  Zack's mouth had curved in a smile, but as she gazed at him it seemed to blur and soften. He let go of her hands and touched her face, drawing his thumb across the film of moisture on her upper lip. Her lips parted in response. He touched her warm cheek with the backs of his fingers, then lifted a strand of her hair and delicately tucked it behind her ear.

  "Maddy… close your eyes."

  It was an easy command to obey. Her eyelids had grown so heavy, it was almost a relief to let them drift softly down.

  "Feel the water… go with it. Let it hold you…"

  His fingers combed her hair back from her temples, fanning wide to encompass her head. Her head had become too heavy for her neck to support. It felt good to let it lie in the basket of his hands.

  "Don't go to sleep on me, now." His voice was gently amused.

  Her eyes flew open, and for a moment she felt disoriented to discover it was still daylight. Her senses had somehow evoked subliminal memories of tropical nights, soft and humid and heavy with the scent of flowers. She cleared her throat, and, like an intoxicated person trying hard to appear sober, focused her eyes on Zack's dimple and said, "I wasn't sleeping."

  Her intention was to speak clearly and
with authority, but for some reason her words came out with a bit of a slur. She knotted her eyebrows into a frown and tried again. "I was just… relaxing."

  "Good." His smile was approving. His fingers moved, rubbing back and forth on her scalp. The rasping sound they made was loud in her ears, and had an oddly hypnotic effect. Her jaw felt unhinged. She said "Umm…" then decided that it took too much effort to talk.

  "Now," Zack murmured, "I want you to lie in the water. Raise your body, stretch out flat, just like you would if you were lying in bed. The most comfortable bed in the world. Feathers… down…"

  "Water bed," she mumbled, pleased with her cleverness.

  Zack's chuckle made a cool stirring on her heated skin. Still supporting her head in his hands, he turned her and arranged himself so that her back was against his chest, her head resting in the hollow of his shoulder. His hands slid down her neck to her shoulders, then moved slowly along her arms to her wrists. Very gently he drew her arms up and out until they lay on the water's frothy surface, perpendicular to her body.

  "That's right… just let them float. Let the water hold you."

  She felt his hands on her back, her ribs, her waist, gently lifting. They seemed like part of the water…

  It was weird, as if she were floating on clouds of fragrant steam, but at the same time her body felt so heavy. She was aware of her pulse throbbing in strange and disturbing places, in parts of her body she'd never noticed her pulse in before. She had a vague feeling that what she was doing, what he was doing, was more erotic than educational, but she couldn't seem to care. In fact, if she turned her head just a little, her lips would touch wet-silk warmth… his neck…

  "Oops," Zack said. "It's getting too hot in here, I think." Odd, she thought. Was it her ears, or did his voice seem slurred too? "Time to cool off. Upsy-daisy."

  He restored her to a sitting position. She felt lightheaded and slightly nauseated.

  "Can you stand?" he asked.

  She nodded, and did so, but her legs felt like jelly and she had to lean heavily on the hand he offered to help her over the side of the tub and into the pool.