by Jon Chaisson
Kai exhaled and rubbed her temples. “Goddess and the One know that I grant you both the Love and Light that I cherish…” she said quietly. “Over the course of the last few weeks, the two of you have become our close friends, our sehnadha Mendaihu. Ashan and I could have easily returned to NewCanta, leaving the two of you with the brunt of the healing process we see before us. But we decided on our very first day to stay and assist until the process is complete. We’ve all created a bond, and we will not abandon that.
“But we are awfully tired of your distancing. You can only hide from harm for so long. Eventually there will be a time — and believe me, it will come — when you must fend for yourselves, and right now...” She shook her head, closing her eyes. She was on the verge of tears, and fought as hard as she could not to let them flow.
“Right now, neither of you are ready.”
“I —” Poe started.
“No, Alec,” she said. “Both of you have survived some life-altering events. Neither of you are the same people you were six months previous. And yet neither of you have changed at all. And I mean that in a positive way, I honestly do. Poe, you have always been a cho-nyhndah. Caren, you have always been a Mendaihu Gharra, and also a cho-nyhndah deep within. Denni has always been the One of All Sacred. It was only the events surrounding you that brought the three of you together to understand that.
“Look for those connections, my sehnadha. Be aware of them. Do not fear them. Live them, let them be a part of you. Dehndarra Né hra nyhndah.”
She let them sit in silence for a full five minutes to let them think that over while her own anger simmered down to mere irritation. They were so close to the breaking point and completely unaware of it. How had it gotten this far?
“Nyhnd'aladh,” Caren said weakly, breaking the silence. Her voice was trembling. “I'm sorry, Kai. I shouldn't have —”
“It's not me you should be apologizing to,” Kai said. “You didn't insult me.”
“I don't...”
“Please, Karinna. You can let it go. You've hurt for long enough. Apologize to yourself.”
“I...”
Before Caren could speak another word, Kai had moved to her and embraced her. She held her close, closed her eyes and felt the pain. The overwhelming heartache that welled deep within Caren, finally coming to the surface. Kai knew this feeling, the soul tearing away from that which had died some time ago, and waking anew. Caren's wavering voice gave way to quiet, choking sobs. She was willfully accepting Kai's soulhealing here, however minute it may be. Caren stayed there, cradled in her arms, for a long time.
She glanced over at Poe. He was distracted, looking out over the Sprawl with dark, sad eyes. Slowly, tentatively, she reached out a gossamer thread and whirled it around him, never touching him but inching as close as she dared. She felt no emotional walls surrounding him this time. She moved in a little closer, tasted the peculiar cherry sensation of his spirit.
Alec, she whispered to him. You are strong. You are much stronger than you think. Do not give in so easily. Promise me this —
“Anything,” he whispered aloud.
Kai faltered...
He turned and faced her, his eyes meeting hers, and for a moment she felt a sensation, an intensity in his heart so strong it transcended its physical realm. He wasn't feeling emotion...he was emotion. He was a living embodiment of Love, Peace, and Light, an energy so intense it could consume spirits around him. He had subconsciously understood this. He was not protecting himself. Just like Caren, he was protecting those around him from himself.
Promise me... she said again. Promise me you will learn all you can about cho-nyhndah. Promise me you will learn control.
“I promise,” he said, and managed a quick smile.
Caren moved out of her arms and wiped her tears away. She smiled awkwardly and let out a quick giggle. She didn't want to say anything, for fear she'd lose the moment. Instead, she merely bowed and sat down on an outcropping of rock close to Poe.
Stranger things indeed, Kai thought, exhaling. She found a seat on the other side of Poe and joined them in their view of the mid-afternoon cityscape of Bridgetown and all its citizens. She did not reach out to feel the flow of the city's spirits as they were doing now. She had done enough of that during the Awakening. She did not need to do it again for some time.
He is Light, she thought. Goddess...he's stronger than even I could sense.
Poe turned to Kai. “Back then. What does that…piann nyhndah, whatever you said, mean?”
“Oh...you mean 'piann nyhndah nehko aladh imhsha'?” Kai touched him on the shoulder but too shaken to smile. “It's an old Meraladian adage. A rough translation would be a shuttered heart distrusts itself because it's afraid.”
He flashed a quick grin. “Makes sense, given the circumstances.”
They sat in silence for a while longer, each of them taking time to think things over. Kai could feel their minds and spirits running at a much slower and calmer pace now, much to her relief. “How is Denni doing?” she asked eventually.
“As well as can be,” Caren said. “She's been quiet lately. She still hasn't told me all the details, but I'm guessing that she went up to that nonspace to heal. Heal what, I don't know, but whatever she's done, she's doing better. It worries me, though. She's been staying home a lot, like she's afraid to face the world, now that everyone knows who she is. I think it's more that she feels she's lost that bit of privacy. She's lost that piece of herself that nobody else knows.”
“Has she said anything about what she's been doing since she returned?”
Caren's frown deepened. “She's been Lightwalking a lot. She comes back within the half hour, though. Most of the time she just says it's for the practice.”
“No stops anywhere?” Kai pushed.
“Stops? You think she’d…?”
“She may be visiting someone. Ampryss perhaps.”
Caren let that sink in. “On Trisanda? You really think she’s ascended that far already?”
“She's learned to transcend timespace limitations. She heard Ampryss contacting her after the Awakening. They’ve been talking ever since. Not too many people can reach Trisanda alone right now...but it is possible. Only the strongest of the Mendaihu and the Shenaihu can do it. And even then, not everyone can complete the trip.” She let that implication sit for a few moments, and anticipated Caren’s next question. “Their souls live on, Karinna, that I can promise you.”
“How can you promise something like that?” Poe grimaced. “How can you even know something like that?”
“An old Gharné phrase: 'proof denies faith.' This ties in with what I’d said earlier. The heart that distrusts itself — the soul that refuses to accept the reality it's been given — is a heart that's afraid of the truth. A soul cannot hide from its reality, but it can learn to accept it. These were souls that attempted to reach Trisanda and failed; their physical bodies may have died in transit, but their souls live on. How do we know this? Because we can feel them. Same as the Rain of Light. We can feel its presence.”
“Some days it’s hard to avoid,” Poe muttered, still watching the city. “I meant to ask why we didn't sense the Rain of Light until just before the Ascension.”
Kai gave herself time to come up with a valid response. Poe had noticed its presence when they’d first met up here, though he wasn't entirely sure what it was he'd sensed. It made no impression on most sensitives. It was the lack of aura that blinded others to their presence.
“It was because we were looking for Mendaihu, spirits similar to our own,” she answered. “We weren't looking for nuhm'ndah.”
That answer seemed to appease him for the time being. Caren, however, had perked up in that way that only meant her thoughts had latched on to an idea and she wouldn't give up until she was satisfied. She was quite the Mendaihu in that respect, but she'd also inherited that wonderful trait from her parents. She'd told Kai the story of her family a few weeks ago, which served to answer qui
te a few questions regarding Caren's behavior until recently.
“Have we ever stopped to talk to these nuhm'ndah, Kai? I mean, meet with a number of them in mediation, to figure out what they want?”
Kai suppressed a smile; despite her moods and thoughts sometimes, Caren was often quite the optimist, especially when it came to judging people and groups. The smile soon faded, however. “November the first, the year 2608,” she said. “The previous Embodiment.”
Caren frowned. “What happened?”
“You were alive back then,” Kai said. “You should remember.”
“I was six years old,” she said, cocking an eyebrow at her. “All I remember is a lot of angry people, my parents included, and a lot of hiding.”
Kai nodded. “You remember more than that. You just need to access it.”
Caren tapped the side of her head with her knuckles. “It's been too long, Kai. I couldn't possibly remember any of it now.”
“You'd be surprised.”
Poe shot back into the conversation again. “You're talking about the sehna lumia, aren't you?”
Kai nodded. “It's all there. Every single detail, every nuance. Your complete history.” She paused again, a bright thought coming to her. “Denni must be accessing her own sehna lumia when she’s Lightwalking.”
“Which leaves us here, on Gharra,” Caren said, a bit of cynicism creeping into her voice. “If our sehna lumia is on Trisanda...how are we to access it if we can't get there?”
Kai smiled again. “That's where Ashan and I come in. We can train the two of you to access it without having to leave Gharra. The sehna lumia may be a physical place on Trisanda, but the threads of memory themselves can be accessed anywhere in the universe. This library is the One True Convergence within the universe.”
“We don't have much time,” Poe said.
“Where and when would this training take place?” Caren added.
“That's entirely up to you,” she said. “We can train you while you're going through Mendaihu training, or we can do it beforehand. It doesn't take long. A day or two at most.”
Caren and Poe looked at each other and without speaking, within or aloud; they had already come to the same decision.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Sehna lumia
I am Light...I am thought...I am Love...I am...
Denni cautiously opened her eyes and took in her new surroundings. She was seated on the cushioned sill of an open arched window, leaning up against the frame. The room was an open space with no roof, no doors and little furniture. The floor was rough slate, cool on her feet. A chair, a lone cushion on a pallet, and one empty table...and her. She could hear voices nearby, but she was completely alone. Amna and Dolan had both disappeared. She could sense they were close, their spirits moving through this elsewhere, but they were not with her.
Come to think of it, this room looked very familiar…
I am Light, she thought, and blinked. Why was I just thinking that?
She felt different, not completely herself. She had not chosen the formless toga-style wraparound that hung loosely over her shoulders, comfortable though it was. She felt older, like the form she’d taken just after the failed Ascension.
She stood up and walked to the wide entryway. It led out into an expansive garden, flanked on either side by a high row of overgrown boxwood hedges. A young forest bordered the far end of the garden some thirty yards away. The voices were louder out here. She stepped out onto the soft grass.
“Hello?” she called. “Amna? Edha Usara?”
The voices quieted just for a brief moment before starting again, as if dismissing an unimportant noise. She continued to listen as she looked around, standing on tiptoes and peeking over the shrubbery in each direction, but saw no one. The voices became clearer and more distinctive as she approached the far end of the garden. They spoke a language she did not recognize. It wasn’t even close to Anjshé.
I am Light...I am thought...I am Love.
Those words again! She was not speaking, no one was. Or everyone was, and they had finally spoken in unison, in a language she could understand. She twirled around and faced the gazebo. They were coming from the arched window she’d just left.
I am You, Denysia. I am the One of All Sacred.
She moved her jaw, but said nothing.
We are a part of you Denysia. And you are all of us together.
“Who are you?” she called out. Something about this voice seemed so familiar to her! Where had this happened before? During the Awakening ritual? Or the failed Ascension?
You are Denysia. You are the One of All Sacred.
“Where are you? Show yourself!”
“Denysia.”
The real voice startled her. She heard it off to her left and turned, hands reflexively pulled up in a defensive stance. Where had she learned that? A young man, perhaps only a few years older than she, stood at the perimeter of the garden, just on the other side of the hedge. He was Meraladian tall, about six foot five for his young age, with short brown matted hair and a wide face. He was wearing the same style of toga as hers, only his was black. He was smiling at her, gesturing for her to come closer.
“Who are you?” she asked.
“I am Kindeiya Shalei, emha. You may have met or seen me before on Gharra,” he said. “There, I am a Watcher of Worlds. Here, I am merely a Shalei cousin of yours.”
“Who was just talking to me now?” she asked.
“Who, indeed!” He let out a polite laugh. “That was the true voice of your spirit, emha. They're bound to be a bit lost when you first connect with them. The same thing happened to me when I first came here.”
“Why would my spirit voice be separate from me?”
“A very good question, Dearest,” he said, and gestured towards the gazebo. “May we converse inside?”
Denni looked over her shoulder at the dwelling, and smiled in spite of herself. Of course! This was not her personal sehna lumia, for that was closer to home, on Gharra. This gazebo and garden was the sehna lumia of the One of All Sacred. It was its palace of its memory, housed in the only place it should rightfully be: within her own spirit, the one connected to Trisanda. Kindeiya Shalei was just outside of her realm of being, just outside the garden. Following the cardinal rule of all sehna lumia, he could not enter unless she gave him permission.
She remembered Kindeiya's name from the Ascension when she had talked to the thousands of people in the warehouse at once, as the Rain of Light fell back on itself and brought the cho-nyhndah spirits to life. He had been one of them. On Gharra, he was a reality seer, and quite an important one; he’d been the one to guide Nehalé Usarai towards the Awakening ritual. He’d also guided Caren and Alec towards accepting their fates as the natural cho-nyhndah that they were. Caren still harbored a deep-seated anger towards him, but there was also a wary acceptance. He had not pushed at her to cause pain, but to free her from her own barriers.
She could trust this man.
“Come forth,” she said, and started walking towards the gazebo. “You are welcome here, Kindeiya Shalei.”
He flashed a wide smile at her as the hedge parted between them, rustling and folding in on itself, opening a narrow transom for him to walk through. He stood tentatively for a moment before the opening, looking down at the clearance, somewhat surprised at its simplicity. When she waved him on, he stepped through without incident.
“That was a bit anticlimactic,” he said.
Denni giggled at him. “Were you expecting a herald?”
“Something a little less mundane, I guess?” he laughed. “Sa’im taftika, emha.” He gestured forward and Denni led the way.
She understood she always held control here, even over any visitors she admitted in. She thought of the garden as her own personal space, perhaps another lumisha dea, with the gazebo as the main meeting place and her protection from the elements. Back inside, she took her seat at the sill, and Kindeiya sat diagonally across from her at another
sill.
“You look younger than you actually are,” Denni said, looking at him. “You're much older on Gharra, aren't you?”
“Yes,” he said. “I'm in my early forties there. Time is subjective in this place, so I like to recapture some of my youth. I see you have advanced a year or two.”
Denni agreed. Here she was perhaps closer to Caren's age than her own. It hadn't been a conscious choice, but then again none of this had been. “Where are we, anyway?” she asked. “Is this our own private sehna lumia, or is it a stopping place towards another destination?”
“It’s a bit of both,” he said. “It’s your own Garden of Eden, in a way. You can come here whenever you feel the need to retreat, and nothing will come to harm. You can also come here to meditate or relearn the stories of your spirit’s past. I assume you have come here for the latter.”
She nodded. “Where should I begin?”
“It is completely up to you. Most begin by taking stock in themselves spiritually, aligning themselves to Light. Others connect themselves to others, like we have done. The advantage to connecting is that you acquire a more universal understanding of what it is to be Trisandi.”
It took a moment for his words to make sense. “Interconnection. That’s why there’s always a crowd at the Gathering Table, isn’t it? It’s not just meeting up as a party. And it’s not always planned either. It just happens. Souls you’ve met at some point, whether it’s this life or past. Whoever feels the pull of that connection.”
Kindeiya laughed. “Pashyo, you're a quicker study than I expected!”
“It’s exactly what I felt during the failed Ascension,” she admitted. “I didn’t know how I was able to do it, but I get it now.”
“You are the One of All Sacred, Denysia. It was only natural for you to pick this all up.”