Tempus

by Tyra Lynn

  “Exactly!” Said Steve.

  “He was just trying to be helpful, you know.” I tried to construct a defense, but there was none. I glanced at Steve, our eyes locked, and we both laughed.

  “Speaking of your dad, I’m surprised he hasn’t called yet. I’ve been gone longer than I had planned. Longer than he had planned, for sure.”

  I pulled out my new phone, held it up and wiggled it, and said, “Allow me.”

  I called the store, and after several rings, the machine picked up. When it beeped I said loudly, “Dad, if you’re there, pick up!” I waited for a few seconds, and repeated myself. He didn’t pick up, so I called the house. He answered on the first ring.

  “Yellow.”

  “Hey Dad, why are you at home?”

  “I closed early today. Business was slow, Steve went to lunch, and I was bored. Really, I just got here. I was planning to eat a bite then go back, but I changed my mind. I’d better call Steve so he can just go home and not waste a trip.”

  “I can tell him, Dad, he’s right here. We just got through eating.”

  “Well,” Dad sounded a little surprised, “Okay. You on your way home then?”

  “Not sure. I’ll let you know when I am.” I should have said yes.

  “Well. Okay, I’ll see you when you get here then, I guess. I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you too. And thank you, thank you, thank you for the phone. It’s perfect. Exactly what I wanted.” I hoped he could hear how true it was. “Bye.”

  I heard him say “bye,” then hang up. I put my phone away and turned back to Steve, who had been politely pretending not to pay attention. I tilted my head and said, “So what’s the deal?”

  “What deal? There’s no deal. What do you mean?”

  “You started acting funny this morning when you picked me up. You talked all the way to the mall. You acted all crazy when you picked me back up. You’ve called me Jessie all day! You haven’t called me Jessie to my face since my thirteenth birthday.” Saying that last part bothered me, a lot.

  “Jessie, I was in high school. You were in middle school. Teenage boys are not that smart, you know. You scared the crap out of me.”

  “I scared you?” I was incredulous.

  “You were thirteen. That day! Think about it from my perspective for just a second. That was my first job, my only job, and you were the boss’s kid daughter. You’d just lost your Mom, what, six months before that? Every single thing about it freaked me out. You were a kid!”

  “No, no, no. I’m not saying anything should have been different that day. Not at all. Gross. I’m talking about after, the whole ‘kiddo’ thing. You purposely aggravated me, constantly. You talked down to me, as if I was thirteen forever. Do you even know how old I am?” I bet he didn’t.

  “Seventeen.”

  Surprise, surprise. “That’s right. Seventeen. Until today, I was still thirteen to you, and you treated me as less than that. Maybe you didn’t mean to, but you did. Do you know I have never worn a dress since that birthday?” Oh, god, I was saying way, way too much. I didn’t even realize until now how much that had affected me. It was such a stupid thing, such an unimportant thing, but I had never let it go.

  “I’m sorry, Jessie. Not for that day, but for every day after.” He reached over, took my hand, and squeezed it softly. He rubbed the back of it with his thumb, and sighed.

  “What?”

  “Jessie.” He took a deep breath. “How long have we known each other? Over six years? More than six years.” He got a thoughtful look on his face.

  “What, Steve? Just spit it out, whatever it is. Just say it.” I didn’t know what to expect. Probably I’m too old for you. I felt like I was shrinking, growing younger by the second as I waited.

  “Okay Jessie, you asked what the deal was. Here’s the deal, the real deal. What’s the worst that can happen if I just say it—I’ll go back to calling you kiddo, you’ll go back to ignoring me, and everything will go back to normal, right?” He leaned over and looked into my eyes, searching for some answer I didn’t have. I couldn’t answer that question, because I didn’t know. I didn’t know if it could go back to normal now, much less after he said whatever he had to say, and wasn’t saying.

  “Just say it, Steve.”

  “You are beautiful. I’ve been watching you grow up right in front of me, watching stupid guys take you out, watching you get rid of them, watching you move on, watching you ignore me, and watching you grow up...”

  “You said that one already.” I had mixed emotions. The old me would have known what to say or do. The new and improved me didn’t know whether to kiss him or kick him. I decided to do neither, yet.

  “I have wrestled with this since your last birthday.”

  “My birthday?” That shocked me. Yep, it sure did. “You were still dating Alecia on my birthday!”

  “I know. Why do you think I wrestled with it? She made it easy for me last month, though. She was supposed to be back two months ago, but she hooked up with some guy. I found out, and it didn’t even bother me at all. I was glad about it, really. It gave me an excuse to end something that was already over anyway.”

  “Wow, sorry it happened that way.” I wondered what the guy looked like. As much as I would have hated to admit it yesterday, Steve was an extremely good-looking guy.

  “Don’t be sorry, I’m not.” He squeezed my hand again. “So, here we are, and I have a dilemma.”

  “What dilemma?”

  “You are still the bosses’ daughter, I am still too old for you, and you are still the best girl I have ever known.” Hand squeeze again. “And right this moment, there is nothing I would rather do than kiss you.”

  He looked at me questioningly, searching my face. I knew he was looking to see how I would respond. He reached over and clicked the buckle loose, slid an arm behind me, and pulled just a little toward the center of the bench seat, watching my eyes intently. When he pulled, I slid the direction he was pulling me, just a small amount. Inch by inch we came closer, one small move at a time, until we were a breath apart. My heart was galloping now. His eyes looked down to my lips, his head tilted slowly to the side, and my eyes closed.

  His lips were warm and soft. I felt his other arm go around me and pull me closer, hold me tighter. My own arms went up by themselves, around his broad shoulders, and my right hand found the back of his neck and rested there.

  I had always expected fireworks. I always thought that when I kissed the one, it would be New Years Eve, Chinese style. I always thought I would feel like I was exploding. My heart was pounding, and I was breathless, and I was certainly enjoying this very much, but—there was something missing. It was almost. Maybe ‘almost’ was the best we ever got in real life. Stupid romance novels.

  I tried to make my mind shut up, to just let me be there in the moment. This was the moment I had once wanted more than anything else, wasn’t it? When I was thirteen. What about now? What did I want now? The blue-eyed boy flashed behind my closed eyes. I pushed the thought away, but it kept coming back. What would kissing him be like?

  For just a moment, I allowed myself to imagine it was his lips kissing mine. I don’t know what happened in that split-second, but everything changed. The kiss was deeper, more sensual, and more urgent. I felt a tingle up and down my spine, and my arms tightened. My fingers reached up to touch that—spiky gelled hair! I stopped and let go.

  I was gasping for air, and felt dizzy. I sat back in shock, and shook my head to clear it. My eyes flew open, and stared into beautiful green eyes. Fiery, hungry eyes. Green. Not blue. I was an awful person.

  “Me too.” He gasped, reacting to my actions. “Where did you learn to kiss like that? I have never been kissed like that. I’m in trouble.” Steve slumped back against his seat, closed his eyes, and rubbed his face with his hands. “I’m in big, big trouble.”

  I didn’t comprehend what he meant. I was feeling so guilty. Steve was kissing me, and I was kissing someone else
. I was thankful that there was no way he could know. I needed to get home; I needed to think. “I think I better go home.”

  “I think I better take you.”

  CHAPTER VI

  In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time.

  —Mark Twain

  We both sat in stunned silence, for different reasons. I allowed Steve to pull me to the center of the seat, reach across, and buckle me in. I allowed him to hold my hand. I even held his hand back, tightly, and leaned against him. He let go long enough to turn up the stereo, find a nice song, and start singing with it. He had a very nice singing voice, a little higher than one would have expected. I made a mental note.

  I was silent all the way home. I had no idea what Steve thought of that, or if he thought it was good or bad. It didn’t seem to bother him, so I tried not to let it bother me either. I don’t think I could have had a conversation, so I was glad he wasn’t talky Steve right now.

  We had sat in the parking lot for longer than I thought. There were already deep shadows across the back part of the porch and yard. When we pulled in, Steve unbuckled me, and kissed my cheek. “Wait there for just one second,” he said as he exited. A moment later, he was opening my door, holding out a hand for me to take. Once I was down, he reached back inside, grabbed my all-but-forgotten bags, and carried them up the steps toward the kitchen door. The door!

  “Wait!” I blurted just as he was reaching to open it.

  He stopped and turned around, setting down the bags. “You’re probably right. I should let you go in. I look guilty as hel... heck.”

  Suddenly he took me by the arm and pulled me around the corner of the house, to the back porch. He caught me in his big, strong arms, and laid one on me. This kiss was not as gentle, but it wasn’t forceful either. He was a very good kisser. Better than anyone else I had ever kissed, by a lot. Moments later, I heard the door open, and my dad’s voice call, “Jessie! You out there?”

  Steve released me, and we both tried not to breathe too loudly. It was not easy. I took a gulp of air. “Back here, Dad.” Another gulp of air. “Talking to Steve.”

  “Okay, I’m in the middle of a show so I got to get back in. Just making sure you were home.” I heard the door close.

  Steve took my hand and walked me over to the porch swing. He sat down and pulled me onto his lap. I didn’t know if this was some kind of show, but I would never have guessed Steve for the romantic type. I thought of the box he had carved me. That was not for romance, but it was very sweet. It would indicate romantic potential upon reassessment. I also had not missed his earlier use of the same words from the note. Steve was a romantic. Cool.

  He pulled me back against his chest and pushed the swing with his foot. We just sat there, swinging, watching the shadows lengthen. Mrs. Watson started playing her piano, one of those songs full of longing. Her playing always made me sad, but in a good way. It also made me introspective.

  Sitting there, wrapped in strong arms, I tried to see if I could picture us old together. It was one of those senseless tests that I tried to put off for weeks, because everyone failed. They always failed. I could almost picture Steve. Almost.

  When his hand moved to my chin, I let him pull my face around to his. Our lips met. This kiss was slow, tender, and thoughtful. His skin had a nice scent. I could feel the slightest bit of stubble, but it was not unpleasant.

  “Now you’ve had your kiss on the porch swing. It only took four years.” He sighed and leaned his head against mine.

  Steve was trying to earn all his points at one time, he just didn’t know it. For someone who didn’t know, he was effective. When the music ended, he kissed my ear, and propped me up to face him. “I would like to talk to you. We haven’t talked in a long time. You know, you used to tell me everything, even things I didn’t want to know.” He smiled thoughtfully. “That was a long time ago.”

  A guy that wanted to talk? The points were racking up. Had he been reading my diary? If so, it as good as said ‘I want a romantic man who loves to kiss and talk and hold me in his arms’. It would make a good guidebook for someone trying to make points. I simply said, “I’d like that.”

  “I better go before your dad comes looking for you. Can I call you later tonight?” He was helping me to my feet, steadying me while I regained my balance.

  “Sure. You have the number, right? My cell? I don’t even know what my own number is.”

  “I’ve got it. I helped your dad set everything up, so I programmed it in my phone, in case I ever needed it. I tried to talk your dad into getting one, but he said he never goes anywhere. It sure would have helped that night you got stuck at the creek, though.”

  I remembered trudging through the mud and walking for what seemed like hours to get to a house so Dad could call Steve. “Yeah. My legs hurt for a week after that!”

  He walked me to the door, holding my hand. It was dark enough now on this side of the house that the light was already on and the first few bugs were buzzing around it. I turned to face Steve, to say goodnight, and he placed both his hands on either side of my face, giving me one soft, deep kiss. He whispered “goodnight” before he let go.

  “Goodnight.” I picked up my bags as he opened and held the door for me.

  I went inside, watching the door close behind me. I watched him walk to the monster, glancing back a couple of times to smile at me. Points for looking back, points for nice smile, points for pretty teeth. As he climbed into the Monster I thought, lots of points for the truck itself, and for knowing how to drive it. As he backed up, light fell across his face and he blew a kiss—he was going for extra credit. It worked.

  The headlights swept across the fence as he left the drive and I turned away, making a beeline to my room. My bags seemed heavier than they’d been, and they slapped against my legs with every step up the stairs. By the time I got to the top, I was huffing and puffing. I burst through my bedroom door and fell face first onto my bed, physically and emotionally exhausted. I told myself to slow down and take deep breathes—in through the nose, out through the mouth.

  I’d dropped my bags just inside the doorway. I jumped back up, then paused a second. I went over to my mirror and took a good look at myself. I looked older. I looked good. My face was flushed, cheeks pink. I turned myself around and looked from different angles. I loved my new hair, I loved my new clothes, and I loved the new and improved me!

  I went to my bags and tried on every outfit, mixing and matching, trying different combinations. I checked them out in the mirror each time, took notes on what looked the best and why. I changed into my stretchy shorts and a tee shirt, hung up all my new clothes, and put together my new makeup bag. I hoped I could remember everything the sales clerk told me. Why was I worried, I could do makeup, I was an artist!

  An artist. I went over to my bed, reached beneath my pillow, and pulled out the sketch. My heart still skipped when I looked at those eyes. “We had a date, didn’t we? I’m not breaking it, but I have to postpone it, just for a little while. You understand.” I kissed my finger, stuck it to the face, and then slid the notebook back under my pillow.

  I rolled off my bed, found my phone on the nightstand, and called Julie. She answered on the first ring. “Jessie?”

  “Ohmigod, Julie, I have to tell you something! Steve kissed me!”

  “What? Oh, Jessie, start at the beginning, tell me everything!” So I did.

  Over an hour later, I heard the phone beep in my ear. I told Julie my phone was beeping at me. “It’s call waiting, maybe it’s him, look at the phone and see.”

  I looked. “It is! See you tomorrow! Bye!” I had to look a second to see what I was supposed to push, but I figured it out and said “Hello?”

  “Hi, Jessie, It’s Steve.”

  “Hi Steve.”

  “I have a question.” He paused.

  “What is it?”

  “Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night, and maybe see a movie?”

&
nbsp; A date. “I’ll have to ask my dad.”

  “I’ll ask your dad tomorrow at work. I’ll ask his permission.”

  It was hard not to squeal. Ask my dad’s permission? The points were racking up! “Sure, okay. If he says yes, I’d love to.”

  “Great!”

  We didn’t talk for a lengthy time, and most of it was unimportant things. We talked about favorite music, bands, colors, time of year. We talked about books, and antiques. We talked about the store, my dad, his college courses. I was getting sleepy and yawned a couple of times, so he told me goodnight. I put my new phone on the charger and set it on the table beside my bed.

  I turned out my light, climbed under my sheets, and snuggled up to my pillow. As soon as I got comfortable, I was so tired I couldn’t hold my eyes open. I fell asleep kissing a blonde with beautiful green eyes, and woke the next morning kissing a brunette with the deepest blue eyes in the world.

  That dream had felt so real. We knew each other. We hadn’t just met, because we had gone somewhere to meet. It was a park, and he had been waiting for me under some trees. I was running there, trying to find him, but he saw me first and called to me.

  “Jessie, I’m over here. I’ve been waiting.”

  I saw him in the shadows of the trees. He was leaning against one of them. He was dressed wrong. Wrong for him. He was wearing jeans, sneakers and a regular black tee shirt. Even in the shadows, I could see his blue eyes. He held out his hand.

  I ran to the trees, to the shadows, and grabbed his outstretched hand, twining my fingers through his.

  “What took you so long? I was worried you’d never come.” He had a concerned expression on his beautiful face.

  “I’m fine, just running late. I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”

  There was a blanket under the tree. He pulled me over to it and after we were seated, he took my other hand and held it tightly. “I was worried.” His eyes were deep, searching. “I thought you had forgotten me, or worse, decided not to come.”