Never Change

by Anne Carol

  Once I saw her out the door, I went back to my room and flopped on my bed, groaning. Dinner was still an hour away, and all I wanted was a good soak in the bathtub. It had been a busy day, and I needed to unwind. Borrowing my dad’s portable radio, I set it to a soft rock station, grabbed a magazine, and escaped into the bathroom.

  As I sat on the edge of the tub listening to Fleetwood Mac, muffled by the sound of running water, I couldn’t help thinking about Susie and her suspicions. Why would Rick cheat on her? Surely he’d learned his lesson. And they had a baby together. In fact, when I’d seen them together last week, I thought they made a perfect couple. He seemed so focused on her and Ricky. It didn’t add up. There had to be a reasonable explanation for his late hours and fatigue.

  What are you up to, Rick McGuire?

  “Where are you going? I thought you were taking a bath?” Mom sipped her tea as she looked up from her cookbook.

  I grabbed my purse from the countertop and searched around for the car keys. “I was, but there’s someone I really need to talk to. If I’m not back by dinner, go ahead without me.”

  “Who do you need to talk to?” She furrowed her brow. “Is everything okay, Beth?”

  “I hope so,” I said, finally discovering the keys under a pile of mail.

  “Is this about David?”

  “No. Rick.”

  She opened her mouth to say something, but I dashed out the door before I could hear her response. If I had paused to explain, I might have lost my nerve.

  Maybe it was crazy confronting Rick behind Susie’s back. She’d probably hate me for interfering, but I just had to do some investigating. I’d know in a New York minute if Rick was hiding something; I could read him like a book. At least, I could when we were dating.

  I pulled into the shopping center and found a spot right in front of the McGuire’s camera shop. Uttering a silent prayer, I exited the car and tiptoed toward the entrance.

  Rick was behind the counter, showing a camera to a customer. I ventured in and pretended to browse the racks of camera supplies along the wall. When I checked to see if he was finished, I met his gaze. A stony smile formed on my lips, and I got a raised eyebrow in return. Excusing himself from the lady, he made his way over to me.

  “Hey, Beth. What’s up? Nothing’s happened to Susie or Ricky?” His voice was taut, revealing his concern.

  He obviously cares for his family. Susie had to be wrong. “No, they’re fine,” I assured him, “but there is something I’d like to talk to you about.”

  He grimaced. “This can’t be good. Every time you want to talk, it means I’m in trouble.”

  I smirked. “True. However, if you are in trouble, it won’t be with me.” I nodded to his customer. “Go finish with her, and then we’ll talk.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. “Sure. Once I take care of her, we can grab a cup of coffee.”

  It was fun watching Rick in action as he negotiated with the lady, who looked about my mom’s age. I wasn’t surprised when she ended up purchasing the camera. The McGuire’s camera shop had a great reputation in the Garden Valley area, and it didn’t hurt that Rick was a great-looking guy. His blond hair, which he’d worn on the long side back in high school, was now trimmed, giving him a clean-cut look. And those cool blue eyes were hard to ignore. No doubt they were partially responsible for getting Susie into trouble that night a few years ago.

  After the woman left with her camera, Rick asked his employee to take over, and we walked next door to the coffee shop. I was glad the place was nearly empty so nobody could overhear me grill Rick on his private life.

  “So what’d you want to talk about? I’m dying here.” Rick took a sip of steaming coffee.

  “Then I won’t beat around the bush.” I leaned forward and whispered between us, “You’re not…being unfaithful to Susie, are you?”

  He choked on his coffee and spluttered loudly, “What? How did you come up with that?” A few patrons gawked at us. So much for keeping it quiet.

  “Shh…keep it down,” I continued in a soft voice. “Your wife showed up at my house earlier, all upset. She says you’ve been coming home late, tired and cranky, and her only conclusion is that you’re running around on her.”

  Rick leaned back in his chair, scrunched his face, and shook his head. “It’s not true.” His eyes darted away from mine. “Wow. I can’t believe she thinks that.”

  “So, what’s going on? I mean, I know it’s none of my business, but Susie’s one of my best friends, and—”

  “And I’m not doing anything wrong, Beth. I love her,” he insisted, now facing me. “Very much. In fact, that’s why I’ve been coming home late.”

  “I don’t understand.” Now feeling guilty for insinuating anything, I gave him my full attention as he explained his side.

  “Look, my dad wants to retire soon. Mom is itching to travel, and for years, we’ve been selling cameras and developing other people’s vacation pictures, yet my parents have never really had a chance to go anywhere.” He took another sip of coffee and paused, glancing downward. “Anyway, he wants me to take over the business.”

  My mouth fell open, and a wave of relief came over me. “Rick, that’s great.”

  “But, Beth, there’s so much to learn about running a business. I don’t want to disappoint Susie. My hope is that the business income will be enough to support us, and that way she can finish her degree.”

  “It’s a good plan.” I nodded. “So why haven’t you told Susie?”

  “I wanted to surprise her, but I guess that backfired. Figured she knew I was working. We’re always busy this time of year with weddings and everything. But I suppose, given my past, I can see how she’d jump to conclusions.”

  I grunted. “Well, she has seen the worst of you, no offense.”

  “No offense taken. I’ve done some stupid, selfish things I’m not proud of.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “That New Year’s Eve, I took advantage of Susie. I didn’t love her at the time. I just wanted one thing from her.” His jaw ticked. “When she told me she was pregnant, I felt like a monster, Beth. I took her virginity, got her pregnant, and then went back to sleeping around.”

  Listening to his confession made me realize how much Rick had changed. The air hung with silence as I sat there, processing the awful truth. His unsavory sexual practices weren’t a shock to me, but it still pained me to hear him admit his wrongs. I discretely clutched my stomach.

  “Her parents were so mad at me,” he went on. “My parents were, too, for that matter. They insisted we get married, but I didn’t want to at first. I was willing to step up and be a father, but I wasn’t ready to be tied down, especially to someone I didn’t love.”

  “So, what changed your mind?”

  “I decided to try spending time with Susie, get to know her, see if there wasn’t something there. Before long, I found myself falling for her. It didn’t hurt that she was carrying my child, and I took her to all her doctor appointments. When I heard Ricky’s heartbeat, I cried. I cried, Beth.” He chuckled. “Tough football player Rick was a mess of tears. That same day, I asked Susie to marry me. I wanted to be a family.”

  “Wow.” I smiled, warmth flooding my body.

  “Yeah, so now I get to explain my late nights to Susie.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I feel awful.”

  I touched his hand. “Don’t feel bad. Misunderstandings happen in marriage. But talk to her tonight, and maybe even bring some flowers.”

  “Oh, then she’ll really think I cheated.”

  “Rick.” I rolled my eyes. “Just do it.”

  “Of course I will. Thanks for straightening me out, Beth.”

  “So he gave me the biggest bouquet of roses I’d ever seen,” Susie gushed as we walked around the little clothing shop in Sutter Creek, a tiny old-fashioned town set in the foothills.

  “Did he?” I asked, perking my eyebrows up.

  “Yes, and even though I could strangle you f
or talking to him, I’m glad he cleared things up.” She picked up a floral blouse and fingered the material.

  “Sorry for meddling, I just hated seeing you so upset. I’ve got to stick up for my friends.”

  Susie put the shirt back and faced me. “Well, I’m glad you did, even though I was completely off-base. What a spaz.”

  “You are kind of a wally.” I chortled.

  She playfully shoved me. “You and your British words. I don’t even know what that means.”

  “Guess you’ll have to come to England and find out.” I grabbed a cowboy hat and put it on. “Hey, how does this look?”

  “Mmm…not very rock ‘n’ roll,” she offered. “Anyway, I wish I could come to England, but I’m a little tied down at the moment. Plus, we’re going to try for another baby soon. Well, assuming we actually find time and energy to make a baby.”

  Placing the hat on the shelf, I said, “It’ll happen, don’t worry.”

  I tried to shove aside my own baby wishes as we strolled down the main street, past ice cream shops and a real estate office. At the end of the shopping area, tucked back from the road, sat a white Victorian house fronted by a wraparound porch and a flower garden. “What a cute little bed and breakfast. I wish Rick could take me to a place like this,” Susie mused, “but I doubt we could afford it.” She turned around and headed for the street corner.

  “It is adorable.” An idea popped into my head, and I tugged Susie back. “Wait. You will stay here. I’ll make sure of it.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “How?”

  “It’ll be my gift to you. I probably owe you a couple of birthday gifts anyway.”

  Her chin dropped. “Beth! Are you sure?”

  I nodded. “Yes. I’ll run it past David, of course, but I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”

  “Oh, you are the best!” she cried, squeezing me so tight the air left my lungs.

  I laughed and shook my head.

  The moment I arrived home, I ran to the phone to call David. I was excited about gifting Susie and Rick a night at a B&B and couldn’t wait to share my idea with him. Pacing the room, I waited for him to pick up the phone. On the third ring, Jeff, David’s roommate, picked up. When I asked for David, he swallowed hard.

  “Beth, I’m so glad you called.” His voice was jumpy. “It’s David…”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, my heart rate speeding up.

  “I think you should come see him. He’s not doing well.”

  The phone dropped, along with my stomach.

  I couldn’t get to him fast enough. Jeff’s fear that David was going to bolt from the rehab center had me in panic mode. My imagination ran wild, as I wondered what had happened since yesterday afternoon. Something apparently had brought him down, but what? And why?

  Oh, God, be with him, please, I prayed over and over as I covered the miles.

  My mom had looked at me like I was crazy when I rushed out the door not long after I returned from Sutter Creek. When I explained to her about the phone call, I thought she’d understand, but she only put me on the spot.

  “Can’t the counselors there help him?” she’d asked.

  “Mom, I just need to go over there. Otherwise, I won’t sleep tonight,” I rattled off as I stood on the threshold, keys in hand. The last thing I needed was a debate with my mother.

  She waved me away. “Go. And drive safely.”

  I drove as safely as possible while hovering ten miles above the speed limit. Maybe it was foolish, driving too fast, but all I could think about was being by my husband’s side: seeing him, touching him, hearing his voice, and soothing him.

  When I arrived, I was cleared to go back to his room where I found the door wide open. Jeff was perched on his bed, reading, while David lay curled up on his brown comforter, facing the wall. His eyes were open, but he didn’t notice me coming in.

  “David?” I called softly.

  He scrambled to sit up, and his face turned white when he saw me. “Beth…” He gave Jeff a questioning look.

  Jeff grimaced. “I might have told her to come.”

  David graced him with a smile. “Thanks, mate. Don’t know how I missed this.”

  As he turned to me, his smile grew into a full-blown grin, stealing my breath away. At that moment, I was glad I’d come if only to see his face light up. But as I drew closer, I noticed his eyes were red-rimmed and underlined with dark circles. A chill assaulted me. Darn it, I wanted to hurt whoever was responsible for his pain. Until I realized it wasn’t a person but a condition that caused it. A four letter word lingered on the tip of my tongue, and I pressed my lips together.

  I hate addiction.

  I sat on his bed and placed my palm on his cheek. “What’s wrong, baby?”

  He wrapped his good arm around me and clung to me like his life depended on my touch. I buried my face into his neck and felt him quiver. “I just need to hold you, angel,” he whispered, pulling me closer.

  Not caring that Jeff was in the room, I kicked off my shoes and lay beside my husband on the bed. But he seemed restless, and I helped him out of his arm sling so he could rest his head over my heart. My hands fell to his back, and I stroked his tight muscles while kissing the top of his head. Warmth flowed through me as his body covered mine.

  His breathing grew heavier as my massaging fingers moved to his scalp. Before long, it was evident he’d fallen asleep in my arms. “Wow,” I whispered, turning toward Jeff. “Did he get any sleep last night?”

  “Not much. Poor guy was struggling. He might’ve had a nightmare.”

  Oh, no. I squeezed him tighter, desperate to send his demons away. For the first time, I truly understood what David had experienced over the past few years, seeing me suffer a miscarriage and then an attempted rape. His protectiveness had nearly suffocated me. But now it was me who wanted to keep him in a bubble, away from anything that could harm him.

  My heart broke as I reached down to kiss his forehead. Why couldn’t he stay in my arms forever?

  “I love you, David.”

  He shifted slightly, and I wondered for a moment if he was playing possum. But the languid expression on his face, along with his steady breathing, told me he wasn’t. His ear lay pressed against my heart, and I imagined the rhythmic sound was a symphony to him. I couldn’t get over how vulnerable he seemed, clinging to me like I was his lifeline.

  Oh, God. Please let him get through this. Give me strength to help him where he needs it. I continued these silent pleas for the next several minutes as I sifted my fingers through his dark hair, which now skimmed his collar line. The fullness and extra length gave him a ruggedly handsome look, even with his tired eyes and sallow skin.

  A shiver ran through me. Oh, he just has to get better. I want my man whole and healthy.

  “I know he doesn’t look like much right now, but you should see him play guitar,” I bragged, not taking my eyes off David. “He’s amazing.”

  “I’ve heard Vinyl Fog on the radio. When I realized my roommate was the guitar player, I nearly spit out my coffee.” Jeff chuckled, and then he continued in a low voice, “I’ll be honest. This isn’t my first stint in rehab. Not proud of that, but really hoping this is my last time. Anyway, David’s probably the most intense guy I’ve ever met in here. That’s not to meaning he’s weak or nothing, just that he can feel everything strongly. I suppose that’s what makes him so talented at the music.”

  “He’s incredibly talented, but the drugs and alcohol have stolen part of his soul.” I hugged him closer to me. “I want him back.”

  “Trust me, he wants the same thing. He wants you to be proud of him again. I’ve never seen a man more in love.”

  My heart fluttered at his words, making David stir in his sleep. It was almost mystical the way our bodies responded to each other. I trailed my finger down the side of his face. “It goes both ways.”

  “You’re so blessed to have each other. I wish I’d been a better husband.”

  I gave him
a bleak smile. “I’m sorry,” I said, honestly feeling bad for him. His bent posture told me he had many regrets, yet I was too focused on David to dig into Jeff’s story. “Can you tell me what happened? When I left yesterday, he seemed fine.”

  He furrowed his brow. “Um...seems like it was after he came back from group. Somebody must have said something to upset him. That happens sometimes.” He said it like he’d been there. “Anyway, he was real quiet, and then he tossed and turned all night. Today he’s hardly left the room.”

  Glancing down at David, I whispered, “What’s going on with you, baby?” A soft moan came from the back of his throat, but he continued to lay stone still. It was like he could hear me in his sleep. Careful not to disturb him, I settled back onto the pillow and shut my eyes, the relaxing position slowly pulling me under.

  Upon waking, I was met with David’s goofy grin. He hadn’t moved much from his position, only now he was conscious and resting his chin on my chest. “You’re here,” he whispered.

  “Yes. How long have you been watching me?” I yawned.

  “Just a bit,” he mumbled, his eyes never leaving mine.

  I glanced over at Jeff’s bed, finding it empty. “Where’s your buddy?”

  “Kitchen duty. He had to clean up after dinner.”

  “You missed dinner?”

  “Yes, but I’ve not been hungry today.”

  “What’s wrong? Not feeling well?” I ran my fingers through his hair, and he shut his eyes, taking in a deep breath.

  “I wasn’t, but now you’re here, I’m stronger. You make me strong, Beth.”

  My skin buzzed, but something seemed off. I’d learned a few things myself after seeing a counselor, and I knew this mindset wasn’t healthy. “David.” I sighed. “You have to make yourself stronger. I can’t do that for you. When you have low moments, and I’m sure you will, use the resources you have here. That’s how you learn to cope. You know it won’t help in the long run if I have to keep coming back here. ”