Guardian (The Guardian Trilogy)

by Sara Mack

  “And say what?”

  “Let her know how you feel. Plant the seed. It’s the only way to know if anything can happen. Shel is very direct. Give it to her straight; don’t leave things open to interpretation.”

  “You think? What if I destroy our friendship?”

  “If Shel lets this destroy your friendship, she’s not worth having as a friend,” I say with confidence. “Besides, she’ll call me immediately after she talks with you, so I may be able to work a little magic.”

  Matt looks uncertain. “Okay, but this is really nerve-wracking.”

  I’m starting to think Shel may already have his balls. “It’s better than sitting around and doing nothing, right?”

  “Right,” he concedes and then his face twists in thought. After a few moments, he turns to me. “Are you hungry?”

  As a matter of fact I am. “Sure.”

  “Let’s go get some lunch. My treat.” He stands and holds out his hand to help me up. “Where to?”

  We ended up at the small, family-owned restaurant in town called Home Plate. We talked more about Shel and what he should say to her. Honestly, I started to feel like he should’ve been taking notes. I’ve never seen someone so nervous! But then again, what do I really know about dating? I’ve only dated one person in my entire life.

  Speaking of whom, I wish he was able to watch me today. My conversation with Matt has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. I can’t wait to tell James that, for a fact, neither Matt nor Dane has any feelings for me. Knowing this makes me excited to go to work tomorrow; excited to interact with people without the fear of making James jealous. Hopefully, he will be able to look in on me and be able to remove some of the weight from his shoulders too.

  I crawl into bed, still with my trusty friend Heat Pack and a smile on my face.

  Two minutes later, my cell rings. I pick the phone up off my nightstand. It’s Shel.

  “Hello?”

  “You. Will. Never. Guess. Who. Just. Called. Me.”

  I smile brilliantly and ask innocently, “Who?”

  Chapter 21

  It’s 8:00 p.m. and my nerves are shot. I know I promised Matt I would attend his party in honor of James’ birthday, but walking up the sidewalk, I’m having second thoughts. There has to be at least fifteen to twenty cars lining the street outside his house. I can hear music and voices coming from the backyard; I can smell a fire burning. I detour toward Matt’s front door and sit on the porch steps. What do I have to say to these people? Will they even want to talk to me? I wrap my arms around myself. It’s been four days since I’ve seen or heard from James. I miss him beyond words. I’m hoping that Garrett will allow him to visit me soon. So far, I’ve heard nothing. I pray I can keep my emotions in check tonight.

  I close my eyes and imagine James is here. I imagine his voice. “Suck it up, Em. Put your big girl pants on and do this for me.” I break out in a huge smile.

  “Something funny?”

  My eyes fly open. “Shel?!”

  “Surprise!” she grins and picks up the pace as she walks across the lawn from the street. “I heard there was a party.”

  I literally leap off the porch steps and run to meet her, throwing my arms around her shoulders. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was invited,” she responds and hugs me tight.

  I let her go and step back. “When did you get in? How long are you staying?”

  “Just now; I drove here from the airport.” She loops her arm through mine and starts to walk me in the direction of the backyard. “I’m only able to stay until tomorrow night,” she grimaces. “Uncle Tom literally has days left.”

  “Ugh. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”

  She shakes her head. “We all know what’s coming; it’s just a matter of when.”

  We round the corner of the house and I give her arm a squeeze. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “I needed the break,” she responds with a wary smile. “Trust me. I cannot wait to be back here for good.”

  I shoot her a knowing smirk and ask, “Any particular reason why?”

  She actually blushes and looks away. I have never seen her do that!

  “Hi,” a shy male voice interrupts us. Matt is just steps away.

  “Ah, the reason has found you,” I say and give Matt a big smile. “Hey.”

  “Hey Emma. Thanks for coming.” He gives me half a hug since my other arm is looped through Shel’s. He releases me and looks at my best friend. “You made it.” He sounds relieved.

  “Why wouldn’t I?” Shel tries to sound sarcastic, but the effect is lost by the huge grin plastered on her face.

  “I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted,” I laugh and step away from Shel. I look over toward the fire pit and see Dane waving from one of the benches.

  “I’ll come find you in a sec,” Shel says to me.

  I leave them and head over to the fire, glancing around as I walk. People are milling about, sitting in camping chairs, or standing by the pit with drinks in hand. I give small, vague smiles to the people who catch my eye. Internally, I frown as I realize I recognize none of them. I make it to Dane, who pats the empty spot on his bench.

  “I saved you a seat,” he smiles up at me.

  “Thanks.” I sit down and look around anxiously.

  “Looking for someone?” he asks.

  “No.” I lean over and whisper, “I don’t know anyone here.”

  He looks at me surprised.

  “Where did Matt find these people?”

  Dane shrugs. “I just showed up when he told me to be here.”

  “Why are you here?” I ask with curiosity, realizing that he never even met James.

  “Matt asked and I obliged,” he responds. His face softens a little. “Besides I…” he corrects himself, “we thought you might need an extra shoulder tonight. You know, just in case this was hard for you.”

  “Oh,” I blink and then give him a tiny smile. “Thanks.”

  When I went back to work after my day off, I let Dane know that I found out about Shel’s request of Matt and Matt’s request of him. I wanted him to know I understood his decision to work at Bay Woods and that he shouldn’t feel obligated to continue; he barely knows me, after all. Dane insisted he wanted to keep working because he didn’t want to disappoint Kris or his dad who, it turns out, was extremely thrilled that his son was finally showing some interest in the family business. Things had been going really well between us now that I was able to relax around him, now that the true motivation for his working at the course had been revealed. Still, the thought of him and Matt talking about my well-being behind my back was a little unsettling. I’m an adult. I don’t need handlers.

  I catch Matt and Shel walking toward us hand in hand. As they approach, I stand and subtly wave them over to the side.

  “Hey,” I whisper to them. “How is it that I don’t recognize any of these people?”

  Matt looks confused. “You should.” He looks past me and nods to the left. “Most of that group over there is from the hockey team at Western, maybe a few from Ferris, I’m not sure.” He points to the right. “Don’t you remember Zach from high school? Brian? Kyle?”

  I glance behind me. “Okay, yeah. I didn’t see them before.”

  “Taylor’s over there. Oh, and there’s Olivia,” he points again. Then he frowns. “There are a few people here I don’t know though. Maybe they came with the guys from the team?”

  Shel gives Matt an elbow to the side. “This is what happens when you post a party invite on Facebook!”

  Matt looks innocent. “Hey! I made it invite only!”

  Their bickering makes me smile. “I should have noticed the people from high school sooner,” I tell him. “Thanks for pointing them out.”

  “Before I forget there’s one thing I want to show you.” He releases Shel’s hand and turns me around by the shoulders to face the fire pit. “See that chair over there?”

  I look across the fla
mes and see an empty camping chair. People sit on either side of it, on the stone benches surrounding the pit. There appears to be a glass bottle of some sort in the cup holder and a Western t-shirt is draped haphazardly across the back. “Yes, I see it.”

  “That chair is reserved for James,” he says proudly. “Complete with an open bottle of…”

  “...Oberon,” I finish. Tears spring into my eyes. It’s an obscure, micro-brewed beer made only in Michigan, but the only beer James would drink. I turn to face Matt and give him a warm smile despite my threatening tears. “I don’t know what to say…” I blink rapidly as a drop escapes. “Thank you for remembering him.”

  “Don’t cry,” Matt looks a little scared. “This is supposed to be a birthday party.”

  Shel reaches out and rubs my arm as I brush the tear from my cheek. “I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.”

  “Well, so you know, I thought I would say a couple of words. I thought it would be an appropriate thing to do.” He looks at me for reassurance. “Is that okay with you?”

  “Of course! Stop worrying about me, this is your party.”

  “James’ party,” he corrects me.

  “Hey man!”

  Someone gives Matt a hefty slap on the shoulder, and he turns to greet the newcomer. Shel apparently seems to know him as well, so I take this opportunity to return to the bench.

  “Has your memory returned?” Dane asks, as he hands me a s’more sans chocolate.

  “Some of it,” I admit. “Thanks,” I take the treat from his hand.

  He gives me a square of chocolate. “Do you want something to drink?”

  “Is there any…”

  Dane produces a bottle of water. “Yep.”

  “How did you know I was going to say water?”

  “I’ve only ever seen you drink water.”

  Huh. I guess that’s true.

  I see someone appear in my periphery, and I turn my head to watch a girl take residence on the bench beside me. It doesn’t surprise me that I don’t recognize her. She’s pretty and slender, with long, curly, dark brown hair that falls to her waist. Dressed in an oversized Western hoodie and shorts, she stares at the fire, holding her can of, well, I don’t know, something.

  Dane’s cell rings and he pulls it from his pocket. “I’ll be right back,” he says.

  I nod and finish my s’more. With no one to talk to, I take a drink of water and stare at the fire with the girl next to me. She catches my eye.

  “Hi.”

  I give her a small smile. “Hello.”

  She takes a drink and swallows. “This is a nice party.”

  “Yes,” I agree.

  “Did you know James for long?” she asks me.

  Apparently she doesn’t know who I am. Why would she? I have no idea who she is either. “Um, you could say that. Since elementary school.”

  “Wow,” she looks impressed. “We had a couple of classes together at college, but we didn’t really connect until…” she pauses, looking sadly at the fire, “until the night he died.”

  I think I stop breathing. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  She looks at me. “Oh, we ran into each other that night at this bar by school. I was out with some friends, and he showed up with some friends who knew us. One thing led to another and before I knew it, we had spent most of the night together talking.” She sighs, remembering. “I had no idea we would have so much in common.”

  Now I know I’ve stopped breathing. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

  Either she doesn’t hear me or is too wrapped up in her memories of James to realize I can only utter that one sentence. She continues, “He was such a sweet guy. Cute too.” She smiles like I know what she’s talking about. “I guess he’d had a fight with his girlfriend or something,” she shrugs. “But he was the one giving out advice that night.”

  I manage a new sentence. “About what?”

  She stares at her can. “You know, school stuff, classes. I was so comfortable with him that one topic led to another and I started spilling my guts about some personal stuff,” she looks embarrassed. “But he didn’t seem to care.”

  My mind reels. “You guys managed to have a heart to heart talk in a loud bar?”

  “Oh no,” she smiles. “We were in his car.”

  My breathing becomes erratic and my ears feel hot. Is this really happening?

  Mystery girl looks away from me. “James suggested we go to the car, so we could talk some more without having to yell. It was really nice of him to give me an outside perspective on my problems, talking them through made them seem easier to handle.” She pauses, looking embarrassed again. “I kind of broke down a little bit while we were talking. He hugged me. That’s when he realized I was freezing and gave me his hoodie to keep warm,” she looks down at the Western hoodie she’s wearing. “He’ll never know it, but his concern for me that night really impacted my life.” She looks distraught. “I wish I could tell him how much that night will always mean to me.”

  I have no words. I’m having a difficult time sorting out my emotions – and breathing. I don’t know if I’m angry or just numb.

  “What’s your favorite memory of James?” she asks innocently.

  I blink and stutter. “That’s kind of hard…”

  She ignores me. “Out of that whole night, I think mine is when he kissed me goodbye.”

  My emotions immediately work themselves out. I know what I am. I. Am. Pissed. “Excuse me?” I snap.

  My tone startles her. “Oh,” she mumbles. “It was just a kiss on the top of my head. It was just a reassuring gesture, I’m sure. That’s all.”

  “Um, everybody?” I hear Matt’s voice carry. I rip my eyes away from Mystery Girl to see him standing in front of James’ chair. People move to gather around the fire, and I turn my body away from Mystery-Girl-Boyfriend-Lover in time to notice Dane return to sit beside me. I’m vaguely aware that someone is standing behind me as well; my guess is that it’s Shel.

  “Did I miss anything?” Dane asks.

  Boy did you ever, I think as my blood boils.

  “Everyone,” Matt begins. “I just wanted to take a moment to remember why we are here tonight. We’re here to honor the birthday of a close and dearly missed friend, our friend, James Davis.”

  Someone whistles while someone else calls out “Hear! Hear!” from behind me.

  Matt turns to the empty chair. “I miss you man. We all do.” He turns back to the group and holds out his drink as if making a toast. “To James! Happy 22nd Birthday, buddy. Wherever you may be.”

  The people gathered around raise their drinks too. “To James!” most say and bump their drinks against those around them.

  Dane bumps his beer can against my water bottle, which I now realize I have crushed between my hands. He looks at me confused.

  Unexpectedly, Matt continues. “And to Emma,” he says, zeroing in on me as he gestures with his drink the same way. “The love of James’ life. Don’t forget that we love you, too.”

  My toast gets another “Hear! Hear!” from somewhere, but it sounds muffled to me. I need to get out of here; I need a few minutes alone.

  I try to smile at the well-wishers around me, but I know it looks insincere. The guests bump their drinks again. Matt finishes, “That’s all. Everyone can go back to enjoying themselves.”

  People return to their own conversations and some leave the area. I stand and Mystery Girl grabs my arm. I face her and she looks absolutely horrified.

  “I didn’t know…” she says. “I’m…I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I manage to say.

  She stands up and strips off James’ hoodie, revealing a tank top underneath. “Here. Take this.”

  “No,” I shake my head. “He obviously wanted you to have it.”

  She looks shocked by my response.

  “I can explain.”

  James speaks directly into my ear, like he’s standing over my shoulder. I
tense up. His voice sounds somber.

  “I have to go,” I tell Mystery Girl. I turn to look at Dane and Shel who are suspiciously eyeing the girl and me. I repeat myself to them. “I have to go.”

  “Why?” asks Shel.

  There is someone I have to deal with, I think to myself. And he’s lucky he’s already dead.

  Chapter 22

  “Your parents are still at the wedding,” James says quietly.

  I freeze in place, caught off guard by finding him in the kitchen. I expected he would be waiting in my room like usual. I wasn’t prepared to run into him here; I still haven’t sorted out what I want to say.

  “You know,” he continues, staring at the perfectly square ivory invitation that has been left on the counter, “I expected our names to be on something like this one day.” He raises his head and looks directly into my eyes.

  What is he trying to do? Distract me from what I’ve just discovered? I shake my head in disbelief and march past him into the living room, trying to buy some time to determine what I want my first sentence to be.

  I walk to the fireplace and sit on the hearth. Resting my elbows on my knees, I hold my head in my hands and stare at the carpet. My mind races to select one of the million scathing thoughts that sear through my brain.

  James’ feet appear in my line of vision. “Tell me where to start. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  I snap. “Really?” Sitting upright, I look at him and spit out heavy words. “It’s amazing how honest you’ve become all of a sudden.”

  He takes a deep breath. “Em, don’t be like that.”

  “Don’t be like what? Don’t be angry? Or sad? Or feel betrayed? Which one?”

  “You have every right to be mad,” he says, crouching down in front of me.

  “You think?” I ask him incredulously. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

  “I didn’t tell you because it meant nothing.”

  “To who? It means something to me! And it certainly meant the world to her.”

  James sighs and closes his eyes. When he opens them he looks exhausted, defeated. “What I meant is that it means nothing compared to what we’re dealing with now.”