by E. S. Carter
Reaching for my brush on the small shelf below the mirror, I glance at the dark purple and yellow bruises all over my face, the largest has now turned from black and swollen, to a pretty colour purple, like a ripe aubergine and my eye is finally going back to its regular shape, not a slit surrounded by swollen flesh like it was a day or two before.
I let my eyes wander down my neck, I’ve already seen the slightly lighter, hand shaped bruise across the front, it is so defined you can see the individual finger marks. A shiver passes over my body just looking at it. That hand print belongs to a man, a man I have no recollection of, a man who would have broken me even more had he not been stopped.
Scanning my eyes further down, I see an angry, scabbed, mark just peeping over my towel. I haven’t had chance to think about other marks on my body as this is the first time I’ve been naked and able to look at myself alone. Not having paid much attention in the shower due to concentrating so much on enjoying the water and the fresh smell of soap, this is the first time it has caught my attention.
I hesitate slightly before opening my towel and look up at my battered twin for support but all she does is stare back at me in shock from the reflection of the mirror.
My chest catches on a breath, it clogs up my throat in a burning lump and my hand moves of its own volition, as if separate from my body, before my fingertips trace over a semi scabbed scar. The shape of the welt does not register for a split second but then the breath I’ve yet to exhale, begins to choke me.
It’s a bite mark. The perfect indentation of teeth is unmistakable and it is not the only one. Two others in identical shape and size mar my breasts, another slightly less defined, close to my left nipple.
My eyes begin to blur, the room starts to sway and I realise too late that I have still not let that trapped breath go.
Darkness takes me once more, before succumbing to it, I pray it will not keep me prisoner for long and then my legs buckle and I am consumed by the shadows.
I wake up back in my hospital bed, in my own PJs, with my hair damp across my shoulders.
I let out a loud groan feeling the sharpness to my side and a pounding to my head. The groan has my father shooting up from wherever he’d been hiding, to sit on the side of my bed and lace his fingers with mine.
‘Hey Pud, it’s OK you just fainted in the shower. Nurse thinks that you over done it but luckily you landed on your good side, so no further damage done. You feeling OK?’ he leans over me to move some damp strands of hair from my face.
I swallow, my throat feels thick, my mouth arid.
‘He bit me Daddy.’ My voice is barely a whisper. ‘I can’t even remember but he bit me and . . . . . and I have scars all over my chest.’ The last word catches in my throat on a sob.
I really do not want to cry in front of my father but the horrifying image of those lacerations to my breasts, forming perfect teeth marks, breaks me.
‘I know Pud, I know.’ Tears fill his eyes, finally spilling down his cheeks with a blink, the pain on his face as he tries to soothe me, breaks my fragile soul even more.
I am foolish to think that not remembering the attack is a good thing, thinking it would make it easier to move on once my wounds and injuries have healed but those heinous marks all over my breasts both petrify and repulse me.
I feel desperately lost and very alone, even though the most important person in my entire life, is sat here holding me and trying to allay my pain. I have never, ever, felt emptier. The desolation devours me and in that moment I wish the darkness had never released me.
Time passes slowly when you all you have to do is wait.
Since the call with Tina, my agent, about my read through for Redlight, all I’ve had to occupy my time is one shift at Havers and the preparation for the audition of my career.
It is hard to do much to prepare when the only details Tina has forwarded to me are a time, date and location for my appointment. That’s it.
No character synopsis, no script to learn, nothing.
I double checked with Tina figuring there must be more but that is it.
My brief is to show up, period.
My trouble sleeping only adds to my tension about this audition and I’m sure Nate is pissed off with my constant dark moods. He seems to avoid the apartment at all costs these last few days but I am determined to be as prepared as possible for this meeting. I cannot go letting thoughts of mesmerising blue/green eyes ruin the biggest opportunity of my career.
I’ve never read any of Carter’s Vampire’s Bite novels so I’ve hastily done some internet research.
The main male characters include an array of Vampires & Humans, some bad, some good and some in the grey area. The three leading male parts are two vampires and a human, all seem to be vying for the love of the same girl.
I do not dare hope that any of the main parts are what they have in mind for me, that thought is just too mind blowing. So going on instinct and armed only with the info I’ve found from various websites, that most of the characters in the books have dark flaws, I go for the broody, bad boy look.
It’s an image I find easy to carry off, maybe that says a lot about the character I play in real life.
It is a surprisingly crisp and sunny winter’s day when I pull my BMW into the car park of Redlight’s offices.
I barely got a wink of sleep last night, my dreams remain haunted and I’m sure that anyone within a 5ft radius of me can tell.
Ah screw it! I’ve dressed the part of a moody, bad boy in some vintage worn jeans, a simple white tee and battered, black leather, biker jacket. Add that to the vibes I’m giving off and there is no point going in there any other way.
They asked for me, so they must have seen something they like, there is no point second guessing now.
I stalk into the modern foyer on the ground floor and I am immediately greeted by a hot red head who sits behind a dark, polished wood, reception desk.
‘Jake Fox?’ she eyes me from head to toe, apparently liking what she sees. I give her a lascivious smile, never tearing my eyes from hers and hold my hand out in greeting, scooping her pale, long fingers into mine before lightly caressing her skin.
‘Pleasure to meet you. . . . ‘ I check out the security ID hanging on a lanyard around her neck ‘Senia . . . I’m here for a meeting with Redlight, set up by my agent Tina Daniels.’ I continue to embrace her hand with mine, not letting go until she makes me.
Watching a rosy blush bloom across her fair cheeks, I feel the first stirrings of my dick twitching behind the denim of my jeans and right now, all I can think of, is how much I want to find out if her red hot hair colour matches in other, more intimate, areas.
‘I know why you are here Mr Fox, we’ve been expecting you.’ her gaze turns hungry.
I have not had a red head in a while and if my memory serves me correct, they all seem to live up to their fiery nature in the sack.
Miss Hot Red Head removes her hand slowly from mine and motions for me to follow her.
I watch her buxom figure sashay in front of me as she leads the way to a set of double elevators, making a mental note to get this smoking hot girls number on my way out.
Peering over her shoulder seductively, she watches as my gaze skims all over her ample curves and I know this hunt is on.
She leans slowly forward and presses to call for the elevator, giving me a prime view of her fine, voluptuous arse.
The doors open a few seconds later and she motions for me to enter with the crook of a long, pale finger.
‘Take this to the 12th floor, Sandy is waiting for you’. Her voice has a delicious rasp to it that I had not noticed earlier and it encourages my dick to harden a little more.
I step in expecting her to follow me but she remains stood outside the doors, they begin to close and we never drop our gaze from each other. Just before they close completely she slowly drags her teeth over her bottom lip, her eyes not straying from mine for even a second.
Oh yes this hunt is definitely on,
if only I could pull so easily during this audition I would have it in the bag.
The doors open on the 12th floor and standing before them, waiting for me, is Sandy. Thinking Sandy was a woman was wrong, Sandy is a very camp looking, mid 40’s bloke who is wearing jeans, a waistcoat and a cravat! – Who the hell wears a fucking cravat?!
‘Well aren’t you one long, cool, drink of water on a hot summer’s day’ and just like Hot Red Head downstairs not minutes earlier, Sandy peruses my form from head to toe, lingering on parts I wish he wouldn’t.
I give him a decidedly tamer version of the smile Miss Hot Read Head got, figuring it will not hurt to have him salivating over me, even if it isn’t going to get him very far. I am strictly into women, lots and lots of women.
The smile does the trick and I think Sandy almost comes in his pants.
Clearing his throat, he nods his head to indicate that I should follow him. I think the cat has got his tongue, either that or that god awful cravat has cut the blood flow off from his brain.
We walk through a set of frosted glass doors, passing numerous empty offices and into a larger conference room that has been set up like a small studio.
A white backdrop has three cameras trained on it and behind the cameras, sit four heavy, leather, chairs, obviously where the director and producer watch the read through while recording from various angles.
‘Take a seat Jake, I’ll let everyone know you are here. Can I get you a drink?’ Sandy is blatantly a little nervous to make eye contact with me, maybe my earlier smile was a little overboard.
‘Iced water if you have any would be great’ my voice comes out a little more gravelly than I intended and Sandy blushes in response.
‘Sure I’ll grab you one now, make yourself comfortable’ as he retreats from the room, I smile to myself at the effect I have on him. Even my ego enjoys knowing that I can turn both sexes on.
A door on the opposite side of the room from where Sandy has just left opens and in walks none other than Vince Capriati. The fucking Vince Capriati, big shot Hollywood director of stage and screen.
What the hell? Shit! This show is going to be huge if he is on board!
Tailing him are three suits I’ve never met before, two male, one female. I guess that they must be the producers from Redlight.
Gathering all my cool, I stand and extend a hand to Vince.
‘Mr Capriati, Sir, it’s a true pleasure to meet you’. He glances quickly at my extended hand before gripping it tightly ‘Fuck, don’t call me Sir, it makes me feel like an old, half decomposed stiff, it’s Vince and the pleasure is mine Jake, thanks for meeting with us today. If you can act half as good as you look I’m guessing this gig is yours.’ He gives me an easy grin before introducing the suits coming up behind him.
‘These are the money, Geoff Tanner and Mason Judge are from Redlight and Saskia Blake is Carter’s assistant’ he motions towards the stiff looking, mousy haired woman to his left. ‘She’s here to check you out on behalf of her boss who is the reason you’ve been invited here today. Carter spotted your portrait at some gallery showing a few weeks back, fell in love with your look and demanded you be found for a read through, without even knowing if you could act. So I’m hoping you are going to be good kid. For all our sakes’.
Shaking hands with all three in turn I open my mouth to introduce myself further before being interrupted by a returning Sandy, who is carrying a tray filled with several bottles of water and an ice bucket. He places the tray on a small table to the left of the leather chairs and begins to ramble in a high pitched voice, all his words almost join together to form one long word ‘Well-I-didn’t-know-what-kind-of-water-you-wanted-Jake-so-not-to-disappoint-I-got-you-a-small-selection-of-what-we-have-to-offer’.
Looking up at me through his eyelashes, Sandy is still blushing from our earlier meeting when he realises we have been joined by his bosses. Embarrassed he adds quietly ‘I’ll go get some more glasses for everyone’ and proceeds to leave the room quicker than I can blink.
I look at everyone else who is just staring at me before giving them a nonchalant smile and a small shrug.
‘What can I say? I think Sandy has a crush on me’.
The suits give each other small, knowing looks and Vince lets rip a deep, hearty laugh.
‘Damn kid, you are good! Senia on reception was in a wet puddle on the floor when she came to tell us you’d arrived and I think Sandy there might have come in his pants just from waiting on you. I really do fucking hope you can act, coz you are it kid, YOU are it!’
Two months later…
In just a blink of an eye your life can change irrevocably.
I am finally beginning to feel like myself again. My bruises have healed, my visible scars have faded and I’m starting to believe that my emotional scars have completely scabbed over, ready to reveal my healthy, regenerated soul within.
I can smile a little easier, laugh a little louder and leave the house without having to look over my shoulder every few steps.
I finally feel whole, not like separate, fragmented parts of my previous self that I was desperately trying to piece back together.
It has taken so long to get to this stage and I owe it all to the love and patience that both my Father and Liv lavish me with. They have never once got annoyed with me when I refused to get out of bed for days, refused to shower, or even brush my teeth.
They didn’t allow me to wallow either, for the last two months they had given me gentle encouragement and solace in equal measure. Neither ever gave up on me and I know I’ve not been the easiest person to be around.
The funny thing is it wasn’t their unyielding support that finally got through to me but my mother’s avoidance and neglect. She has not even once, been alone in the same room as me or offered me any comfort whatsoever. In fact she has been actively ignoring me and rather than it breaking me further, it has finally spurred me on. This isn’t home to me anymore.
Yes my Father, whom I love dearly, lives here but without him it would be an even more desolate place.
It makes the decision to leave and live my life only for me, an easier one to make.
The desire to leave burns inside me like a wildfire.
The last few days my brain has been consumed with thoughts of the places I want to go and things I want to see.
I have yet to broach this subject with either Liv or my Dad for many reasons. The main one being they wouldn’t think I’m strong enough to go. They still see me as fragile and broken but I am no longer either of those things.
I’ve never felt this strongly about anything in my life. I finally know what I want to do and that is to travel. I might not know what I will do when I get to my destination but I know that I will finally be free to be myself again, away from this place.
Away from the memories, old and new, away from my ice queen mother and away from him.
His case goes to court next week. He has the nerve to plead not guilty, even with all the evidence stacked up against him. Because of his plea, I have to go to court or give evidence via video link. I have chosen video link, I still only know his name, my memories will not allow me to see his face and I want to keep it that way.
Jason Brown.
Such a normal name but then what did I expect, that a wannabe rapist have the surname Ripper?
Still the normalcy of his name freaks me out a little and is the main reason I do not want to see his face. If he looks normal too I will never trust another person, more specifically man, ever again.
There has been a little rainbow to come out of the storm of the last two months.
Liv is dating Nate, quite seriously dating Nate.
Nate, the gorgeous, successful, rich and entirely too damn good to be true owner of the club we were at that night.
I’ve been around the two of them together quite a lot and I have to admit, he is the shizz.
She’s struck gold with him. He is all of those things and more and he seems to be as besotted with
her as she with him.
I’ve since found out it was Nate’s brother Jake who saved me that night, yet I’ve never met him to thank him. Nate doesn’t speak about him in front of me, maybe he thinks it will trigger some awful memories or maybe Jake has asked him not to. I’ve never challenged him on the reasons why but I would like to thank Jake somehow.
Things would have been a hell of a lot different for me if it wasn’t for him, so to thank him would be the very least I could do, plus every single Saturday since the attack I get delivered the most beautiful floral arrangements with little notes attached. They started with messages telling me to get well, then turned into messages of support and sometimes he tells me he is thinking of me but that is all the contact we have.
I’ve asked Liv about him and she said she has only met him three times herself, once at the club that night and twice more at Nate’s apartment when she stayed over.
She revels in telling me how deliciously hot he is but like everything else from that night, I cannot remember him.
I desperately want to recall his face and sometimes try to force myself to see him, struggling to grasp the whispers of memories that float past my eyelids when I am hovering between awake and dreaming; that elusive part of consciousness where you know you are floating between both worlds in a vortex. Try as I might, his face evades me.
Maybe if I was to actually see him again I would know instantly who he was without introduction?
Who am I kidding? He is probably glad to never have to see me again after that night.
I know he only just escaped being charged for the violence he punished him with and in helping me I probably caused him an endless amount of trouble, so why would he want to ever lay eyes on me again?
The fact he sends me flowers weekly shows what a gentleman he is and if Liv’s description of him is correct, a HOT gentleman at that. He is probably in love with the woman of his dreams, making plans for their lifetime together. In fact I bet she encourages him to send flowers every week to the poor, almost raped, girl he saved making him her hero as well as mine.