Kendrick (Torey Hope: The Later Years #4)

by A. D. Ellis

  “I don’t know. It’s not like we’re trying to see if we can raise a dog. We’re talking about another human being. A real live person who will be dependent on us for eighteen years. I don’t know that I’m made of what it takes to have people dependent on me.”

  “Okay, here’s the deal. Let’s take it one day at a time. Let’s not think of all the things we know will be heading our way. We’ll break it up into smaller segments. Get through the pregnancy first. Period. Then we’ll work on getting through her first week, month, year. By that time I plan on you being madly in love with me and there won’t be anything we can’t conquer.”

  She looked at him with incredulous eyes. Whispering, she said, “Okay. One day at a time.”

  **********

  “Kendrick, I’m glad you’re so sure of yourself and us and the future, but you’re moving like a speed boat thundering down the river. I need time. Time to accept what’s going on with my body, time to accept the changes that are coming, time to accept that my plans have been crushed.” Jay sat at her kitchen table, hot mug of tea in front of her, legs drawn up as if protecting herself.

  Kendrick sat across from her, wanting to reach out and grab her hands, but knowing she had to work through a lot, and he needed to slow down. It seemed every time he got her convinced of the plan, she would go home and let her fears talk her out of it.

  “Listen to me, Pixie.” He stopped long enough to take a sip of the strong Irish Breakfast tea she’d brewed for him. “I know I can’t sympathize or even empathize with the changes your body and mind will have to deal with due to the pregnancy. I do know that I have two grandmas, four aunts, and a sister who have been through it and will be great supports for you, along with Dr. Parks and the talk therapy Zoey is resurrecting down at The Center+. I know changes are coming, but changes are always coming. We can’t stop life, we can’t even slow it down. I’d rather we face those changes together. Let me hold you as we meet the changes and challenges head on; you don’t have to do it by yourself. As far your plans being crushed, you can’t tell me that you’ve not dreamed at least once or twice in your life of falling in love and having a baby with the man you love. I don’t know what shit you’ve got in your past to have you so jaded against love, but I can see your heart, and I know deep down you have that dream.” Kendrick stopped, knowing he was pushing her, but wanting to get a reaction from her.

  She stood abruptly, stalking across the kitchen to place her mug in the sink with a heavy thud. “I don’t love you.” Her voice was barely a whisper, and it sounded like a very weak argument to Kendrick’s ears.

  Turning suddenly, she walked towards him with fire in her eyes. Standing defiantly in front of him, she jabbed his chest with a dainty finger.

  “Fine, yes, that’s what I want. I want it all. The cute little house, white picket fence, adoring husband, two kids, and a dog. But it would take a miracle of fairy tale proportions to make that happen, so I don’t even let myself wish for it. I don’t have the happy family like you. You’re so very lucky. I deal with the shit life dealt me and try to make the best of it. But wishing for things I can’t have is pointless.” Her voice caught on the last words.

  Shifting to open his legs, he pulled her effortlessly into his body. With his hands resting gently on her waist, he rested his forehead against her chest. As if drawing strength from her, he breathed deeply and sat silently for several moments. When her arms came up to wrap around his shoulders, he looked up at her.

  “Let me in, let me help you forget your past. We can have that dream, the house, the kids, the dog. It may not happen right away, there will be twists and turns, ups and downs, but that’s life, Pixie. I just want that life with you. Maybe we don’t have mad, passionate love between us right now, but it can grow. I like you, like spending time with you, care about your well-being, want you as part of my life, that’s a good start.” He knew his feelings for her were likely much stronger than hers for him at that point. But he got the feeling hers were a lot stronger than she wanted to admit.

  She scoffed, “Right, I’m supposed to believe you’re all of a sudden falling for some girl you met in a bar and had a threesome with? Your past sexcapades are just over?”

  “Whether you want to accept it or not, I’ve been falling for you since the first time I saw you. It threw me for a loop, I’ve never reacted to a girl like this before. You’re different, you’re beautiful, you challenge me, you have a heart of solid gold even if you don’t like to admit it. I agreed to your no strings deal only to stay close to you. I figured I could bide my time, charm you, let you see how good we are together. I hoped you’d fall for me the same as I had for you. Now, I’ll be honest, I didn’t plan on the baby thing, but you know what I think? Bring it.”

  She laughed through the tears threatening to fall.

  “Seriously, bring it?”

  Kendrick’s thumbs brushed the tears from her cheeks. “Yes, bring it. Life is full of challenges. I, for one, think you and I were ready for this challenge even if we never would have asked for it. You were content to just be. Detached sex, decent job, just rolling along letting life happen. I was running from the past, hiding, refusing to deal with it. I’m ready to move on I’m ready for a distraction. I’m ready for this.”

  “So this baby and I are just a distraction to you? What happens when you get tired of your shiny new baby? You just pack up and leave? What happens when I don’t fit into your mold of the perfect mom? You grew up with all of these perfect women, how am I supposed to compete with that?” By the end of her little outburst, angry, fearful tears poured down her heated cheeks. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m acting like this. You’re being so wonderful, and I’m lashing out like a total bitch. I feel like a yo-yo the way I’m going up and down, back and forth. One second I think this is a great idea, I want to do this with you. I picture our sweet life together with a beautiful baby. Then I feel like my heart and soul are being ripped out, I should save this baby and save you from the hell we could all be facing.”

  “Pixie, stop.” He moved her to the couch, pulling her down on his lap. “One, I think you’ve got some massive hormones going on here. We need to get some of those pregnancy books so we can read them to know what to expect. Two, I didn’t mean you and the baby were just distractions. I meant I’m happy to have something take my mind off the suffocating blackness of guilt and anger; having you and the baby to focus on gives me light, gives me hope. And, yes, my family is great, but we are so far from perfect. Many of my family members have either screwed up royally or overcome some really bad shit. No one is perfect, but I think you’d be in awe to hear about all the bad we’ve overcome.”

  Jay snuggled into his chest. “Tell me about them.”

  “My Aunt Carly lived a nightmare, but she’s strong and she fought through it so she could later meet my Uncle Nicky. You’ve met Nicky, you know he has a lot of issues. He’s dealt with challenges since birth, but he’s one of the most resilient, sincere, perceptive men I’ve ever met. He doesn’t let the negativity he experiences get him down. My Uncle Nate was a lot like me, sleeping around, no strings, real slut if you want to know the truth. Until he met Aunt Libby. Aunt Josie had a horrible upbringing, in fact, I bet she’d be a good one to confide in about your childhood. She lived through a disastrous marriage and made it here to Torey Hope. It was fate because Uncle Kyle had also just come to Torey Hope to escape a haunting past of losing a wife and baby. My own mom is probably one of the most screwed up. You likely wouldn’t believe all the crap she did to Aunt Libby and Uncle Nate even if I told you, but she also had a terrible past to overcome, and look at her now, she’s amazing. Katie had a stalker. Zoey was attacked by a mentally ill man who had been stalking her. Luke was abused severely while growing up and lost his mom, his one true support. Sawyer survived a pretty brutal attack because of his sexuality. My sister, Megan, got pregnant before she was married. One of the things I wish most is that she and her baby and husband would move back here to
Torey Hope. My brother, Beckett, had a lot of the same type of challenges to overcome as my Uncle Nicky. And Kenja, Beckett’s wife, also escaped a hideous past before meeting Beckett.”

  He paused and lifted her chin. “So you see, you couldn’t ask for a better family to be a part of. We aren’t perfect, but we are a perfect mess of mistakes and haunting pasts, but we mix that with our ability to keep an open mind, love and support those we love and care about, and cherish the blessings we’ve been given. There is nothing more important to me than my family, I would never do anything to purposely hurt them or risk losing them. I want you to be a part of that family, you and the baby.”

  “I think I’d like that. I don’t know how to be part of a family. I can’t promise I won’t screw it up, but I want to do this. Just be patient with me.” Her body relaxed into his.

  His heart soared, threatening to beat out of his chest.

  “Well, I do know how to be part of a family, and I still can’t promise I won’t screw it up. I’ll be patient with you if you can be patient with me. We’ll have to learn about each other, learn to live together, learn all about what a baby is going to bring to us.” Kendrick dotted kisses along her jaw. “Does this mean giving up the baby is off the table?” Please let it be off the table.

  “I don’t want to take the option away completely, but I can say it’s not one of my top options right now.” Jay moved her head so his kisses could travel down her neck. He did chuckle slightly to himself how up and down she was. Hormones must be a very strange and powerful thing. He’d have to remember to yield to the hormones, and maybe talk to the older guys who had lived through pregnancies.

  “What are your top options right now?” His breath whispered against her ear.

  “Mmm, probably better let Tony know there’s a chance the baby is his, let him decide how he wants to handle things. Get some books, set up a doctor appointment, get to know your family better…” She moved to straddle his lap. “And find out if pregnant sex is truly all that much better.”

  He gripped her hips, “Oh yeah? What is this pregnant sex you speak of? Better? Holy hell, I may die if it gets any better.”

  “Well then, let’s test the theory. You know the way to the bedroom.” Jay laughed as he stood and scooped her up, quickly making his way to her room.

  Laying her gently on the bed, Kendrick stood back and watched her momentarily. He made quick work of his own clothes, then slowly removed the tiny camisole top and barely there shorts she’d been wearing. Joining her on the bed, he traced a finger lightly on her skin.

  “So, what’s something that’s supposed to be different with pregnant sex?”

  “Well, I think the fact that I want to jump you every time I see you is one of the main differences.”

  “That sounds promising.” He leaned in, feathering hot little kisses on her mouth. “Wait, does that mean you didn’t want to jump me every time you saw me before you were pregnant? I think I’m offended.” He smiled at her.

  “Oh, no, I think I always wanted to jump you, it’s just much more intense now.”

  When his finger traced lightly over her chest, her breath caught.

  “And that.” Her voice was breathless.

  “That? What?” He smirked as he trailed his finger around a nipple.

  “Certain areas being more sensitive to touch.” She arched her back, whimpering.

  “So, if I were to do this,” he lowered his mouth, taking her in.

  “Oh, yeah, if you were to do that I’d probably almost jump out of my skin.” She held his head close to her chest.

  “Mmmm, I wonder if other sensitive places are extra receptive these days?” He let his tongue travel slowly down her body until he reached the spot he had in mind. When her body almost came off the bed, he chuckled, “Yeah, I’d say everything is more sensitive. This should be fun.”

  Several moments later, Jay had barely come down from orgasm number two when he knelt between her legs. Reaching for a condom, he paused. Their eyes met.

  “I got tested last month. All clear.” Kendrick spoke softly.

  “I was tested right after Tony left. All clear for me too.” Jay’s huge brown eyes were heated and longing.

  “Well, since I can’t get you pregnant, I guess we can go without. If you’re okay with that.” Kendrick moved to nestle himself between her legs.

  She strained, trying to meet him.

  Taking her head in his hands, he forced her eyes to look into his. “Before we do this, I need to know this is only us. No one else invited in, no one on the side, just us, Jay.”

  At her teary-eyed nod, he took her mouth slowly, gently before sliding his length deep.

  Pausing to let her adjust and to catch his breath himself, he rested his forehead on hers.

  “Oh, God, has it ever felt this good? I’ve never gone without a condom since the whole Sarah thing. Damn, it’s so good.”

  She whimpered when he started to move. Slowly, forcefully, he took her to the stars before she crashed and shattered around him.

  By the time they both came back to the ground, he could only laugh softly in her ear. “Yeah, I vote for more pregnant sex. Lots more.”

  “I think I can make that happen.” She smiled, kissing him soundly.

  **********

  Moving in with Jay went smoothly. Kendrick’s family helped him move a couple things, but he was mostly going to use Jay’s things due to the small size of her place.

  They immediately started talking about plans for the little spare room to be the nursery. It was too early to start on it, but they had ideas for when the time was closer.

  Kendrick continued his lunches at The Café and they set up weekly date nights.

  “Once a week, no matter what, I want us to go out on a date. The other nights we can veg out and watch movies in our pajamas, but once a week we hit the town for dinner, dancing, a movie, something. I also want to set up a standing cousin night so you can get to know the guys and their partners. And, of course, there’s the weekly family dinner.” He leaned in to kiss her, “Is that all going to be too much at once?”

  “I’m used to juggling multiple orders at The Café, I think I can handle it. But, I promise to let you know if it’s too much.”

  Holding Jay in bed quickly became one of his favorite pastimes. One night, after a fun evening with his cousins, he rested his chin on top of her head, rubbing a hand softly up and down her back. “You don’t ever have to share, but I’m here if you ever want to tell me about your past, you know that, right?”

  Sighing deeply, she nodded. “I know you’ll listen, it’s just ugly and it makes me feel bad. Maybe someday.”

  Kissing her temple he prodded, “And maybe someday you’ll tell me your real name? You know, since I’m like the live-in baby daddy now?”

  She laughed. “Maybe. If you’re lucky.”

  “Mmmm, I’m thinking I’m very lucky.” Cupping her breast, he caressed the nipple knowing it would set her on fire.

  Jay rolled over, pushing him to his back, and straddled him, “You’re about to get even luckier.”

  Kendrick spent the next hour wondering if he’d died and gone to heaven.

  Chapter 11

  “I’m going to pee while you get the popcorn.” Jay gestured toward the restroom.

  Kendrick watched her cute little butt walk away, smiling to himself while he waited his turn to order her popcorn with extra butter. He really wanted a large glass of cold milk, but he’d settle for the caffeine-free cola Jay needed to stick to for the sake of the baby. He’d learned caffeine was a no-no during pregnancy. The day after he read that in the pregnancy book he’d gone out and bought four types of decaf tea bags so Jay could still enjoy her hot tea.

  He had also thrown out all the processed lunchmeat in her fridge, and called the grandmas and moms to make sure they all knew Jay couldn’t have processed lunchmeats if they planned subs for weekly dinners anytime in the next nine months. During his tea buying spree, he also stocke
d up on three types of ice cream. So far, he’d been the only one to break into the frozen treat.

  “I thought you were supposed to be throwing up sick in the mornings and craving ice cream at night.” Kendrick asked one evening around a mouthful of rocky road.

  “Maybe I’ll get lucky and not get morning sickness. Although, I caught a whiff of eggs at work today and got a little nauseated. As far as cravings, nothing really sounds delicious right now. But, if you keep eating ice cream like that you’re going to gain as much pregnancy weight as me if not more.” She’d laughed at him as he popped one more bite into his mouth and sulkily returned the carton to the freezer.

  Jay was wary of the pregnancy books they’d bought. She wanted to make sure she was doing the right thing for the baby, but a lot of the information weirded her out. Kendrick on the other hand was fascinated by the facts, graphs, timelines, and photos.

  “Whoa! Check out those ti…ahem, breasts,” he’d exclaimed while thumbing through a full-color book one evening. “Damn, those are like porn star boobs.”

  Rolling her eyes, Jay had lifted her shirt, exposing her bare chest. “You’re a nut, you know that? I hope you don’t think mine will do that. Her boobs were likely three times the size of mine before she got pregnant. Mine will likely get fuller, but they aren’t going to grow to the size of my head.”

  She had knocked the book out of his hands, straddled him, and leaned in to kiss him. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up and then be disappointed.”

  “Noted.” His hands had automatically claimed her small, perfect breasts as his mouth had trailed hot kisses along her jaw. “Is this one of those I wanna jump you moments where I feel like the luckiest guy in the world?”

  “Yes, yes it is.” Jay had giggled against his mouth.