The Persistence of Memories - A Novel of the Mendaihu Universe

by Jon Chaisson

  Caren glared at her. “How dare —”

  She quickly backtracked and bowed slightly. “Nyhnd’aladh. Bad choice of words. Look, I appreciate that you're the Protector of the One and whatever else you are now. But are you aware of what's going to happen? I won't even guess what the body count might be. We have to — no, you have to realize that, despite being Protector, despite being your sister’s personal warrior, despite being an overworked ARU agent. You're Mendaihu Gharra. Protector of Earth, Caren. Do you know what I'm trying to say?”

  She leveled her eyes at her. “You tell me.”

  But it was Nick that moved forward again, leaning way too far into her personal space. “It means you don't necessarily need to be savior here, understand?” he said under his breath. “Save yourself, then the world.” At that, he turned on his heels and headed back towards the doors. “I need to leave. Sheila, I’ll meet you outside,” he said, not turning back.

  She watched her partner leave. “I'm sorry, she said. “I just can't offer my faith as...as blindly as you right now.”

  “This is not blind faith!” Caren said, gritting her teeth but keeping her voice low. “This is realization. You’re right, I am Mendaihu Gharra. I admit that. I've been trying to distance myself from the life of a Mendaihu for ages, because I was afraid of what it would do to me and what it would do to Denni. But I’m too far in now. I've awakened. Denni's awakened. Almost everyone else in the world has. The kiralla know me now. This is bigger than my fears, bigger than my wanting to shield Denni from harm. This is what I have to do.”

  “Ah, Goddess…” Sheila hissed, and closed her eyes tight. You know in your spirit that’s not true at all, she said from within. Please...it will only lead to death.

  She felt Caren's hand on her shoulder. The wave of fear she was so boldly holding back was spilling over and pushing at her, threatening to tear her down and overwhelm her. She felt Caren's hand slowly stroking her shoulder, up and down, calm and reassuring.

  Not on my watch, sehnadha. Caren said. Not if I can help it.

  “Damn you,” Sheila mumbled, her throat tightening. “Damn you! I can't let you do this!”

  She felt Caren's arms reach around her, and in an instant she felt the warm rays of soulhealing rippling over her. She wanted to, tried to push away, but felt herself hopelessly stuck there. She let the tears come.

  It's too late to turn back, Caren said. For all of us. Have faith in me, kid, and nothing will happen to any of us.

  “I...”

  “Shhh....” Caren whispered. “Strength, kid. Remember that. Strength and faith.”

  Sheila shuddered within her arms and, for a brief moment, felt that Caren was speaking the truth. “I wish I had your faith,” she said. “I really do.”

  You will, Caren said. I promise you.

  She let out a small, bitter laugh. “Don't make promises that are too hard to keep,” she said. “But I'll take you up on that. Thank you.”

  “Thank you, sehnadha.” Caren was blushing slightly.

  Sheila moved away and pushed errant strands of hair behind her ears. “Do me a favor and keep me connected, you hear? When we didn't hear from you at ARU this morning, we assumed the worst. And call Farraway before he loses his shit any further, okay?”

  “Of course,” Caren smiled. “If anything happens, you two will be the first to know.”

  “Much appreciated. I have to go now and calm down my partner. Now that I know you and Den are okay, all we have to do is find Poe.”

  “He's...uh...” Caren faltered. “I think he's being trained right now.”

  “Mendaihu training? Wouldn't Farraway have known?”

  She shook her head. “This is...uh, how do I say this. Different than what the other agents are getting. He and I are getting special training from an Elder.”

  Sheila frowned. “I'll take your word. But if you hear from him, have him keep in touch too, okay? We can't afford to splinter off. Not now.”

  “Agreed,” she said. “Go, talk to Nick. I'm sure he'll understand eventually.”

  “It’s worth a try,” she sighed. She turned to go, stopped, and faced Caren again. “For luck,” she said, and pulled her into a tight embrace. Caren understood and reciprocated, her own spirit energy spilling out and into her. She held Caren’s face in her hands and kissed her forehead. “That's for Denni.” She kissed her once more, a tender kiss on the lips. “And that’s for you. Peace, Love and Light to you, my shadhisi.”

  “Yes. Peace, Love and Light to you, Sheila,” Caren said quietly, and let go again. “Let me know what happens on your end too, okay?”

  “Sure.” She waved and turned away, heading towards the dock door they'd entered earlier. She was tempted to turn around one more time, just as a parting glance, but knew Caren was already heading back towards her perch in the racking.

  At the door she saw Nick pacing outside, furiously puffing away at a cigarette. Explaining all of this was going to be one hell of a daunting task. All she could do was summon up courage, take a deep breath, and walk through the door. And despite her earlier doubts, she had faith that she could do it.

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  Clarity

  Natianos Lehanna paced his office, his spirit wound so tightly that no one, not even Janoss, could sense his displeasure. Saisshalé was already slipping out of his hands, so soon after he’d been summoned! He'd even gone so far as to meet that girl, the One of All Sacred, for all the good it would have done. Why were they delaying the inevitable? Both sides would be right in some ways, wrong in others. It was a pointless debate neither would win. At this rate, this Season of Embodiment would end up like all the others, perhaps worse.

  The One of All Sacred was becoming more knowledgeable about her past, something he’d tried to avoid with the summoning of Saisshalé, but she was proving to be more resourceful than he’d expected. Saisshalé was doing his best to counter all of her moves, but he too was developing a conscience and refusing to act as the vengeance deity he once was. Nothing was going according to plan anymore, and he was running out of options. He would have to summon him back soon, before the man started believing his own words and promises. Before he lost the deity to its madness.

  Natianos was safe, but he was caught within this Tower. Perhaps Councillor James' tired and overused allegory of a clear playing field wasn't too far off. At one end were the Mendaihu and the One of All Sacred, humble and innocent, waiting for the aggressors to attack first. On the other end Natianos himself stood as leader of the Shenaihu nuhm'ndah, with Saisshalé by his side, playing the revolutionaries who fought for freedom and equality at whatever cost.

  Both sides were liars. But they were also equal in strength, numbers, cunning, and survival. Both were spiritual aspects of Trisanda, and both were fiercely protective of their own kind. Gharra had learned the arts of war and conflict remarkably well. But they were still ignorant.

  “They still don't understand,” Natianos grumbled. “After two hundred years, they still are not fully aware.”

  Well, I can't blame them, said a voice from within, behind him.

  Natianos whirled around. He could sense the presence before him without a doubt. A presence that was not there mere seconds ago. It was a man he'd met twenty-five years earlier, in the west courtyard of this Tower.

  Reverend Miriam, he said within, reaching out with a soft tendril of energy to find him. He was most definitely here, he just had to know where. He moved to his desk and leaned up against the front of it. You're a highly sought after person, you know. Please, come forward and show yourself. You are always safe and welcome here.

  He heard Reverend Edward Miriam chuckle. After all these years, Natianos, and you still treat me like a seminarian just out of divinity school.

  “Perhaps,” he said aloud. “Come, enter from wherever you are and relax, Dahné.”

  A quick snap of air echoed in his ears. A tall man stepped out of Light and into the room. He wore the black form-fitting body suit an
d brown leather duster uniform of a Trisandi Elder. For a man of his advanced age, he was in surprisingly agile. He moved quickly across the room and stood before him within the span of a second.

  “Dehndarra Né hra nyhndah,” he said, bowing slightly. “It's been a long time, Natianos.”

  “Yes, it has,” Natianos said, and took the man's hand. He knelt down to one knee, resting his forehead on the back of the hand, and whispered a silent prayer: Peace, Love and Light, from the Goddess and through the spirit of Gharra. He remained kneeling, waiting for a response.

  Reverend Miriam let out a hmmph and looked down upon him, first with impatience then with reluctant compassion. He laid a hand on Natianos' head, and with another not-so-subtle sigh, readied himself to hear Natianos' confessions. His intentions were honest, however. He did want to confess his sins to a priest of the Goddess. And wanted this particular priest to hear them.

  Miriam made a gesture with his left hand, touching his torso, stomach, heart, sternum, and upwards until he made a final movement with a fist closing then opening above his head, symbolically touching all the chakra centers of the human spirit. He then lowered his hand, holding it above Natianos' lowered head.

  “Natianos Lehanna,” he said. “You have chosen to connect with your pure spirit, the glint of brilliant glass that is the Goddess, and you have found fault within yourself. May the Great Goddess in Her infinite wisdom listen to your voice and understand your faults; may She grant you forgiveness and may she show you the path to the True Light, and True Knowledge, the sehna lumia of your own spirit. What is it, Natianos, that you would like to confess?”

  Natianos exhaled, and kept his head lowered. “I have interfered with a spiritual and holy event, my Dahné. I confess I am the one who engineered the failure of the Ascension of the One of All Sacred.”

  Reverend Miriam shifted in his place, but did not seem to falter. “I see,” he said. “And may I ask what the motive for such an act might be?”

  “My intentions from the beginning have been to protect the Trisandi spirit, my Dahné. If the One had ascended, then the Shenaihu would no longer be pure Shenaihuza spirit, and the Mendaihu would no longer be Mendaihuza. We as a collective would have become pure cho-nyhndah, combined twin-spirits. I was only thinking of the survival of the two Trisandi soul elements as separate and equal, instead of merged.”

  “I understand,” the priest said. “Doing this in the name of the Goddess does carry a heavy weight, Natianos. I cannot confirm whether the Goddess had directed you into action, so I cannot judge you for any false prophecy.”

  “She did not,” Natianos said. “It is my own judgment.”

  “And yet, we cannot know if this judgment was truly your own, or if the Goddess had inspired you. This is one of the great mysteries of the soul, my eicho.” The Reverend paused, exhaling deeply. “This is not something I can forgive, Natianos, as I cannot say whether or not you have sinned. However, there is one thing you must do before this is over. Consider this one thing your act of penance. If not for the Goddess' sake, then for yourself and for the rest of us.”

  “Anything, Dahné,” he said.

  “You must meet with the Mendaihu leader, and explain your actions. If they understand that your motives were pure, if they understand that you were trying to preserve the sanctity of our spiritual being, then you shall be forgiven...but not until then.”

  Natianos finally lifted up his head and faced the priest. Reverend Miriam was looking down at him, hand still on his head, and he was smiling. “Are there any other transgressions you would like to confess, my eicho?”

  Were there? He'd done so many things in the past month and a half, things that would be questionable to the public eye, things that had to happen to ensure the survival of the Shenaihu. He did not question the reasoning behind them, but he frequently questioned their morality. He was bound to them, responsible for them, regardless of his status or beliefs.

  He thought of his youngest daughter, Saone.

  She had been a thorn in his side long before the Ascension of the One. She was the one who had not followed the true path of the Shenaihu, much to his dismay. It had never occurred to her that following this path took discipline and faith and unwavering dedication. Even from an early age she would not take her spiritual studies seriously. Once she'd started hanging around with that Piramados girl, she was lost to him. He humored her by acknowledging her fumbling actions as a nuhm'ndah only in name.

  As much as it bothered him to admit it, he could no longer accept her as his daughter. She had failed him, and failed miserably. He did not need to apologize for that.

  “No, my Dahné,” he said reluctantly. “None that bear equal importance.”

  “All transgressions against the Goddess are equal,” he reminded.

  “I understand,” Natianos said. “These actions are against my own being. Things I must face myself.”

  Reverend Miriam nodded. “Let it be heard, then,” he said, and motioned for Natianos to lower his head again so he could complete the ritual. “Natianos Lehanna, you have spoken truly from within your heart and mind. You have revealed your sins against the Goddess, and She in her infinite wisdom and compassion has embraced you. Your spirit is free, Natianos; go in Peace, Love, and Light.”

  The reverend took his hand off Natianos' head and retreated to the couch. Natianos remained kneeling as he whispered another prayer, the same one he'd started with. He repeated the chakra gesture, the ritual now complete, and stood once more.

  The priest watched him, a smirk playing across his face. “Feel better now?”

  Natianos dismissed the comment and joined him on the couch. “There's just one problem with the penance, Reverend,” he said. “I do not know who the leader of the Mendaihu is. Or if they have one at all.”

  “Not the One of All Sacred, then?” he said, cocking his head at him. Clearly the priest was having fun taunting him. “Just as Saisshalé is not the leader of the Shenaihu.”

  “I wouldn't have my title if he were,” Natianos said with barely concealed annoyance. “We're not sure who the leader is. Most believe it is Nehalé Usarai, others are saying the One's sister, Karinna Shalei, is the undisputed leader. Neither are singing to my spirit, edha.”

  “Interesting,” the reverend said. “This uprising is nothing like the others. There are no boundaries this time. No clear leaders. A muted response among the faithful. Might it be that Gharra has grown weary of this conflict? Has Gharné evolution diverted so far from the Trisandi spirit?”

  Natianos grinned at him. “I wouldn't go that far. I'll agree this one's different. Some rules will have to be rewritten.”

  “Nothing needs to be changed,” he said. “Just the point of view.”

  “A change of battle plan, then?”

  “If it must be thought of that way.”

  “That's what I needed to hear,” Natianos said. “I had planned to take this event to a whole new level. Why should it be a battle of whose spirit is stronger, whose beliefs are more justifiably moral? Why should it end there?”

  “Watch your thoughts, Natianos,” he warned.

  “Trust me, I am!” he said gleefully. “I've just had a revelation, Dahné, and I owe you thanks for pointing it out for me!”

  Miriam rose from the couch. “By the Goddess, if you plan on killing anyone out there —”

  “Nothing so extreme,” he said, waving his hands excitedly. “But I now see that Saisshalé is right. If the One of All Sacred was able to awaken the entire world to its spiritual consciousness, if she's able to wake up all those Mendaihu out there, then it's equally possible that someone will be able to wake up the Shenaihu, don't you think?”

  Miriam frowned at him, saying nothing.

  “Do you agree with me or not, Dahné?” he said softly, leaning across the couch towards the man. “Is there a possibility that someone equally as powerful as the One could awaken the Shenaihu?”

  He tried to sidestep the question, but could not. H
e would have to answer that one straight and quick. “In theory...” he started, then looked up at him. “In theory, yes, you are quite right. It is possible that someone such as Saisshalé could perform a mass ritual just as the One had. But you must think of the consequences, Natianos. Remember that the Rain of Light became chaotic once the spirits began to awaken and meld. Once both sides are affected, there's no certainty that you or anyone else, even the One, could control what happens next.”

  “It would be up to the soul of the individual to control the outcome,” Natianos said. “I wouldn't have thought of that, not until now. But what if the sequence were controlled? The One of All Sacred managed to affect the entire planet. It's been nearly a month and there have been no riots or heavy violence. Who's to say that it won't be the same if the Shenaihu proceed?”

  “I do not know, Dahné.”

  “It's never been done?”

  He shook his head. “The Shenaihu and the Mendaihu have always avoided such situations. I would guess that the only possible recording of any kind of mass awakening would be within someone’s sehna lumia, but I do not know of anyone who has acquired such knowledge. I am aware that you have visited Trisanda in the past, and if you knew of the availability of this knowledge, you would most definitely have acquired it by now.”

  “As it is,” Natianos said, “I know precious little about mass awakenings. It's new to all of us. Unless there are some ancient souls about...”

  The reverend shook his head. “...and I doubt they'd want to go out of their way to talk to either of us,” he said.

  “Looks like you and I will have to dig it up ourselves.” He pushed himself up off the couch and stretched. He glanced over at the windows as he did, looking out over the northernmost reaches of the Bridgetown sprawl. Despite the industrial stillness outside, within he could sense the presence of millions of spirits out there, in all their extremes: strong and weak, ecstatic and lethargic, at peace and full of vengeance. He sauntered closer to the windows, taking in the full view of the city proper.