Accidental Sire

by Molly Harper

  And still, it got worse.

  Without a job, she couldn’t get an apartment in a decent building. And the buildings where she could get an apartment were not places where she wanted to live. And she could not find a job. Anywhere. Receptionists laughed and hung up when she called the best event-planning companies in Chicago. Receptionists from second- and third-tier event-planning companies in Chicago also laughed at her. She couldn’t get the companies in New York or Los Angeles to call back. Hell, she couldn’t get companies in St. Louis to return her calls. She still had her savings, but thanks to MasterCard and her monthly expenses, they were dwindling quickly.

  Her friends weren’t returning her calls or messages, either. And she couldn’t turn to her adoptive father for help. Gerald hadn’t spoken to her since her mother’s funeral three years before. And she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t take a dime after her parents made their last tuition payment. She still had the shreds of her pride.

  The shreds were costing her. She was three days away from living in the storage unit where she’d moved her stuff, sitting at her breakfast bar—because it was the only table space she had left—actually filling in a JobLink profile, when a Skype notification popped up on her laptop. The message said it was from “hotsy-totsy45.”

  Margot frowned. She used this account for after-hours and long-distance consultations with clients. She definitely would have remembered a client nicknamed hotsy-totsy45. Leaning back from the screen, she clicked decline.

  Blowing a long breath out through her nose, Margot continued to fill out the JobLink form. Another notification from hotsy-totsy popped up.

  “Still a ‘no,’ creep,” she muttered, clicking decline again.

  But hotsy-totsy would not be denied. And given the amount of chardonnay Margot had consumed just for the sake of not having to move it out of her apartment, it wasn’t surprising that her hand slipped a bit and she clicked accept.

  “Damn it!” she grunted, trying to close the chat window before it opened. She did not want to witness the latest in creative junk shots currently being embraced by the Internet’s weirdos. But instead of the expected random nudity, Margot’s screen was filled with the face of an adorable little granny lady with a cloud of snow-white hair and Dalmatian-print reading glasses balanced on the tip of her nose.

  “Hello?”

  A brilliant smile lit up the granny lady’s face, showing teeth too white and too even to be original parts. “Well, hello there! It took me a little while to track you down, but here you are!” the lady crowed in a Southern drawl so pronounced that Margot had trouble processing what she was saying at first. “You look just like I thought you would. A lot like your mama, mind, but you got a bit of your daddy in there, too. Of course, I thought you’d be a little more polished up, but I’m guessing you haven’t left your house in a while.”

  Margot caught sight of her appearance in the little preview window in the corner of the screen and winced. She looked like someone who was unemployed. She was wearing a grubby Northwestern sweatshirt. Her carefully highlighted blond hair was piled into a haphazard topknot. She was wearing her thick-rimmed black glasses, making her hazel eyes look owlish and too big for her face. She hadn’t worn makeup in days, so her skin had taken on a cheesy appearance in the blue light of the computer screen.

  “I’m sorry, do you know my parents?” she asked. As friendly as this lady might be, she didn’t exactly look to be Linda and Gerald’s speed. Linda McCready, a nobody from nowhere with traces of a Low Country accent and a toddler daughter in tow, had managed to snag Gerald Cary, MD, while she was working as the records clerk in the hospital where the handsome British expat practiced surgery. She had spent considerable time and energy clawing her way into the upper middle circles of Chicago society. Linda Cary would have gone blind before she wore Dalmatian reading glasses.

  “Well, your mama and I were never close, but your daddy is my nephew, so I guess you could say I know that sad-sack face of his pretty well,” the woman said with a chuckle.

  Margot’s jaw dropped. Her stepfather had adopted her when she was four years old. But considering that he was from just outside London, it was unlikely he had relatives in Georgia. “You know Gerald?”

  “No, honey, your daddy. What do you young people call it—your ‘biological father.’ Stan McCready. I’m your great-aunt Tootie.”

  “Beg pardon?” Even Margot couldn’t be sure which part she was questioning—the “biological” bit or the ridiculous nickname. Even in the South, people knew better than to name their children Tootie, right?

  “I’m Stanley McCready’s aunt, honey.”

  Stanley McCready. Margot slumped on her bar stool. She’d never met her father’s family. Linda had made no secret of her “unfortunate” first marriage to a man named McCready, but she’d referred to it as a youthful mistake she’d corrected when Margot was barely three years old. Stanley was a heavy drinker, Linda insisted, a train wreck of a man who couldn’t provide for them. After Linda left, he’d almost immediately given up his rights to his daughter without so much as a court motion.

  Margot didn’t know where he lived. She couldn’t remember what he looked like. Her mother had never even shown her a picture, insisting that it would be disloyal to Gerald. Neither Mr. McCready nor his family had bothered to contact her in thirty years, which was fine with Margot. She didn’t have room in her life for an irresponsible drunk who couldn’t be bothered to send so much as a birthday card. And frankly, she resented the idea that her father’s family only reached out now, when she was at her lowest.

  And it wasn’t even her father, just some wacky great-aunt with a ridiculous name.

  “You know, I thought you’d have that nasal-sounding Chicago accent, but you sound like you should be having tea with the queen. So proper and prim. I suppose that’s your mama in ya. Did she make you take those diction lessons?”

  “No, I just like using all the letter sounds.”

  The woman snorted a bit and said, “My point is, honey, I’ve been looking for you for weeks now, after I saw the video of your party on YouTube. I spotted you and knew you had to be Linda’s daughter.”

  “YouTube?” Margot winced. “How many hits did it get?”

  “Hundreds of thousands! Honey, you’re your own meme!” Tootie exclaimed. Suddenly, a window popped up in the corner of Margot’s screen, showing one of the press photos of Margot herding the flamingos away from the shrimp tower with giant print reading NO CAN HAZ SHRIMP, FLAMINGOZ! NO CAN HAZ!

  Margot buried her face in her hands. She’d spent most of her twenties carefully policing her own social media posts so as not to damage her professional reputation. And now this. Also, her great-aunt seemed to be awfully tech savvy for a woman in her eighties.

  “Well, thanks for contacting me and mocking me with age-appropriate Internet humor . . . and dredging up a bunch of unresolved emotional issues,” Margot muttered. “But I’m going to have to sign off now.”

  “Oh, sure, honey, I’m sure you’re busy with your job search. How’s that going?”

  “I’ve submitted quite a lot of résumés,” Margot said, trying to sound casual.

  “Any interviews yet?” Tootie pressed.

  Margot floundered a bit while searching for an answer. “It’s early yet. You don’t want people to think you’re too eager.”

  “Not one call back, huh?”

  Margot pursed her lips. “Not one.”

  “Well, that’s just fine, because I have a proposition for you.”

  Margot’s instinct to say no right that second was quelled when the bank paperwork that showed her checking account balance caught her eye. “What sort of proposition?”

  “We need an event planner here at the family business. We’d be willing to provide room, board, and a generous salary.”

  “How generous?”

  “Well,
now, you’ve got to remember that the cost of living is much lower here as opposed to the big city,” Tootie cautioned.

  “How generous?” Margot asked again, and Tootie’s blue eyes sparkled behind those reading glasses.

  “Here, I’ll send you the compensation package the family put together.”

  Another box popped up on Margot’s screen. She clicked on the file and grimaced at the salary, which was about one-quarter of what she’d made at Elite Elegance. “How much lower is the cost of living there? Also, where is ‘there’?”

  “Did you notice that the package includes health insurance?” Tootie asked. “When does your coverage run out?”

  “Soon,” Margot grumbled. “Also, I noticed you didn’t answer the question about location.”

  “And I’m guessin’ from the packing boxes in the background that your lease runs out pretty soon, too. So really, I could see why you would want to stay where you would be homeless and at risk of huge medical bills, in a city where you could be mugged or run down by a taxi or have a windowpane fall on you from twenty stories up. That’s far preferable to coming down to Georgia, to a town where the crime rate is next to zero.”

  Margot had never passed the Mason-Dixon Line, not even to Florida. Her mother had always insisted on family vacations to Lake Geneva, to New York, to France. Anyone could go to Disney World, she’d told Margot; Linda was trying to give Margot the world. Margot didn’t know how well she would function in a rural environment, much less a place where she would constantly hear the banjo music from Deliverance in the back of her head.

  “But my life is here. My friends are here. I need to stay where the jobs are. And right now, that’s in Chicago.”

  “So you lay low for a few months in God’s country, get to know your kinfolk, get that city air out of your lungs, and then relaunch yourself at people who will have forgotten your foul-up once someone else messes up worse. It will be good for you,” Tootie told her.

  Margot stared at the offer. Tootie had thought of everything: financial compensation, meals covered, a clothing allowance, and health insurance. She’d even attached a picture of a small cabin on the edge of a lake, labeled housing. And another photo of a huge family posed in front of a lakeside dock. Tootie stood with an older man, holding his hand. Two couples in their fifties stood behind them next to a man with deep frown furrows barely touched by his lopsided smirk. His arm was thrown around a twenty-ish girl with purple-streaked hair in pigtails wearing a black T-shirt with a pink radiation symbol on it. Another couple stood on the far left, a man in his thirties with curly reddish-blond hair hugging a laughing blonde. The sun was setting behind the family and they looked so happy together, so at ease with one another. And it felt like a punch to the chest. These people didn’t miss her at all. They didn’t feel a Margot-shaped hole in their family, they’d just moved on without her. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. She’d spent a lot of time on visualization exercises so it wouldn’t hurt. And yet . . .

  She cleared her throat. “The whole family put this together? Even my . . . even Stan?”

  “Everybody,” Tootie said emphatically.

  Margot skimmed the top of the document and caught sight of the letterhead, which read McCready Family Funeral Home and Bait Shop.

  “Funeral home? Wait, you run a funeral home? And a bait shop?”

  “Well, it’s more of a full-service marina, but yes! For four generations now! You’re part of a Lake Sackett institution, hon.”

  “Why would a funeral home–slash–bait shop need an event planner?”

  “Well, the baby boomer generation is dropping like flies around here, so we’ve got more business than we can handle. We’ve needed to add another planning consultant for a while now, and when I saw your video and looked up your background, I knew you’d be perfect.”

  “I’m an event planner. For major society parties, galas, charity balls, that sort of thing.”

  “Well, a funeral is a kind of event. And some of the considerations are the same—timing, speeches, music, food, and such.”

  “Oh, I just don’t think I could—”

  Suddenly, the lights flickered out and her refrigerator died with a whine. Because she’d shut off utilities in preparation for the move to the condo that was supposed to have taken place the week before. But she had nowhere to go. And no health insurance.

  She pursed her lips. “When can I start?”

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  MOLLY HARPER is the author of two popular series of paranormal romances, the Half-Moon Hollow vampire novels and the Naked Werewolf shifter trilogy. She is also the author of the Bluegrass series of contemporary ebook romances. A former humor columnist and newspaper reporter, she lives in Kentucky with her husband and children, and is currently working on the next Southern Eclectic novel. Visit her on the web at mollyharper.com.

  FOR MORE ON THIS AUTHOR: Authors.SimonandSchuster.com/Molly-Harper

  MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT

  SimonandSchuster.com

  BOOKS BY MOLLY HARPER

  In the World of Half-Moon Hollow

  Accidental Sire*

  Where the Wild Things Bite

  Big Vamp on Campus*

  Fangs for the Memories*

  The Single Undead Moms Club

  The Dangers of Dating a Rebound Vampire

  I’m Dreaming of an Undead Christmas*

  “Undead Sublet” in The Undead in My Bed

  A Witch’s Handbook of Kisses and Curses

  The Care and Feeding of Stray Vampires

  Driving Mr. Dead*

  Nice Girls Don’t Bite Their Neighbors

  Nice Girls Don’t Live Forever

  Nice Girls Don’t Date Dead Men

  Nice Girls Don’t Have Fangs

  The Naked Werewolf Series

  How to Run with a Naked Werewolf

  The Art of Seducing a Naked Werewolf

  How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf

  The Bluegrass Series

  Snow Falling on Bluegrass*

  Rhythm and Bluegrass*

  My Bluegrass Baby*

  Also

  Better Homes and Hauntings

  And One Last Thing . . .

  Available from Pocket Books

  *ebook only

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  Pocket Star Books

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  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2017 by Molly Harper White

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Pocket Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

  First Pocket Star Books ebook edition July 2017

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  Interior design by Carly Loman

  Cover design by Emma A. Van Deun

  Cover photographs by Stocksy/Jojo Jovanovic (woman); Shutterstock/Molotok289 (man); Shutterstock/Stefano Cavoretto (necklace)

  ISBN 978-1-4767-9441-9