“Not a fucking word,” I mumbled, as I dropped my bag next to his.
He held up his hands. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Especially after you gave me so much shit last year every time I came in late.”
“Seriously Nate,” I said in warning. “I’m not in the mood today.”
He grinned. “Sounds familiar.”
I glared at him, but he ignored me as he looked at the machines around us.
“Are you here to work out or bake cookies and talk about your feelings?”
Nate turned from the weights he was grabbing. “Are you sure you’re okay? I’m not trying to panic, but you aren’t normally this hostile the first five minutes we’re here.”
Instead of responding, I took the weight from him and put it on the rack. I glared at the bench and grabbed another twenty pounds and stacked it on there too. Nate raised an eyebrow, but wisely didn’t comment. At this rate, I would probably punch him just for looking at me wrong.
I sat down and took a deep breath before laying back to lift the bar. Grunting as I picked up all three hundred thirty pounds, I pressed it five times before putting it back up. We had slowly been building my lift amounts, but I needed something to challenge me today. My anger spurred me on and I picked up the bar again. Nate watched silently, there if I needed him, but leaving me alone with my thoughts otherwise.
“This all looks really fucking familiar, but it was me on that side last year.”
“Shut up, douche.”
He laughed. “You’re testy this morning. You either haven’t got laid in too long or you’re having girl problems.” He paused for a second. “Oh shit, is this about the girl we talked about before?”
I ignored him and lifted the bar for another set.
“I’m going to go with girl problems because if it was just sex, you would be out doing cardio and trying to fuck every girl you looked at.”
“Seriously, would you just shut the fuck up?” I racked the weights and stood up. He didn’t step away. “I’m in a really bad mood. Between my classes that are kicking my ass and the fact that yes, I am having girl problems, I’m about to lose it. So can we fucking drop it, Nathaniel?”
His eyes widened. “Okay, but I will say this, if you need to vent or go have a drink let me know.”
I nodded once and he finally let it pass. Luckily for him, I didn’t have enough time to spar or he might have gone back to Olivia with a few bruised ribs. We finished our workout in silence and I was thankful for the brief reprieve from the shit going on in my head.
____
I tugged a shirt over my head and threw my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans. The light on my phone blinked, signaling a new message. My fingers itched to check it, but I left my phone laying on my desk as I walked out the door. If I checked it, I might change my mind about how I wanted to spend my night. Two days after my fight with Cora and I couldn’t stand being around myself anymore.
The smell of old cigarettes and soured beer hit me as soon as I walked in the door to one of the only bars close to campus. One of my friends worked as a bartender and I knew he would let me drink in peace. Sure enough, as soon as I sat down, Jason put a whiskey and coke in front of me. Hopefully it wasn’t because I looked more pathetic than normal.
All I wanted to do was mask the hole in my life where Cora had been. The whiskey might be a band aid, but it was necessary. Every time I thought of her, I could feel an ache starting in my chest. I took a drink and let the lowball glass hang loosely from my fingers as I lowered it back to the bar. Some baseball game was on the TV, but I couldn’t focus, or pretend to care enough about who was playing. I needed to get a drink and find a hot girl to fuck, maybe then Cora wouldn’t be taking over every waking thought in my head.
It wasn’t long before a girl with long legs and bright red hair sat down next to me at the bar. In my experience, redheads had always been wild and ready for anything in bed. I sized her up and she smiled back encouragingly. Oh yeah, she would definitely be down for a meaningless hookup. I wondered if I could actually go through with it, or if I should take her to a hotel or back to her place. I tried to give myself a pep talk, saying I could shut it all down, pretend that Cora wasn’t in the forefront of my mind.
“You look lonely over there. What’s your name?” The redhead asked.
“Finn. What’s yours, sugar?”
She giggled, and I wondered if she would do that while her head was being pounded into the headboard.
“Stacy.”
“What are you drinking, Stacy?”
“A cosmo.” Of course she was drinking some sugary shit. At least Cora drank whiskey or beer. I shook my head a little to get her name out of my head again. The girl cocked her head to the side. “Is there something wrong with that?”
“Nothing at all, sugar.”
I motioned to my buddy and ordered her drink and my third. He passed them over and stepped back with an amused look on his face.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom, hon.” the redhead said, flashing lots of leg as she climbed down from her bar stool. I nodded and took another drink. Jason snorted a laugh while pretending to watch the baseball game.
“What’s so funny?” I asked scowling.
“Nothing, just never thought I would see you here doing this.” He wiped the bar down in front of him. “The great Finn Crawford has fallen pretty far if you’re hitting on drunk girls in my bar, friend. Funny thing, your sister came in here last year when things went south with Nate. It must run in the family.”
“Did she hook up with some guy?” I shuddered. “Never mind, don’t answer that.”
He laughed. “No, she drank her weight in tequila and complained about guys. One guy in particular, she never said his name, but I knew. Everyone knew.” He pinned me with a look. “I think your situations aren’t so different.”
I stared down at the glass in my hand.
What in the hell was I doing?
This wasn’t me. I wasn’t this guy who fucked a new girl just to get over another one.
“I’ve got to go.”
“That’s what I thought,” he said, tossing the towel over his shoulder. “Don’t over think things, Finn. For what it’s worth, I think you two are good together.”
I shot him a questioning look.
“I was the asshole who dared you to kiss her.”
I scowled. “Remind me to punch you when you aren’t working.”
He laughed. “Not a chance in hell.”
Shaking my head, I threw some bills down on the bar to cover the drinks. I needed to get the hell out of here before the redheaded coed came back from the bathroom. The last thing I needed was to get caught sneaking out. I glanced up at Jason.
“I got it; get the hell out of here before she comes back.”
I sighed a breath of relief and booked it out of there. With any luck, Cora would never find out about this stupid mistake.
Hannah found me curled up on my bed. My pillow was soaked with tears and I looked awful. She rubbed my back as a new onslaught of tears hit me. I clung to her for God only knows how long before I was finally able to breathe again. I turned away embarrassed when I realized just how bad I looked.
“How can I help?” She asked softly.
“Everything hurts. I’m exhausted. Why does everything have to be so damn hard when it comes to guys?”
She ran her hand down my hair. “It’s going to be okay. You two will figure it out.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen and now I’ve screwed up a friendship too.”
“You and Finn will figure it out.”
I gasped and sat up next to her, tears still streaming down my face. “How long have you known?”
She smiled. “Since the first time I saw you two together. He looked at you like you were his entire world. Just because you denied it didn’t mean that it wasn’t actually there. I imagine you two have been fighting it for quite a while.”
Scoffing, I said, “That’s hig
hly unlikely. He probably just saw me as a good lay. Finn doesn’t actually have relationships, he just fucks a lot of girls.”
But hadn’t I said I didn’t want a relationship either?
The little voice nagged in my head, telling me that I was being just as stupid as he was, maybe even more so.
She shook her head. “I just know that I wish I had someone look at me like he looks at you.”
I frowned and started to protest. She cut me off, “Come on, let’s go get some ice cream, then we can watch sappy chick flicks until our brains rot. I’ll even order you pizza later. You need a good wallow and that’s why having a roommate is awesome because they do all that shit for you.”
She grabbed my hand and pulled me off the bed. Her arm wrapped around my shoulder and I sucked in a shuddery breath. Hannah and I might be complete opposites, but I knew she had my back, even when I didn’t deserve it. I grabbed my purse and took a look in the mirror. Swollen, puffy eyes stared back at me, but for once, I didn’t care how I looked. This was a million times worse than yoga pants and a messy bun.
“Let’s go, but can we avoid the ice cream shop on campus?”
“That’s fine, honey,” she agreed while tugging on her coat.
“We can stop by Kroger’s instead. Is that okay?”
“Deal.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “All you have to do is pick out the ice cream flavor you want and what toppings on the pizza.”
I shuddered and she hugged me tighter. “That’s about all I’m capable of right now.”
We walked out to the car in silence. I’d never been so thankful to have Hannah as a friend than I was at that second.
____
A week later I found myself staring out the window of the only decent coffee shop on campus. Hannah had made me get out of bed and actually leave the room for something other than going to class. We were becoming better friends and I had been really thankful for her the past couple of days. She’d told me all about her ex and how he followed her to her last school. He’d ended up being a little stalkerish. And by a little, I mean he followed her to every class and tried to get her to marry him for a month. Boy was batshit crazy. She decided a fresh start was in order when she had finally, in no uncertain terms, told him it was over and to lose her number.
Unfortunately, she lost touch with her old friends because they all couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want someone as great as he was. They didn’t see the issues between them, only that they looked like the perfect couple from the outside. I was happy that she didn’t listen to her friends and got away before things got ugly. I knew firsthand how quickly things could go from bad to dangerous.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, handing me a bite of her chocolate croissant.
I shrugged and popped the piece in my mouth.
“Well, I might have something to cheer you up. How do you feel about making a certain someone a little jealous?”
“What are you talking about?” I asked hesitantly.
“There’s a house party this weekend. I just thought that if you were up to it, we could do some retail therapy and pick out something perfect for you to wear.”
I tried to smile, but it felt foreign. “I think you’re an evil genius, but I’m not sure I’m up for it.”
She smiled. “There’s also this guy there that I want to talk to, so we’ll be picking out two sets of something jaw dropping.”
I laughed and the sound startled me. It had been a week since I had actually found something funny. Hannah looked at me approvingly.
“Count me in.”
“We’ll make him regret being such a douchebag when he sees you.” She bit her lip. “Are you going to be ready to see him without getting upset?”
I took a deep breath. It was time to stop wallowing and act like the real me. I had never acted this way over a boy. This had to end.
“I’m Cora fucking Donovan. Yes, I’m done crying over—you know who,” I caught myself in time before practically shouting his name across the coffee shop. “I never should have cried over him in the first place. It was sex, that’s it. I was just addicted to his dick.” Hannah snickered. “I’m going to pull on my big girl panties and move on. If he doesn’t want me, then plenty of other guys will.”
She grinned. “Let’s go then. We have plenty of shopping to do and not enough time to do it in.”
“Damn straight.” I downed the last few sips of coffee. “Hannah?”
“Yeah, hon?”
“Thank you.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “You’re welcome.”
____
I threw the bags down on my bed and crashed next to them. We had been shopping for six straight hours and I was utterly exhausted. Hannah looked as tired as I felt. My dad was probably going to bitch about the credit card bill, but I didn’t care. He shouldn’t have given it to me if he didn’t want me to use it. Plus, it’s not like I went shopping often.
“So do we look through everything now, or do we wait and do it tomorrow?”
“Now,” I said, staring up at the ceiling. “Just as soon as I can move again.”
She laughed and grabbed one of the bags. “I think you should wear the black leggings and low cut red tunic.”
I smacked myself in the forehead. “Oh hell, why didn’t I think of this earlier? I should just wear the dress that I wore the first night I slept with him.”
“Which one?”
I stood up and walked over to my closet, pulling the bright red number out. Her eyes lit up.
“That’s freaking perfect, Cora.”
“Yeah, I just wish I would have thought about it before we spent all that time shopping.”
“Think of it as retail therapy. You needed to get out of this room and do something. Let’s face it, coffee wasn’t going to snap you out of your funk.”
I stared down at the dress in my hands. “If anything is going to make him swallow his own tongue, this dress will. I want to make him feel like an asshole while I go find someone to make him jealous as hell.”
She walked up beside me. “You’re going to make him regret losing you.”
I grinned. “That’s exactly what I want to do.”
Hannah tugged out a pair of strappy black shoes that would look amazing paired with it. We talked about makeup and if I should make my hair look sex teased. I was happy to be able to talk to her about girl stuff. Talking with her and distracting myself made dealing with everything easier. Even if I chickened out and couldn’t go through with it, at least she helped me get out of my rut.
My knuckles hurt from hitting the heavy bag, but it was the only thing that made me feel any better. Eight long days of working out and avoiding everyone had started to take their toll. Nate texted me several times, but right now I couldn’t even be in the same room with him, or anyone else for that matter. Cora and I hadn’t gone this long without talking in years. I missed her. More than missed her, but I didn’t know what the fuck to do with the realization that I missed her.
All I knew was that I hated life right now.
I stopped punching the bag long enough to take a drink. Blood soaked through the white wraps on my hands and they ached as I worked the bands off.
“Damn, that looks bad.”
I focused on my task. If I looked at my best friend right now, I was going to say something that I couldn’t take back or break his nose. And if I did that, Olivia would be pissed at me too.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
No shit Sherlock.
I grunted in response, but still didn’t turn.
“What’s going on with you? I haven’t talked to you in a week and Liv said it had been about the same since you’ve talked to her. Is this still about your mystery girl?”
God, I was so sick of everyone saying it like it was such a fucking mystery. If they paid attention it actually wouldn’t be.
“There’s nothing to say. I’m just in a bad mood and don’t want to t
ake it out on anyone. So I’m ignoring everyone. ”
God I hoped he couldn’t hear the bitterness in my voice. I finally looked up at him. A frown covered his face, but it didn’t fucking matter. I turned to grab my bag and he stepped in front of me.
“What do you mean there’s nothing to say? Is this about mystery girl? Is it over?”
“It’s exactly what it fucking sounded like Nate. Quit reading into what I’m saying.”
“God, you’re a moody son of a bitch. I’m trying to make sure you’re okay. Are you sure it’s not more? You aren’t just saying that?”
“No, I’m not just fucking saying that,” I spat out. “Seriously, take things at fucking face value for once and leave me the hell alone.”
Pity. My best friend looked at me with pity in his eyes. I needed to shake it off, pretend that I wasn’t in love with Cora, mystery girl, whoever the fuck we were pretending she was this week. Nate knew more than he let on, but I wasn’t going to confirm or deny anything.
“I’m sorry. I know you were really into her.”
“Don’t be, it was just good sex.”
Nate scowled. “You wouldn’t be this upset if it was just sex. Whatever was going on between you two was—”
“None of your damn business. Fucking leave it alone, Nate. I don’t get into the shit that you have going on with my sister.”
He held his hands up in surrender. I was such an asshole. “Okay, fine. Sorry, I was just trying to help. For what it’s worth, your sister is worried. Call her.”
I threw the ruined wraps on top of my gym bag and stretched. My muscles were stiff and everything hurt like I’d just run a marathon.
“There’s a party at the house tonight. Are you and Liv coming?”
“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I’ll make sure we’re there.”
“I don’t need a babysitter if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I wouldn’t dare. Cora told Olivia she was planning on going tonight so we’ll all be there bugging the shit out of you.”
Waiting to Fall: Book Two of the Waiting Duet Page 10