A Blessing for Miriam

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “The Lord will lead you as always,” Miriam ventured.

  Shirley wasn’t convinced. “At least you came home to see me. That’s nice.”

  “I wanted to.” Miriam’s voice caught. She had to tell the whole truth. “And while I’m here, I hope to plan my wedding for October. Maybe you can help?”

  Shirley hesitated. “I heard about the wedding. And I’m glad you came for some reason besides me. I’ve never been worth much anyway. I can’t keep even one of my gut intentions or promises. I’m a failure. At least now I’ll look it.”

  “Don’t say that!” Miriam pulled Shirley into a tight hug. “You’re not a failure. God loves you, and I love you.”

  Shirley didn’t resist, and she clung to Miriam for a long time.

  Chapter Twelve

  Miriam had been home for a week, trying her best to bring Shirley out of her doldrums to no avail. That was painfully obvious as Daett finished the Sunday morning prayers, and Shirley fled upstairs. Miriam had suspected Shirley wouldn’t want to go with the family to the church service, but she hadn’t expected the moment to be quite this dramatic.

  Daett’s lips were set in a straight line. “That girl!” But he said nothing more, and Mamm made no move to follow Shirley up the stairs. They had decided to leave things be for the moment. Shirley would survive on her own for the day. Daett wasn’t about to dignify Shirley’s behavior by allowing one of the family to stay home with her.

  Miriam would have volunteered but with an ulterior motive. She simply wasn’t up to facing Ivan and Laura as a married couple. But, she decided, she’d have to do it eventually, so why not today? Ivan was in her past, and Daett was right that Shirley didn’t need support for her childish actions. Sure, the wounds on Shirley’s face hadn’t healed and were still under bandages, but Shirley should face things as they were—just like Miriam needed to face Ivan. All of the family had accepted that Shirley would bear reminders of that fateful evening with Jonas for the rest of her life.

  “I’m leaving,” Lee, the eldest of the brothers announced. “Who’s going with me?”

  Mark, the second oldest of the boys, glanced at Miriam. Clearly Shirley usually was the third passenger in the men’s single buggy. Apparently the horse Miriam usually used, Mindy, hadn’t been driven on Sundays since she’d left.

  “I’ll go with the surrey,” Miriam offered. She’d noticed Naomi’s eyes gleam at the possibility of driving with her brothers.

  “No, you won’t,” Daett announced. “Naomi will come with us.”

  Daett was a great stickler for order, and the youngest didn’t take the place of the older. Lee and Mark shrugged as they went out the door.

  “Sorry,” Miriam whispered to Naomi before she followed them. She almost said maybe next Sunday, but that would mean she thought Shirley would be staying home again. That was an option Daett wouldn’t tolerate for another Sunday. Hopefully Shirley would figure that out by then and find the grace to accept the inevitable.

  Miriam walked outside and waited beside the buggy with Mark while Lee went to get his horse, Sandy.

  Mark grinned at her. “So, you haven’t told me what this Wayne fellow is like.”

  Miriam felt a blush fill her face.

  Mark’s grin grew wider. “Must be really something.”

  “You could say so,” Miriam managed.

  “Will the wedding be this fall?”

  Even though Mark was family, she wasn’t about to tell him the date—not yet. He couldn’t have helped but notice the wedding plans she and Mamm had been working on at the kitchen table all week. Plus, he and Lee had been required to clean the upper level of the barn of spider webs on Saturday—a preamble to wedding preparations. That wouldn’t suffice for the wedding—a more thorough cleaning lay ahead, but Mark had surely put two and two together.

  Miriam gave him a wry look. “We’ll have to see, I guess.”

  Lee appeared before Mark could reply, and they helped him hitch Sandy to the buggy. Moments later Miriam was seated between the two young men. Lee drove toward Bishop Wagler’s place, where the services would be held.

  Bishop Wagler would be the person Wayne and she would visit to have their wedding announcement made public. A thrill ran up Miriam’s back. Since she’d been in Possum Valley for a few days, things had finally begun to feel real about the wedding. She really would be marrying Wayne. Just like Ivan had found his lifelong love with Laura, she would find hers with Wayne.

  “Spring’s about here, I reckon,” Lee said as he lifted the storm front and Miriam leaned back on the seat so Mark could secure the snap on the roof of the buggy.

  “I asked Miriam whether she’s going to wed this fall,” Mark responded.

  Lee laughed as he drove the buggy out of the driveway and onto the road. “And you expected her to tell you?”

  Mark made a face. “She’s my sister, so why wouldn’t she?”

  “Maybe because she doesn’t want to.” Lee clicked his tongue and Sandy sped up.

  “I think I have the right to know,” Mark said. “I’m her brother.”

  Miriam ignored both brothers as she stared down Route 39 toward where she’d been told the accident had occurred. She could almost imagine the dark evening and the deer as it flew into the car’s windshield.

  “Why can’t I know about the wedding?” Mark’s voice rose a little higher this time.

  “Okay.” Miriam smiled as she gave in. “It’s in October as it stands now. I’m here partly to plan it with Mamm and, of course, to encourage Shirley.”

  Lee snorted. “Does Shirley know about the wedding?”

  “Yah.” Miriam kept her voice quiet. “But she also knows I didn’t come just to plan the wedding.”

  “The world doesn’t turn on Shirley’s axis,” Lee muttered. “It’s high time she learned this.”

  “Don’t be too hard on her.” Miriam rushed to her sister’s defense. “She tries. I was with her in Oklahoma, and Shirley really does want what’s best.”

  “Apparently not badly enough.” Lee didn’t sound mollified. “Why else would the Lord have to smite her like this?”

  “Lee!” Miriam turned to face him. “That’s so wrong. Shirley has a gut heart.”

  “Even a hard-boiled egg has a heart of gold,” Mark said, sarcasm in his voice.

  Miriam whirled on him. “Not you too? You boys are the limit. No wonder Shirley’s in the dumps.”

  “Don’t blame us,” Lee objected. “I didn’t go out with Jonas Beachy after Daett told me not to.”

  “So you’re the perfect saint in your rumspringa?” Miriam gave him a glare.

  Mark muffled a laugh, and Lee kept his eyes on the road.

  “See!” Miriam drove the point home. “You should have a little compassion.”

  Silence hung in the air as they approached Bishop Wagler’s place and joined a long line of horses and buggies. The only sound was the chorus of hooves on pavement.

  “It’s such a beautiful sight,” Miriam leaned out of the buggy for a better view. Possum Valley with all its people.”

  “You must get lonely all by yourself out there in the big, wild West,” Mark said.

  Before Miriam could correct him, Lee teased, “Pull your head back, Miriam. I don’t want people to think my sister has been affected by all that loneliness.”

  “I’m not lonely in Oklahoma.” Miriam sat up straight on the buggy seat. “There are just less people, that’s all. And I’m not ‘affected.’ ”

  Lee grinned as he turned in the driveway and pulled to a stop. Miriam climbed down at the end of the sidewalk to join the other women as they approached the washroom. She shook hands with a few of them and exchanged “gut mornings.”

  “You’re surely not back to stay?” Deacon Hochstetler’s frau, Leona, commented.

  “No.” Miriam shook her head. “Just visiting Shirley after her accident. They have a substitute teacher for me in Oklahoma.”

  Leona’s face registered surprise. “For long enough
to make the trip? They must really like you.”

  Miriam turned away before Leona could see the look of pleasure on her face. She hadn’t thought of it that way, but Leona was right. She must be held in high esteem by the Oklahoma community for them to hold the position two weeks for her. How things had changed from her standing here. Here Shirley had always been the seemingly blessed one.

  “Please help Shirley, dear Lord,” Miriam whispered quickly. “She’s home all alone and must really be hurting.”

  “What was that?” Leona glanced her way.

  Miriam moved closer before she answered. “I was just thinking of Shirley at home alone today. She wouldn’t come to the service.”

  “Is she still that bad off?” Leona was all sympathetic.

  Miriam sighed. “I wish that were the only reason, but Shirley’s face is going to be scarred from the wounds, and she’s not accepting it very well.”

  “Oh, the poor thing. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be.” Leona’s face showed her concern before she moved on to greet the other women.

  Miriam left her shawl in the washroom and tried to keep a low profile. Pride was an awful thing, and she didn’t want Leona’s praise to swell her head. All teachers were loved, Miriam told herself. Maybe Wayne would keep her high esteem in mind as he faced Esther Swartz’s charms today.

  Miriam pushed thoughts of Esther away. She could do nothing about what was happening in Oklahoma, and this would be an excellent time to practice her virtues—scarce though they seemed to be when it came to Esther. She would have patience with Wayne…even if he was tempted by Esther’s smiles. The woman had gut looks, there was no question about that. Esther and Shirley were on the same level when it came to physical beauty. Why then had Shirley’s been taken from her, while Esther and Laura got to keep theirs? Now Miriam was the one with the bitter thoughts—and she’d just prayed that Shirley wouldn’t be overwhelmed by hers.

  “Please help me too, dear Lord,” Miriam added in another whisper. A moment later she repeated the prayer when she walked in with the other unmarried women and caught sight of Ivan seated among the married men. He had grown a nice beard since she’d seen him last. He was more handsome than ever. No wonder she’d fallen for the man! And also no wonder Laura had made such an effort to capture his heart. Miriam didn’t have beauty on her side, and character didn’t always trump looks. She knew that by personal experience.

  Miriam took her seat on a backless bench as thoughts continued to rush through her mind. This was exactly why she hadn’t wanted to see Ivan until she was safely married to Wayne. He was a reminder of her deficiencies and of her inability to keep a man’s attention. But Wayne wasn’t Ivan, Miriam reminded herself. Wayne was a perfect gentleman when she told him about the money, and he wasn’t affected by it at all—like Ivan had been.

  Miriam breathed deeply as the songs began. She caught Ivan’s eyes on her soon afterward and managed a decent smile in return. He nodded and smiled back. All was forgiven, Miriam told herself. She didn’t hold any bitterness against him, and he obviously felt the same. The past was the past, and there was no reason things should repeat themselves. She was going to trust Wayne. He might smile at Esther today, as she had smiled at Ivan, and Wayne’s reasons would be just as pure as hers. His heart was knit to hers in love, and nothing would change that.

  The songs continued, and the ministers soon came back from their meeting upstairs to begin their sermons. Miriam tried to focus as Bishop Wagler got up to speak, but all she could see in the bishop’s face were the expressions he would have when Wayne came and they asked to be married in October. The bishop would be sober-faced like he was right now, but there would also be a twinkle in his eye. The bishop would be so pleased when he read the letter Wayne would bring from Bishop Wengerd in Oklahoma. The letter would attest to Wayne’s sterling character and gut standing in the Oklahoma Amish community and church. After Shirley’s wild troubles, Bishop Wagler would be glad that the first of Eli Yoder’s girls had settled down so well.

  And in October the bishop would preside as Wayne and she exchanged the sacred wedding vows. His face would be even more sober and the twinkle would be gone because marriage vows were a most serious matter. One could never undo them once they were said. And she would never want to—and neither would Wayne. A soft smile drifted across Miriam’s face. She could imagine how scared her yahs would sound in answer to the bishop’s questions. But she would still be married, scared or not.

  Miriam sat up straight as she caught Ivan’s eyes on her again. He’d wonder why she was smiling at the bishop. Well, he’d think what he wanted. She hadn’t been left out in the cold when Ivan had picked Laura over her. She would soon be married to a man of much better character than Ivan Mast possessed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  On Friday evening of the following week, the late-afternoon sun filled the kitchen as Shirley prepared supper for the family. With Miriam now on her way back to Oklahoma and Shirley up and around, fixing supper had fallen to her. She’d decided she would go out tonight with Lee and Mark even with her face the way it was. She couldn’t stand a moment more in this house with the constant sympathetic looks from Mamm and the rest of the family. Well, all except Daett. They tried to cheer her up with empty words like “looks aren’t everything,” but such statements were like slaps across the face. Better to be out with the rumspringa crowd, she thought. At least they would speak the truth. Likely, they’d groan out loud at her condition. Yah, she’d feel the full pain of those groans, but at least they were evidence of what she already knew. Her hopes for a happy life with a gut husband who would think she was beautiful were over.

  She didn’t trust Jonas to speak the truth either. He hadn’t seen her yet with the bandages off, although he’d stopped by again this week. She was glad he felt responsible for her—enough to make sure that the hospital bills were paid and to drop by. She refused to see him though. The Beachy family had seen to it that she was given the best of medical care. She had an appointment with a plastic surgeon next week, but there was only so much that could be done. She was scarred now and would always be. There was no reason to pretend otherwise. And Jonas would never care for her like he had before. It wasn’t possible. The truth was plain enough in his eyes. And she didn’t blame him one bit. From the beginning she’d been drawn to his money and he’d loved her beauty.

  Shirley rattled the pots and pans in the lower cupboard as she pulled out the one she wanted. Naomi would be in soon to help with the vegetables. Shirley would rather have worked alone, which wasn’t possible if she wanted to have supper on the table in time.

  As she banged the pot down on the counter, Shirley thought of this coming Sunday. She would have to attend the church service. Daett would make sure of that. And then all those people who knew her so well would see her face and say more empty words. “It’s not that bad, Shirley, cheer up.” “The Lord must have been looking out for you, Shirley.” To that she’d want to reply, “Really? Why didn’t He protect my face then?” The unspoken reply would be because she was being punished for her rebellion.

  Well, she decided, she wouldn’t go to the services. No matter what Daett said. He couldn’t make her go. What could he do? Carry her out to the buggy like she was a bobbli? Shirley gave a wild laugh at the thought. What a sight that would be.

  Naomi cleared her throat at the kitchen doorway. “Are you okay, Shirley?”

  “Yah.” The lie slipped out of her mouth easily.

  “You sounded…weird.” Naomi came in slowly. “All that banging and slamming…and that laugh.”

  “I’m fine.” Shirley set her face into neutral lines. “I’m perfectly fine. I was just thinking of going out tonight.”

  “With Jonas?” Incredulity filled Naomi’s voice. “Will he have you again?”

  “I see you know the truth. No, I’m sure he won’t.” Shirley grabbed the potato masher with vigor.

  “Well, whether it’s Jonas or someone else, I hope someon
e says the right thing to you. You snap at everyone. You just aren’t yourself anymore. Frankly, you’ve become a terror to the whole family.”

  Shirley mashed the boiled potatoes with both hands on the masher. “Like I could care. I have to live with these awful scars, and you have to live with me. Get used to it.”

  Naomi turned to look out the window at the sound of a car approaching on the gravel driveway. “There’s Jonas now. Maybe he can say the right thing.”

  “Jonas?” Shirley froze. “Send him away, Naomi.”

  “I’ll do no such thing.” Naomi didn’t move. “I’m having nothing further to do with this. Someone else can answer the door.”

  Tears stung in Shirley’s eyes as she made a dash for the upstairs door. One of her siblings could deal with Jonas. Maybe Daett would if he noticed Jonas’s presence from where he was finishing chores in the barn. Mamm was in the basement, so she wouldn’t even notice Jonas’s arrival.

  From her room upstairs, Shirley peeked past the dark drapes. Jonas came up the sidewalk with his head bowed. He looked burdened about something. She couldn’t imagine what. He still had everything going for him. Why Jonas kept up his visits was beyond her.

  Shirley glanced downward as the cellar door opened to the outside, and Mamm came out to meet Jonas. So Mamm had noticed his arrival. She had a warm smile on her face as she shook Jonas’s hand.

  Mamm motioned toward the house and Jonas nodded. Moments later Mamm disappeared under the porch roof while Jonas still stood in the yard. What Mamm intended was obvious enough. She planned to fetch her down to speak with the young man. Apparently Naomi hadn’t been the only one to wish they could reach out for Jonas’s help. Shirley froze with her hand on the drapes. She didn’t want to talk to him ever again. The conversation would go nowhere and increase the pain in her heart.

  Shirley pulled back as Jonas’s gaze crept along the upper level of the house and past her window. If he noticed her presence, he gave no sign of it. He looked down again, and Shirley stepped away from the window. She might as well tell Mamm about her plans for tonight. Wasn’t the general rumspringa crowd better than Jonas Beachy—at least from her parents’ point of view? At least they were still Amish.