The Heartbreak Cafe

by Melissa Hill

  Right now though, Nina was bored and eager to get out of this little room. She felt her stomach growling and traced a subconscious circle around her abdomen. She was wearing a loose top today, as looking at her profile in the mirror this morning she was sure she’d seen the beginnings of a bump.

  Trying to put the thought out of her head, she chattered meaninglessly with Trish.

  ‘So what about this guy you’re seeing,’ she asked her, ‘what’s he like?’

  Her friend smiled. ‘He’s great.’

  ‘Is he local? How long have you been seeing each other?’

  Trish shrugged. ‘A few months, nothing to get overly excited about.’

  But Nina could tell by her demeanour that, despite her protests, she was actually very excited by him indeed. She smiled.

  ‘So, what does he do?’

  ‘He runs a company, is very busy, has a lot on his plate.’ Nina looked at her, intrigued by her short, rather cryptic answers. It was as if Trish, who was normally so talkative, was purposely avoiding giving her a straight answer about this particular subject. ‘Look, I think we’re finished here for a while,’ she said, snapping shut the book she was examining. ‘Let’s go out and grab a bite. Heaven knows you’ve been complaining enough about being hungry, you’d think that you’ve hollow legs or were eating for two!’

  Trish turned her back and Nina blanched, relieved that her friend had missed the flush creeping up her neck.

  They grabbed a sandwich at the supermarket deli, and afterwards, Trish decided to head home to work on what she’d collated so far.

  Nina returned to her house, feeling drained of her energy after the short walk home. Opening the front door she was met with the smells of her father cooking his own lunch.

  She walked into the kitchen, and he greeted her with an absent nod.

  ‘Did you have a nice morning, Dad?’ Nina asked, making a vain attempt at conversation with the man she shared half of her genes with.

  ‘Yes thank you, Nina.’

  ‘Did you do anything interesting?’

  His eyes turned to her, almost as if he’d just realised that she was talking to him. ‘I found the problem in Mrs Murphy’s set. It was easy in the end, don’t know why I didn’t figure it out before.’ He pointed to a TV set in the living room, its innards scattered all over the dining room table. Nina didn’t know what was more disturbing, the mess in the room, or the words that had just come out of Patrick’s mouth – more than she had heard him say she arrived.

  ‘Great, sounds … interesting.’ She paused for a moment, not quite sure what else to say, then it dawned on her. ‘Well, I spent the morning at the library, going through old newspapers looking for photos for Trish’s book. I found a lot of pictures and articles with you and Mum in them.’

  Patrick looked up, and finally Nina felt that she had his full attention. ‘Pictures?’

  ‘Yes, while I was looking through the archives with Trish, I thought I’d told you about that. Well, she’s putting together this book for charity, a photographic history of Lakeview.’

  Patrick looked blankly at her, as if she’d just told him Trish was planning to fly to the moon.

  ‘Well, the stuff I looked at was interesting; some from when Mum was in school and some other events. I saw your wedding announcement, and an old class photo of you,’ she added smiling kindly.

  Patrick looked somewhat troubled and Nina wondered if the mention of her mother was making him uncomfortable. She felt bad then but there was a side of her that wanted to continue this conversation as it was the first thing in ages that had caught her father’s attention. ‘She seemed to have a lot going on when she was young, didn’t she?’ she added, wondering if he might be tempted to confess some interesting tit-bit about how they met or how they came to be married.

  But once again, Patrick simply nodded disinterestedly and offered nothing, turning his attention back to making lunch. Nina waited for a beat, wondering if he would say anything else. When he didn’t, she shrugged her shoulders and made one last attempt at communication. ‘Well, I’ve already eaten so I’m going to head up to the room and read for a while. Let me know if you need anything.’

  ‘OK, Nina.’

  As she turned to climb the stairs she looked behind her one last time, and as she did, could have sworn that her father’s brow was creased. But was it through concentration – or concern?

  Nina didn’t know.

  Chapter 14

  ‘Oh, isn’t this the most gorgeous little thing? I so want to have a little girl!’ Deirdre exclaimed, holding up a small pink babygro with little roses sprinkled over the length of it.

  Emer smiled. ‘I know. I got one just like that as a present before Amy was born. That’s the beauty of knowing in advance what we were having.’

  Jess looked at the small piece of clothing, wondering if this was some sort of test from her friends. If it was she definitely wanted to pass it. ‘It is so cute! I can’t wait to get cracking on buying all these,’ she said with gusto. She had to admit, all the baby accessories, cute clothes, toys and gadgets did seem awfully fun. It was almost like going back to the days of her own childhood, and all the pretty little things she used to have.

  Emer smiled and Deirdre looked delighted.

  Jess still couldn’t believe the change in her friends since she had announced her intention to get pregnant. Since then, they’d been inviting her on all their outings; be it coffee in Lakeview or in shopping trips in Dublin and this weekend Emer had asked her to stay over for the night as Dave had a work thing. Jess was only too eager to agree as once again, Brian would be abroad. Today they’d spent the morning strolling around Lakeview, and popping in and out of anywhere that caught their interest.

  There was no doubt that the brand new camaraderie she now shared with the girls was worth the baby bombardment. Only problem was they still thought she and Brian were trying in earnest for a child of their own.

  Since their initial conversation about it, Jess had become more and more convinced that they needed to think seriously about their future, but so far Brian was still having none of it.

  ‘Ah Jess, come on,’ he’d complained when recently, she’d raised the subject of going off the pill. ‘I thought you said we’d talk about this first.’

  ‘Brian, I’ve read all about it. It can take up to year for the drug to fully leave my system, which means I could be thirty-six before we even start.’

  ‘Well, I think that’s no harm, seeing as you’d get pregnant tomorrow if you thought it’d make your friends happy,’ he chuckled, still completely unable to take her concerns seriously. ‘Love, I know you better than you think and I honestly believe that this is just another one of your nutty fixations.’ He then went on to remind Jess about a recent incident whereby she’d fallen in love with a shockingly expensive Chanel handbag, and had obsessed about it for weeks afterwards before finally giving in and buying it. ‘And how many times have you used it since?’ he challenged, forcing Jess to admit that yes, once she’d got the darned thing home the thrill had very quickly worn off.

  ‘This isn’t the same as a stupid handbag Brian,’ she grunted, annoyed that yet again she was being painted as shallow and idiotic.

  He kissed the top of her head. ‘I know that hon, and maybe it’s a poor comparison, but I’m just trying to make you understand that a decision like this needs time.’

  The difficulty, Jess pointed out, was that they were fast running out of time. But was it really that, she wondered now as she saw Emer smile beatifically at her little daughter, or was it like Brian said, that she no longer wanted her life to be viewed as silly and pointless by her best friends.

  ‘Did you find out what you were having when you were pregnant?’ she asked Deirdre now, preferring to keep them talking, as when they directed such questions at her she became uncomfortable and perplexed. Especially when sometimes they carried on like she was already pregnant, asking her about what she and Brian were thinking about thi
s or that, and what they planned to do when the baby was born. Because let’s face it, Brian wasn’t thinking anything other than how vexed the subject made him.

  She cringed thinking about what he’d say if he was a fly on the wall at one of these outings.

  Deirdre beamed. ‘Not for Dougie, but we knew about Dylan. Do you think you and Brian will want to know?’

  ‘Not sure really, is there a rule about that?’ Jess felt herself flush.

  ‘No no, just your own preference,’ Emer said. ‘We did because I really wanted the nursery all set for Amy, all pink and pretty and girlie and I knew I wouldn’t have the energy to do it afterwards. Anyway Dave is useless at DIY and all that so I decided better to know in advance and just get it done.’

  ‘I see,’ Jess said.

  ‘Anyway, let’s get going,’ her friend went on. ‘I’m starving – Amy had me up at five this morning and I haven’t eaten since then. Will we head to the cafe?’

  ‘Great. I’ll just pay for this first.’ Deirdre went to pay for some Transformers contraption she’d picked out for the boys and soon after, the three woman and their children headed further down the main street to the Hearbreak Café.

  ‘Hello there,’ a young and friendly looking woman greeted them upon arrival.

  ‘Oh hello Nina,’ Emer replied. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Great, great. You’re in luck; your usual table is free this morning. Do you need a hand with anything?’ she asked and Jess noticed she seemed especially amenable to their entire entourage, given that the room was pretty small and the buggies and carriers would take up lots of space.

  ‘Not at all, we’re grand thanks. Oh by the way, this is Jess.’

  ‘Hello. I’m Nina,’ she said holding out her hand, and with her bright green eyes and open smile, Jess automatically felt she was a person you would feel at ease around.

  ‘Jess Armstrong. Nice to meet you.’

  ‘Jess is a friend of ours from Dublin,’ Deirdre supplied. ‘She still lives there but who knows maybe we can recruit her to Lakeview someday, eh Emer?’

  Jess just smiled and laughed, knowing full well what Brian would have to say about that.

  ‘Are you working here all the time now, Nina?’ Emer asked.

  Nina looked down at her shirt, which had the café logo over the left breast. ‘You could say that. I thought myself it would only be a few hours a week, but Colm – you know the bakery manager?’ she said and Emer nodded. ‘Well he’ll be away over the summer, so I told Ella I’d cover for her whenever she needs me. Anyway, how are you all? Busy morning?’

  ‘Sort of. We were just going around the shops, looking at baby clothes.’ Deirdre told her.

  Nina twirled her dark ponytail. ‘Oh who’s having a baby?’

  ‘Jess is,’ Emer said and Jess’s head snapped up.

  ‘Congratulations!’ Nina enthused, her gaze immediately shifting to Jess’s stomach.

  ‘No well, actually I’m not pregnant. Yet, I mean, um …’ Jess spluttered, to Nina’s obvious confusion.

  ‘What she means is that she’s not pregnant yet, but she and her husband have decided it’s time,’ Deirdre answered more diplomatically.

  Jess smiled, pleased that someone was able to explain on her behalf. ‘Soon, hopefully.’

  ‘Oh that’s… great,’ Nina nodded, looking unsure of what to say next. ‘Well, good luck with it.’

  Jess squirmed with mortification. ‘Thanks very much,’ she said, taking a seat beside the others at the table, while Nina waited to take their orders.

  ‘So, how are things with you? Have you grown tired of us yet?’ Emer asked her, before filling Jess in on how Nina was just here visiting her father for the summer.

  ‘Oh, I’ve been keeping busy. As well as being here, I’ve also been helping out Trish with the charity book.’

  ‘The photography thing? When is that coming out?’

  Jess was amazed at how Deirdre and Emer had slotted so easily into small town life. To think that once upon a time the group of them had shared everything, and now here her friends were chatting away about all these people Jess had never even heard of.

  Nina rolled her eyes indulgently. ‘With Trish, who knows? It’s slow going at the moment, but she’s getting there. I think she’s planning on knocking on doors soon, asking some of the older people if they have any interesting stories from way back when.’

  ‘I haven’t seen her for a while,’ Emer commented. ‘That piece she did for the paper about Ruth Seymour’s homecoming party was really good though. Have you seen her around by the way? I thought she was supposed to be in town for a while but I haven’t heard much about her since that party. Which I missed anyway because I couldn’t get a babysitter,’ she added glumly.

  ‘Ruth Seymour, you mean the actress?’ Jess asked surprised.

  ‘Yes, didn’t I tell you she was from Lakeview? Well there you have it, not such a backwater now is it?’ her friend said triumphantly, and Jess blanched, horrified that this nice waitress would think she was slagging off her hometown.

  ‘I never said anything like that,’ she said quickly.

  ‘Oh, I’m only teasing,’ Emer grinned, before adding. ‘Jess is a real city girl. You know, has a stroke if she’d not close to all her little shoe shops and cocktail bars.’

  ‘I’d like to think there’s a little more to me than that,’ Jess said testily before she could stop herself, and Emer and Deirdre looked at her, surprised.

  ‘Yes, well she’s very sweet and more down to earth than you’d think,’ Nina said quickly, evidently sensing some tension. ‘Under a lot of strain it seems, but very nice. I knew her when we were younger and Trish and I have met up with her once or twice but for the most part, I think she just wants to relax and spend time with her parents. And who could blame her, after all that mania? Anyway, what can I get you?’ She smiled at the children. ‘I’m sure you lot would love a lollipop to start with, what do you think?’

  Jess looked at Nina for a moment. She seemed lovely; incredibly warm and sincere.

  ‘Do you have children yourself?’ she asked her.

  ‘Oh no,’ she replied quickly, and Jess thought somewhat uncomfortably, but at that moment, someone at another table signalled for her attention. ‘Oops, give me a second, I’ll be right back.’

  ‘She seems really nice,’ Jess said, when Nina moved away.

  Emer looked up from her menu. ‘She is and she’s a gem, really sweet. Now her friend Trish, the one she was just talking about? Totally different story, isn’t she Deirdre?’

  ‘Bit of a wagon, yes,’ Deirdre agreed and Jess looked up expectantly; it sounded like they were going to have a good old-fashioned gossip, just like they used to, but then Emer changed the subject again. ‘Oh by the way, I forgot to ask you, what age was Dylan when he first started walking?’

  ‘Thirteen months, why?’

  ‘Well, I think Amy might be on her way to trumping that,’ she said, smiling proudly.

  This was another thing Jess had noticed lately, this huge passive-aggressivecompetitiveness between the two women as to their babies’ developmental progress. There was a lot of talk about how, at ten months, Amy already had seven new teeth, whereas Dylan only had five at the same age etc. Did it really matter? Jess wondered.

  It was one more thing that she failed to understand about all this, the complete change of outlook. She allowed herself to zone out for a moment, wondering if she would be like that if she had a baby. Would she talk non-stop about teething, crawling and vaccinations, and try to undermine other mums with her child’s progress, or end up feeling insecure if hers was behind? And if it was all such a big race when they were babies, what on earth would it be like when they got older and there were academic and sporting achievements to measure up to?

  Despite herself, Jess shuddered and gazed across the room at Nina making her way with a tray full of pastries. She saw how the girl chatted away to the other patrons of the café, and wished for a moment that Nina w
ould come this way and talk to them, because if she was being honest, she was once again running out of things to say to the other two.

  She decided that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad when she actually was pregnant; then she wouldn’t have to pretend about all of this, and could genuinely be excited about a real event, something that was actually going to happen. She would have a due date and Emer and Deirdre would have great fun making plans with her, she could discuss all the different stages of pregnancy with them and it would be real. As opposed to now shopping in baby stores with them for something that was nothing more than an unfertilised egg. If Jess was pregnant then she would be so much more into it all.

  Which brought her right back to her original conundrum; how was she going to get Brian to see her side of things, how was she going to convince him she was truly ready to be a mother?

  Unintentionally she sighed out loud and Emer looked at her. ‘Sorry, Jess, are we boring you again?’

  ‘Oh no, no not at all, I was just thinking about the time,’ she said quickly. ‘You see, I told Brian I would be back around lunchtime; one of his colleagues has invited us to a garden party this evening and I need to go back and get ready.’

  ‘A garden party, you lucky thing,’ Deirdre smiled enviously. ‘It seems like ages since I’ve got all dressed for a night out on the town with my husband.’

  Emer snorted. ‘All dressed up? I would take just a night out with my husband!’

  ‘What are you wearing Jess?’ Deirdre asked.

  ‘Oh, I’ll just pick something out of my wardrobe.’ Jess didn’t feel comfortable telling them that she’d bought a beautiful Tory Birch ochre-coloured silk sheath especially for the occasion.