by Tracy Bloom
As soon as her back was turned, Matthew took another slug of vodka before handing the bottle back to Daniel.
“I owe you a drink,” he said but made no move to go to the bar preferring to stare after Alison.
“Tell you what, I’ll get a round in,” said Ben. “Won’t be a tick.”
Daniel looked at Katy and coughed, nodding vigorously towards Matthew.
“Yes and I need some air,” Daniel said. “I’ll be outside.”
Katy and Matthew sat in silence until Matthew reached forward and grabbed the vodka and took yet another swig.
“What’s with you?” asked Katy.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, you’ve hardly had a civil word for anyone and what’s with the vodka?”
“It’s all just too weird for me Katy,” he said looking far into the distance. “Just too weird.”
“What’s weird?”
“This is. Don’t you think it’s weird that this is the last time we will ever see each other?”
“Guess so but it’s not exactly been a barrel of laughs has it?”
“No but, it’s been good you know,” he said, turning to face her. “Apart from making me sing stupid songs. We were good once weren’t we? Really good. And I screwed it up.” He paused. “Ever wonder what might have been? You know, if I hadn’t been such a dick.”
“No, never,” Katy lied.
“I do.”
“Don’t.”
“I can’t help it,” said Matthew, letting his head sink into his hands. Katy wasn’t sure what to say. She hadn’t expected this.
Suddenly Matthew’s head shot up and he looked at Katy.
“Let me see you and the baby. Just once, I promise. I think I need to see you both. So I can get closure or something. Say a proper goodbye and then draw the line. Then I’ll be able to move on. I think that will make me feel better.”
Katy stared back at him completely dumbstruck.
“Make you feel better?” she said finally through gritted teeth. “That sums it up doesn’t it? You just don’t get it do you?” She was shouting right in his ear now to make sure he could hear her. “Listen carefully. This is not about you. This is about the baby and me and Ben and us somehow making this work. And it is about your wife and your two kids on their way any day. You have to do what’s right for other people now Matthew, not what might make you feel better.”
“But I can’t help the fact that I care about you and what happens to the baby,” he said, rocking himself backwards and forwards.
Katy closed her eyes and tried to slow down her rapid breathing.
“The time to care was right about when you were shagging the Virgin Mary, not now. You missed it Matthew. Well and truly missed it.”
Matthew looked utterly defeated for a moment and then his face hardened.
“I was stupid and I’m sorry, but you slept with me and I didn’t see you worrying about Ben. Now you’re planning the rest of your life with him despite the fact he’s an idiot.”
“Leave it Matthew. It’s nothing to do with you and you have absolutely no right to say that.”
“But he could be bringing up my child.”
“Stop. That’s enough. How dare you talk like this now. We dealt with this weeks ago remember? Ben will be the father of this child, end of story. Now just leave it alone.”
Matthew stared at her briefly before saying, “Fine, if that is the way you want it. Just don’t come running to me when he walks out on you because he can’t take the responsibility.” He got up and walked unsteadily in the direction of the gents.
What a twat, she thought. How dare he ask to see the baby and how dare he say Ben was going to let her down. Deep down, however, she knew Matthew might be right. Despite Ben’s sudden upturn in attitude, come crunch time, he might not be able to take the pressure. She looked around for him, frantically needing some immediate reassurance. He was talking to some of Luke’s friends by the bar. She breathed heavily, trying not to cry, and made her way over. Just as she got within a few yards of him she felt the tears spring up like a sprinkler on a late-night timer. She tried sniffing vigorously but there was nothing she could do, they were off and running. Ben looked horrified at the blubbering mess advancing towards him. He muttered some words to the three boys talking to him, who took one look at Katy and backed away in terrified awe.
“What is it?” What’s happened?” asked Ben putting his arm around her.
Katy breathed in hard again, trying desperately to regain some control.
“Katy my love, was it the trifle?” asked Ben. “Did Charlene’s mum make you eat it? I know it tastes like rat poison but I really don’t think anyone who names her children after Neighbours characters would deliberately try to harm you. Although I did hear she wants to kill off all the guests so they won’t have to return the presents come divorce time.”
Katy couldn’t help but smile, then slowly but surely her shoulders began to shake with laughter as she buried her head in a tissue. She dried her eyes and gave a big sigh. God it was good to have Ben back on form.
“So what did the tosser say this time? I saw you talking to him,” said Ben turning serious. “He wasn’t giving you grief about telling me about you and him was he? Because if he was, I’ll have to have a word with him. It’s his lie not yours. It wasn’t your idea not to tell her.”
“No Ben, it wasn’t that. He was just a bit worried you know that, well you had taken it badly and were taking it out on me. That’s all, nothing really.”
“You what? He thinks I’m giving you a hard time over his stupid bloody secrets. Christ he’s got a nerve. Who the hell does he think he is, playing all these games?”
“It’s not a game honestly Ben, just a stupid lie that got out of hand that’s all.”
“A stupid lie that was ridiculous in the first place. What kind of crazy relationship do they have that Matthew is scared shitless of confessing previous girlfriends?” said Ben, getting worked up.
“Ben, please just forget about it, it’s really not worth it.”
“Back in a minute,” he mumbled and walked off.
Katy was about to reach for her tissues again when she noticed where he was going. Within moments the gents door shrieked then slammed with an ominous bang.
Matthew was standing unsteadily at the urinal, with his back to the room when Ben walked in. It was empty other than whatever inhabitants were encouraged by decades of grime and stale piss. There were two cubicles to the right but only one had a door and a bare bulb flickered distractedly in the middle of the room making everything look like a scene from a B-movie.
There were three urinals and Matthew had taken the one to the far right allowing any newcomer to leave the one in the middle free in accordance with male toilet etiquette. Ben could sense that Matthew was therefore somewhat surprised when someone brushed up right next to him.
“So Katy tells me you’re worried that I’m giving her a hard time because it somehow slipped both your minds that you used to go out together. That is despite the fact you’ve had a reminder tattooed to your shoulders for the last God knows how many years.”
The shock of the intrusion caused Matthew to halt mid-flow. He looked up at Ben and puffed his chest out.
“No, Ben. I was just checking she was alright. She needs looking after. She is about to have a baby.”
“Don’t you think I know that? I’m doing it. I’m doing it and then you come along and upset everything,” said Ben.
“Doing what?” Matthew let out a small laugh. “What are you doing exactly Ben? Because to be honest I don’t see you doing that much.” Matthew called a halt to his interrupted stream and tucked himself away before turning to face Ben head on.
“All you ever did was arse around at the classes. You’re out all the time with your mates and you still think it’s a good idea to go to a stag-do when the baby is due. Honestly Ben, I don’t think you’re up to it. You need to grow up or leave Katy to it. No father is bette
r than a father who doesn’t give a shit and Katy deserves better than that.”
The door burst open and Scott came hurtling in.
“Mister, mister,” he said breathlessly to Ben. “Your girlfriend is outside and she says I’ve got to get you out right now and she’ll buy me a half of shandy if I don’t tell me mum.” Scott grabbed Ben’s hand and started pulling for all he was worth.
Ben’s stony gaze did not move from Matthew’s face.
“If you get out now I’ll buy you a pint,” said Ben.
“What of shandy, or do you mean a real pint.”
“Whatever you want. Now get out.”
“Yes sireee sir, whatever you say sir,” said Scott, disappearing as suddenly as he’d arrived.
“You think I am not worthy to be a father? That’s where you get your snotty nosed attitude from is it? Well I will be honest, Matthew. It’s taken some getting used to. And yes, there have been many times that I’ve felt like running away, but I haven’t have I? And just because I’ve got Katy and you’ve got a woman with a broom stuck up her arse, well that’s your fault isn’t it? Now you listen to me mate. You had your turn and now she wouldn’t look twice at you, so get lost you stuck-up twat.”
Matthew gripped hold of a broken towel rail to try and steady himself, visibly shocked at Ben’s verbal attack.
“Pathetic, just pathetic,” laughed Ben.
Next thing he knew Ben was reeling back, his chin feeling like it was on fire. He collided with the toilet door stumbling back into the crowded room and onto the edge of the dance floor. He hit me. The bastard hit me, he thought as his head hit the floor. Next thing he knew Matthew was on top of him pulling him up by his collar.
“Wouldn’t want me you say? Wouldn’t want me?” he angrily whispered right in Ben’s ear. “I think you had better ask her about that. She sure did want me the night of the school reunion. Nice flat she’s got. At a stag-do weren’t you? Amazing what you miss going on a stag-do isn’t it?” Matthew shoved Ben’s head back to the floor again, got up and started to stagger across the dance floor to the door.
The excitement hadn’t gone unnoticed by the old biddies who were nodding genteelly to an Eminem track. They rushed over to where Matthew had left Ben.
“What are you doing down there love?” said one.
“Do you want a sherry?” said another.
“Go on after him, the brute, give him one from me,” said an overexcited lady who had spilt pickle down the front of her polyester frock.
Ben got up and fought his way through his devoted crowd and reached Matthew just as he got to the middle of the hall. He grabbed him by the shoulder, spun him around and flattened him with an extremely well targeted left hook. Matthew fell to the ground like he had been shot. Then lay there not moving.
“Ben,” came the first cry. “What are you doing?”
Katy pushed through the crowd of teenagers who had beaten her to the scene and who were looking extremely impressed by Ben.
Ben stared at her, not knowing what to say or how to feel. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again when she dropped to her knees and knelt beside Matthew who was still out cold.
“Matthew, wake up, please wake up,” she pleaded to the blank face.
“How could you?” she turned to Ben, giving him an icy look and shaking her head.
He opened his mouth again to speak, or shout, or something but no words came. He took one last look at the scene in front of him then turned and walked away, out of the door and into the night.
Chapter 17
Katy was watching The Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. Fisherman were wrestling hundreds of live crabs as they came tumbling from nets onto the frantic deck of the fishing boat and it was all making her feel a bit sick. She wasn’t sure why she was watching these men go through hell but she suspected it was mainly because it was of some comfort to see someone with a worse life than hers. It was only her second day of maternity leave and daytime television had worn thin already, especially as her remote insisted on leading her to baby programmes depicting wonderful loving couples going through a wonderful loving experience together. This had almost caused her to cancel her subscription in disgust and sue Sky for mental cruelty until she chanced upon The Deadliest Catch. It had cheered her up enormously as she watched the men in such desperate conditions. It also happened to be Ben’s favourite programme and she suspected she was subconsciously keeping it on in the hope that it may act as a homing call back to her flat.
Katy had not seen Ben since the night of the wedding party, three days ago. Thankfully Matthew had opened his eyes when Scott had helpfully chucked a pint of cold lager over his face. By this time Alison had been alerted to the altercation and was at the scene, sitting uncomfortably on a chair in the middle of the dance floor next to his head.
“What happened, ask him what happened?” she had shrieked at Katy.
Katy looked down at Matthew, who had come round but was not making any sense. She looked up for Ben but he was no-where to be seen.
“That other bloke punched him,” said Scott. “Right in the gob. Perfect hit it was. I tried to stop ’em honestly I did. I went into them toilets you know, when I knew there was trouble and I stood between ’em and told them to pack it in but that other bloke told me to get lost. Obviously didn’t want me to see him thump him.”
“Who are you talking about? Who hit him?” Alison shouted in Scott’s face.
“You know, her bloke, tall, bit scruffy,” replied Scott, pointing at Katy.
“Katy, he doesn’t mean Ben does he? Why would Ben do this to Matthew?”
“I don’t know, Alison. I didn’t have a chance to ask him and now he’s gone.”
Alison stared at Katy then slowly pulled herself up before asking Charlene’s father if he would help Matthew to their car.
“Of course,” he replied. “Shall I see if we can get hold of some hot towels?” he asked, confused by alcohol and the sight of so many pregnant women and someone flat on their back.
“No, I don’t think we will need those. Just get him into the car and I’ll take him home.”
“Can I come with you and help you get him in the house?” asked Katy as Charlene’s father hauled Matthew up onto his shoulder.
“No,” Alison replied. “I think that you and Ben have done enough, don’t you?”
Katy had been shocked at how quiet a phone could be. In her normal life phones trilled constantly, demanding her attention. She found she couldn’t get used to the eerie silence, especially as her entire body was poised on red alert for the slightest possibility of a call from Ben.
And so, with just two weeks to go before she was due to give birth, Katy could feel herself falling apart. She was like one of the crabs on the TV, hopelessly scrabbling around, trying to find a way out but not making any progress in any direction, all the while knowing the inevitable was looming. For the crab it was certain death but for Katy it was certain life. The life of a new baby who currently didn’t have the possibility of one father never mind the option of two. Every time she remembered Ben stroking her belly in the middle of the dance floor it triggered a wave of uncontrollable sobbing. It killed her to think that for the first time since Matthew, for what was all of half an hour, she had allowed her mind to explore the fantasy of a long-term future with a man. Whilst Ben merrily shared Daniel’s vodka she had surprised herself by picturing the two of them at a simple but beautiful marriage ceremony, on a beach, with their child clinging onto Ben’s hand, holding a ribbon on which dangled their wedding bands. It had been blissful to finally let her mind wander confidently forward and it felt shockingly cruel that yet again it looked like her future hopes were not to be.
She put the now desperate crabs on mute and crawled under the duvet which had taken permanent residence on her sofa. She realised that nothing in her life was where it should be. Duvet always on the sofa, pyjamas always on her body, dirty crockery in the sink, empty hospital bag at the back of wardro
be, babygros still in plastic wrappers in carrier bags and Ben somewhere else entirely.
Somehow, through the fog of her despair she decided she had to do something. If she got everything back where it should be then maybe that would help. That had to be a good plan. Better than no plan. Better than sitting crying in front of death row crabs.
So she hauled herself off the couch, which hissed in relief and bent down to begin to gather the debris of the truly depressed off the floor. Damp tissues, chocolate wrappers, takeaway menus and back copies of Hello magazine. She got on all fours and methodically tramped up and down the length of the lounge like some sort of human vacuum cleaner stuffing rubbish into pockets and up sleeves to save her going backwards and forwards to the bin. A glimpse of a long lost DVD remote control behind the sofa finally gave her something to smile about as she set off in hot pursuit, trying to cram herself between the couch and the wall. Just as she thought she might be permanently wedged she heard the front door click and footsteps across the hall. If it was armed robbers she thought it would be best to stay hidden, but her legs sticking out could be a giveaway. However it could be Ben she realised, so she heaved herself up, popping out suddenly like a rabbit out of a hole.
Ben was standing in the middle of the room with one eye on the muted and now very dead crabs and one eye on her.
“It’s a good one this. One bloke loses a leg,” he mumbled as Katy pulled herself to her feet, noting that he made no effort to help her.
“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick,” she said.
He took both eyes off the crabs and looked at her blankly.
“At me mum’s.”
“What happened Ben? Why did you leave like that.”
“Well, you didn’t want me to stay did you?”
“I did, of course I did.”
“No you didn’t. I’m going to get my stuff.”
“Ben stop. Sit down. Please. Just tell me what happened,” said Katy. “Did Matthew wind you up? You shouldn’t let him get to you, you know. We can forget about him now.”
“Can we?” Ben sat down and stared at the TV screen, not saying anything.