Lauren’s hands shook, which was ridiculous. Why would a stupid box from back home make her so nervous? And why did Shane look as if he’d seen a ghost?
She placed a hand on the counter to steady herself, then looked inside. On top lay a folded pink afghan, which she carefully lifted up and held to her cheek.
Soft, familiar… and altogether confusing.
Next she found an old teddy bear with big, exaggerated lips, blonde hair, and a little white dress. She knew this bear. It had been hers years ago, and she’d called it Lola.
A folded letter lay on the bottom with two glossy photographs. The first matched one of the many photos in her memory box. It showed her as a toddler, sitting on her mother’s lap. They both wore matching purple polka-dot dresses. Her mother’s hair was teased high into the air, and Lauren’s little curly wisps were held back with a delicate lace headband. It was the last picture she’d ever taken with her mother, which made it special to her.
But how had somebody else gotten ahold of it, and why would they go to the trouble of sending it to her?
She glanced at the return address on the box, but it was from her friend Helen in New York, who’d simply forwarded the package on to Alaska.
“Look at the other picture,” Shane said gently, coming up beside her and lacing his fingers through hers. Scarlett joined her on the other side and put an arm around Lauren’s shoulders. Whatever was in this box would likely change her life, but she had two great friends to help her face whatever came next.
She took a deep breath and reached for the other photo.
In it an older woman with Lauren’s same wavy brown hair smiled at the camera from atop the Empire State Building. Wind whipped her hair and caused her to squint, but Lauren recognized those brown eyes. She had always bemoaned the fact that she hadn’t inherited her father’s intense green eyes… because she’d gotten brown ones from her mother.
From this woman.
“I don’t understand,” Shane said from beside her. “You told me your mother died when you were little.”
Lauren gulped. “She did. At least, I thought she did.”
“Read the letter,” Scarlett said. “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.”
Lauren dropped the photos back into the box and covered them up with Lola the bear and the old afghan. “I can’t,” she whispered. It was the only way to make sure she didn’t scream in that moment. “I can’t handle this right now.” A sob wracked through her body and both her friends wrapped her into a tight group hug.
“You don’t have to until you’re ready,” Scarlett assured her.
“You don’t have to ever,” Shane corrected. “We can set it on fire. We can make it go away.”
“No,” Lauren mumbled into his shirt collar. “I want to know why, but I need some time before I’m ready to find out the truth.”
“Should we have some stew and talk about other things?” Scarlett offered.
“Yes, please,” Lauren answered with a sniff. She looked back at the box one last time before Shane moved it out of sight.
She didn’t know how to feel. On the one hand, maybe it would have been better if the post office had lost this box on one of its many trips. On the other, she had a mother now. Growing up, she’d always wished her mother had been alive, and now she was—alive, aged, and reaching out to her for some reason.
Maybe once she had some dinner in her belly, she’d have the strength she needed to take the next step.
The three of them had a quick and quiet dinner. Nobody had much of an appetite after the shocking news they’d partially uncovered that day, which meant Briar ended up getting more than her fair share of leftovers.
“I’m going to head home,” Scarlett said once they’d finished what little they could eat. “But I can come back in a heartbeat. Call, text, Snapchat me, send a smoke signal, whatever. Just know that I’m here for you, okay?”
“I know, and I love you for it.” Lauren walked her friend to the door and waited as she gathered up her things.
Shane cleared his throat as the two women hugged goodbye, and together they watched through the big front window as Scarlett drove away.
“I’m sorry I opened it,” Shane murmured. “I really did think it was for me.”
“It’s okay. I would have told you right away anyway. You’re trusting me to help with your daughter. The least I can do is trust you to help with my parents.” She whispered that last word. It was the only way she could even get it out.
“Parents, wow. Earlier today I was an orphan, but now I have a mom I’ve never met. Did you…?” She trailed off, but Shane said nothing. Instead, he wrapped her in a tight hug and waited until she was ready to say more.
“Did you read the letter?” she asked, almost hoping he had to save her from having to read it for herself.
“I didn’t. I knew it wasn’t right to look at those things without you. I saw the pictures because I thought that maybe the blanket was just some kind of odd packaging. You get that sometimes with secondhand sellers.” He laughed softly into Lauren’s hair as they embraced.
“I just can’t figure it out. Did my dad know she was alive all this time? Was he ever going to tell me? Why would they hide something like this? None of it makes any sense, Shane.”
“Hush. I know.” He pulled away and stroked her hair, employing a calming technique similar to one she’d seen him use with the dogs. “There’s one quick way to find out.”
“You want me to read the letter.” She knew she had to, but she felt afraid of how the unknown words could change her life.
“Only if you’re ready.” He hobbled off to retrieve the box from the place he’d stored it during dinner.
As Shane set it on the end table beside Lauren’s chair, she asked, “Will you stay with me? I can’t do this alone.”
“If that’s what you want, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Okay,” Lauren said before she could change her mind, settling into the recliner she liked to think of as hers. Her knees felt weak, and she wondered if this was how Shane felt all the time.
Shane remained standing with the help of his cane. “You’ve got this.”
She shook her head. The tears had already begun to spill.
“Lauren, look at me,” he said, and didn’t continue until her eyes met his. “You’re the strongest person I know. You can handle whatever that letter says.”
She took a deep breath and released it through pursed lips, then unfolded the letter and read it aloud.
Dear baby girl,
It’s me, your mama. I bet you didn’t even think you had a mama, but here’s this letter, letting you know you do.
I drove up to New York yesterday. I was so excited to see you. It was going to be a surprise.
Your father said you weren’t home, that you didn’t live there anymore and that I wasn’t supposed to contact you out of the blue like this. He sent me away but said I could send you a letter, and he would decide later whether or not to give it to you.
I know I did many things wrong when you were little, and I deserved to have you taken away like you were. But, Lauren, I never stopped wishing things had been different, and I never stopped loving that sweet little girl I said goodbye to almost twenty-three years ago.
As much as I missed you, I stayed away out of fairness to your father, but I can’t stay away from you anymore. I need to see you one more time.
I’m including my number below. Please call me. Please give me a chance. I promise to explain everything.
XOX,
Mom
Lauren refolded the letter and put it back into the box. She knew she would read it again that night—several times at least as she tried to decipher new meaning with each iteration.
“So your father kept her away?” Shane summarized, and she realized then how much this was like the situation he faced himself with Rosie. “But I thought you were close. Why would he keep her from you like that?”
“I don’
t know,” Lauren shook her head and focused on the rhythm of her heart to steady her breathing. “I don’t know, I don’t know…”
Now she was like Shane on the night his shed had caught fire, staring into the abyss—chanting the same sad words over and over, unable to look away as everything she’d once known went up in flames.
With a grunt of pain, Shane knelt down beside her chair. “Lauren, breathe.”
But her breaths came fast and shallow, as if her lungs were little more than burst balloons unable to hang onto the air. Her head spun even though the room remained still.
“Please, Lauren, breathe.” Shane placed a hand on her back and guided her breaths, patiently waiting until the beginnings of her panic attack receded.
“The worst is over,” he said, wiping a tear from her cheek. “Call her. See what she has to say. Find out the truth, just like you wanted.”
“But what if the truth is worse than the lies?” she asked, hardly recognizing her own voice as she did.
“That’s a risk we all have to take sometimes when things are important to us, but Lauren, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain. You have a mother!”
“But what if I…?” She choked on a sob, no longer having the strength she needed to fully ask any of the questions that swam frantically through her head.
“No more what ifs. The question you need to ask now is why? Only one person has those answers, and you’re holding her number right there in your hand.”
“I can’t do it, Shane. I’m not strong enough.”
“You are. So much more than you know, you are. You are strong, and kind, and have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. Lauren, you deserve to be happy. You deserve everything.”
Lauren felt her heart quicken again, but this time it wasn’t from her panic.
Shane felt it, too. She could tell by the way his breathing hitched and his eyelids drooped.
She gave him a small, sad smile, and he closed the distance between them, leaning over the armrest of the chair, not noticing or not caring about the pain he surely felt as he moved his body closer to hers.
When his lips met hers and the stubble on his cheeks tickled her chin, Lauren closed her eyes and let the rest of the world melt away.
In that moment, there was only Shane.
Only this.
Almost as quickly as it had started, Shane pulled away from her kiss.
Lauren smiled and leaned forward for another. She hadn’t had a first kiss like this for a very long time, possibly forever. And now that she’d started kissing Shane, she never wanted to stop.
He leaned back as she leaned forward, causing her to giggle. It was always a challenge with him, even when they were supposed to be in perfect sync. Shane struggled back to his feet, and she joined him.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, wrapping her in a hug.
“Like what?” As he wrapped his arms back around her, Lauren smiled so hard it hurt her cheeks.
“Like you could love me,” he whispered.
“Maybe I can,” she confessed, knowing that she was already most of the way there.
She tried to look up to gauge his reaction when she said that, but he pressed his lips to her forehead, his scratchy beard tickling her eyelids.
“Go call your mother. That’s what’s most important now.” His face brooked no argument, and besides, he was right. As much as Lauren wanted to lose herself and all her problems inside of Shane’s kisses, she’d come all this way to learn the truth—a truth that was now only a single phone call away.
“Will you stay with me?” she asked. “I can’t do this, not alone.”
“Sure.” He pulled back yet again and went to settle himself in his recliner.
“Here goes nothing,” Lauren said with a deep breath as she punched in the cell phone number from the bottom of the letter and waited for it to ring on the other end.
“Hello?” a woman answered with a strong, clear voice.
Lauren hadn’t thought about how she would start this call, and now she felt herself faltering. No words seemed right. The situation itself didn’t seem right.
“Look, if this is a prank call, I’ll—“
She looked over at Shane, who nodded his encouragement, then said, “It’s me, Lauren.”
“Lauren. Oh, Lauren!” The bell-like voice quavered now. “I thought you didn’t want to see me. I thought I would… Never matter, you’re calling now and I’m so, so grateful.”
“I moved after Daddy died and I only just got the package tonight,” she explained. “I had no idea you… He told me you’d died.”
“Yes, that was the arrangement. I’m sorry about your father.” Her mother sighed on the other end of the line, and Lauren wanted to reach through the phone to hug the woman who was a stranger but also wasn’t.
She had so much to say, so much to ask. Only one word rose to her lips. “Why?”
Another sigh. “That’s a long story with mistakes made on both ends. It’s better that I explain in person. Where are you? When can I see you?”
Lauren shook her head as she tried to take this all in. She didn’t want to wait. She’d already waited for more than twenty years. “I’m not in New York anymore. I found this box, and… Actually, that’s a long story, too. I’m in Alaska, outside of a small town called Puffin Ridge.”
“Alaska? What are you doing up here?”
“What do you mean here?”
“Alaska, of course.” And for the first time in memory, Lauren heard her mother’s laugh. It sounded exactly the same as her own. How many other parts of Lauren had she unknowingly inherited from this woman?
“Alaska’s where I was born and raised and am now back for more.”
“Oh, I had no idea.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know yet, but I’d really like to be able to tell you. It’s late tonight, but I’m just outside of Wasilla, a couple hours away. Can I come see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll meet you partway,” Lauren said. “Name a place and a time in the city, and I’ll be there.” Odd how it felt like she was arranging a business meeting and that the business in question was her life. They made plans for breakfast the next day and said goodbye.
When Lauren looked to Shane, he smiled.
“I can’t believe I’m going to meet my mom tomorrow.” She stood again. All the strength had returned to her limbs and now, she felt almost invincible.
Shane looked far less happy than she felt, so she fumbled for an explanation.
“I’m sorry about the dogs. I just didn’t want to wait a single second longer than I had to.”
He bowed his head toward her. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“Shane? Will you come with me?”
“If that’s what you want, then I’ll come. Now go get some rest. Big day tomorrow.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be in bed soon myself. Just want to catch up on some reading first.”
She waited for him to stand and embrace her, but he remained seated.
“Good night,” she said, sweeping in to offer him a kiss on the cheek. “See you in the morning.”
Lauren had a hard time sleeping that night. Her thoughts shifted from Shane to her mother to her father and back. As excited as she was to learn her mother was alive and to meet her the next day, one or both of her parents had done something seriously wrong to keep this from her all these years. What circumstances could possibly lead to such a lie?
She didn’t want to be angry at her father, but she couldn’t help it. He’d lied to her her entire life, deprived her of a mother.
And was her mother any better? She just accepted the arrangement when she should have fought harder for her little girl, fought harder for Lauren.
Then there was Shane. He’d acted strange after their kiss, but what a kiss it had been! He wouldn’t have been able to kiss her like that unless he felt every bit as much for her as she did for him. Still, he’d warned her not to love him. Did
that mean he already loved her? And had he insisted she call her mother because it was best for her or as a way of changing the topic?
Questions, questions—as always, Lauren’s life was full of them. She finally fell asleep in the early morning hours with all these questions temporarily falling to the back of her mind.
When she awoke, she felt exhausted but cautiously optimistic about how the day might go. Besides, Shane would be there with her, which meant at the very least she would have a friend to help her get through whatever happened with her mother.
She quickly fed the dogs, then came in to take a shower and get ready. Normally, Shane was up with her in the mornings as they now worked together to care for the team. Today, however, he’d slept in late.
Had he hurt himself more than he’d let on when he knelt to the floor beside her? Or had her tossing and turning last night kept him up, too?
Although she was almost ready to leave, she still hadn’t seen Shane. Growing impatient, she padded through the hall to his bedroom door. As she rose her hand to knock, she saw that he’d left a note for her.
I’m sorry.
I had other things to take care of.
Will see you tonight.
Good luck!
What could possibly be more important than this? Lauren wondered. He was building walls between them again. Maybe he hadn’t meant to kiss her at all. But it was also possible that he did have something important to take care of. Maybe it was killing him not to be there for her today.
She decided to believe the latter, because the alternative was too painful—and she needed all her strength to get through this day, especially now that she’d be on her own.
Lauren reached the Broken Egg diner early, but her mother was earlier, waiting with two cups of coffee in a booth at the corner of the packed restaurant. There was no mistaking her. This was the woman from the picture, the woman who looked so much like an aged version of Lauren.
And apparently her mother recognized her, too. When she saw Lauren approach, she stood and wrapped her in a tight hug. “My little Lauren is not so little anymore. It’s so good to see you, sweetheart!”
Let There Be Love: The Sled Dog Series, Book 1 Page 12