Nineteen

by E. S. Carter

  ‘Jules, come take a break and sit with us for a while, Boss man said it’s ok seeing as you’ve worked non-stop for ages.’ I look up over the bar at him never leaving my crouched position ‘I’ll be with you in ten, I just have to have a quick word with the band before they pack up and head out.’

  ‘OK Jules but you watch those rock ‘n’ rollers, I wouldn’t want them mistaking you for a groupie.’

  He gives me that irritating as hell, lopsided grin.

  ‘Get lost Liam, go annoy someone else for ten minutes and let the adults finish their work.’ To re-iterate my adult response I poke my tongue out at him for good measure.

  ‘Yeah real grown up Jules, just watch for any roving hands and if you need me, just shout.’

  Then he’s gone and I’m still crouched like a frog on the bar floor, my thighs beginning to scream in protest. I pull myself up and stretch out each leg, making sure my muscles have not seized before I let the staff know that I am taking a break for a little while.

  When I spot the band members unplugging amps and packing away instruments, I make my way over to the stage to talk with them about Nate’s proposal.

  ‘Hey guys you were awesome tonight.’ I raise my voice a little to catch their attention, the lead singer and the lead guitarist stop what they are doing and head towards the end of the stage, before jumping down in front of me.

  ‘Nate would like to offer you a permanent gig if that’s something you think you’d be up for? He said he can email you some contracts tomorrow and he’ll call you later today to sort out the fine details.’ I smile professionally at both guys, noticing that they are both very cute, in a dirty, tattooed rocker kind of way. In fact I would go as far as to say that the lead guitarist is Hot!

  ‘Thanks we’ll talk it over with the rest of the band and get back to him.’ Lead singer replies, leaning his body against the side of the stage. Lead Guitarist steps closer to me, looking at me like I’m fresh meat, it makes me slightly uncomfortable.

  ‘Hell sweetness, I’m ready to sign on the dotted line if you’re part of the deal.’ He stares at me lasciviously.

  Going for nonchalance I throw my head back and laugh lightly, ‘Sorry but I’m not part of the deal and flattery will get you nowhere with me, although I’m sure there are plenty of ladies here tonight who’d be more than happy to entertain you for a while.’ I smile sweetly at him when what I really want to say is ‘Back the fuck off.’

  I am guessing Nate will certainly fire me if the reason they refuse to sign, is because I tell the lead guitarist he is a lecherous prick.

  Lead Guitarist takes another step forward and lays his hand on my forearm before leaning in far too close for comfort and breathing in my ear.

  ‘Aw sweetness that’s a real shame, I could use my magic fingers to strum you like a guitar, if only you’d say yes.’

  I am about to push this idiot out of my personal space when I feel an arm wrap around my waist and the familiar smell of Liam’s aftershave hits me, right before he places a soft kiss on my cheek.

  ‘Hey gorgeous, here you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Want to introduce me to your new friends?’ he looks over at both guys, his stare possessive, a blatant warning emphasised with the firm way in which he shakes Lead Guitarist’s hand.

  ‘No it’s OK, I’m sure you can meet them another time, I’d love a drink though.’ I look over at the band members and give them a small wave before Liam guides me away from the stage and through the throngs of clubbers.

  ‘Told ya! He was about to try and make you a groupie, in fact I’m sorry I interrupted now, I think you’d make an awesome groupie.’

  I leave go of his hand and punch him in the shoulder.

  ‘I was going to thank you for the save but you can get stuffed now clever dick and for your information I had it covered.’

  ‘Yeah yeah Jules, I know a damsel in distress when I see one and I am duty bound to protect.’

  I laugh and shake my head at him, he is incorrigible.

  We arrive back at the table and Liv immediately embraces me before ushering me to a seat. I look at Nate to make sure its ok for a break and he nods, telling me to take a pew.

  The next half hour is spent catching up on all of tonight’s antics. It sounds like everyone has been having a blast and considering they have all been partying for hours; no one looks ready to call it a day.

  Noticing the time, I rise and ask everyone to say goodbye before they leave, explaining I have some things to sort out in the kitchen.

  Nate stands and lets me know he’ll come for me in about 45 minutes. I acknowledge him with a slight dip of my chin before heading back to my duties.

  Sure enough 45 minutes later Nate comes into the kitchen.

  ‘Hey Em, I think Jake has had enough of a rest if you want me to take you to see him? Get it out of the way before you head home?’

  ‘OK, I’m just going to finish up here and I’ll go find him, no need to escort me, I’m guessing he’s still passed out in your office right?.’

  ‘I’d lay money on it but are you sure you want to go alone?’ his brow is crinkled, a sure sign that Nate is worried about me.

  ‘Yes, I’m a big girl Nate, despite some of my antics tonight. I’ve got my head together now and I’m ready to talk to him.’

  Nate doesn’t look convinced, ‘If you’re sure, just call me if you need me. I’ll be at the table with the others as party girl is starting to flag, so I’m going to try persuading her to let me take her home but you know how she is.’ He gives me a dimpled smile full of adoration for his ‘party girl’.

  ‘If I do leave with Liv, I’ll be back in time for closing, get Rhian to help you with the close down procedures after you’ve caught up with Jake.’ His smile falls a little, concern creeping back into his features.

  ‘Look after my girl for me, she likes to spoon when she’s had one too many.’ I give him a cheeky wink, trying and succeeding on breaking the tension that’s growing between us. He throws his head back and laughs ‘That she does.’ He shakes his head a little, a smile still on his handsome face.

  That man has got it bad and I could not be more pleased.

  A little while later, I am outside Nate’s office, my hand is gripping the door handle and I am willing myself to just open the damn thing and get it over with.

  With a deep breath, I push down on the handle and slowly enter the room.

  I can hear music playing softly from Nate’s impressive sound system and there in front of me, sprawled out on Nate’s corner sofa is Jake.

  He is on his back, one arm resting across his torso, still clutching the remote control from the stereo, the other is flung above his head and he is snoring slightly. Not a deep guttural snore, this is more like little puffs of air followed by a slight wheeze, it is kind of cute.

  Being able to stare unashamedly at him is a treat. His beautifully sculpted face looks younger and more relaxed in sleep, his long dark lashes are fanned across his cheeks and the bottom of his shirt is raised up by about two inches, giving me the slightest glimpse of his firm, toned, abs.

  My eyes linger more than necessary on that sliver of tanned skin, my fingers itch to touch it and my body moves towards his, almost of its own volition until I am standing directly over him.

  I am aware that the stereo has changed tracks and the lyrics wash over me in a rush, The Goo Goo Dolls – Iris imploring me to feel this moment.

  Close up his features are even more perfect and the light shadow of stubble that is appearing across his jaw, only adds to his appeal.

  I wonder what it would feel like to touch.

  I kneel down on the floor and ever so gently move a wisp of hair across his forehead, my fingers just a whisper on his skin.

  He doesn’t even stir, so I become bolder and trace across his eyebrows, down his cheekbone, towards his perfectly formed lips.

  My touch is feather light, my eyes following the path of my fingers intently.

  I hesitate a
t the edge of his mouth, wanting to run my fingers across the softness of his lips but worried he may wake and think me not only crazy but a stalker.

  The continuous rhythm of his breathing emboldens me and I tentatively trace the contours of his lips. They feel like silk beneath my touch and I briefly wonder what it would feel like to kiss them.

  Before the thought has fully formed in my head, I lean forward, my mouth mere millimetres away and gently lay my lips over his, the touch so light it is almost non-existent.

  I breathe in his exhales, my lips still hovering over his and with each breath the contact between our mouths becomes more significant, until his top lip is fully between mine in a delicate caress.

  His intense blue eyes open with a start, my heart stutters in my chest and I flinch slightly but for some crazy reason I do not pull away. His eyes meet mine and for a brief second he looks alarmed before a sense of calm washes over him.

  I finally come to my senses and pull away, my eyes dropping in shame at my actions, my heart beat spikes and is probably visible through my chest.

  His hand shoots forwards to grasp my arm, his eyes begging me not to run.

  ‘Emma.’ My name escapes his lips like a prayer and my whole body tenses in response.

  So much for just talking, I find him asleep and assault him!

  If this situation was fucked up before, God knows what name you could call it now.

  ‘Emma, don’t run this time, please.’ The pain in his voice is only enhanced by his sleep heavy rasp.

  ‘I’m not running.’ I speak the words quietly but clearly and they seem to hang in the air between us.

  ‘I just want you to know who I am….’

  The Goo Goo Dolls lyrics feel like my own plea, that single line repeating over and over towards the end of the song, the perfect musical imploration to Emma. The question is could she ever like me once she knows who I am?

  I slowly raise myself up from the sofa into a sitting position, never taking my gaze away from her for a second. Her eyes remain focussed on the floor and she nervously plays with the beautiful lace fabric of her dress, scrolling a finger over and over the same design.

  ‘C..can I get you a drink or something?’ my voice breaks on the first word, a combination of the amount of booze I’ve sunk and the unfamiliar surge of nerves that bubble up from the pit of my stomach.

  Get it together Jake, you are being pathetic!

  Her eyes remain on the floor, her voice barely above a whisper ‘I’m good thanks, I just wanted to come and apologise to you for over-reacting earlier. I don’t have a good enough excuse, so I won’t bore you with one but I was childish and overdramatic and want to let you know how sorry I am.’

  Her face flushes a little during her apology, only serving to make her look even more beautiful and the flick of her eyes to mine shows them to be full of sincerity and embarrassment.

  I lean in closer to her, my hand flinches a little with the need to touch her, even if only for a second but I do not think my advances would be welcome, so I force my hand to stay at my side.

  ‘Emma, you don’t need to give me any apology, nor do I deserve one. I do have an excuse for my behaviour, I’m an arse and have always been one so it’s in my nature to fuck up without even knowing it.’ A small smile curves at the corner of her lips yet her gaze lingers on the floor.

  Before I am fully aware of my actions, my hand reaches for her face, lightly grasping her chin to turn her towards me, the need to see her eyes again burns through my brain like an inferno.

  She does not pull away from my touch, in fact it almost feels like she leans into my hand a little, seeking comfort from it.

  ‘Emma…’ my voice is low and almost unrecognisable to me ‘I’m sorry for everything.’

  There is no need to elucidate, the look in her eyes when she finally looks into mine, tells me she understands exactly what I am sorry for. With a slight nod of her head, she lowers her eyes back down to the fabric of her dress and I drop my hand from her chin.

  ‘I’m glad we could talk, I’ve thought about you a lot over the last couple of months, more than I should probably be admitting. I really do want to thank you for everything Jake, I’m in a good place now because of you.’ her voice catches a little, never rising from hushed tone she has been using. ‘Words are all I can offer as thanks, even though they seem insignificant on the grand scale of things.’ She looks up and holds me immobile with one look into those beguiling blue/green eyes. ‘You not only saved me that night Jake, you saved me every day, of every week that followed. Your words, your beautiful flowers, they broke through the darkness I felt encased in and helped me find my way back into the light. I am sitting here now because of you, I owe you everything. That’s why words, they just aren’t enough.’

  I am lost, swimming in the very depths of her soul. Her words though full of pain, are also filled with strength and sheer bravery. This girl is unlike anyone I have ever known. Through all that she has endured, she wants to thank me for the very small part I played.

  ‘You saved me Jake.’ She tentatively reaches out to place her hand on my face, her palm cups my cheek and she softly grazes her thumb over my skin, leaving an invisible yet indelible mark on my soul with her touch.

  I am dumbstruck, all words have left me, all I can see is her, all I can feel is her and all I can think of is her.

  All too soon she takes her hand away and devoid of her touch, I feel utterly bereft. My body craves to absorb more of her, to hold her, to let the warmth of her seep into my marrow.

  With one quick movement she stands and takes a step away from me, my silence being mistaken for indifference.

  I lurch forward and grab her hand with both of mine, causing her to stop abruptly.

  ‘Emma wait!’ she turns slowly to face me, her eyes still downcast.

  ‘I…… leave tomorrow night, straight after Nate’s birthday celebration. I want to see you again.’ Her eyes shoot quickly to my face, a look of disbelief clouding her features.

  ‘I need to see you again. Spend the day with me Emma?’

  She remains focussed on me yet totally silent, confusion mars her exquisite face and after a few seconds she opens her mouth to speak, then closes it again before breaking our connection and pulling her hand from mine.

  Taking another step back, she goes to turn away and my heartbeat skips in my chest before kick starting with a thud that causes me to catch my breath.

  ‘Emma!’ the tone of my voice betrays the ache in my chest, causing her to hesitate for a second before turning back to me.

  ‘You said you wouldn’t run Emma.’ I can hear the defeat in my voice. I have lost her again; she is running from me, again.

  I drop my head into my hands, my hangover gains strength and the room swims around me.

  ‘Pick me up at 4pm, Nate has my address.’ And with that she is out of the door.

  My head snaps up too fast for my senses to catch up and for a brief moment I am unsure if she actually spoke or if I dreamt her words.

  Dream Emma or Real Emma, makes no difference to me. Pick me up at 4 she said, so that is what I am going to do.

  If it is all a figment of my imagination what is the worst that can happen? I get knocked back again! Story of my life with Emma Campbell it seems but one thing is for sure, imagined words or not, my resolve is now bolstered to make sure I show her the time of her life.

  I will not be letting her run from me again in a hurry.

  ‘I just want you to know who I am….’

  The Goo Goo Dolls lyrics feel like my own plea, that single line repeating over and over towards the end of the song.

  All I want is for Jake to see me, to see Emma, not a broken, bruised, girl in an alley, not a scared girl running away from him every time we meet.

  Just me.

  Nerves take over every inch of my body and to stop myself from visibly shaking, I stare at the lace of my dress, my fingers running over and over the same, delicate flower, in a sooth
ing, repetitive caress.

  I want to look back at him, to see if he is as affected by all this as I am. To look into those hypnotic blue eyes of his and willingly drown in their depths but I am chicken. I am too scared to see any pity or, worse still, revulsion in his beautiful eyes.

  What if the connection I feel towards him is not reciprocated?

  What if that magnetic pull I feel whenever he is near is just my need for a saviour?

  You hear of things like this happening all the time, people thrown into extreme situations finding attraction where there would not normally be any.

  What if that’s what is happening here, now, with Jake?

  I am shaken from my internal musings when Jake pushes himself up into a sitting position on the couch. I remain steadfast in my dedicated tracing of the lace on my skirt until he breaks the silence by offering me a drink. The rasp to his voice remains and it takes all my will power not to look at him.

  ‘I’m good thanks, I just wanted to come and apologise to you for over-reacting earlier. I don’t have a good enough excuse, so I won’t bore you with one but I was childish and overdramatic and want to let you know how sorry I am.’

  My voice is barely above a whisper and I can feel my cheeks flush in embarrassment over issuing such a pathetic apology.

  Silence.

  No response from Jake to my words chokes the air from my lungs, until I feel a subtle shifting of his body as he leans a little closer to me. I really have to focus to keep my breathing even and my body immobile. I am not sure if I want to run as far and as fast as I can or lean into him and feel his warmth.

  ‘Emma, you don’t need to give me an apology, nor do I deserve one. I do have an excuse for my behaviour, I’m an arse and have always been one so it’s in my nature to fuck up without even knowing it.’ His tone is laced with sincerity and a hint of despair, although he is trying his hardest to remain humorous and I like that he is being so honest with me.