by T. L Smith
I stay there for a while, enjoying the comfort that is Adam and just listen to him talking to everyone. I’m playing with my phone not really interested in the conversation. I’m deciding whether or not to get up to dance when I feel his eyes on me. I know it’s him without even looking. I immediately tense underneath Adam’s arm and he senses it. He gives me a tight squeeze to reassure me, but it’s not working. I feel my phone buzz in my hand and I open the new message from Brax.
Are you going to ignore me the whole night?
My gaze flicks straight across to him. I see a smile spreading across his face, like he’s happy that I’m finally paying him some attention. I unhook Adam’s arm from around my shoulder and walk to the end of the table. I decide to be a bitch and play games. I’m so close to Brax, he probably thinks I’m going to talk to him, but I lean right over him and ask Lola to come and dance with me. I slowly stand up, my ass is probably right in his face and when I look back at him he is biting his bottom lip. It distracts me for a second before Lola grabs my arm. We move over to the bar to grab a drink before we head to the dance floor. I order two shots and slam them back. She looks at me with raised eyebrows.
“I know you're trying to ignore him, and it isn’t working. His eyes haven’t left yours since you arrived and they’re still on you now. I can feel his gaze from way over here and it’s setting my panties on fire, girl.” I know she is trying to make light of the situation, but I just grab her hand and drag her to the dance floor instead of talking.
We dance for what seems hours and in between I make sure to keep my tequila shots coming. Lola and I dance in sync. We’ve been doing this for years and she knows most of my moves. She may not have been a dancer like me, but she did do gymnastics.
We finally head back to the boys and I can see that they are all watching us as their eyes continually follow us. I’m very, very drunk right now, and am currently leaning on Lola, that is until she passes me off to Brax. He grabs my arm to steady me and I try to lean away from him, but it’s no good. He has hold of my hips, steadying me. My eyes plead with Brandon, but he just smiles. I have to remember to punch him hard when I’m sober because he is now on my shit list.
Brax places a water in front of me and I take a few sips and he pulls me down into his lap. I go to pull away, but it’s absolutely useless. A few fan girls approach, and I try to make my move to leave when they ask for his autograph. I stand and he grabs my hips and slams me back down. Now I have two people on my shit list for when I’m sober. He tells the girls he’s sorry, but at the moment he can’t sign for them. They give me a foul regard before they head off. I laugh out loud and everyone turns their heads to look at me. I shrug my shoulders and continue drinking my water.
I’m getting very bored sitting here, apart from Brax tracing his fingers over my back, which is nearly sending me to sleep. I tell him I’m going the ladies and he finally lets me go. Little does he know, I ain’t going to the ladies, I’m going to get more grog and make my way back out onto the dance floor.
I feel my phone vibrate, beep and then ring when I’m dancing, but I choose to ignore it. I’m sure nothing major has happened. I make my way back to the bar to get another drink when Lola spots me. I know she’ll dob on me so I try heading in the other direction, but that doesn’t work either. Obviously, I’m very drunk because I can hardly stand straight and nearly fall on Lola when she stands in front of me.
I look her in the eyes and speak before she gets the chance, “Don’t you dare say a word, or tida tale on me either, you’re my sister, please act like it.”
Her eyes widen in shock as I push past her and head out onto the dance floor to dance my troubles away.
Brax
She makes my head spin; she makes it spin out of fucking control. I don’t know what to do about her. It’s like she has a spell on me that I can’t break. It's frustrating, God, she’s frustrating.
She’s been gone longer than needed for a bathroom break, and I know now that she isn’t in the bathroom. She’s avoiding me, after all it is what she’s good at. Lola comes back not looking happy. I raise my eyebrows in question and she turns away. That obviously means Sasha has told her not to talk to me. I stand up and Knox pierces me with his stare and shakes his head. He knows what I’m about to do, and he’s right, I’m going to find her. He told me to give her some space, but I can’t. I tried that, it’s not good for us. I look over at Adam, his eyes are glued to the dance floor. I follow his eyes and see her. People watch in fascination as she dances around the floor. She can move. I’ve never seen anyone that can dance like her. It’s like her body has a mind of its own. I glimpse back at Adam watching his friend and wonder if he is looking at her the way I do. I can distinguish that he’s basically just protecting her; he doesn’t look at her with lust in his eyes the way I do. He is giving her some space, but I will always keep her in my sight.
I make my way to the dance floor and notice that most of her audience is males, which pisses me right off. I feel like I want to punch their heads in for looking at her that way. I watch her dance. She drops to the floor and slowly makes her way back up shaking her ass and hips as she does. It’s mesmerizing the way she does it, like it’s something she does every day.
I walk across to her, I get a few head nods in recognition and grab her by the waist. She continues to dance, but now she is dancing up and down me, rubbing her ass on my cock. It’s making me angry and hard at the same time. I could be a complete stranger and she’s rubbing up against me like she doesn't care. She leans back, so her head rests on my shoulder with her eyes closed.
“I can smell you. You know I knew it was you,” she says, slurring her words.
I relax a little and turn her around so she’s facing me. She looks straight into my eyes. I love it when she does that, it’s like she can’t escape my gaze. I grab her hips and bring her back to me. She places her hands on my chest and I whisper into her ear, “It’s time to leave.” She doesn’t argue with me and I grab her hand and we walk off. She’s unsteady on her feet, so when we are outside I pick her up bridal style and carry her the rest of the way to the car. She smells delicious, she always does. She smells like fresh flowers and a hint of candy, it’s so unique, but it’s so her. She clings to me; she’s so light I could carry her forever. When I reach the car and bend down to place her in the seat, she clings onto me harder. I manage to get her in and she looks out the window ignoring me again. I grab my phone and text the boys to let them know I have Sasha on board and we are leaving. They text back straight away asking if I need a hand, and Brandon asks where to meet me. I text that I’m good and I’ll see them tomorrow.
I manage to make it to my house without her breathing one word. I know she’s awake, but she just won’t look at me. I get out of the car and walk around to her side of the car and open the door. I lean down to pick her up and carry her again, but she brushes me off. She climbs out and stands tall, then she turns abruptly and takes off towards the house. I run to catch up and open the door. She doesn’t thank me or make eye contact again and I know we need to talk. I just hope she will give me a chance.
I follow her inside and she sits down on the couch. She has her head in her hands. I walk over and sit on the coffee table right in front of her. I slowly peel her hands away and lift her chin, so she looks directly at me. She eyes dart everywhere, but I continue to stare at her. She is such a sight to behold. She has the softest skin imaginable; it’s the kind you could kiss and bite all day. Her eyes are stunning though, but if you look closely you can see the hurt in them. She doesn’t show it often, but it’s there now and it pains me to see it.
“Why am I here, Brax?” she asks.
“You’ve been avoiding me and I’d like to know why?”
She searches my eyes for something, though I’m not sure what, and then she takes a depth breath and I’m shocked at what she says.“I’m not in the market to get hurt. You... You would hurt me and I don’t think I could come back from that again.”
A tear slips from her eye and I lean in to kiss it away. I don’t know how she thinks I would hurt her because I would never dream of it. She has held me captive from the first time I laid eyes on her. And even though I thought she wasn’t available, I knew I had to know her, own her.
When she left me for Josh I thought I’d never see her again, so I tried to move on. I started dating our band manager, Angela, and I thought I could even possibly love her. I realize now she was just a filler and nothing more. When I was with Angela I had feelings for her, but I think it was lust because when I’m with Sasha I want to give my all. The night she finally let me in, I was beyond happy. I think I realized in that moment I might actually love her. I don’t usually chase girls, but with her, she makes me want to.
“I can’t do it again. I just can’t, Brax. You might as well let me go now, before you fall for something you can’t have.” She stands up and tries to walk away from me. I won’t have it, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She’s just hurt and I’m hoping I can try to heal her enough so she can let me in. I walk over to her and spin her around before she gets to the door. I push her up against it and slam my lips down on hers. At first I’m aggressive and needy, and when she responds and her tongue enters my mouth, I know I need to take it slower with her. I try to pull back, but she grabs hold of my shoulders and brushes herself against my body. I’m about to lose all self control and I grab her legs and hoist them around my waist. I pin her arms above her head and separate our mouths. I look down at her swollen lips and her red face. I lean in and plant soft kisses all over her face from the corners of her mouth down to her neck. She arches up to me and I know what she needs, though I don’t think it’s the right time for this. My body is disagreeing with me, but I know if I want to keep her, I can’t force her. I need her to come to me when she’s ready.
I slowly peel her from the door with her legs still wrapped around my waist and carry her to the bedroom. My eyes never leave hers. I place her on the bed and remove her shoes and start to unzip her dress. I ask her to stand and the dress falls to the ground. She isn’t wearing a bra and her tits spring free. I’m now harder than ever before. I remove my shirt and place it on her and lay her on the bed. I climb in next to her and lay down beside her, pulling her closer so she’s tucked into me. She doesn’t say anything, though I know she’s awake. I’m just hoping she doesn’t run in the morning again.
I wake to noises coming from the kitchen. Immediately I’m relieved when I feel Sasha still in my bed and lying on top of me. I gaze down at her and see that she’s still asleep. I decide to let her stay asleep and hug her tightly to my body. We lay there for a while, me thinking about all things her, and how much I love waking up to her. I feel her stir as the boys get louder in the kitchen. It sounds like they’re making breakfast. They certainly don’t know how to keep the bloody noise down.
Sasha eventually wakes and looks up at me then down at our bodies. She jumps up and makes her way to the bathroom, grabbing her dress on the way. I’m not sure what’s going through her head at the moment, so I decide to wait until she comes out. She eventually comes out with her dress on and is tying her hair up in a bun. She ever so slowly looks up at me.
“Um, thanks for letting me stay. I have to go and get ready for work,” she says, her eyes darting to me and then all around the room. I stand up and follow her out. All the boy’s eyes shoot to us.
Brandon walks over and she asks in a quiet voice, if he can take her home. She waves goodbye to my brothers and then she looks back at me. A smile spreads across her face, which doesn't touch her eyes and she waves. They walk out the door and I’m about to follow her when Knox pulls me back.
“You need to give her time, bro.” I know he’s right, but I just want to be near her. He sees me contemplating and shakes his head. “She has issues she needs to deal with by herself. Anyone can see that by looking at her, plus you have a tour which starts soon. You can’t keep following her around everywhere,” Keith tells me.
I head to my room and call the boys to see if they’re okay to get started on the tour sooner rather than later, as I need to leave, otherwise all I will do is try to see her. I want her, but can’t have her.
Sasha
On the car ride home, Brandon asks me what happened last night, but I’m not in the mood to talk about it. He keeps pestering me and I’m nearly ready to snap at him. He sees my angry look and drops it. We arrive at the apartment and I go and get ready for work. I’m standing under the shower trying to process everything that happened last night and I just can’t. He didn’t take advantage of me, he just took care of me.
Once I’m dressed I head out to tell Brandon I’m off. I see him trying to get comfy on the couch when I realize I have to start moving forward.
“Brandon, here are the keys to the house, start moving in while I’m at work.” He catches the keys and look down at them and then up at me.
“Are you ready for that, Sash?”
I nod my head and tell him goodbye while I head out the door. I’m half way through my shift and it’s close to dinner time. Dylan is the doctor on duty today and he’s pretty easy when it comes to breaks. Dylan and I have formed a good working relationship after we realized that we were just not meant to be because the attraction didn’t bring any kind of spark. I go to find him to tell him I’m going to have something to eat when I see him talking to the one and only Brax. I’m seriously thinking he has stalking issues going on here.
I walk over to them and smile at Dylan, he’s beaming over whatever Brax has just told him and he looks like a kid in a candy store. Brax locks eyes with me and I smile at him. I turn to Dylan to let him know that I’m off to get something to eat when Brax asks if he can join me. I reluctantly agree and he follows me out.
We take a seat at the café and I order a toasty and a coffee. Brax doesn’t have anything and just sits there looking around.
“So what brought you to my neck of the woods today?” I ask him.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving early for the tour and will be gone for two months.”
I’m not sure what to say, I’m shocked and it actually hurts knowing he won’t be here. Though it’s also a relief, because I can’t think straight when he’s near me.
“Why come and tell me this, Brax?” I ask, because there is really no reason for him to tell me his plans.
“I want to give you some time, and with me being around I know you can’t think straight. So, I’m asking while I’m gone, please consider me.” He stands up and leans down to kiss the top of my hair and leaves.
* * *
Post Brax Leaving
Week One
I’ve finally fully moved in. It’s been hard, but I think I can do this. I think I can live here without tremendous heart ache.
Week Two
I stay focused on work and nothing else. I don’t make plans to see anyone, I don’t even go out. I take extra shifts to keep me busy.
Week Three
I stay in bed and don’t want to move. I only move to go to work. I’m pretty sure I missed several meals and I’m beginning to lose weight.
Week Four
I manage to get back into a routine of work then gym. I’m doing better this week. Lola has asked me to take a drive with her next week. I’m not sure where though, because she’s keeping it a secret.
Week Five
Lola has me blindfolded, and when we reach the destination she holds my hand and I follow her. Once we stop, she tells me not to hate her, and to wait a few minutes before I remove my blindfold. I wait, then remove it. I look around and know instantly where I am. I look to the floor and then collapse.
Week Six
I’ve ignored Lola all week. She knows I’m angry at her because she had no right to take me there. I’ve gone back into hiding in my room.
Week Seven
I’ve decided I’ll go there myself. I need to do it. I need to be strong. I drive there, but can’t manage to get out of t
he car. I don’t think I’m ready to do it, so I go home and cry myself to sleep.
Week Eight
Everyone is angry with me because I’ve been ignoring them all. I have chosen to ignore them though. They think they know what’s best for me, but they don’t. They have no idea the pain I’m in. I also miss Brax terribly and I know that’s not a good sign.
* * *
I get home from work and find everyone drinking and laughing in my kitchen. I look around and see Keith, Knox, Adam, Brandon and Lola. They notice me enter and corner me.
“You’re coming out with us tonight. We are going to help Brax celebrate the end of their tour,” Adam tells me, also putting his hand over my shoulder for support. I gaze up and see everyone is waiting for me to answer. I tell them I’ll meet them there as I have some work to catch up on. I know they don’t believe me, but they can’t take me against my will.
Once everyone has left, I go and change into a pair of jeans and a sweater. I have no plans of going to this party tonight, though I do have plans of trying to say goodbye.
I’ve decided I need to see him. I grab my things with trembling hands and make my way to the car. I step out of the car with shaky legs and I slowly walk over. I know Lola was trying to get me to move on, but this is something I have to do by myself. I reach his headstone and collapse to my knees. I didn’t realize how hard this would be. I think that’s why I’ve avoided it at all cost. I can feel tears soaking my face and I wipe them away, I didn’t even realize I was crying.
I sit in the same spot for what seems like ages. I can hear my phone ringing, though I choose to ignore it. I don’t need company, I want my private time with Josh. I know he’s not here anymore, but somehow I feel his presence. I tell him about my life and how it’s been and how much pain he has caused me. I’m still angry with him, though I think being here is helping me. I tell him about Brax and how he wants things from me that I’m not ready to give him.