Call Home the Heart

by Shannon Farrell

  Lochlainn rounded on the blond man furiously then, letting his emotions bubble over. He clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides, praying he would have the strength to resist throttling him.

  "You're the one who's not wanted here, Christopher! Do you think even if you do win this estate, that these people will work for you? They won't! They stayed because they had faith in Muireann, came to love her. Even if you do win, what are you going to pay these people with?

  "Look at these wages books. This is how much you owe to all these people before you can discharge them from your service, or they decide to leave. They will demand their payment, and I will make sure that you give every penny you owe every one of them, even if you get dragged through the courts for years. You'll have to file for bankruptcy, will go to debtors' prison. I'll make sure of it!"

  Christopher harrumphed. "Impossible. You don't pay wages to peasants!"

  "But that's where you're mistaken. They aren't peasants! They're workers. They worked these many hours at that rate, and after deducting food and laundry and rent, this is how much they are all owed."

  Christopher stared, horrified at the huge sum at the end of the long column of figures. "But that's impossible."

  "Don't think your nearest neighbors will do any trading with you for wool and such like, as they have done with Muireann all these months. They don't like your blackmailing her, threatening to take everything away from her, any more than I do.

  "There won't be a person in the country who will work for the likes of you once they learn the whole truth. Everyone has always thought you completely dissolute and unreliable. Everyone now knows how financially desperate you are! No one will give you credit anywhere! It's you who have lost everything, Christopher, even if the magistrates do decide to give you Barnakilla!"

  Christopher raged, "It's not true! None of it!"

  Lochlainn gave a small smile of triumph. "It's all here in black and white. And before you think about trying to destroy the books, they're only copies. I sent the originals to Muireann's solicitor in Dublin, along with a few other important official papers."

  "It still doesn't alter the fact that rumor has it Muireann is marrying. That can only mean Muireann is staying in Scotland," Christopher countered.

  He shook his head vehemently. "You said it yourself, Christopher. It's only a rumor, not a fact. I shan't believe a word of it until I see her wed with my own two eyes, view the license and the man she is marrying. Muireann will come home to me. To Barnakilla. She promised," Lochlainn said simply with a certainty he wished he really felt.

  "So that's the way of it," Christopher said with an evil leer. "You tricked the poor girl into thinking you cared about her so you could get your hands on the property yourself. She isn't stupid. She'll figure it out in the long run."

  "Whatever she believes about me," Lochlainn said with a sigh, "she's still coming home to Barnakilla."

  Christopher let out a snort of disgust. "Then she's an even bigger fool than you are!"

  Lochlainn crossed his arms over his chest, and lounged against the wall of Muireann's small office as if he hadn't a care in th world. "You know, I've never forgiven you, Christopher, for what you have done to me and my sister all these years. But at the end of the day, the only person you've really hurt is yourself. You tried to get the big prize of Barnakilla after you had run your own estate into ruin. Now people know you for what you really are, a dissolute drunkard and gambler with no loyalty to anyone but yourself, and no money to call your own.

  "As for the incident with Tara, my pride was dented, but you really did me a huge favor there in the end. I never loved Tara. It didn't take me more than five minutes in Muireann's company to realize that. I do love Muireann. She's the air I breathe, the beat of my heart. And I think she cares for me too. No matter how long it takes, I'm going to prove my love to her somehow, and spend the rest of my life trying to make her happy."

  "Love! There's no such thing. It's just people using each other, taking whatever they can get, and moving on to the next person!" Christopher sneered as he put on his top hat and strode toward the office door.

  "In a year's time, you'll see you're wrong," Lochlainn vowed, and prayed silently for God to grant him his wish.

  Christopher stormed out of the office and got into his carriage without a backward glance, though Ciara tried to catch his attention.

  As he drove away, she knew beyond a doubt that it would be the last she ever saw of him. She had wanted to rub salt into the wounds she had overheard her brother inflict upon him, to tell him she was finally free of him. But in the end, she no longer cared.

  Augustine Caldwell was dead, and Christopher had no power to harm Barnakilla any longer. Not with Lochlainn there to protect them all. Lochlainn and Muireann. For Ciara was certain that if Muireann was planning to marry anyone, it would be her brother, and that she would be home soon to tell them so.

  She felt a pang of envy for their love and happiness, but only a brief one. She knew how much they had both suffered in the past. They deserved to be happy, and so did she. If only the right man would come along for her one day…

  She sighed and returned to the kitchen, thinking with bitter regret of how she had chased away a far better man than Christopher Caldwell just because she had been in love with the idea of being the mistress of a great estate.

  Yet Muireann was the mistress of a great estate, and wanted nothing except Lochlainn.

  Fate was indeed strange.

  Once Christopher had finally taken his leave, Lochlainn sat down heavily with his head in his hands. He knew he ought to go out and do some carpentry. He had more orders now than ever before, despite the Famine. But he took out Muireann's small pile of letters and began re-reading them until the paper was almost in tatters, trying to see if there was anything he had missed. Was she really going to marry someone in Scotland, perhaps Philip Buchanan?

  He thought about traveling to Fintry to find her, but it was impossible. They had to get ready for the spring planting. Lambs, calves and horses were being born continually, and though Ciara tried to help with the paperwork, she certainly wasn't nearly as good at it as Muireann had become.

  "I promised to look after things while she was away. I can't go back on my word. I can't go to Scotland. Besides, she promised she would come back. She promised," Lochlainn sighed, and put her letters away in the drawer with an air of resignation. There was nothing he could do except wait and hope.

  He hugged his arms against his chest, and wondered why he suddenly felt so cold.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  Early on a bright March morning about two months after Muireann had gone home to see her father, a small two-masted clipper pulled up beside the dock at Barnakilla.

  Muireann, dressed warmly in a fur-lined traveling cloak and a heavy royal blue woolen dress her mother had insisted upon giving her as a present, skipped down the gangplank gracefully, and began to run up to the house.

  As the tenants, including Ciara, began to move down to the dock to see what the Andromeda had brought, they at last recognized the well-dressed, bright young woman who had disembarked, and all crowded around her. Some of the young men and women even hugged or kissed her, and Muireann was overjoyed at the warm reception she received.

  "I'm so glad to be home," she said with a broad smile

  "Not as glad as we are glad to see you," Colm and some of the others replied almost in unison. "It's been a hard winter, but the weather bodes fair for this year. There will be much to do."

  "Please God it's better than last year," she said, and they all crossed themselves devoutly.

  Then she turned to Ciara. "I'm glad to see you looking so well, Ciara. Much more like your old self, I'm sure."

  Ciara hugged her. "It's good to see you, Muireann. I can't tell you how glad I am to have you home now."

  Muireann could see the shadows of the past no longer hung over her like gloomy storm clouds. Perhaps in time, with some small share of happiness
of her own, Ciara's terrible ordeal would fade in her memory.

  Muireann hugged her back and asked, "Where's Lochlainn?"

  "Up at the house, I should think, getting his breakfast."

  "I'll see you all later," she said with a smile, unable to conceal her burning desire to see him again.

  "Welcome home, Muireann!" they all called as she stepped away from the crowd.

  Muireann lifted her skirts and ran up the rest of the way to the house.

  Lochlainn was just coming out of the carpentry shop with a newly finished baby's cradle when she came around the corner.

  "Lochlainn! Lochlainn!" she called.

  "Muireann!" he gasped, almost dropping the cradle. He set it down hastily, and ran towards her.

  "I'm home, my love, I'm home," she cried, flinging herself into his arms, all doubts and reservations having disappeared forever now that she was with him once more.

  He clasped her in his arms and kissed her hungrily on the lips, before smothering her face in kisses.

  "Muireann, my love, you're back. Oh, thank God. All my prayers have been answered," he whispered, shedding a few joyous tears. "And now that you're here, my darling, I'll never let you go again."

  "You won't have to, Lochlainn. I'm here to stay, forever and ever if you'll have me."

  Lochlainn put her down then and stared into her eyes deeply. "But I don't understand. I can't believe you're really here! Christopher said you were going to marry…"

  "Shush, my love. Whatever he told you was all a pack of lies. How could you ever think I would leave you, leave Barnakilla?" Muireann laughed tearfully. "You're in my veins, in my heart, Lochlainn, you and only you. This house, this estate, is my life's blood. It would be like killing my first-born child to abandon it.

  "And even if I didn't love you so much, how could I ever leave the people here to fend for themselves, or allow Christopher to lord it over them?" she chided him, as she held both his hands tightly.

  "What did you say?"

  "I said I love you, you silly man. How could you ever doubt it?" Muireann declared as she began to smother his face in kisses.

  Lochlainn picked her up and spun her around, giving a huge whoop of joy.

  "You love me, Muireann? Really?"

  "I always have, from the moment I met you," Muireann revealed.

  But now Lochlainn's face closed up, and he put her down gently on the ground once more. "Now you're mocking me, Mrs. Caldwell."

  He headed into her office then, and Muireann could only follow, bewildered at his response.

  He entered the office and poured himself a sizeable measure of brandy, which he threw back in one gulp without even choking, despite its vile quality.

  "What's the matter, Lochlainn? What did I say? Or is that you don't love me after all? Have I made a mistake by coming back?" she asked, nearly in tears.

  "No, not at all. I'm thrilled to see you, of course I am. But you don't need to lie to me about your feelings. How could you possibly have loved me all that time?" he mocked. "You loved Augustine!"

  Muireann stared at him, stunned. "What on earth do you mean, I loved him?"

  "I know we've never mentioned him, not that aspect of your relationship, anyway, but he was the first! You must have loved him to have married him. Don't bother trying to spare my feelings. I saw you that night at the Gresham Hotel, with my own eyes, remember? You were beside yourself!

  "So don't lie to me and say you've always loved me. Augustine has stood like a shadow between us ever since we met. I fell in love with you the minute your hand touched mine. But damn it, you were wed to him, of all people! Still, I don't care any more. I've tried to restrain myself, out of respect for your grief, but I couldn't help making love to you. I suppose you were lonely, and I guess maybe in the end, because I've tried so hard, you've come to love me in return. But I know I'll always be the second love with you, not the first."

  Muireann started to chuckle, and continued until her sides were nearly sore, though there was little mirth in her laughter.

  Lochlainn glowered at her. Slamming the snifter down on the table, he went over to her and shook her by the shoulders. "Damn it, Muireann, stop it, stop it now! Do you really think my suffering is so funny?"

  "I do, actually. I've told you, I love you. I suppose it might have been better to tell you this sooner, but I had too much pride. You obviously didn't get my letter, did you? It makes it harder, since I don't know what you will think of me, if you can still love me after what I have done, but you need to know the truth. The whole truth, Lochlainn, however horrible. It was something I didn't even want to admit to myself because it was so awful. I'm sure I shall be damned for it. The truth is I hated Augustine. I was glad when he shot himself, do you hear me? Glad!"

  Lochlainn stared down at her. "I don't understand. What is it you're saying?" he whispered incredulously.

  "I've tried to block out the terrible truth, but I think it's about time I exorcised the ghosts of the past," Muireann said as she poured a glass of sherry for herself and then sat on the small sofa. She indicated for Lochlainn to sit beside her, which he did reluctantly.

  Taking his hand, she confessed, "I never loved Augustine, not ever. I married him for all the wrong reasons. Because I wanted a home of my own, free from my father's prying and domineering ways.

  "I had been pursued for my fortune before, but in Augustine's case he was such a plausible liar, I genuinely thought he was captivated by me. In the end I thought I could do worse than marry a man who seemed completely enthralled by me, with a huge estate in Fermanagh.

  "t didn't take me long to realize he was a man of dissolute habits, drinking, gambling, and that he was attracted not to women, but to men. I heard his lovers comparing notes. It was disgusting, disgusting." She shook her head.

  Lochlainn stared at her, appalled.

  "He never laid a finger on me, well, not in that way, anyway. He said I was far too refined and ladylike to be worth bothering with. Besides, he had just married me as an ornament. With a well-dressed and well-connected wife, he could keep the debt collectors at bay, and secure credit at all the gambling establishments he planned to parade me through. When he won, he was in fine form, but when he lost, he would take it out on the nearest person, namely me. At least he was very careful to ensure that none of the bruises showed," Muireann whispered, trembling slightly.

  "So those bruises I saw at the hotel… You never fell on the ship!" Lochlainn practically choked on the words.

  "I'm sorry I lied. It was pride. I couldn't bear to be an object of pity. The situation was already bad enough anyway."

  He shook his head as though trying to clear it. "But I don't understand. If he had married you for your fortune, why did he shoot himself? And where did all the money go?"

  She took a deep breath to steady herself. "He lost all the cash my father had given me when he went gambling in Liverpool. He was furious with me because my father had proved to be much more careful with my dowry than he had imagined, investing much of it under Neil's care. He hoped to get rid of me somehow, claim my money, and find another rich wife," Muireann revealed. "And in the meantime he loved to torment me.

  "It was meant to be some sort of sick game. One loaded pistol, one empty. The thing was, he forgot that though he had taken the ball out of one of them, he hadn't removed the charge. Augustine fired the first gun at me. The powder sparked off, and something nicked the wall. He was so drunk he thought that was the loaded pistol and that the second one was empty, so he stuck it to his head and pulled the trigger as a joke. But it was no joke."

  "My God, Muireann, I had no idea!" Lochlainn gasped, rubbing his eyes and temples with one hand while he gripped hers convulsively with the other.

  At length he said, "But you were begging him not to leave you. I thought you loved him."

  "I was terrified, Lochlainn. I was hysterical after coming so near to death. I didn't know what I was saying. I was alone in a strange country without a friend in the worl
d except a surly land agent who looked daggers at me every time I opened my mouth," Muireann said with a small smile. "I was also horrified by seeing Augustine die in such a dreadful way. Can you really blame me for being so distraught?"

  "No, not at all," he said, putting his arm tightly around her waist. "It all makes sense now, now that you've told me the truth."

  He held her close for a minute, then murmured against her hair, "And to think I believed you could never love me as you had Augustine."

  "There's only ever been you. And not just because of your kindness to me, either. There was always some sort of spark there between us, wasn't there? I noticed it every time we were alone together."

  A light dawned in his eyes. "Then I was your first."