She Friend-Zoned My Love

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  Before Amyra exploded in anger, Pihu began mimicking her.

  ‘Where the hell were you? How can you be so careless? You just don’t care about promises. I woke up early to meet you, blah, blah, blah.’

  ‘Shut up, you asshole,’ screamed Amyra.

  ‘Okay sorry.’

  ‘I don’t want to hear any lame excuses.’ Amyra started walking towards the washroom. Pihu joined her.

  ‘I can join you inside, no one will know. It’ll be a thrilling first time,’ Ishaan said teasingly.

  ‘Stay away,’ Amyra said as he stepped inside.

  Once inside, Pihu and Amyra began their regular gossip session.

  ‘I plan to play football with DJ. He asked me out yesterday,’ Pihu revealed while combing her hair.

  ‘Football?’ asked Amyra, looking confused.

  ‘I mean I plan to lose my virginity.’ Pihu’s tone implied that this was obvious. ‘Have you lost yours?’ Amyra looked uncomfortable. ‘What’s so strange about it? You should also proceed with Ishaan.’

  ‘He did mention it indirectly, but we’re still not physical with each other.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t even kissed him yet.’

  ‘Leave me alone, you bitch!’

  Amyra and Pihu were sisters from another mister and they stood by each other through both the good and bad times. Every time Amyra was annoyed because of her studies, she would go to Pihu for reassurance. Once, while swimming, her left leg had a cramp and she lost consciousness. She woke up by the poolside to see Pihu looking at her with tears in her eyes. She had jumped in the pool to pull her out!

  As usual, Sia reached school early because she felt peaceful when no one was around. She felt safe as this was the only time she didn’t have to worry about the stares and the laughter that followed her wherever she went. She was taken by surprise when she saw Ishaan leaning against the girls’ washroom door. Every time she saw him, her heart skipped a beat. Despite knowing that she could never express her attraction to him, she couldn’t help falling for him. Everyone has a secret, and this happened to be hers.

  ‘Sia, what are you doing here at this hour?’ Ishaan called out to her, bringing her back to reality.

  She let out a deep sigh, realizing that she had been holding her breath.

  Get a grip, Sia, she screamed internally. Why am I so nervous? I mean, it’s just Ishaan. Yeah, it’s Ishaan and you like him. She ignored the internal monologue and tried to play cool.

  ‘Uh, you look cute in this messy attire.’ I seriously need to pull myself together.

  ‘Thank you so much, Sia.’ He smiled, oblivious to how it got her heart racing.

  He needs to stop smiling at me like that or I’ll end up doing something stupid.

  ‘What are you doing in front of the girls’ washroom?’

  ‘I am waiting for Amyra.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Actually Amyra and I thought we’d discuss some topics for the upcoming exams.’

  At that moment, Amyra and Pihu returned and their eyes landed on Sia.

  ‘Morning, Sia,’ they said in unison.

  ‘Hey, I’ll see you guys in class,’ she said before walking away.

  Although she was friends with them, she didn’t want to get in their way. She didn’t want to disturb them, but she sat in the corridor expecting Amyra to ask her to join them. However, nothing of that sort happened, which made her feel worthless and lonely.

  A group of girls who mocked her every day came by instead.

  ‘Why are you still here? We asked you to change schools, didn’t we?’

  ‘Yes, you did. Now get the fuck out of my way. I want to go to the class.’

  She tried to push the girls and walk away.

  ‘Not so fast, sweetheart. I wonder where you got your skirt stitched, considering your size.’ The girls burst out laughing.

  Sia was tired of hearing the same thing every single day. Don’t they have anything else to do?

  Attempting to hide her thighs, she pulled her skirt down and lowered her backpack. She pushed the girls aggressively and they didn’t resist. As she entered the class, the students stared at her like they did every day. They pointed to her skirt that exposed her thighs, her fat legs, her prominent tummy and her double chin.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Amyra asked as she sat on the bench in front.

  Sia gave Amyra a blank stare. She wasn’t used to people being kind and didn’t know how to react. It was like someone had said they loved her. These were just three random words to Amyra, which was visible from the simple manner in which she had said them but to Sia they meant the whole world.

  ‘Yes, but why bother asking when you ignored me in the morning?’

  ‘Why do you bother answering?’ Amyra replied.

  ‘Sorry.’

  Amyra smiled to assure her that it was all right. The class ended but the teacher asked Sia to stay behind.

  The bell rang and everyone, except Sia, left for the sports period. Her teacher walked towards her while going through her handbag. She finally took out what she was looking for and sat in front of Sia.

  ‘Is there something wrong?’ Sia asked.

  ‘Well, darling, you see, I noticed how you look when you’re in class. I thought this might make you feel better.’

  She placed two small bottles on her desk. Sia looked at her in confusion when she read the label: For burning fat and speeding up the process of losing weight. This will turn you from fat and thick to skinny and slim.

  ‘Use it well because it is expensive. I got this for you to make you feel better.’

  ‘Did my parents put you up to this?’

  ‘No, darling. You are a bright student and I don’t want such things to affect your grades.’

  Picking up the bottles, Sia walked out of the classroom in a hurry.

  ‘I’m sorry and thank you,’ she shouted after her.

  She ran down the stairs to the back of the building where she knew no one would disturb her. As the tears streamed down her cheeks, she thought about how badly she wanted to cut away the extra fat on her body with a pair of scissors. If only it were that simple.

  The innocence on her face was disappearing day by day. The constant worry about her appearance had taken a toll on her mental health, which showed on her face. She was constantly fearful of hanging out with people and barely had any close friends. As she obsessively read magazines that contained tips about how to lose weight in a matter of days, sometimes even instantly, she began hating her body and herself even more.

  Her life in school became almost unbearable once Amyra suddenly left the school before the beginning of their final year. The pressure of the board exams and the constant commentary on her body added to her sense of hopelessness. Ishaan was the only support she had after Amyra shifted to another school for reasons unknown to Sia. She tried asking Ishaan what had happened, but he avoided giving her an answer. Even Pihu had taken a year off. She didn’t know what had happened among the three friends, but she knew something was terribly wrong.

  However, this didn’t mean that she began interacting with Ishaan more regularly. On the contrary, she even stopped talking to him to limit her distractions before the exams. She knew her parents would give her hell if she scored below their expectations. Amidst all the stress, her desire to become a fashion designer was slowly fading.

  Level College Unlocked

  It is said that time is the solution to all problems but, with time, Sia only found her life becoming more complicated. After scoring excellent marks in her board exams, she landed up in a science college, crushing her dreams to live the life her parents wanted for her. With time, mobile screens became larger but her parents remained small-minded. She didn’t stay in touch with any of her school friends because she wanted to start afresh. It wasn’t like anyone from her class had tried to keep in touch with her either. Even her absence from the school farewell party went unnoticed.

  Amyra had changed schools before the board
s and completely disappeared from Sia’s life. This was until Sia sent her a friend request on Facebook. The first person to come to her mind on opening an account on Facebook during the summer vacation was Amyra. She had only seventy-five friends on Facebook, of which fifty were random requests that she had accepted and some were relatives. She never expressed herself on her account and restricted herself to just reading her newsfeed.

  Her profile picture was of a cute cartoon that she had found online. She didn’t show her face. She only uploaded a few photographs clicked from angles meant to make her look thinner. These photographs were only uploaded on Amyra’s insistence.

  She thought Sia’s profile, with no real photographs, was a fake account when she received a friend request. It was clear that being overweight still tormented Sia. She still believed that no one loved her. The bullying had become worse in college as there were no strict rules imposed on the students. Names like ‘fatso’, ‘fatty’ and ‘hippo’ followed her everywhere. Deciding what to wear to college every day was torture.

  That day was no different. After rejecting almost every outfit in her closet—some made her thighs look big, while others made her breasts look uneven—she decided on a pair of culottes. Before she left home, she checked Facebook messenger to see an unread message from Amyra which made her feel better.

  Finally got admission after the last round and guess what? I’m coming to your college!

  After leaving school in ninth grade, Amyra had shifted to one closer to her new house in Versova. She still felt guilty about leaving and losing touch with Ishaan and Pihu, who were certainly hurt. But with the pressure of adapting to a new place and the board exams, she lost track of her old friends. This affected her grades which is why she had to wait till the final round to get admission to a college. Sia was the one person she knew there since all her friends from school had opted for the commerce stream. This is why she had messaged Sia on Facebook a day before joining.

  After chatting online for a while, they exchanged numbers and decided to meet. Although Sia was very happy about Amyra coming to the same college as her, meeting her for the first time in two years scared her. She thought she wouldn’t know what to say and kept practising questions intended to break the ice. She cursed herself for not being outgoing enough.

  Will she be the same Amyra I knew? Will she really be friends with me in college? Yes, I have lost some weight since school but will she be judgemental? No, she wasn’t during our schooldays. But it was not like she was my best friend. Plus, she dated my crush.

  The lectures had already begun, but Sia waited for Amyra. Sitting in the canteen alone, she was about to text her when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

  ‘Hey! How are you?’ asked Sia.

  ‘I am fine, what about you? I am happy to see you after so long.’ Amyra took a seat opposite her.

  ‘Yes, it’s been a while. How did you recognize me?’

  ‘You have not changed a bit. It wasn’t difficult to spot you.’

  Sia eased a bit and hearing Amyra’s words made her feel happy.

  ‘I see you don’t come to college early like you did in school.’

  Amyra laughed, remembering the good old days.

  ‘Even you used to come early.’

  ‘Not always. But why did you leave the school so suddenly? I searched your Facebook friends list for Pihu but couldn’t find her. The two of you were like sisters. Also I heard Ishaan and you—’

  ‘We are not in touch because of personal reasons.’

  Hearing Amyra’s tone, Sia realized that she didn’t want to talk about her sudden change of schools. But Sia sensed that there was more to the matter than she was letting on. Amyra’s expression had changed completely to one of sadness on hearing Pihu’s name. Sia let the matter rest as she thought it wasn’t the right time.

  Amyra had made sure that the incident that forced her to part ways with Pihu was known only to a few people from school, including Ishaan. What happened was unintentional, but its impact led to the three best friends turning away from each other forever.

  ‘I broke up with Ishaan, your crush,’ Amyra finally said with a mischievous grin.

  ‘Fuck! You knew?’

  ‘The entire school knew. We could all see it in the way you stared at him all the time.’ Amyra couldn’t stop laughing.

  ‘I never wanted to sleep with him. It was just an infatuation.’

  ‘Don’t lie to me. You used to fuck him every day with your eyes.’

  ‘Maybe I did. But in my defence, he was gorgeous! You were so lucky.’

  ‘No, I wasn’t. He was a pathetic kisser which turned me off.’

  ‘You never had . . .’

  ‘No. We didn’t even kiss after the time he almost chewed off my lips.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yes, my lower lip swelled up. Anyone would have guessed that I had been kissing someone. Pihu and I tried to hide it by applying lipstick, cream and whatnot, but nothing worked. My parents would have killed me if I went home looking like that. Finally, we went to a paan shop to apply some ice and the vendor realized what we were trying to do. He came up with an idea that worked.’

  ‘What was it?’

  ‘He told me to tell my parents that I smacked my face against a pole on the bus which made my lower lip swell. Surprisingly, it worked!’

  This had Sia ROFLing! After talking for a little while longer, they went to the administrative office to complete the formalities necessary for Amyra’s enrolment. Instead of attending lectures that day, Sia helped Amyra with all her paperwork.

  Where are you? Sia texted Amyra the moment she entered the chemistry lab and found her missing.

  It was their first chemistry practical session and Sia wanted Amyra to come before partners were allotted. The lab sessions for each subject were to start this week as the admissions process was finally over. The people they paired themselves with would remain their lab partners for the entire duration of the course and Sia wanted Amyra to be hers. Not wanting to be paired with a complete stranger, she frantically tried calling Amyra when she didn’t respond to her WhatsApp message. The class stood around random tables, waiting for the professor to enter. When he did, he asked everyone to pair up with a friend after taking attendance.

  Sia acted like she was texting to avoid interacting with anyone. After most people had selected their partners, the few remaining ones, including Sia, looked at each other awkwardly.

  ‘Why are you standing idle? Go to table four,’ the professor instructed Sia.

  Table four was occupied by a boy and girl who looked like they were a couple. Completely engrossed in each other, they ignored Sia’s weak attempt at a greeting. After the briefing, when everyone started performing the experiment, Sia simply stood at the table as if she were invisible.

  ‘Hi, I am Sia.’

  ‘So? Please don’t interfere in our business,’ the girl replied, with a look of annoyance. Embarrassed, Sia turned her gaze towards the rest of the room, hoping for Amyra to enter. The guy on the next table noticed her discomfort. He also noticed the sadness in her eyes. Intrigued, he tried starting a conversation.

  ‘Hi.’

  Taken aback, Sia stared at him for a few seconds, thinking he might have made a mistake. No stranger had ever tried to befriend her, especially not one who looked like that.

  ‘I am Ritvik.’

  She didn’t know how to react when she realized that it wasn’t a mistake and he really was trying to start a conversation with her. In sixteen years, this was the first time someone had actually taken the first step. She continued to stare at him in shock.

  ‘At least tell me your name.’ He didn’t seem to be affected by her shocked expression.

  ‘I’m Sia.’

  ‘My friend Apurv hasn’t come today. You can join me if those guys are not interested in doing it with you.’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘The chemistry practical! What did you think?’

  ‘Get y
our mind out of the gutter!’

  ‘Friends?’ he asked, grinning sheepishly. He held out his hand. Looking at his face properly, she realized he was extremely good-looking. His face was very childlike, almost angelic.

  Sia moved to his table but didn’t shake his hand.

  ‘Let’s just stick to being partners.’

  ‘Why are you so . . .’

  ‘Creepy?’ she completed his sentence.

  ‘Not really.’

  She felt as if the entire class was staring at them. Feeling conscious, she asked him to concentrate on the practical.

  ‘Why are you embarrassed? Is it because you’re soft, cute and a bit chubby?’

  Is he for real? Why is he showing so much interest in me? Sia thought. Before she could react, her phone beeped, indicating a text from Amyra.

  Can I come in? I am outside the lab. I totally forgot that we had a practical today. Only realized when I saw your text.

  Come in. We’ve just started.

  After a little hesitation, Amyra knocked on the door. To say that she looked exquisite would be an understatement. In her denim shorts and T-shirt she could have been on the cover of a magazine. But she was certainly better than those two-dimensional photoshopped models. The hesitation in her body and the softness in her voice made her even more attractive. Almost every guy in the class looked at her with desire. The professor, however, looked at his watch and gave her a stern look.

  ‘Is this the time to come to class?’

  ‘I am sorry, Sir. I forgot that the practical was scheduled for today. It’s my first day.’

  ‘Aren’t you ashamed of coming late to class on your first day? What kind of clothes are you wearing? You should have taken admission in a commerce college if you wanted to reveal your skin rather than your brain.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Amyra responded, looking humiliated.

  ‘What do you mean “sorry”? Your parents should at least teach you to be decent. What do you wish to prove by coming to college like this? Girls like you are real troublemakers. Next time, don’t enter my lab if you’re wearing such clothes. It’s a lab, not a ramp.’