High Meadow

by Joan Wolf

  She stirred against him and kissed his collarbone. "I love you, Daniel," she breathed.

  Happiness flooded through him. "I love you, too," he said. "I love you, too."

  * * *

  29

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  The day before Molly's second chemotherapy session, Alberto took her out to dinner. They went to an excellent Italian restaurant in Greenwich.

  "Is this the last meal of the condemned?" Molly asked humorously as she looked at the impressive menu.

  He smiled. "Surely it is not as bad as that."

  She sighed. "It feels that way. The last treatment I was out of commission for two whole days, and I'm afraid it's only going to get worse."

  "It is very unpleasant, I agree. But you must remember that your prognosis is for a cure. Keep your eye on the prize, Molly."

  "You're right. I'm being a baby. I'm not this way with anyone else. What is it about you that brings out the com-plainer in me, Alberto?"

  "You feel you have to be strong for Kate and Ben. With me you can be honest."

  The waiter came with their drinks. Molly, who didn't usually drink anything but wine, had ordered a scotch sour. Alberto had a glass of red wine.

  Molly took a sip of her drink and closed her eyes. "My, this brings back memories. When Tim and I went out to dinner, I would always order a scotch sour. I haven't had one in years."

  "Why did you stop drinking them?"

  She lifted an eyebrow. "I stopped going out to dinner."

  "Why?"

  She took another sip of her drink. "There wasn't any money, Alberto. It was pretty bad when Tim died. He had gone through all our savings to keep the farm running. The only income we had was my salary. We could have lived on my salary, but we couldn't keep the farm going on it. I would have sold the farm, but Kate wouldn't hear of it. And Tim had left the farm to her."

  "He didn't leave you the farm?" Alberto was incredulous.

  "I never had anything to do with the horses, really, and Colleen was like me. He knew I would sell it, and he knew that Kate wouldn't."

  Alberto took a sip of his cabernet sauvignon. "She seems to have saved it."

  "She did an unbelievable job. She carried the farm on her back for years; in fact, she's still carrying it on her back. She does almost all of the work herself. Even now, when she could afford to hire help, she insists on doing most of the work herself."

  "She has a lot of energy."

  "She does, but she has nothing left over for the rest of her life. She's a beautiful girl, and she's never had a boyfriend. All of her being has been invested in that farm. And in Ben."

  The waiter came with their salads. Alberto picked up his fork. "It seems to me, Molly, that you are in the same circumstances as your daughter. You carried the household with your teaching job, and you took on the job of baby-sitting for Ben. What time did you have for the rest of your life?"

  Molly smiled and tasted her salad. "We're just two boring women, I'm afraid."

  "I would say that you are two very strong and dedicated women. And that is very admirable. But I think it may be time for you to expand your lives."

  "Are you talking about Kate and Daniel?"

  After the slightest pause, Alberto said, "Yes." "It would be so wonderful if they married,"

  Molly said wistfully. "It would be perfect for Ben, of course, but it would also be perfect for Kate. She relates to Daniel. She sees him. She's never really seen any other man. And I think he cares for her."

  "I think he does also."

  Molly laughed. "I must sound like a matchmaking mama."

  "Do you know what amazes me most about you, Molly?"

  "What?"

  "You never seem to think of yourself."

  She flushed. "I think of myself when it's necessary."

  He put his salad fork down for a moment. "Have you ever thought about what your life would be if Daniel and Kate do marry? Would you plan to live with them?"

  She looked at him in horror. "Of course not."

  "Then what will you do? You have invested your life in your daughter and grandson. What life will you have left if they start to lead lives that don't include you?"

  She said a little defensively, "I have my teaching."

  He took a bite of his salad and watched her. Then he said, "I'll wager that you're eligible to retire."

  She shook her head impatiently. "I can't retire. We need my full salary, not what a pension would bring in."

  "If Kate marries Daniel, she won't need your salary at all."

  The waiter arrived to collect their salad dishes. Molly took another sip of her scotch sour, and said, "Did you take me out to dinner just to harangue me, Alberto?"

  His lips smiled slightly, but his eyes remained grave. "I am just pointing out to you things that I don't think you have ever bothered to think about for yourself."

  "I've thought about them," Molly said tightly. "But that's the way things are."

  "They don't need to stay that way."

  Molly looked at him warily.

  He smiled. "All right. I'll stop and let you enjoy your dinner. But let me end this 'harangue' by saying that you are a very lovely woman, Molly Foley."

  "Thank you, Alberto," she said, and took the last long swallow of her scotch.

  Alberto took Molly to her chemo treatment and when she came home she lay down while he cooked some dinner.

  He's such a dear man, Molly thought. I can't believe how important he has become in my life. And in such a short time! I will miss him dreadfully when he goes back to Colombia.

  She lay curled up on her side under a fleece blanket and thought about Alberto. I think he feels about me the way I feel about him. She thought of their dinner conversation the previous evening. Alberto had not said anything that Molly didn't already know for herself, but she had never thought there was anything to be done about it.

  We talked about Kate and Daniel getting married. What about Alberto and me?

  The answer was immediate: I can't marry Alberto. His life is in Colombia, and my life is here, with my daughter and my grandson. Daniel lives in the United States. Kate's and my situations are not comparable.

  But Alberto had made her life sound so . . . bleak. As bleak as she made Kate's life sound to her.

  There's not much to choose between us, I'm afraid, she thought wryly. The Foley girls will never make anyone's list of top ten Women on the Town.

  Her mind drifted to the afternoon's chemotherapy session. It's far from certain that I'll even have a future.

  But deep in her heart, Molly believed she would be cured. She had stage one breast cancer that had not spread to the lymph system. Her prognosis for recovery was excellent.

  Am I going to be be alone the rest of my life? Do I want to be alone for the rest of my life?

  I don't, she thought. But I don't see what I can do about it.

  "Nana! Nana! Nana! You'll never guess what happened to me. I was kidnapped!"

  Molly caught Ben in her arms and hugged him. His hard little-boy body felt so wonderful. She looked at Kate in amusement, expecting an explanation of this extraordinary statement, but Kate's face was grave.

  "It's true," she said. "He was kidnapped. But, as you can see, we got him back."

  "I will carry these bags upstairs for you, Kata," Daniel said.

  "Tell Nana, Mommy. Tell her what happened."

  "First let me find out how Nana is feeling, Ben. She had her treatment while we were gone."

  "I'm tired," Molly admitted. "But not too tired to hear your story. I'll make us some tea."

  Kate hung up her coat, then Ben's, and, when Daniel returned downstairs, she hung up his. Then they went into the kitchen, and Molly poured tea.

  When they were all sitting around the kitchen table, Kate said to Daniel, "You tell Mom. I can hardly talk about it yet."

  So Daniel told the story, interrupted periodically by Ben; "They put me in a big dog cage, Nana!" and "The police had guns, Nana!"


  Molly was horrified. "And they never knew that Ben was your son, Daniel?"

  "No. They were looking for children to use in their porn flicks."

  Molly felt even sicker to her stomach than she already was.

  "Do you know what a porn flick is, Nana?"

  She looked at her grandson cautiously. "What is it?"

  "It's pictures of children without their clothes on. Isn't that weird?"

  "Very weird," Molly said faintly.

  "Daddy says I should have a . . . what's it called, Daddy?"

  "A counselor," Daniel replied.

  "Is that necessary?" Molly asked. She looked at her grandson's animated face. "Ben seems to regard tiiis whole thing as a big adventure."

  "Daddy says I might have nightmares," Ben said.

  "I think a counselor would be a good idea," Daniel said quietly.

  "So do I," said Kate.

  "All right, then," Molly said.

  Kate said, "So, tell me, how did the second chemo session go?"

  "Very much like the first. Alberto sat with me and we talked while I was getting the IV Then I came home and went to bed. He cooked a wonderful dinner, which I was able to eat, and then I went back to bed. Like the last time, I feel worse the second day than I did yesterday."

  "You don't have any color in your face."

  "I know. I've been trying not to look in the mirror."

  "I wish you could have come to Disney with us, Nana. You would have liked Epcot."

  She smiled with her heart. "I wish I could have gone too, Ben. I'll bet you had a great time. Tell me about some of the things that you saw."

  Ben, who never had a problem with talking, proceeded to do just that. After fifteen minutes, Kate said, "I think you should go lie down, Mom. Ben can tell you the rest later."

  "I think you're right," Molly said. She got up and went around the table to kiss Ben. "I'll hear the rest when I wake up. Okay?"

  "Okay. I hope you feel better soon, Nana."

  "Thank you, honey."

  Molly went upstairs to bed. She slept for a while, and when she awoke she still didn't have the energy to get up. I'll feel better tomorrow, she told herself. If I can get through today, tomorrow will be better.

  She thought of what had happened to Ben, and she shuddered. How could people be so evil? I must have led a very sheltered life, but the most evil person I ever met is Marty Lockwood. And he's more irresponsible than he is evil. Of course, I've always known there's evil in the world, it's just that it never directly touched me.

  Her bedroom door opened and Kate looked in.

  "I'm awake," Molly called.

  Kate came over and sat down on the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling, Mom?"

  "Tired. I'm tired of feeling tired."

  "Why don't you stay home from school tomorrow?"

  "I'll see how I feel in the morning."

  Kate's eye fell on the bouquet of flowers on her dresser. "Where did the flowers come from? Alberto?"

  "Yes. He has been so thoughtful."

  "He's a nice man."

  "Yes, he is."

  Kate said gravely, "Ben's kidnapping was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It was . . . oh, it's indescribable how I felt. The worst feeling in the world."

  "I can believe it."

  "At first I thought that he was taken because he's Daniel's son, but that wouldn't account for them taking the other boy, too. And there was no ransom demand. I didn't know whether I should hope that there would be one—because at least then we'd know that Ben was alive. But we waited all day and the telephone never rang. It was horrible."

  "It makes going through chemo sound like a piece of cake," Molly said soberly.

  "I would rather go through chemo a hundred times than go through that again."

  "Why didn't you call me?"

  "I would have called you if we hadn't found him when we did."

  Molly sighed. "What awful people live in the world."

  "I know."

  "Have you checked on your beloved horses?"

  Kate smiled. "Yes, I have. And everything went smoothly. No one colicked or foundered or anything like that. Jean was wonderful."

  "Ben sounded as if he had a good time in spite of the kidnapping."

  "The first two days were great. He had a blast."

  >And you?"

  "It was fun. It was fun watching Ben have fun. And the Epcot exhibits really were interesting."

  Kate was keeping something from her. Molly asked, "Did you and Daniel get along all right?"

  "Sure," Kate replied.

  She stood up and leaned over to kiss Molly's cheek. "Rest some more, Mom. Do you think you'll be up to eating some dinner?"

  "I'll try."

  "Great. I'm just roasting a chicken."

  "Sounds good."

  Kate closed the door quietly as she left.

  * * *

  30

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  It was New Year's Eve and Kate sat in her office and looked at the framed picture of George and Sebastian she had hanging on her wall. I can't believe he's gone. I can't believe that he's never going to walk in this door, that I'm never going to see him again.

  Can you hear me, George? I miss you. I miss you very much. And Sebastian misses you, too. He's grieving, and I wish I could help him. But it's you he wants.

  Maybe I'll turn Sebastian out in the same paddock with Shane. They're both old horses; it might help Sebastian to have a buddy.

  So many changes . . . nothing will ever be the same again.

  For some reason, Alberto's words popped into her mind. "Change is life."

  "I suppose it is," she said out loud. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

  Some other words of Alberto's came to her mind. "And that is all the room you have in your heart—room for two people? There is no place to add someone else?"

  Daniel would be moving into the spare room at High Meadow for the month of January, his custody month for Ben. That would be another big change in her life.

  She thought of those two nights in Florida, and the way he had made her feel. When she was eighteen she had once watched the brutally elemental mating of stallion with mare, and she had always vaguely thought that human mating must be something like that.

  What she had experienced might have been elemental, but it had been far from brutal. It had been profoundly moving, and not just physically. She had felt herself drawn to Daniel by ties of the heart as well as the flesh.

  What is going to happen to us?

  Because, as intensely as she felt about him, Kate couldn't see herself married to Daniel. She couldn't see herself giving up her business and moving to Greenwich.

  What would I do with myself if I didn't have my horses?

  And yet, could she see herself giving up Daniel?

  How did it happen that he's become the biggest thing in my life next to Ben? What will we do when he's living in the house with me? Will we make love under the same roof as Mom and Ben?

  Ben's presence didn't stop us in Florida.

  Someone knocked on the office door, and Jean Stewart came into the room. "Could I go over a few things with you, Kate?"

  "Sure thing," Kate said, and prepared to give her attention to matters of the farm.

  Daniel had been invited to several New Year's Eve parties, but instead he made a reservation to take Kate out to dinner. Then they would see the new year in at home. At the last minute, Kate managed to snag Jean Stewart to baby-sit for Ben, and Alberto and Molly decided to join them.

  The restaurant in Westport was packed, and there was the usual stir as they walked in and Daniel was recognized.

  "I have some news," Daniel said after they had all been seated and given menus.

  "What?" Kate asked.

  "I'm not sure if you'll consider it good news or bad, but my parents are coming to stay. I got a call this morning. They said that since I didn't go to Colombia for Christmas, they would come to America to spend
the beginning of the new year with me."

  "How lovely," Molly said sincerely.

  Kate said, "But you're supposed to be staying with us for January."

  He looked at her. "I know, but I think I had better stay in Greenwich until my parents leave. They'll probably only stay for a week." His voice was deeply regretful.

  She nodded slowly. He thought that she was looking like an angel tonight, in a blue dress that made her eyes look more blue than green. Her short hair showed off her long lovely throat and small, elegant ears. He felt desire stir and resolutely drank some of his water and tried to pay attention to the conversation.

  Alberto was saying, "We may be crossing in the air. I have to go back to Colombia, and I managed to get a flight out tomorrow."

  Molly didn't say anything, but she looked dismayed.

  Kate said, "Is everything okay?"

  "Everything is fine, but I have to talk to my publishers about the book, and it will be easier to do it in person than on the telephone. I also understand that an American publisher is interested in buying the book in translation."

  Molly's face lit. 'Alberto! How marvelous."

  "That's great," Kate said.

  "When did this come about?" Daniel asked.

  "I heard while you were down in Florida."

  "Will. . . will you be coming back?" Molly asked.

  He looked at her. "I am not ready to return to Colombia permanently. Yet."

  A little color flushed into Molly's pale face.

  Kate said, "Do you mean you're thinking of quitting your job with Daniel?"

  "It was always going to be a temporary thing," Alberto said. "In fact, I stayed longer than I planned. My daughter is very annoyed with me"—his eyes went once again to Molly—"but I am glad that I remained."

  Molly didn't say anything.

  "You've spoiled me, Alberto," Daniel said. "You managed to get my life more organized than it has ever been, and you did it part-time while you worked on your book. I won't be able to replace you."

  "You probably won't," Alberto agreed mildly.

  Both Molly and Kate laughed.

  Kate said, "What about Ben? I know you said you wanted to take him to school, but it might be easier for him to take the bus while your parents are here."