Never Change

by Anne Carol

  I forced myself to eat a bowl of cereal and drank some hot ginger tea to help soothe my nausea. A quick shower was in order today, since Jenny and I were spending the morning shopping for maternity clothes. It was important to stock up before heading back to the United States. Our tour was scheduled to end in my seventh month, which meant I needed a decent stash of larger clothes. Brooke had graciously given me a few blouses, but since she was also pregnant, she couldn’t part with any of her jeans or slacks.

  My cousin entered the house wearing a wide-eyed expression. “Beth, there’s a gorgeous hunk of a man named Garrick outside, and he wanted me to tell you he’s here. Who is he?”

  “I have no clue. Are you sure he’s at the right house?” A chill hit me at the thought of some weirdo hanging out in front with David gone.

  “He said your name. You mean you don’t—”

  The phone rang, and I raised my finger. “Hold that thought.”

  “Sweetie, it’s me,” David said when I answered. “Expect a man by the name of Garrick to be over soon. I know you’d planned to do some shopping today with Jenny, so I hired a man to go around with you.”

  “A bodyguard, huh?” I spoke loudly so Jenny could hear me. Her face lit up in pure delight.

  “Beth, please don’t argue with me. You agreed.”

  My shoulders slumped. “I did, indeed.” I closed my eyes and pinched the top of my nose. Will my life ever be normal again?

  “Thank you. I’ll feel much better knowing you’re safe.”

  As soon as I got off the phone, Jenny slowly approached me with hands on her hips. “I know what you’re thinking, cousin. David’s worried about you, and after those pictures were published, frankly I don’t blame him.” My stomach churned at her honesty. “But with Garrick around, I can guarantee nobody will touch you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why?”

  “Because he is built.”

  Giggling, I dropped my arms. “Oh, Jenny. Let’s get going. I need fat clothes. I mean…maternity clothes.”

  Jenny laughed as we gathered our coats and handbags and headed to the door.

  It turned out having Garrick along wasn’t the worst thing. His presence allowed me to relax and have fun with my cousin. Not to mention, Jenny seemed to have developed a mild crush on the British hunk. Couldn’t say I blamed her; with his chiseled jaw, stormy blue eyes, and solid build, he wasn’t hard to look at. The fact Jenny was even noticing another guy was a small miracle. After she’d broken up with her long-time boyfriend, Simon, she’d kept to herself for too long.

  My shopping spree produced a nice collection of attractive maternity clothes—no baggy smock tops or muumuus like my mom had worn in those old black and white photographs. My new wardrobe included five dresses, seven tops, and three pairs of jeans with the elastic panel sewn in to accommodate my expanding belly. They looked odd, but I supposed under a shirt, they’d look like regular jeans, with the panel hidden.

  Garrick remained in close proximity as we headed to the underground station. To my displeasure, the station was crammed full of people. Great. Just what I needed. Gluing myself to Garrick, I drew in a breath and told myself it was only five stops before we’d be off the train.

  And of course, there were no seats available. Saying a quick prayer, I clung to a metal bar and hung my head low. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Somers?” Garrick whispered as he perched himself next to me in a protective stance.

  “I’m fine. Just not a fan of crowds.”

  “She’s a bit claustrophobic,” Jenny added in a whisper. I shot her a glare. Thanks.

  Garrick looked down at me. “Just let me know if you need to get off and catch some air.”

  I grimaced and nodded, feeling my cheeks heat. Wanting to cover my face, I pulled out my ponytail and smoothed down my long locks. Jenny cleared her throat, not once but twice. She apparently wanted my attention, so I glanced at her, and when I did she diverted her gaze to a young man seated beside us. His open-mouthed stare, coupled with the magazine he held, only meant one thing.

  I quietly gasped. “Oh, no. The magazine.”

  Garrick immediately perked up and donned a “don’t mess with me” face. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anyone near you.”

  He’d keep me safe, I knew that, but still…

  My heart raced, and my stomach fell a few floors. Nausea seeped in as a full-blown panic attack overtook me. Hyperventilation was the next step, my breaths coming in short spurts.

  Stupidly I peeked at the guy again, and now, to my horror, he was whispering to his seatmates, pointing to the magazine and then to me. The fog I was in prevented me from hearing anything, but I could imagine the conversation: “She’s married to David Somers, you know, from Vinyl Fog?”

  That’s when the room started spinning. I quickly shut my eyes and clung to the metal bar with everything in me. “Garrick, how many more stops?” I whispered breathlessly.

  “Three, but I think we should get off at the next stop, Mrs. Somers. You look pale.”

  “No, it’s fine,” I lied, another wave of nausea rolling through me. Instinctively, I clapped my free hand over my mouth. “Oh…”

  When the train stopped at the next station, Garrick gently nudged me toward the exit. “Come on, now.”

  “No!” I said, drawing a few looks my way. I lowered my voice. “I mean, I just want to get home. I’ll be fine.”

  Jenny shook her head, appearing frustrated. Garrick kept a straight face, but I wondered if he shared Jenny’s frustration. “If you’re sure.”

  I was sure I wanted to go home, but not so sure I’d make it in one piece. Panic and nausea permeated my body, and I knew the baby was lecturing me—“you should’ve eaten more like Daddy told you to.”

  This whole experience brought back memories of the day I fainted on David in the record shop. It was five years ago, eons, it seemed. That day I hadn’t eaten much, and the low blood sugar resulted in my fainting in the middle of the aisle, straight into David’s arms. I’ll never forget how he’d caught me in more ways than one.

  Reminiscing took my mind off the paralyzing claustrophobia, and I started to relax. But once we got to our stop, I was off the train for two seconds before a handful of people from the train surrounded me, separating me from Garrick and Jenny. They fired me with questions:

  “What did David think of these photos?”

  “When is your baby due?”

  “Will you sign my magazine?”

  “Are you planning to take the baby on tours with you?”

  “Where’s your guitar, sexy girl?”

  That last question made me gag, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Garrick swing a punch at a guy in the back of the group. With everyone now distracted by Garrick’s aggressive move, I ducked around the crowd and hurried over to Jenny, who grabbed my hand. “Sorry we got separated.”

  “Just get me home. I feel dizzy.”

  Garrick joined us, and the two of them helped me home.

  Knowing red roses always brought a smile to Beth’s face, I stopped by the flower shop on my way home and paid a hefty sum for the out-of-season beauties. As I entered our home, I expected to see her flitting about the kitchen, as she usually did at this time. When I instead found her stretched out on the sofa, body limp with fatigue, my gut told me something wasn’t right. Yet the moment she saw me, she sat up and smiled, giving me a bit of relief. She put down her book and clasped her hands. “Flowers? My birthday was last week. What’s the occasion?”

  “Because I still feel bad for walking out on you last night. I hate that I upset you.” I set the bouquet down on the kitchen counter and walked over to the sofa.

  She shrugged. “It’s over with, David. Just forget it. But I appreciate the flowers.”

  I stood in front of her and asked, “May I sit with you?”

  She gestured to the other end of the sofa and said, “Be my guest.”

  I shook my head, smirking. “No, silly girl, I want to hold you
. I think you knew that.”

  She gave me a flirty expression, warming my heart. It had been a long day of photo shoots and public appearances, and all I wanted at that moment was to be close to my best friend, lover, and mother of my child. I gently lifted her legs, plopped down beside her, and scooped her into my lap, making her squeal. I moved the pillow to support her neck and urged her to lie back. Reading my mind, she lifted her shirt and placed my hand on her bare stomach. I leaned down and kissed her stretched skin.

  “Hi, baby. It’s your daddy. Were you good for mummy today?”

  Beth laughed, and when she did her belly jiggled. Pre-pregnancy, her stomach had been flat and firm, thanks to her diligence at exercising. But now, the sight of her expanding figure was breathtaking to me. I loved that our child was inside her, growing and developing every day. If only this baby knew how much we loved him.

  Continuing to caress her stomach, I asked her, “How was it today? Did you get some new clothes?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, I got a nice little stash. I think I’ll get by for a while.” She smiled, but the brightness didn’t reach her eyes. What is she keeping from me? God, for whatever reason, had gifted me with a sixth sense when it came to Beth.

  “What happened?” I blurted out, not meaning to sound so harsh.

  Her eyes widened. “Uh…well, let’s just say Garrick came in handy.”

  “Blast,” I breathed, rubbing my palm down my face. “Did someone recognize you?” Please, God. Allow her to be honest with me.

  She opened her mouth to say something, and then hesitated, sighing. “Yeah. It was after we’d left the shops. A guy on the Tube spotted me.” She bit her lip. “He was actually reading the magazine.”

  Flames enveloped my face, and I clenched my teeth. “Beth. You know how I feel about you taking the Tube, especially in your condition.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me. “Stop that. I’m not an invalid. Lots of pregnant women take the Tube, get jostled around, squished in seats, and they don’t think anything of it.”

  “That may be, but they aren’t you. And I’d feel like this if you weren’t pregnant. Like it or not, we’re in the public eye, and even without the magazine article, I don’t like you out there, vulnerable.”

  “Geez, David. I’m not a damsel in distress.”

  I couldn’t help smiling. “Do you not recall a certain fair maiden lying at my feet in a record shop, some five years ago, passed out cold?”

  “David.” She wasn’t smiling. “Come on. Stop seeing me as that seventeen-year-old girl who fainted into your arms. Or the woman who couldn’t stop crying after losing her baby. Or the woman who was anxious and depressed for years after being assaulted. I’m so much more than that.”

  I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. “I know, darling. You were strong when I couldn’t manage life without drugs and alcohol.” I kissed her again. “You’ve been my rock this whole year.” Another kiss. “And I haven’t forgotten you’ve managed two months of touring while pregnant, without a single complaint. I know you always haven’t felt well, but you’ve been a trouper.”

  “But—”

  “But you’re my girl, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’ll always be this way, even when we’re hobbling around in walkers, I’ll want to protect you. And I’m especially protective while you have our baby inside you. You two are more precious to me than anything.”

  At that, she relaxed into my arms, allowing me to tuck her into my body. I loved her so much. My heart almost couldn’t take it when she was cross with me. Sure, I acted like a complete loon sometimes, but I only meant well by it. I hoped she understood.

  She closed her eyes and nestled into my arms. “I kind of got separated from Garrick for a few minutes today.”

  “What?” My throat dried up. Dear God, please let her be okay.

  She patted my chest. “Don’t worry, nothing happened. Well, I mean, not to me. Garrick took down a guy who made a nasty comment, and the incident shook me up. With all the anxiety, I kind of got woozy. That’s why I’m laying low.”

  Relief flooded me, and I hugged her closely. “Keep resting. I’ll make dinner. I’m sure I can whip up some bubble and squeak.” I grinned. That was one of my favorite dishes to make because it made leftovers taste like a new meal.

  Beth smiled weakly. “You can do that.”

  We held each other quietly for a few moments until she broke the silence with a sigh. “I hate feeling like a weakling. I love being pregnant, but I miss my old body.”

  “I’m sure. I’ll do everything I can to make you comfortable over the next several months.”

  “And after he’s born? Will you help me change him and rock him in the middle of the night?”

  “Of course. He’ll have the cleanest bum ever, and I look forward to singing to him at three in the morning.”

  Beth snickered. “He’ll know every Vinyl Fog song by the time he’s a year old.”

  “Among others.” Her reference to music gave me an idea. Ah…yes. “I need to fetch something. Excuse me.” I lifted her off me, set her down, and headed to our bedroom.

  I grabbed my new favorite gadget, double-checked what was inside, and went back to her.

  “What are you doing with your Walkman?” she asked as she sat on the sofa, legs curled beside her.

  “You’ll see.” Beth had given me the portable cassette player for Christmas so I could listen to my favorite music tapes while traveling—and maybe so she wouldn’t have to hear my music.

  I knelt beside her. “Lay back and lift your shirt.”

  “O-kay,” she mumbled, doing as I asked.

  I placed the fuzzy headphones on her tummy. “Never too early to start teaching my son or daughter about good music, eh?” I winked.

  “Ah, great idea. I should get out my Carpenters tapes.”

  I gaped at her, shaking my head. “Oh, no. Let’s not confuse our child.”

  “What’s wrong with having a wide variety of music tastes?”

  “Nothing, as long as it’s real music.”

  She bopped the back of my head playfully. “It’s more music than that screaming stuff which I don’t even understand.”

  “We’ll see what he thinks.” I slid The Jam into the Walkman and hit play. I could hear the muffled guitar sound as “Going Underground” played.

  Beth lay back and shut her eyes while I watched her, unable to look away. Suddenly, she jerked up and set her hand over her stomach. “Whoa, that felt funny.”

  Panicked, I switched off the player and asked, “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Turn it back on, David.” She smiled wide. “I felt a flutter.”

  My body froze, though my mind raced. She felt our baby? I again hit “play” and studied her face. Her smile took up half her face and tears wet her eyes. She reached for my hand and placed it over her swollen belly. “Do you feel anything?”

  Nothing. “No, do you?”

  “Yeah, he’s dancing…or headbanging, not sure. It feels like butterflies. So weird.”

  Tears streamed down her face, and I gently wiped them away with my thumb. Oh, please, God, let me feel him, too. A moment later, God answered my silent plea as I felt a distinct tremor beneath the surface. “Was that him?”

  “Yes,” She met my eyes. “You felt him?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yeah. Amazing.” Laughter bubbled to the surface. I couldn’t help myself. “He…or she…likes Daddy’s music.”

  “Ha, figures that’s all you’re thinking about,” she teased, her face radiant.

  Leaving one hand on her belly, I reached up and palmed her cheek. “It feels more real now. At least, to me. Think about how much our life is about to change.”

  “I know. It’s going to be so different.” She lay back and stared at the ceiling, seemingly deep in thought. A minute later, she turned my way with a sweet smile. “When things get crazy with this little one, never forget how much I adore you, David—even with your screaming musi
c, to which you’re subjecting our child.”

  “I love you, Beth. Truly, if you woke up tomorrow morning and decided you preferred The Clash over The Carpenters, you wouldn’t be my Beth. Never change…please.”

  “Don’t need to worry about that.” She stroked my hair lovingly.

  We stayed in that position for a long time, until I felt not only our baby but her tummy rumbling for dinner.

  The following day—the day before we returned to the States for our tour—we had our twenty-two-week doctor appointment, complete with a sonogram. This was a milestone appointment because the doctor said he could possibly determine the sex of our baby. I knew it wasn’t a guarantee, but deep down, I counted on finding out if I had a son or daughter. I was anxious to start calling him or her by name, not just “baby” or “peanut.”

  The moment finally arrived. Doctor Noble confirmed that everything looked good, and Beth and I both breathed a sigh of relief. He continued to run the wand over Beth’s stomach. “Did you want to know the sex?”

  I straightened up and said, “Yes,” just as Beth blurted out, “No.”

  The doctor chuckled. “Well? Which is it?”

  “So you didn’t find out?” Brooke asked as we chatted over the phone. I was relaxing in my hotel room while the boys were doing a sound check. Brooke and Don had stayed behind in London, as she was in her final months of pregnancy. Don was able to negotiate a two-month leave to stay back with her, while bassist Dietrich Griffin from the band House of Lords would finish out this leg of the tour.

  “No. I wanted to wait, but David was dying to know. By the time he’d convinced me, the baby had moved so the doctor couldn’t see anything. He was so disappointed, but all in all, he’s just glad the baby’s healthy.”

  “He’s so excited. It’s adorable.” She sounded tired, and I could hear Emma babbling in the background. “Don’s getting nervous to have two children. He says we should hire a baby nurse when we go back on the road. We can afford it now.”