I winced. Fucking terrific.
“Fine. I’ll be the asshole in the corner drunk out of his mind.”
“I’m not trying to piss you off even more, but are you sure you don’t want to talk about this?”
“Nope.”
The need to punch something was back, but my knuckles couldn’t take anymore torture today. I had to get away before I broke down and told Nate everything. He would understand because he had been there with Olivia, but I couldn’t do it. Talking about my feelings wasn’t how I worked. I internalized everything and dealt with it in my own way. Grabbing my bag, I nodded once and moved towards the door.
____
The sound of Cora’s laughter was like a fucking siren’s call to me. She was standing in the corner of the living room flirting with some dickhead. I was staring, but it was impossible to tear my eyes away from her. She was taunting me, wearing the same fucking red dress that started this whole mess. The same fucking dress that was on my bedroom floor three months ago. It amazed me that we kept our relationship a secret for as long as we did. Maybe some of the excitement came from the secret aspect of everything, or maybe we just liked the fact that we might get caught.
Nate shoved a cup in my hand and I lifted it to my mouth, downing the contents in one gulp. I barely felt the burn from the whiskey. He could have brought me rubbing alcohol and I wouldn’t have cared.
“Okay,” he drawled. “That was supposed to last more than two seconds.”
“I’ll go get another one.”
Nate sighed. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I scowled and looked away from Cora long enough to stare him down. “You’re making it really obvious that something is going on by how you’re acting.”
“How am I acting?”
“Like a jealous boyfriend.”
Shit.
“Olivia is going to notice if you don’t knock it off. I can only distract her so much before she’s going to start asking questions. I don’t know what the fuck is going on between you two, but seriously dude, get your shit together.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. Nate really was trying to help me out and I was being a dick to him. I should have manned up and told her what she meant to me, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead I freaked out, got jealous, and pushed her and everyone else away.
“Fine. I’ll go find some girl.”
I looked around the room quickly and started towards my target.
“That wasn’t what I meant.” I heard him call out from behind me.
If Cora was trying to hurt me, two could play that game. The room had a nice fuzzy glow about it and I realized I was slightly drunk. Being drunk was only going to help me achieve my goal faster.
“Hey Lila.”
“Finn,” she said with a wicked smile.
At least someone’s happy to see me.
“Want to dance?”
She flashed another smile. “Sure.”
I let her lead me to the middle of the room. She moved to the music and my hands gripped her hips as I tried to block the sound of Cora’s laughter out of my head. My mouth was inches from Lila’s neck. I closed my eyes and pretended she was the one person I wanted grinding against me.
Lila brushed her hair back and shot me a coy smile. My lips brushed along the column of her neck and warning bells started going off in my head. A sharp gasp from behind me pulled me out of my drunken stupor. My eyes shot open and met a pair of whiskey brown eyes full of hurt.
“You’re a prick.”
I pushed Lila away from me. For some reason I didn’t care when I thought I was trying to make Cora jealous, but now that she had actually busted me, it was like being a kid caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
“Cora, it’s not—”
“Go have fun with your slut. She almost ruined your sister’s relationship and now you’re just using her. You know what, that suits you, doesn’t it?”
I reached for her arm, but she yanked away from me.
“Fuck off, Finn.”
Cora stomped off in the direction of the kitchen. Olivia stood a few feet away and the shock and disappointment on her face was almost too much. She might not know what was going on with me and Cora, but Lila was the enemy and I was touching her. My life was imploding around me and I couldn’t fucking stop it.
“Really, Finn?” Olivia looked at Lila with disgust. “Cora’s right, you are a prick.”
She chased after Cora and I felt the anger building back up that I had worked so hard to drink out of my system. My fingers itched to punch something. I bawled up my fists unconsciously, but took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Lila placed her hand on my arm to get my attention and I jumped at her touch.
“You were using me to get to Cora.”
“I’m sorry, Lila. I’m drunk and—”
The sound of her hand connecting with my cheek made a crack that bounced off the walls even over the loud music. People stared at us, but there was nothing to say or do. I’d fucked up.
Lila stalked away from me and I rubbed my jaw. I welcomed the burn from her slap. Hopefully it would help me sober up some because I was a fucking mess right now. I made my way to the stairs slowly, closing one eye to help me gauge just how far away the ground was. Nate came up next to me and helped me up the stairs so I didn’t kill myself falling down them backwards. His disappointment was just as palpable as Olivia’s had been.
“Sleep it off dude. Things will be better in the morning.”
“They won’t. I just fucked it up worse.”
I shook my head, but I couldn’t form the words I wanted to. Nothing would be better until I told Cora that I was sorry. God, if I could even convince her to listen to me. She was pissed, rightly so, but I needed to talk to her. What I needed to do was stop being drunk, then I could go find my girl.
The sound of pounding on my dorm room door woke me up the next morning. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. My face was puffy and swollen and my head ached from crying, but I climbed out of bed and padded towards the door. Thank goodness Hannah had gone home for the weekend after that disastrous confrontation at the party. She’d wanted to stay, but I convinced her I needed time alone to lick my wounds. Olivia had been another story. Somehow I convinced her that I was just pissed off at Finn because he was around Lila. She didn’t know anything about my pity party for the past week, so she seemed to buy it. Getting her out of my room was damn near impossible though. I felt awful lying to her, but she didn’t need to know just how badly I had messed up.
I had one guess of who would be standing on the other side of the door and I really didn’t want to see or talk to him right now. He needed to disappear from my life and stay away for a good long while. At least until I could pull my shattered heart back together. Each knock of his fist was like a sharp poke to my brain.
“Answer the damn door, Cora. I know you’re in there and we need to talk.” The pounding stopped for a minute, here’s hoping he might be giving up. My cell phone started ringing on my nightstand and I dove for it, trying to silence it, but knocking a bunch of stuff to the floor and making a huge racket instead.
Damn it.
The knocking started again. If I didn’t let him in here soon, it was only going to get worse. My RA would be down here in a few minutes to bitch at me if I didn’t get him out of the hallway soon. I wrenched open the door and stared at the asshole standing in front of me, crossing my arms over my chest and pinning him with a glare.
“Princess.” His voice was thick with emotion.
“You need to go, Finn.”
“Can we talk? Please?”
I shifted from one foot to the other. “There isn’t much left to say.”
“There’s everything to say, starting with I’m so fucking sorry.”
I watched him wearily as he crossed the room in two steps. He took one of my hands in his and I tried not to flinch.
“Princess, please hear me out.”
The pain in his voice tugged at my heart, b
ut how could I do this and keep my own heart intact?
“Finn, last night just proved that we wouldn’t be good for one another. Neither one of us know what we want. This was just supposed to be sex.”
“No, the only thing it proves is that I’m an idiot. A drunken, jealous, idiot. I should have talked to you when we went to go get ice cream and it’s not fair that I treated you like that. I never should have used Lila to make you jealous, that was so far over the line and I’m sorry. So, so fucking sorry.”
He should have talked to me instead of hiding out for the past week, but he was wrong about last night. I had tried to make him jealous and apparently succeeded. I’d intentionally flirted with other guys to make him notice me. This mess wasn’t entirely his fault.
“Just talk to me. Let’s go get breakfast and I’ll try to fix this,” he pleaded.
I stared at him for a few seconds. “I’m not sure you can, Finn.”
He cupped my face. “Please, please don’t say that. I can’t lose my best friend.”
That’s all I would ever be to Finn. A good friend. A buddy. His best friend and someone he liked to fuck occasionally.
I closed my eyes to help hold back the tears as he pulled me into his chest. I hated myself for it, but I gave in to the moment of weakness. Finn’s eyes looked hopeful as I pulled back.
“I can’t do this anymore. I won’t keep deluding myself into thinking that you want more than sex. We need to end this, Finn.”
“How do you know what I want?” The anger in his voice took me by surprise. “Every time I try to talk to you about it you jump on me and make it about sex. Have you looked in the mirror, Cora? You’re fucking gorgeous and of course I’m not going to say no to you.”
I pushed away from him and crossed the room.
“Let’s just call this what it is and say that it was fun while it lasted. The player doesn’t fall in love with the broken girl. That shit doesn’t happen in real life. I’m not saying I love you, but I can’t let myself get hurt again. Just the little bit that I’ve let myself feel for you is already tearing me apart, Finn. You know what I went through and I’m just not ready to get this involved. With anyone. Maybe if things were different,” I trailed off and looked away.
“One, you aren’t broken. You’re the strongest person I know. Two, why are you fighting this so much? Just let things happen. I want to see where this can go and it seems like you do too, but every time I turn around I’m terrified that you’re going to start dating some other guy and just say fuck it, that I’m not worth all the work to keep our secret.”
My mouth dropped open in shock and I whipped around to face him. Finn had never said anything like that for as long as I’d known him. Olivia had told me that he had been saying uncharacteristic things for months now, but this was far more than I ever expected.
“What do I have to do to convince you?” His husky voice made my insides melt. “Just come to breakfast and let me explain why I’ve been such an idiot. Please?”
I bit down on my lip. Should I really do this? I couldn’t just ignore what he’d just said, but my poor little heart was going to crumble if he didn’t mean what he said.
“Give me a few minutes to change.”
I waited in the hall while Cora changed, still terrified she might suddenly change her mind. After how I acted last night I wouldn’t blame her. Somehow I had to convince her that I wasn’t the asshole she thought I was. Everything about last night had been awful. My jaw still ached from where Lila had slapped me, not that I didn’t deserve it, and my head ached from the awful hangover I was nursing, but mostly I was terrified of how badly I’d hurt Cora.
She was right, I really was a prick. All I wanted was the chance to see what was truly going on between us. Sure, there was some amazing sexual chemistry, but it was so much more. God, I felt like such a pussy, but if I lost her without fighting I would never forgive myself. I hung my head and laughed softly. How did this girl get under my skin so easily?
Cora opened the door and stood there nervously. I stood up and took in how amazing she looked in just a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. She looked a little calmer and I hoped that she would hear me out.
“Are you ready?”
She nodded and I reached out to take her hand. Indecision flashed in her eyes, but after a few seconds she intertwined her fingers with mine. I sighed a breath of relief as we walked out to my car. After I shut the door behind her, I took a second to compose myself. Everything about this conversation was going to be hard, but somehow I would convince her that I was telling the truth.
Holy hell.
The realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was in love with my best friend.
____
We slid into the booth across from one another. Sitting like this gave me the perfect opportunity to study her and attempt to decipher what she was thinking. Cora took every chance she got to hide her feelings, but this time I wasn’t going to let her. The waitress took our order and I reached across the table to take Cora’s hand in mine. She looked around quickly to see if anyone was looking.
“Princess, I don’t care if anyone sees us anymore.” She blushed and turned away. “Tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”
“I’m not sure. I’m really confused about last night, about what you actually want from me. The past week has been brutal, Finn. It’s killing me not to be able to talk to you.”
“It hasn’t been easy for me either,” I said, quietly. Her fingers trailed over my busted knuckles gently. “Last night was awful. I watched you flirt with that idiot while I drank everything I could get my hands on. You wore that dress and I wanted to kill everyone who even looked in your direction. So yes, I asked Lila to dance, but only so you would quit ignoring me. I was a fucking idiot, Cora.”
“That really hurt. Especially since you know how much I hate Lila. You also really pissed off your sister. Good luck getting her to forgive you for a while. I played it off like I was just upset for her sake. Honestly I can’t believe that Lila even shows her face at those parties anymore.”
He shook his head in agreement. “Lila means nothing to me, actually I can’t stand her. I’m so sorry that I made you feel that way. I really just want to make it up to you. I’ll apologize to Olivia and make it up to her too.”
The waitress brought our food and it forced us to break apart. I felt the loss of her instantly. She would be able to retreat into her head and I didn’t like that. We ate in awkward silence. Cora stared at her plate, but I couldn’t look away from her face. As soon as she finished I grabbed for her hand again.
“Will you go somewhere else with me? One other place, and then if you want to go back to your dorm I’ll take you back.”
Confusion covered her beautiful face, but she agreed.
I flipped on the radio in the car. It gave me a few minutes to gather up the courage for what I was about to say. Cora’s face lit up when I turned in to one of the public parking areas for the beach.
I walked around the car and helped her out. Her body pressed against mine and I closed my eyes, reveling in the exquisite feeling of her against me. Now wasn’t the time for that, but my cock didn’t know any better, it just remembered all the fun times when she was pressed against me. I took her hand and grabbed a blanket from the backseat for us to sit on.
When we were settled on the sand, I pulled her back into my chest so she could lean on me. Hopefully it would be easier to say what I wanted without seeing her reaction because if she rejected me, I don’t know what I would do. It was a good fucking possibility that I might cry.
“What are we doing here, Finn?”
I was quiet for a few seconds, ignoring her question for now.
“Do you remember the first time I called you Princess?”
“No, but what does that have to do with us?”
“We were six. It was Olivia’s tea party birthday and you were in that little fluffy pink dress. You were so pr
oud of that damn thing. I told you that you looked like a princess and that’s what I was going to start calling you.” She turned to look at me, but I buried my face in her hair. “Cora, we’re friends before anything else, but I can’t lose you because I’m a jealous asshole. Am I imagining it, or is there something between us, something other than just sex?”
She sighed. “You aren’t imagining it.”
“Here’s the thing, I don’t want to fight this anymore. It’s driving us both crazy. Look at how many fights we’ve had since the beginning of the semester. We never actually talked about what was going on between us, and I think we need to. No more hiding behind this friends with benefits thing you keep throwing at me.”
She shifted to look at me and this time I let her. “What is going on between us? We’ve been having sex and I have feelings for you, but I’m not sure I’m ready for another relationship. After everything that happened, I panic at just the thought of crossing into relationship boundaries, even with you.”
I kissed her temple. “Can we just go with it and not put a label on it?”
“Okay?” If I could see her face right now she would have a frown creasing the little v between her eyebrows. I would bet money on it.
“If that’s what you want, then I’m okay with that. We don’t have to rush anything.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from saying anything else. If I did, she would turn me down flat and I would lose her altogether.
“So we’re doing the same exact thing we were, but now it’s an unofficially official, monogamous booty call with feelings?”
I grinned. “I don’t think I would have chosen those words to describe it. I don’t think anyone would choose those words, but sure. I like the sound of that.”
“This is weird,” she mumbled. “Any other guidelines?”
I agreed, this was weird, but in a good way. “What do you think about coming clean to Olivia?”
She shrugged. “For some reason I don’t think she would approve of her brother and her best friend fucking like rabbits without being in a relationship.”
Waiting to Fall: Book Two of the Waiting Duet Page 11