Amish Regrets (Amish Secret Widows' Society #4)

by Samantha Price

  “I called in on the housekeeper and asked to look around the house and she refused. She said that if I wanted to come in or look around that I’d need a warrant.”

  Maureen giggled. “Funny that she let me have a look around and I’m not a trained professional.”

  The detective grimaced at Maureen’s words. “Did you find out whether Mr. and Mrs. Liante had separate bedrooms?” he asked.

  Maureen did the best she could to stifle her amusement. “No, I didn’t see that they did, but it was possible I suppose. There were a lot of bedrooms and I didn’t look in closets or bathroom cabinets.”

  Silvie added, “According to the lawyer they were separated. Well, living separately, not living as man and wife.”

  “That’s interesting,” Detective Crowley said.

  Silvie fiddled with the long strings of her prayer kapp. “Yes, and even more interesting that the two years were nearly up. Their divorce would have been a formality and it would have made it a lot harder for Mrs. Liante to formally object to it.”

  “It’s a little odd that he changed lawyers quickly at the end like that. I’ll talk to his old one again tomorrow and also Mr. Winters,” Detective Crowley said.

  Chapter 10.

  For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ;

  that every one may receive the things done in his body,

  according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

  2 Corinthians 5:10

  The last thing that Sabrina ever thought she would be doing was going to the bishop’s house to confess her sin. She regretted what she had done, which was to have an affair with a married man, even if he was officially separated. Sabrina would have preferred if Carmello had moved out of the house all together, but he felt he was entitled to stay because he had owned the house before he married Stephanie.

  Sabrina shrugged all thoughts of Carmello off and tried to concentrate on Gott and the bishop. She knew she needed to get right with Gott. The fact that Carmello was separated and the fact that she was in love with him would make no difference to the bishop. Sabrina considered that she had no choice but to go through with the shame and the humiliation of speaking to the bishop.

  If Carmello had not died, Sabrina would have most likely left the Amish to be with him. Now, Sabrina had no good reason to leave the Amish. Now that she stood in front of the bishop’s front door about to knock on it, the impact of what she’d done hit her in the stomach. She pressed both hands to her tummy. Don’t be sick, don’t be sick, she told herself.

  When Sabrina was with Carmello everything seemed good and right. Now that he was gone and she had to tell someone about him and their relationship, it all seemed dirty and sordid. Tears filled Sabrina’s eyes as she lifted her hand and knocked on the door. No one would ever know what they had truly had.

  The bishop was expecting her. “Come in, Sabrina.”

  Once they sat down the bishop said, “Would you feel more comfortable speaking to your own bishop back in Ohio?”

  “Nee, I’m thinking of staying on here, with Silvie.”

  The bishop nodded. “What have you come to see me about?”

  Sabrina liked the bishop from the time of her first gathering that she went to with Silvie. He was an elderly man, but he still had dark hair and a dark baard. His eyes were dark brown and filled with kindness and gentleness. Sabrina was comfortable speaking with him. While Sabrina spoke of her ordeal the bishop nodded and seemed sympathetic.

  After the bishop heard the whole story, he asked, “Are you truly sorry?”

  “Jah, I am. I’m truly sorry. I was blinded by love and Gott punished me by taking him away.”

  “I can’t tell you whether what you say is right or wrong. Sometimes I don’t know how the mind of our Gott works. Maybe He did take Carmello away from you and maybe He didn’t. The important thing is that you know what you’ve done wrong and you confess it to Him. Shore up your weaknesses.”

  “I will. What punishment will I have?” Sabrina was sure that the kindly and sympathetic bishop would give her no punishment. Maybe he would say that she’d already been through enough hurt and pain.

  “You will have to confess to the community what you’ve done.”

  Sabrina drew in a sharp breath. She would rather be shunned than speak about what she’d done. “I have to do that? I would be embarrassed.”

  “Everything that is done in secret shall be made known, the Scripture says. There is nothing secret with Gott.”

  Sabrina pulled a face. The bishop was speaking from Scripture, a Scripture that Sabrina had not heard of. “Do I have to do it?”

  “If you want to stay in the community you must do it. The community is all one. When one suffers we all suffer.”

  Sabrina nodded. “I will then and then I’d like to be baptized.” Sabrina wondered if she should go back to Ohio to be baptized. Maybe if she went back there no one would ever find out what she’d done, but then she figured the bishop would most likely write a letter to the bishop in Ohio if she suddenly disappeared. No, she should be baptized and live life as she was supposed to live.

  “This Sunday you’ll stand before the gathering and speak to the congregation,” the bishop said as he scratched his dark baard.

  Sabrina nodded once more. Her good name would be ruined, but she would have to stop being bothered at what people thought of her and start thinking about her relationship with Gott. She didn’t much care about being able to find a husband because Carmello was the only man she could ever see herself with. The widows didn’t miss having husbands; they had good lives; she could be like one of them.

  The next Sunday came all too quickly for Sabrina. She stood before the community and confessed what she had done. That same afternoon they all gathered at the river to watch Sabrina be baptized clothed in a white over-robe, which all the women wore when they were baptized.

  As Sabrina came up from the water to the sound of everyone singing a hymn, she felt as though she had been washed clean. Silvie met her at the river’s edge with a towel. “Ach, Silvie. I feel different. I feel clean.”

  Silvie smiled. “You’ve been born anew.”

  Sabrina rubbed her face in the fluffy towel. “Let’s go home.”

  “Sabrina.” The bishop approached Sabrina and took her aside to have a few words. Then she came back to Silvie.

  “Can we go now?” Sabrina asked.

  On the way home, Sabrina said, “I’m sorry for being so horrible. It’s just that everything seems so hard for me. Everything goes your way all the time. I wish I could be more like you.”

  Silvie’s mouth fell open. “I don’t see that things go right for me any more than they do for you. It’s just the way you look at things. If you look for good things then that’s what you’ll see; if you look for bad things then you’ll only see the bad.”

  Sabrina pulled the towel tighter around her. “I suppose so. I can’t wait to get into a hot bath.”

  It was around the middle of the day that Sabrina and Silvie arrived home. Sabrina had finished her bath and Silvie had tended to the horse and made the midday meal. They were just about to sit down to eat when there was a loud banging on their door.

  On her way to the front door, Silvie noticed through the window that a taxi was driving away. She opened her front door to see her mother standing on the doorstep with suitcase in hand. “Mamm, what are you doing here?”

  “What would you think I’m doing here?” She pushed her way passed Silvie and into the house.

  Sabrina came out of the kitchen. “Mamm!”

  Their mother dumped her small suitcase on the ground. “Well, I’ve heard what you’ve been up to, Sabrina, and I’m absolutely ashamed of you.” Her eyes glistened as they fixed upon Sabrina. “Deeply ashamed. You’ve ruined our familye’s gut name. No one in our familye has ever done anything like this and now we’re going to be talked about because of you.” She turned to Silvie. “I would’ve expected something like this of you.” She lo
oked back to Sabrina, “But not you, Sabrina.”

  “Mamm, I’ve just been baptized,” Sabrina said.

  Their mother collapsed into the couch. “What does that matter now? Our name is ruined. How could you?”

  Silvie sat next to her mother. “Mamm, don’t you think it’s a gut thing that Sabrina has been baptized? She’s confessed to the gathering and everything.”

  Their mother opened her mouth and her bottom lip quivered. “She’s what? That means that everyone knows. My life will never be the same.” She sobbed into her apron.

  Silvie and Sabrina looked at each other, helpless to know what to do.

  Silvie said, “Does it really matter what other people think?”

  “Of course it matters; a gut name is everything. People will think that dat and I have been bad parents and have set a bad example. The Scripture says that a good name is more prized than great riches.”

  “How did you find about it so quickly?” Silvie asked.

  “I heard from someone what Sabrina had done, but I didn’t know she had confessed it to the congregation.”

  “That’s gut though, isn’t it? That’s what the bishop asked her to do,” Silvie said.

  Through sobs she said, “Wait ‘til I tell your dat. It would be better if she hadn’t done that terrible thing to begin with, then she wouldn’t have brought shame and disgrace on the familye. Dat and I have done all we can to bring you kinner up proper.” Her mother cried bitterly into her apron then brought her head up again. “And then this happens.”

  Sabrina crouched down beside her. “Sorry, mamm.”

  “Too late for sorries.”

  “How long are you staying, mamm?” Sabrina asked.

  “I’m taking you back with me, Sabrina. We leave the day after tomorrow.”

  “Nee, I’m not going. I’m staying here with Silvie. I’ve got it all worked out. I’m going to get a job here and live with Silvie.”

  Their mother glared at Silvie. “How could you have let this happen?”

  “How could I stop it? I knew nothing of it.” Silvie wrung her hands.

  “You should have kept a better watch on your schweschder. I thought I didn’t have to worry about her being away from home because she was with you. Now I know that it was the worst thing ever.”

  “I’ll go and make up the bed for you.” Silvie left her mudder downstairs while she tended to the spare bedroom upstairs.

  After a few moments, Sabrina burst into the spare bedroom. “I fixed mamm a cup of tea; that should keep her quiet for a while. Silvie, how did mamm find out so soon? I thought it would’ve taken at least a week for word to get to her.”

  “They’ve got a phone now, haven’t they?” Silvie asked.

  “Yeah, mamm and dat got a phone installed in the barn before I left.”

  “Someone’s called them I’d say. I have no idea who. Maybe the bishop’s fraa. She’s a bit of a gossip and a meddler.” Silvie looked up from making the bed. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll most likely never find out who told her. At least now you can get her scolding out of the way. You’d have to face it sooner or later.”

  “I guess so,” Sabrina said.

  “You’d better go back down and speak to her or she’ll think we’re up here talking about her.”

  Sabrina giggled. “We are. Okay, I’ll go down and talk to her we don’t want to upset her anymore than we have to.”

  “Gut. How long do you think she’ll stay?” Silvie asked.

  “I think she’ll try and make me go back with her. She’ll stay until she sees it’s useless.”

  Silvie’s shoulders drooped downward. “That might be a while then.”

  Sabrina slowly walked the stairs back down to her unhappy mudder.

  Silvie unfolded the spare quilt that she used in the guest room, shook it out and let it fall softly over the bed. Once she was satisfied that her mudder would be happy with the room, she sat on the bed wishing she did not have to go downstairs. It was bad enough her schweschder staying with her, but it was her worst nightmare that her mudder had come to stay.

  She had never been close with her mother as her friends were close to theirs. Silvie’s mother always found things wrong with her; nothing Silvie did was ever right. In her eyes, the single thing that Silvie ever did correctly was to marry John. John had been her choice and Silvie had gone along with her mother’s wishes. Silvie was happy enough to marry John; she had never found another man that she had liked more and she was getting older. She knew that the older she got, the less choice she would have, in regard to choosing a husband. Her mother urged her to accept John’s offer to marry rather than be left ‘on the shelf.’

  A storm of angry words coming from her mudder and her schweschder forced Silvie off the bed. She took a long, slow, deep breath and then made her way downstairs.

  When she reached the two of them, she saw that her mudder had a bunch of Bailey’s letters in her hand. Silvie froze in horror.

  Sabrina looked over to Silvie. “I tried to stop her. I came down here and she was reading your letters.”

  Silvie put her hand to her throat and raced toward her mudder. “Mamm, those letters are mine and they’re private.”

  Her mother leaped to her feet and put the letters behind her back. “He’s an Englischer. You’ve been speaking of love to an Englischer. No wonder Sabrina got herself into trouble. I knew you’d be behind this somewhere. It’s your fault that Sabrina got involved with that terrible man; I told dat that it would be all your fault.”

  Silvie grabbed the letters out of her mudder’s hands.

  Sabrina said, “It’s nothing to do with Silvie. She didn’t even know that I was seeing him. She’s been nothing but gut to me.”

  “Mudder, you are welcome to stay the night, but tomorrow first thing, I am putting you in a taxi and you are going back home on the Greyhound bus.”

  Her mother gasped. “Your mudder is not welcome in your home? I’ve never heard such a thing. My bus tickets are for the day after tomorrow.”

  “Well, I’m sure they can be changed.” Silvie left her mudder and schweschder staring at her open-mouthed as she stomped into the kitchen. Silvie had never spoken angrily to either of them.

  Sabrina ran after her. “Are you alright, Silvie? I couldn’t stop her reading the letters. She found them in the writing bureau while we were speaking upstairs.”

  “I know it’s not your fault. I’m just glad she’s going tomorrow,” Silvie said.

  “You don’t mind if I stay on, do you?” Sabrina asked.

  “Nee, not at all. You can stay.” Silvie was genuine in her response to Sabrina. She would rather live alone, but if it helped Sabrina start a new life then she was more than happy to help her.

  “Denke. What a day it’s been. I get baptized and mamm comes here on the very same day. She must have missed her own gathering to come here,” Sabrina said while Silvie served the food for the midday meal.

  Chapter 11.

  Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find;

  knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

  For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth;

  and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

  Matthew 7:7-8

  Amidst her mother’s protests Silvie deposited her mudder safely in a taxi the next morning and went to visit Emma on the way home. She hoped Emma would be home and not off on one of her visits to town. Silvie breathed a sigh of relief to see Emma out the front of her haus sweeping the porch.

  Emma looked up and waved at Silvie. She left the broom leaning against the side of the house and went to meet her. “Hello, Silvie. It was lovely to see Sabrina baptized yesterday.”

  “That’s not all that happened yesterday.” Silvie secured her horse to the side fence rail.

  “Come inside and tell me,” Emma said.

  Silvie followed Emma inside the house.

  “Now tell me what else happened. Mrs. Liante didn’t come back again
, did she?” Emma asked once they were both seated comfortably in the living room.

  “Nee, it was my mudder. She turned up on the doorstep, didn’t care that Sabrina had just been baptized and she chastised her for seeing a married man.”

  “She shouldn’t have done it, but under these circumstances Sabrina must feel awful.”

  “That’s not all. Mamm found and read the letters that Bailey wrote to me. She started to say horrid things to me. I’m sure she thinks what Sabrina did was my fault.”

  Emma shook her head. “Nee, she wouldn’t think that.”

  “Jah, she even said so. She said that she told my dat that it would be all my fault somehow. Anyway, I’ve just come from putting her in a taxi to take her to the bus station.”

  Emma giggled. “That was a quick visit.”

  “Too long for me. Anyway, the reason I’ve called in is because I’d like you to come with me to see Detective Crowley. He said that he’d go and see the lawyer who drew up the new will, Mr. Winters, and also the other lawyer, the one who did the old will. I’m anxious to know what he’s found out.”

  “Jah, I’ll come with you.”

  Silvie knew that Emma would be reluctant to go and see Crowley as she was always saying to Elsa-May that he made her feel uneasy; she was glad when Emma agreed to go with her.

  “Gut, denke. Ride with me and I’ll bring you back home,” Silvie said.

  Silvie was grateful to have a friend like Emma. She could have asked Maureen, but Maureen was working. Emma did not have to work because she lived on the money she received from leasing out her farm to Bob Pluver.

  “I’ll make us a pot of tea before we go?” Emma asked.

  A wave of relaxation came over Silvie. “I’d love a cup.”

  “Come with me to the kitchen.”

  While Silvie sat at Emma’s long kitchen table, she wondered if she would ever plan another wedding as Emma was. “Are you excited about your wedding, Emma?”

  Emma had already put the kettle on the stove and now she was fixing the tealeaves. “I think I am getting a little excited. It’s a new beginning. Wil decided not to build us a haus. He’s been looking for one that we can buy and re-build to suit us.”