Never Change

by Anne Carol

  “Clubbing?” The piece of toast I was chewing turned to sawdust. “Lovely. Where?”

  “I don’t know. Wherever the hot men are.” She smirked.

  I dropped my fork. “Beth.” My muscles tightened and I was ready to bar the door to keep her home.

  “I’m joking, David. We just want to go dancing.”

  “Dancing,” I said flatly. My mouth went dry as I imagined strange men pawing her all night. “I’m sending a minder with you.”

  She choked on her tea. “Are you kidding?”

  “Please don’t argue with me, Beth. If I don’t know you’re safe, I’ll be a wreck all night.”

  She set down her cup and leaned on her elbow. “All right. But only if he keeps his distance.”

  “A small distance.”

  “Fine.”

  She tilted her chin down, shoulders hunched. I wasn’t trying to spoil her fun, but she had to know I’d never be comfortable with her going to a disco club without protection. Not after what she’d been through two years earlier.

  I couldn’t live with that.

  When I left for the studio, Beth was busy working on her novel—our love story—which put a bounce in my step. I kissed her sweetly and said, “I’ll probably put in some extra hours since you and Brooke will be out. When will you be back?”

  “I don’t know. Three or four.” She grinned devilishly.

  “Crikey, Beth.” I ran a nervous hand through my hair. “You know how to stop a man’s heart.”

  “Two at the latest.”

  Dear God, please protect her.

  As it turned out, I didn’t arrive home until well past 2:00. The recording session was a complete cock-up, and it was mostly my fault. I couldn’t concentrate, and my fingers were crap. Beth had once called me “overprotective” and I sure couldn’t deny that tonight. All I could think about was what she was doing. Since I’d been clean and sober, she hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in my presence, so I imagined she would allow herself a few bevvies tonight.

  Now I couldn’t wait to see my bride and join her in bed. I walked straight to our room, kicked off my boots, and glanced up to see…

  Nobody?

  The bed was empty.

  “Beth!” I called out, my heart pounding. I ran to the washroom, but she wasn’t there either. “Beth!” My pulse raced as I flew through our tiny flat, even checking the small deck off the kitchen. Where could she be? Perhaps she’d gotten buzzed and ended up crashing at Don and Brooke’s place. Or even Jenny’s? But I couldn’t imagine she’d show up drunk at her aunt and uncle’s home. Assuming she was with Brooke, I ran to the front door and yanked it open, nearly slamming into Don.

  “Hey, mate! The girls are up at your place?” I asked, starting to relax.

  “No, I thought they were here,” Don said, gripping the back of his neck.

  “Dear heaven…” My knees buckled.

  Two pots of tea and three cigarettes later, they still weren’t home. Don checked his place every so often to see they didn’t land there, but as of 3:15, there was no sign of our girls. Needless to say, I was finding it difficult to remain calm. Five more seconds and I’d be out scouring the streets for them.

  Just as I was getting up, the jingle of a key sounded in the door. I swore loudly when Beth and Jenny entered the flat, and then swore again when I saw Beth was crying.

  “What’s the matter, angel? Where’ve you been?” I took her in my arms and held her shaking, sobbing self against me. Whoever hurt you, I’ll slaughter him.

  “Where’s Brooke?” Don spoke up. His question sent ice through my bloodstream.

  Beth backed out of my embrace and said through tears, “She left with some guy. We’ve been out looking for her all night!”

  It was Don’s turn to curse as he sank to the floor and buried his head in his hands.

  My head was swimming, and I had to catch my breath. “Beth, Jenny, tell us exactly what happened.”

  All I wanted was to go out with my girlfriends, relax, and get some dancing in. Losing one of them was the last thing I expected would happen. What was Brooke thinking? Or, more to the point, what was she drinking? And how could she let this guy lure her away?

  It had happened so fast. One minute she was at the bar, innocently flirting with some random guy, and the next—she was gone. I’d never been so scared in my life. Flashbacks to my attack on the college campus flooded my mind and gave me chills. I begged God to keep Brooke safe, wherever she was. On the other hand, if she’d gone willingly with this guy, what did that say about her marriage to Don? Were they having problems I wasn’t aware of?

  Once Jenny and I realized Brooke was missing, we ran over to our bodyguard, Danny, and filled him in. Too bad he seemed more into a hot blonde in a skimpy skirt than our whereabouts. I blew up at him, saying things that would make my grandma cringe, but I managed to get his attention. The three of us deserted the club and spent the next two hours searching the area for Brooke.

  As Don sat crouched on the floor, head buried in his hands, the phone rang. David ran over and grabbed it. “Hello?”

  His eyes widened. “Crikey… Yes, he’s here.” Don jumped up and grabbed the phone from David.

  “This is Don.” He paused, pinching his brows together. “She is? Is she hurt?” He paused again, staring intently at the ground. “Thank you, I’ll be right along.” After he hung up the phone, he ran his hand down his face and let out a stilted breath. “Brooke is at the hospital. David, would you mind driving? I—I just c-can’t…”

  “Of course,” David interjected, and the four of us scrambled for the door. “What happened?”

  “They didn’t give me details. I just want her to be okay.” We hurried down the stairs. “I love her so much. We’ve been fighting a lot lately, and she was beyond angry about the other night. Just pray, please.” He choked on the last words.

  “We will, Don,” Jenny and I said in tandem. David just nodded. His face was ashen. I held his hand, wanting to soothe his rattled nerves. My late arrival had probably given him heart failure.

  “I’m sorry we worried you,” I whispered to him, kissing his cheek. He, in turn, put his arm around me and clutched me tightly all the way to the car.

  Somewhere between the flat and the hospital, the guys asked about Danny’s involvement. Jenny explained that he went along with us to look for Brooke, but then took off after seeing us to the apartment building.

  “Where was he when Brooke went off with that chap?” Don asked, clenching his teeth. I’d rarely seen this fiery side of him.

  “I don’t know,” Jenny said, fighting tears. “Beth and I were dancing at the time.”

  David’s ears turned red, and he held a death grip on the steering wheel. “A lot of good he was.”

  His expression was still hard as he dropped Don off at the front of the hospital and then parked the car. When we entered the waiting area, we saw Don speaking to a nurse. He rubbed his hands through his hair so violently it practically stood straight up.

  Poor Don…

  What a fiasco.

  The air reeked of disinfectant and with all the excitement tonight—coupled with the alcohol in my system—my stomach churned. I clung to David as we sat on the vinyl bench, and he tenderly kissed my forehead. A few people looked at us curiously, but they didn’t seem to recognize David. Their interest was likely more out of boredom. What else was one to do in a waiting room at four in the morning?

  Don stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets and walked over. “It’s not serious, thankfully.”

  We breathed a collective sigh of relief. “What happened to her?” Jenny asked.

  “She was found unconscious on the pavement not far from the club. Apparently she’d vomited all over herself. She’s only got a few scratches, but they’d like to give her a full checkup. Might be here till morning.” He pointed his thumb to the hallway. “I’m going to go see her.

  What? His words made my head fuzzy, and I asked, “How did she land on the
pavement?”

  “I intend to go find out.” His jaw hardened.

  He raced off to go find his wife. Meanwhile, David let out a long exhale. I could only imagine what he was thinking: So glad Brooke’s in one piece and thank heavens it wasn’t Beth.

  David gathered me in his arms, letting me rest against him. Jenny curled up in the corner of the bench, trying to get comfortable. I was almost asleep when I heard footsteps. Upon opening my eyes, I found Don in front of us.

  “Why don’t you head home and get some rest? I’m staying with her through the morning.”

  “Are you sure, mate?”

  “Yes. Please, take the ladies home.”

  “Probably a good idea. Ring me later when it’s time to collect you and Brooke.”

  “Will do. Thanks.”

  After dropping Jenny off at her house, David and I headed home, dragging ourselves upstairs. We fell right into bed, and David wasted no time wrapping his entire body around mine, as if he wanted to protect me from the world. He kissed me over and over again, whispering, “I love you,” and soon I slipped into a deep sleep.

  I woke up mid-morning to an empty bed. Draping my robe around me, I went on a hunt for David. I found him on the deck, puffing on a cigarette and staring out at nothing.

  “Hey,” I said, poking my head outside. “You good?”

  He exhaled and looked away. “Still a bit rattled.” He then faced me. “How are you?”

  My head was pounding and I gripped my forehead. “I could use a strong cup of coffee, but I’m more worried about Brooke. When are we getting them?”

  “Soon, so have a bite to eat and we’ll go.”

  His jaw ticked. Protective David was back, so it was time to practice some patience. His intense mood was not surprising after the night we’d had, and I wondered how much stress he could handle, along with trying to remaining sober. I kept in mind that he needed extra grace right now.

  After a quick breakfast, we drove back to the hospital to pick up Don and Brooke. I wasn’t sure what to expect when we entered her room, but two giggly, smiling people wasn’t it. Don sat next to Brooke, his arm around her shoulder, whispering in her ear.

  “Oh!” she gasped when she saw me and David. Other than dark circles under her eyes, she looked radiant. “Hi guys.”

  “Well, you look awfully happy for a gal who spent the night in a hospital,” I commented, raising my eyebrows. “What happened?”

  Her smile turned into a scowl. “I was so stupid. I got completely hammered and followed some bloke out to his car. He drove me all over town. Not sure where we were headed, but I finally told him to drop me back at the club. And then…well, I spewed all over myself and the seat. The tosser got violent and threw me out—while the car was moving! I must have passed out, because the next thing I knew I was here.”

  My mouth fell open. “Oh, Brooke! How scary!”

  “Yeah, it was. But I’m fine.” She squeezed Don’s hand and smiled at him. “In fact, we have some news. Don—?”

  He was beaming as he faced us. “We’re expecting a baby.”

  “What?” I practically shouted.

  David broke away from me and went over to give Don and Brooke hugs. “Congratulations.”

  I followed on his heels, overflowing with excitement for them—and maybe a little envious.

  “Yeah, what a surprise, right?” She sighed. “I feel so bad about what I did. I had too much to drink.” She rubbed her belly. “I’m sorry, baby.”

  Don covered her hand with his. “Darling, what’s done is done. I forgive you, and our baby will be fine.” He kissed her hair. “Another wee one.” He chuckled.

  She laughed. “This should add some excitement to the tour bus.”

  David and I laughed along with them, and he gave me a wink.

  “You two better get on it!” Brooke teased.

  Don sat up and watched us expectantly. “Any plans to give our children a playmate?”

  David nodded. “We’ll be trying soon.” He had a twinkle in his eye.

  I shook my head. “David, don’t tell anyone else. I don’t care if they know, but let’s just keep this hush-hush until it happens. Otherwise it’ll end up on the front page of a tabloid.”

  He looked at me, glowing. “Whatever you want.”

  A wave of dread hit me. I wished he hadn’t said anything. I’d agreed to start trying for a baby soon; within the month, in fact. But with Brooke’s announcement, plus Susie’s letter from a week ago sharing her news, the pressure was on. I wanted a baby, yes, but I also wanted one for the right reasons—not to keep up with my friends.

  I just hoped David would be patient. He seemed so eager, and I prayed he wouldn’t be disappointed if it didn’t happen right away—or not at all. Or if, and I couldn’t fathom this possibility, we lost more babies. That would crush us. The risks of heartbreak in trying for another baby were numerous, but I was willing to take the chance.

  We were quiet as we stepped into our apartment, yet our unspoken words hung in the air.

  Finally, David broke the silence. “Another baby.”

  I gave a slight smile. “Yeah.”

  “So, have you changed your mind about after the tour?”

  I shook my head. “No. But please, don’t make this into a competition.”

  “I know, Beth. I just want a family with you.”

  “I get that, but I’m not doing this because everybody else is on their second baby.”

  “Everybody else?”

  “Susie and Rick are expecting again.”

  “Wow. How are you feeling about all this?” He touched my shoulder.

  “Fine. I’m happy for everyone. But our journey is going to be ours. Whatever happens, happens. No pressure.”

  “Of course. It’s just hard not to get excited.”

  “David,” I looked him in the eye, “we’re about to go on tour. Just focus on your recovery for now.”

  “I will, but the idea of having a baby is helping me stay focused.”

  I put my hand on his cheek. “Guess I can’t argue with that.”

  My tentative demeanor must have set off alarms in him, because he took me in his arms and held me. “Look, I know you’re scared. What you went through, losing our baby, will always stay with you. I’ll do everything I can to be sensitive to that. It’s scary for me, too. But don’t let fear keep us from moving forward.”

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  I woke up in the middle of the night from a dream which, for once, didn’t make me break into sobs. In the dream, I was rocking an infant while David sang “Rock a Bye Baby” to him. We were happy, and my heart sang along with David as I cuddled our sweet baby.

  David was right. It was time to surrender these fears to God and move forward. Because, as the saying goes, “with great risk comes great reward.”

  I stared at my wife, who was sleeping peacefully under my arm as the tour bus rumbled over the old road. We were mid-way through our UK tour, and fans were coming out in droves to see Vinyl Fog. Rumor had it they were coming to see me, after hearing I’d taken a month off due to “health issues.” I wasn’t expecting such a volume of attention, and the ruckus it caused did me in. Beth was also drained by the fans’ antics and the moving about, yet she spared enough energy to keep watch over my wellbeing. No wonder my girl was knackered.

  She spent a great deal of time journaling, too. One night, I’d nicked her diary and read a few pages. I nearly lost my breath. Maybe it wasn’t right of me to invade her privacy, but learning how much she wanted a child gave me tremendous hope. What troubled me was her evident fear that something would go wrong.

  If only she’d open up to me, we could share our concerns, like married people should. She was trying to save me from the burden of her fear—I gathered that from her journal. Fear was such an ugly thing. If I could, I’d protect her from her harmful emotions as fervently as I protected her from physical harm. But I couldn’t change the way her mind worked. Only God could do
that, and I believed He was, gradually.

  She stirred under my arm, and next thing I knew I had a pair of stunning blue eyes staring at me. “How are you?” she whispered.

  I caressed her chin. “Doing okay.”

  “I’m proud of you. I know it’s not easy.”

  “It’s not. But you help me.”

  “I’ll always help you.”

  I closed my eyes and savored her wrapped in my arms, feeling blessed to have her beside me. She was my light and hope. I didn’t know what I’d do without her. This being the first tour following rehab, I knew it would be difficult, but I had no idea how much temptation I’d face. At home, I felt safe because I had control over my environment. Unfortunately, I had no control over the amount of drugs and alcohol available backstage or at post-concert parties.

  Thankfully, drugs stayed off the tour bus. Morris, our manager, had made it quite clear he didn’t want that rubbish around. Booze was a different story. Our bus was pretty well stocked with hard liquor and beer—none of which I could drink, so iced tea became my best friend. It took some getting used to, but at least I knew it wouldn’t send me down the path of addiction again.

  Beth made sure I didn’t slip up. During parties she kept tabs on me, and frankly, after that last party in Houston, I wanted her with me, or nearby so I could keep my eye on her. She seemed to be getting back to her old self—relaxed and sociable—which was a good sign she was healing.

  During our down time on the bus, while Brooke and Beth played with Emma, I had a chance to catch up with my bandmates.

  “So how are you feeling about another wee one coming along?” I asked Don one day. He looked drained after another late night.

  He ran a hand down his face. “Oh, I’m excited. I know it’ll be exhausting, but babies are something else, David. I promise you, it’s worth it. I’m trying to enjoy every moment I can.”