by E. S. Carter
I felt it once and the memory of that burning light is now etched onto my very soul.
What the hell am I doing?
After watching Emma run away, within seconds of laying her eyes on me, I revert back to type and do what I know best.
Ignoring Liam’s protests, I stride purposefully to the bar and order a bottle of Jack.
‘Jake? Bro? Do you really think getting hammered is a good idea? Go after her for fucks sake.’
Liam grips my shoulder and pulls me to face him.
‘Back the fuck off squirt, this has nothing to do with you. Why don’t you go and chase after your new friend?’
There is no disguising the venom in my voice and I should be ashamed of myself for talking to my little brother this way but I am not.
‘You’re a fucking fool Jake, to think I looked up to you all these years but you are nothing but a pansy¸ all dick and no action.’ And with those parting words he turns and heads back to our group.
What the fuck does he know?
Grabbing my bottle, I turn away from the VIP section and stride into the main club. I am searching for a corner somewhere away from the throng, to douse the burning inferno that rages in my chest.
Over half a bottle later, the blaze in my chest is still going strong but my emotions are blanketed by a spirituous fog, allowing me to breathe for what feels like the first time in hours.
Taking a slow draw from the bottle, I allow my eyes to survey my surroundings, catching the gaze of a tall, lean, Twiggy lookalike, with short, cropped, blonde hair and big expressive eyes.
She smiles coyly, yet seductively at me and without even thinking, I crook my finger to beckon her.
Twiggy, so she tells me, is in fact a successful runway model. A runway model who has not stopped blathering on for the last hour, it is taking all my energy just to block out her inane chatter and I am thinking it is time to cut this one loose.
I don’t though, the alcohol has seeped into my bones, making me weary from the inside out.
I allow her to sit practically on my lap, while thoughts of Emma devour my inebriated brain.
God knows how long we sit here, she has not stopped talking for more than a minute at a time, only now she has begun to prattle on, while running her hand farther and farther up the inside of my thigh.
The main lights to the club flash on and off half a dozen times and I lose my focus for a second.
‘Oh My God! They must be ready to open Aurora! I’ve heard it’s amazing out there! Come on, come with me.’ She squeals like a five year old in my face.
I need to dump this bird and soon. Where the fuck has H gone? Oh yeah, I ditched his arse earlier. Great!
She takes my hand and pulls me up from my seat, linking her fingers through mine and dragging me towards the far end of the club and Aurora.
Loud cheers erupt as the cleverly concealed blinds start to rise and the dramatic glass doors begin to slide in on themselves.
The lights outside only enhance the amazing space and even I, in my alcohol drench state, can appreciate the outstanding job Nate has done with this place.
The music from the main club is deliberately being faded down to background noise, as everyone makes their way to the terrace.
A band has taken to the stage and is in the process of beginning their first song.
Twiggy squeezes my hand and walks more purposefully towards the outdoor dance floor.
The sea air begins to take its toll and I am fully feeling the effects of my alcohol binge. All I can do is allow her to pull me into her arms and sway along to the beat of the band.
In fact, being held right now feels kind of nice, I snigger at the thought. Liam is correct; I am turning into a right fucking pansy.
My hazy mind drifts, my surroundings get sucked into a blurry jungle of images, twisting and turning in my peripheral vision.
Emma. Emma. Emma. Her name reverberates in my brain with the beat of the bass.
Why did you run from me?
Who knows how long Twiggy holds me to her and we dance, it could be minutes, in could be hours, all I know is that her hands running through my hair and caressing the nape of my neck, feel sublime.
When she slows her movements further and leans in close to whisper ‘Take me home’, I can do nothing more than nod my compliance.
My movements are slow, clumsy and uncoordinated. The jumble of sounds and people surrounding me exacerbated the dullness of my senses.
Twiggy grasps my hand again, towing me behind her. My head is down, concentrating on the movement of my feet, focussing on putting one in front the other. I manage a few steps before awareness kicks in, clambering over my skin like thousands of demented arachnids. I can feel her presence before I even see her.
Emma. Emma. Emma. This time her name is corresponding with the beat of the drum, banging against my brain in a continuous rap, forcing me to acknowledge her.
Lifting my head up, I lock eyes with her instantly.
She is standing there, a look of absolute desolation on her face, staring right at Twiggy and I.
My feet immediately refuse to walk any further and my legs lock in place.
I want, no I yearn to go to her, to run my fingers through her caramel waves, to caress her face and drown in the depths of her hypnotic eyes.
The control she has over me is that of a siren, her body calls to me like a complex, layered, melody that pierces my very essence.
If I was a boat, cast adrift, her siren song would surely lure me to certain death on the rocks that surround her. A death I would right now willingly take, just to be near her, just to breathe in her very being.
I blink, breaking eye contact for only a second and that is all it takes for her to do what she does best, run.
Ripping my hand from Twiggy’s hold, I rake my fingers aggressively through my hair.
‘Fuck!’ I shout out loud enough to draw the attention of not just Twiggy but a few of the revellers surrounding us.
I do not give a shit though, I am not sure if it is the alcohol I have consumed that buoys me or the sheer fact I do not want this to be the last time I see her again but I am not letting her run from me this time.
What the hell am I doing?
I have been locked away in my office for what must be hours, under the pretence of getting more work done before Aurora opens its doors.
Nate came to find me not long after I escaped into my little sanctuary and pestered me to join everyone else for a little while.
I was resolute in assuring him I that was fine and I just wanted a head start.
He stared at me for a little while before leaving me with the promise of returning shortly.
Liam calls and texts me constantly.
He’s gone Jules, come back out & have a drink with us b4 you start work
I reply telling him that I am fine, I overreacted and feel a little embarrassed so I just want to plough through some work in preparation for the second half of the night.
OK Jules u win this time. Will bring some munchies 2 keep your strength up. Nuts or Nachos?
I have to laugh, Liam always thinks junk food will cure every ill.
Both :-)
He arrives within half an hour with his bounty of junk food.
‘Hey Jules, put that paperwork away and come stuff your pretty little face with me.’
He plonks himself on the small sofa that is against the wall of my office and proceeds to lay his wares out on the coffee table in front of him.
‘You know junk food adds inches to your waist and takes years off your heart?’ I offer him a small smile as I make my way towards him.
‘Utter bollocks Jules, junk food is the ambrosia of the Gods, feel honoured I’m sharing with you.’
His cute grin is back and I can’t help but return it.
We sit stuffing our faces, chatting about everything and anything for a while.
Conversation with Liam is always easy so when he drops the Jake bomb on me, I am not prep
ared.
‘He’s a conflicted arsehole Jules. I mean he’s my brother and I love him but he really doesn’t know how to be around you. Not because of what happened but because he has feelings for you, ones he doesn’t understand. I’m not trying to force you but you really should give him a chance. Sit down and talk to him sometime.’ Liam looks towards me, the frown on his forehead telling me he is waiting for me to go all Pulp Fiction on his head again.
‘Listen Liam, I’m indebted to Jake for what he did but there is no way he feels anything for me other than pity. Seeing him tonight brought a lot of memories back, not only of him but of everything that happened that night. I wasn’t just running from him, I was running from all of it.’
I never break eye contact; I need him to believe me and to understand how I’m feeling about this whole fucked up situation. I need to stay strong.
‘I thought I was over it, in fact I am over it, I just got overwhelmed for a while by things that my mind had kept hidden from me. Things I’m not sure I need to remember. I promise you something though, I know your brother is an amazing man, the flowers and notes he sent me for weeks after that night were often the only things that got me through. I will sit down and talk with him, I need to thank him and tell him all of this. Tonight is not the time or place.’
He stares at me thoughtfully for a little while before nodding and looking back at the feast stretched out in front of us.
Picking up a Nacho and smothering it in sour cream, he slowly grins to himself before forcing the slathered concoction in my mouth, pushing it between the seam of my lips, giving me no option but to open and take it or get sour cream all over my face.
‘You are such a child Liam Fox!’ I mumble between chews.
‘Didn’t your mother tell you not to speak with your mouth full young lady? Now eat up, we’ve only got half hour until Aurora opens, so you’d best get your arse out there to make sure Nate’s baby is ready to impress.’ He grins at me again before filling his own mouth with a large amount of nachos and dip.
Ten minutes later and I am out on the Aurora terrace, preparing the staff for their first night and checking that everything is in place.
I confirm that the band is ready to start as soon as the doors open so that the transition between Accede and Aurora is as seamless as possible.
Nate finds me rearranging a seating area that the band moved when they were setting up and gives me the thumbs up.
‘Five minutes Em, let’s show them something they have never seen before!’
His enthusiasm is contagious and I cannot wait to see how our customers react to their first glimpse of Aurora.
The blinds raise, the doors open and the crowd of people swarm in, the admiration on their faces is as clear as day.
It takes literally minutes for the area to fill up and soon my pager is buzzing, summoning me to the bar for some complications with a cash register. If that is our biggest problem tonight, it should be a breeze.
The band begin their set, Nate told me earlier he hired them because they sound uncannily like his favourite band, Kings of Leon.
His excitement when telling me they were playing for him tonight was off the charts and you would swear he had the actual Kings on stage.
Still I cannot fault his taste, these guys are amazing and they do sound a lot like KOL. It makes for a very pleasant work atmosphere.
Happy customers, great music and a chilled out vibe; I know I am going to love working here, even if the hours are going to take a while to get used to.
After about an hour or so, the first break of dawn is peeking over the horizon.
People stop to take in the magnificent vista. This is what is going to make Aurora special.
Being able to party the night away, then sit and chill, while watching the sun rise over the ocean, equals a very magical experience.
The band have started to slow their set down and my attention is caught by familiar lyrics, set to a rock beat.
The opening guitar solo, sends chills down my spine and it takes me a little while to recognise the song that the lead singer is pouring his soul into.
His sexy, raspy, voice, delivers the words like they come straight from the very pit of his gut.
Then it hits me, they have turned an electro pop song into a haunting rock ballad. The effect is mind blowing.
I find myself wandering closer to watch the band, couples slow dancing all around me.
I became uncomfortably aware of the couple dead ahead of me. She is a stunning, leggy, blonde with a pixie haircut and he is…… he is Jake.
All the memories come rushing back, the area around me spins slightly the more I watch them but I cannot tear my eyes away.
The way his body mirrors her sensual, swaying, movements, the way she plays with the hair at the nape of his neck. The way he leans closer to her, almost becoming one with each other.
I am frozen, unable to move, unable to remove my gaze.
I watch her lean in to whisper in his ear, watch him nod at whatever she says and then they turn, heading straight towards me.
He seems to stumble for a few steps, then he halts abruptly, raising his face and meeting my eyes.
My God, those eyes.
If I was frozen before I was positively glacial now. Like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. Stuck, rigid, rooted to the spot.
He makes a move towards me and that is when my flight instincts kick in again. The second his eyes leave mine I turn and head into the kitchen, frantically trying to get away from a man I know can hurt me more than anyone has ever done before.
Why are my feelings so amped up around him?
I do not have the answer to that question but every part of me knows I am in danger whenever he is near.
Jake.
Both my heart and my head warns me he will be my undoing and after fighting for so long to be strong, I do not know if I have anything left in me to win another war.
The smells and sounds of the kitchen almost cause my stomach to expel its contents.
I know she came in here, I watched her run through the swing doors without looking back but a quick sweep of the area does not give me any clues as to where she is.
What it does give me is plenty of stern looks from the kitchen staff, followed by, what I am assuming is the head chef, a built, stocky man, who looks like he should really be a bouncer and is currently waving a large knife in my direction, shouting out curse words in Spanish.
Shit! I wish I paid more attention in Spanish class, my vocabulary is very limited.
Think Jake, Think!
‘Emma. Necesito a Emma.’ I shout out around me, hoping someone will get the gist of what I’m trying to say.
The angry, brick shithouse of a chef is not having any of it and continues to push me towards the doors.
I shout the words out again, my feet trying to find purchase on the slick, tiled, floor.
‘Emma. Necesito a Emma!’ I keep up my futile struggle against the man mountain, my inebriated state not helping.
He launches me through the doors and I land straight on my arse, knocking over a table of drinks in the process.
Leering down at me he grinds out ‘I heard you Cabron, she doesn’t need you.’ before he swiftly returns to his domain, leaving me like a pissed asshole, sprawled out on the floor.
I can feel the weight of everyone’s stares, their eyes boring into me, before I stagger up off the floor and start back towards the swing doors.
A hand lands on my shoulder and I close my eyes in preparation for the shit to go down. No doubt it’s one of Nate’s giant bouncers about to throw my arse out of here.
‘Bro, what the fuck is going on?’
I lurch around to see Nate behind me, his face a mask of confusion and vexation.
‘Let me g……go Nate, I haaaa..ve to find Emma.’ My words come out a little slow, obviously I have not sobered up enough to be completely coherent.
‘Not like this bro, not like this OK?’ h
e lowers his head a touch to make eye contact with me.
‘Come on Jake, let’s get you cleaned up a little and I think you could do with some coffee. If, once you’ve calmed down a bit, Emma wants to see you, I’ll bring her to you I swear.’ He maintains eye contact, letting me know I have no choice in the matter.
‘She doesn’t need to see you like this man, you need to get your shit together and then you can talk to her, seeing you this way is going to do more harm than good.’
Even my booze addled brain knows he’s right.
Fuck! I could have fucked this up even more had I caught up with her.
What a great impression that would have made, I would have scared the shit out of her in this agitated, wound up state.
‘OK Nate, OK.’ I resignedly give him a small nod, before placing my arm around his shoulders and forcing him to take my weight. He helps me stumble out of Aurora and towards his office.
‘What the hell are you thinking Jake?’ he chastises me as soon as we walk through the office doors, dumping me on his large corner sofa.
‘After everything that girl has been through, you want to chase after her like a drunk idiot? It’s no wonder she ran, bloody hell Jake, have you forgotten what happened to her the last time a drunk fucker chased her down?’
His words pierce through my haze like a samurai sword, I swear it actually grazes my lungs, the air escaping from them with a hiss.
I shake my head, trying to shrug off the wooziness I feel, the haze slowly morphing into a red fog.
‘I fucking know that Nate but she keeps running and every time she does, she takes a piece of me with her, it hurts Nate…… It fucking hurts.’