High Meadow

by Joan Wolf

  "No thank you, Alicia," Daniel replied pleasantly.

  "Oh come on, don't be a pain. You know you love to dance."

  "I do, but it is not polite for me to leave the woman I came with, Alicia."

  Alicia looked at Kate. "You don't mind, do you?"

  Kate, who had been growing progressively more annoyed with the supermodel, said evenly, "Yes, I do."

  Alicia blinked. "My God. It's only a dance."

  "You have your own escort," Kate said bluntly. "Dance with him."

  "Good for you," the man next to Kate muttered under his breath.

  "An excellent idea," the Ralph Lauren type said. "Come along, darling, and behave yourself."

  There was a little silence at the table as the two of them left for the dance floor. Then Kate said to Daniel, "Sorry, but she ticked me off."

  He gave her a look she couldn't read. "I'm happy that you felt the need to protect me."

  Everyone laughed.

  The third woman at the table said to Daniel, "Have you ever been to Margarita Island? My husband and I were thinking of going there on vacation, but I've never met anyone who's actually been there."

  Daniel responded, and the conversation became general, with people talking about the best beaches and the best resorts. Kate sipped her wine and listened.

  "Have you ever been to the Caribbean, Kata?"

  "No. The only ocean I've ever seen is in Rhode Island. I'm not much of a beach person. My skin can't take the sun."

  "You have gorgeous skin," Pam said.

  Kate, who was always uncomfortable accepting compliments about her looks, muttered, "Thank you."

  The orchestra stopped playing. Alicia came back to the table and once again monopolized Daniel's attention. Dinner was served and a few of the other people at the table attempted to involve Daniel in their conversations, but Alicia steamrolled right through them.

  What a bitch, Kate thought. I wonder if he was ever serious about her?

  The orchestra struck up a slow song and Daniel turned away from Alicia, and said, "Do you care to dance, Kata?"

  She had been waiting to dance with him again. "Sure," she said agreeably, and followed him out to the floor.

  "I'm sorry," he said as he held out his arms to her. "Alicia is behaving very badly."

  "Yes, she is. Why are you letting her behave so badly?"

  He shrugged and looked as helpless as it was possible for him to look. "I was brought up to be polite to women."

  "By being polite to her, you're being rude to the rest of us," she pointed out.

  "Let's not talk about Alicia. Let's just dance."

  That was okay by Kate, and she moved into his arms. The orchestra was playing an old song that Kate knew from her mother, and the words floated around in her brain as she moved to the music with Daniel. Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day . . .

  She felt his big body moving in rhythm with hers, and the stillness she had experienced before enveloped her again. All of the surrounding dancers seemed to fade away, and it was just she and Daniel, dancing to the strains of "Moon River." When the dance was finally over she looked up at him and smiled. She expected him to smile back, but his face wore a hard, narrow-eyed look, which surprised her. She was just going to ask him what he was thinking when the look was replaced by his usual good-humored smile.

  They solved the problem of Alicia by staying out on the dance floor and dancing again.

  The rest of the evening went by uneventfully, and by twelve-thirty Daniel and Kate were in the limo on their way home to Connecticut. In the darkness of the backseat, Kate yawned hugely.

  "Did you enjoy yourself?" Daniel asked, his voice coming out of the darkness next to her.

  "It was fine. It ended just in time, though. I was starting to run out of conversation."

  "I usually don't go to these formal affairs, but I felt I had to attend this one."

  "I didn't know you were so concerned about AIDS."

  "Well... I do have a college friend who has it."

  "That's too bad."

  He didn't reply. The backseat was enshrouded in darkness and, even though she couldn't see him, Kate was acutely conscious of his closeness. It was as if her skin had peeled off and all of her nerve endings were exposed. She sat very still and breathed shallowly. What is happening here?

  He said softly, "I know you're exhausted from the effort of making conversation all night, so I won't go on talking. Go to sleep, Kata, if you're tired." Before she realized what was happening, he had reached an arm around her and brought her head to rest against his shoulder. "There, that's better. I'll wake you when we're home."

  Part of Kate wanted to pull away instantly, and part of her wanted intensely to stay. "I'll muss your tuxedo," she said lamely.

  "That doesn't matter."

  I will never in a million years be able to sleep, she thought. She felt the silk of his lapel under her cheek and the hardness of his shoulder beneath it.

  "Relax," he said. "Relax and go to sleep."

  Hah. Fat chance. But as the moments ticked by, she did relax. He was so warm, and it was so comfortable in the circle of his arm. Within six minutes, Kate was asleep.

  Daniel woke her when they were at the front door of High Meadow. "Wake up, Kata. You're home."

  "Wha . . . ?" She jerked away from him and sat bolt upright.

  "You're home," he repeated.

  "My goodness. I fell asleep."

  "Yes, you did. And you didn't snore."

  "I never snore," she said indignantly.

  "I'm glad to hear that."

  Liam had opened the door for her to get out, and Daniel followed her. When she realized that he was going to walk her to her door she said, "Stay here, Daniel. I'm perfectly safe."

  "I was brought up to walk ladies to their doors," he said imperturbably, and took her arm.

  Molly had actually locked the door, and Kate had to use her key. Once the door was open, she looked up at Daniel and produced a smile. "Thank you for inviting me."

  The light on the porch threw a slanting yellowish light on his face. She couldn't read his expression. He said, "Do you know why I really went to that benefit tonight?"

  "No."

  "I wanted to dance with you."

  Her eyes widened.

  He bent, took her chin in his fingers, and tilted her face up to his. He kissed her lightly on the lips. "See you tomorrow," he murmured, and went back to the car.

  Kate let herself into the house and stood for a moment in the hallway trying to pull herself together. What was Daniel trying to say to her? That he wanted a romantic relationship between them? I've never had a romantic relationship with anybody, Kate thought. When it comes to romantic relationships I'm utterly clueless.

  I could squash this. I could simply tell Daniel that I don't think it's a good idea, and I'm sure he would respect my wishes. But. . . do I want to do that?

  Kate pondered this question as she walked slowly up the stairs and into her bedroom. She switched on the light and looked around the room that had been hers since she was an infant. It was a blue-and-white room, like the living room, with a Wedgwood blue comforter on her full-sized bed. The walls were pale blue, and the woodwork was painted white. Kate unzipped her dress and stepped out of it. Best not to do anything right now. Best just to let things take their course and see how they develop.

  It was cold in her bedroom, and she jumped into her pajamas quickly, washed her face, brushed her teeth, set her alarm, and fell into bed.

  * * *

  22

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  Molly worked until noon on Friday, then she went home, and Kate drove her to the hospital for her first chemotherapy treatment. It took about two hours for the drugs to drip into the vein in her arm, then Kate took her home.

  She felt tired and vaguely nauseated, and when Kate told her to lie down, she didn't protest. Ben had gone over to Connor's house after school, and Kate had lessons, so the h
ouse was quiet, and Molly went to sleep. When she awoke it was dark outside.

  She lay still for a moment, taking stock of how she felt. There was an unpleasant taste in her mouth and she felt generally unwell, as if she were hungover after a drinking bout. The thought of food made her queasy, but she thought a cup of tea would be good.

  She made the tea and sat at the kitchen table. So it's started, she thought. One down and seven more to go. The months stretched before her like an eon of time. And after that, she had to go through radiation.

  I can't look that far ahead, or I'll get discouraged. I need to get through one treatment at a time. The first one is done, and now I have to concentrate on getting better from it.

  She was sitting over a second cup of tea when Kate came in. "How's it going, Mom?"

  "Not too bad, dear. I haven't had to throw up, or anything like that."

  "That's great. Did you eat anything?"

  "I had a slice of toast with my tea."

  "Do you want anything else?"

  "No."

  "Okay." Kate went over to the refrigerator, took a Lean Cuisine out of the freezer, and popped it in the micro. When the buzzer rang, she removed it, came and set it down on one of the hunting-print place mats that lay on the table. Molly saw that it was some kind of a pasta and chicken meal, and Kate tucked into it with her usual hearty appetite. Molly repressed a shudder. The sight of frozen dinners always made her shudder, even when she was feeling well. Today it looked even less appetizing than usual.

  Kate had finished her dinner and was putting the kettle on for more tea when the phone rang. She picked up the kitchen extension. "Oh, hello, Alberto." She listened for a moment then said, "She's right here; I'll put her on, and she can tell you herself."

  She brought the phone over to where Molly was sitting, and said, "It's Alberto."

  Molly put the phone to her ear. "Hello, Alberto. How nice of you to call."

  They spoke briefly and as soon as Molly hung up, the phone rang again. This time it was Ben, who was staying over at Connor's for the night. "How are you, Nana?" he asked when Kate put her on. "Are you sick?"

  "I'm just tired, Ben. I think I'll go to bed early tonight. Otherwise, I'm fine. When are you coming home?"

  "Daddy is coming to get me tomorrow, and he's taking me and Connor to see the eagle sanctuary. I'll be home after that."

  "Good. I hope you have fun."

  "I will. I love you, Nana."

  Tears stung behind Molly's eyes. "I love you, too, Ben. Don't stay up all night now."

  "Okay."

  "See you tomorrow."

  "Bye, Nana."

  Molly hung up. "He is just the sweetest child."

  Kate smiled. "I know. He takes after Colleen that way."

  "Yes, Colleen was sweet."

  "Unlike me."

  "You were always much too intense to be sweet. Even when you were a tiny infant, you were so determined. I used to feel sometimes as if I was holding a tiger cub in my arms."

  Kate laughed.

  "I think I'm going to go back to bed, dear. I really do feel wiped out."

  Kate came to kiss her cheek. "Okay, Mom. I hope you'll feel better tomorrow."

  "I hope so, too."

  Molly climbed the stairs feeling like an old woman. Inside her bedroom, she looked at her rumpled queen-sized bed. She had lain down on top of the quilt earlier, and the blanket she had used was still thrown across the peach-colored quilt. She went to fold it and lay it neatly across the chest that was at the bottom of the bed.

  It was nice of Alberto to call. He's a very nice man. I thought perhaps the cancer might have driven him away. He went through this once with his wife, and I certainly wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to go through it again.

  But he had called, and he had mentioned going out together when she felt better. Molly felt pleased. Alberto was as different from Tim as a man could be, but she liked him very much.

  It can never come to anything; after all, he lives in Colombia, and I couldn't leave Kate and Ben. But it's fun after all these years to go out to dinner with a man.

  Molly turned down the bed and began to undress.

  Molly felt fairly well on Saturday, the day after the treatment, but on Sunday she had to leave church before the consecration. Kate took her home, and she went to bed and stayed there for the rest of the day. "I feel like I have the flu," she told Kate. "I simply feel like a rag."

  "Stay in bed, then," Kate advised.

  "I hope I can go to school tomorrow."

  "If you can't, you can't, and that's all there is to it, Mom. Don't worry. Just rest."

  Daniel brought Ben home, and her grandson came in to kiss her and ask how she felt. He was holding a bouquet of flowers. "Daddy bought you these, Nana. He says he hopes you feel better."

  "Thank you, sweetheart. Take them downstairs and have Mommy put them in some water."

  Kate brought them upstairs again, this time in a vase. "Can I get you something, Mom? A cup of tea? Some ginger ale?"

  "No thank you, dear. I'm just going to rest."

  She dozed on and off for the rest of the day, slept through the night and woke to the sound of her alarm on Monday morning. She got out of bed, got dressed, and went down to the kitchen. By the time Kate came in from feeding the horses, Molly was making Ben his breakfast.

  "Mom! Are you sure you're well enough to go to school?"

  "If I can't make it through, I'll leave, but I want to keep my life as normal as possible, Kate. It will help me to cope."

  "All right," Kate said doubtfully. "But you were pretty wiped out yesterday."

  "I feel better this morning."

  Molly made it through the school day, but by the time she got home she was exhausted. She waved to Kate, who was standing at the bottom of the drive waiting for Ben's bus to drop him off, and went on up to the house. She didn't even take her school bag in with her; the effort of lifting it seemed too much.

  I'll have a cup of tea, then I'll tackle the stairs and go to bed, she thought. She was sipping tea at the kitchen table when Kate and Ben came in.

  "Guess what, Nana? I'm in the Christmas play at school."

  "That's wonderful, Ben. What kind of a play is it?"

  "It's about a crippled boy named Tiny Tim."

  "And are you playing Tiny Tim?"

  "Yes, I am. But I didn't get picked because I'm tiny; I got picked because I can talk real loud, and everyone will be able to hear me."

  "I can't wait to see it."

  Kate said, "Wash your hands, Ben, and you can have some milk and a granola bar."

  Ben went out into the hallway to use the downstairs bathroom, and Kate looked at her mother closely. "You look beat, Mom. How did the day go?"

  "I got through it, but I'm tired. I think I'll take a nap before I start dinner."

  "Don't worry about dinner, Alberto is having it delivered."

  "What?"

  "He called last night and said he was ordering dinner from a caterer's for us, and it would be delivered at six o'clock."

  Molly felt a rush of relief that she wouldn't have to cook. "He shouldn't have done that," she said weakly.

  "Well, he did it, so we might as well enjoy it. I just hope he didn't order something too fancy, or Ben won't eat it."

  Molly went upstairs to lie down. How kind of Alberto. He could have just sent flowers, and I would have been pleased. But to think of having dinner sent over! That was truly thoughtful.

  On an impulse, she picked up the phone and dialed Daniel's number. Alberto answered.

  "It's Molly. I just called to say thank you for the dinner. What a lovely surprise to find out I don't have to cook tonight."

  "I am happy it will be helpful to you. How are you feeling?"

  "Tired and a little nauseated. It could be much worse."

  "I ordered chicken in a plain wine sauce. It's very mild, so perhaps you will be able to eat something."

  "I'm sure I will. It was so thoughtful of you, Albert
o."

  "You are most welcome, Molly. And now I think that you should lie down."

  She smiled. "All right."

  "I'll call tomorrow to see how you are doing."

  "Wonderful."

  Molly hung up the phone, crawled in under her quilt, and went to sleep. She woke at five and went down to the kitchen, where she found Ben doing his homework.

  "Have you been working for long?" she asked him.

  "No. I was down at the barn with Mommy. She sent me home to do my homework before dinner."

  "Is it anything you need help with?"

  "It's arithmetic, Nana. I'm good at arithmetic."

  "Yes, you are."

  "You can check my answers if you want," he said generously.

  "I'd love to do that."

  The dinner came promptly at six, and Molly and Ben had a feast on chicken in wine sauce, small roasted potatoes, green beans, rolls, and salad. Molly made a plate for Kate and put it in the refrigerator to be warmed up when she came in. Then she checked Ben's homework, which was correct.

  She sent Ben into the living room to do his nightly half hour of reading and cleared away the aluminum baking dishes the dinner had come in. Then she sat at the kitchen table with the newspaper, but she didn't read it. Instead, she thought.

  How deeply considerate of Alberto to send over dinner. Tim would have sent flowers. Alberto really thought about what would be most helpful to me.

  It seems as if I'm spending a lot of time lately thinking about Alberto. We've only been out a few times; I can't let myself get carried away because he's been kind.

  But I like him, I like him a lot. He feels about things the way I feel. He's real. He makes me feel alive. He makes me feel attractive, like I'm somebody besides Kate's mother and Ben's grandmother.

  Unfortunately, I won't be attractive when most of my hair falls out.

  What am I going to do about that? Get a wig? A wig is going to dig into my head and bother me, but I suppose I'll have to get something. I can't go to school looking bald; I'll scare the kids.

  What will Alberto think when my hair falls out?

  Do I care what Alberto thinks?