The Heartbreak Cafe

by Melissa Hill

  ‘Funny I was just about to say the same thing to you,’ Nina repeated. She turned her head away and towards the baby. ‘All this time … you lied.’

  ‘I never once lied. Yes, perhaps I’m guilty of omitting a few details, as you are,’ she replied, her gaze too resting upon the baby. ‘I spoke to Ella just now,’ she added quietly. ‘And I gather you’ve filled in some of those blanks.’

  Nina looked up. ‘How could you have let him do that to me? Leave me out in the open on the steps of a café? How could you?’

  ‘Honey, I’m sorry, but you know it wasn’t like that.’ She sighed. ‘Look, I have always tried to be a good mother to you and regrettably, I didn’t take to motherhood the way you appear to have already. I was a mess, I could barely look at you, I couldn’t even hold you. Your father thought he was helping – doing me a favour even.’

  ‘A favour? And once you found out what he did, how could you have forgiven him?’

  Cathy looked pained. ‘Nina, in my defence I went absolutely crazy when I found that you weren’t in your crib. From that day on, I’ve tried to never let you out of my sight and I always kept you close to me, didn’t I?’

  Nina had to admit, that was true. For all her life, Cathy had always doted on her and had loved her completely.

  ‘This was the reason that you two split up then? The reason that I could never get out of you?’

  Cathy nodded. ‘There was no other choice. I loved Patrick, but after all of that happened, I realised I wanted you more than anything, and I knew that a future with your father would be too difficult. With the way he is, he was finding it all so hard and it wouldn’t be fair on either of you. After all, a crying baby is only the start of the trouble and upheavals involved in raising a child. I knew Patrick wouldn’t be able for it, and so I couldn’t risk it.’

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me he was … different?’

  Cathy sighed. ‘How do you even start to explain something like that? Hell, back then I didn’t know what it was called or if it even was anything, and even now nobody can say for sure. I just knew that Patrick had his ways and despite them, or perhaps even because of them I loved him.’ She sat on the side of Nina’s bed. ‘Back then, when first started going out, he was so different to all the other lads our age, so gentle and restful and … mature I suppose. There was always something almost … brooding and mysterious about him and I guess I was drawn to that. Not to mention that he’s deeply intelligent and as you know, has always had a rather unique way of looking at life.’ She shook her head. ‘Then when we discovered you were on the way, the natural thing to do was make things official and we got married. But right from the outset, once we started living together, things became difficult. Patrick …he’s such a creature of habit.’

  Nina nodded. ‘Don’t I know it.’

  ‘Still, as I’ve told you all your life, your father is a good man and he’s always been wonderful to us.’

  ‘I still don’t understand how he could just throw me away …’

  ‘It wasn’t like that darling. He loved you back then, same as he loves you now, but you must remember that he’s not like you, nor me. Imagine how it would feel if just now if you felt nothing for your baby, nothing at all while you were holding him. Can you imagine that?’

  Nina looked at the sleeping face of her son and felt her heart twist. ‘No … I really can’t.’

  ‘Think then how your dad feels, everyday. Seeing you, seeing people he knows well, yet always struggling to feel a connection, feel close to them. Imagine that. Think of how it would feel if you didn’t feel anything when you were with those friends of yours who just left this room.’

  ‘I can’t imagine it.’ Nina paused for a moment, musing over what Cathy was telling her. ‘Does … does he love me at all?

  Cathy nodded. ‘Of course he does and I can say that without a doubt. Who do you think called me and asked me to come back?’

  Nina’s eyes went wide. ‘He did?’

  ‘Yes. I guess after what happened yesterday … he knew you needed me. And here I am.’

  Nina tried to take it all in. Given his impassive reaction the day before, she couldn’t believe that Patrick had even realised that anything was amiss, let alone taken the initiative to contact Cathy because Nina ‘needed her’. ‘

  ‘Tony must have been pleased,’ she said jokingly. ‘Where were you?’

  ‘Paris and he was fine about it. Actually I think he was delighted; Paris really isn’t his cup of tea,’ she added wryly and Nina smiled.

  ‘I can imagine.’

  ‘Then Ella called me and filled me in on the rest. Look, I’ve told you before how your father never let us want for anything, even after we split up,’ Cathy went on. ‘He understood that we couldn’t stay together and he never hesitated to do anything for you, provide you with anything and everything you needed. That was his way of showing he cared, his way of showing he loved you. He might not be able to do it with hugs and kisses, but he had his own way. I have all the respect in the world for him Nina, and I would ask that you try to have the same. You have the ability to do that and it would mean a lot to me if you did.’

  Nina nodded and seeing her son stir in the crib, she reached across and lifted him into her arms. ‘I really wish you would have told me sooner.’

  ‘About being left at the café? I didn’t see the point. After all there was nothing to be gained from telling you about that as it was all sorted within a day or two. As for the truth about your dad, well I thought about broaching the idea to you many times over the years, but the timing just never seemed right. And I suppose I was worried that the idea might change your opinion of him, and I didn’t want that.’

  ‘I always thought he was just …odd.’

  ‘Exactly, and I didn’t see any reason to rock the boat. It wouldn’t have done either of you any good. But now that you do know, how do you feel? About what happened I mean.’

  Nina kissed her baby’s forehead. ‘Well, it was a long time ago, there was no real harm done and I suppose, knowing what I know now, I guess I can forgive him,’ she said.

  Cathy exhaled. ‘Thank you, I’m relieved. And speaking of keeping secrets, darling daughter,’ she went on her tone changing, ‘when exactly were you planning on telling me you were pregnant?’

  Nina smiled sheepishly. ‘You know now.’

  ‘Indeed I do. So do I get to hold my grandson?’

  ‘Sure.’ She handed the baby to her mother, who held him gently.

  ‘He really is perfect, sweetheart and he looks just like you.’ Cathy paused for a moment. ‘I’m assuming Steve is the father.’

  ‘Yes, but he’s not going to be in the picture.’ She shrugged. ‘His loss.’

  Cathy nodded, apparently realising that now wasn’t the time to ask questions. ‘Well, if anyone can do this, you can and you know of course that I’ll do as much as I can to help you. When will they release you? I can get your clothes and everything sent back to our place.’

  Nina shook her head. ‘I’m not going back to Dublin, Mum, I’ve decided to stay in Lakeview.’

  ‘In Lakeview? But you don’t even like it there – and I thought considering …’

  ‘No, I have friends here and sort of a job. I can get a place of my own, maybe a little flat on Main Street or something. Besides, you’ve done enough for me over the years and you deserve to be able to live your own life now, without having to be roped in for more childminding.’

  This had been Jess’s idea, and she was right. All along Nina had been worrying about disappointing her mother and the baby being an additional burden on her – so much so that she’d never really conceived of bringing up the child without Cathy’s support.

  ‘Well what’s to stop you bringing it up in Lakeview?’ Jess had suggested, when over the course of their chat Nina realised that she didn’t really want to give the baby up, but at the same time wasn’t sure if she was capable of raising it on her own. ‘You said yourself you’re happy there, you�
�d have a job and lots of friends who I’m sure would only be too happy to help you out.’

  ‘You’re serious about staying there?’ Cathy asked now. ‘Ever after all that’s happened?’

  Nina nodded, feeling more and more certain by the minute. ‘I think it might be a good place to raise a child, better than a big city.’ She smiled gently at the baby. ‘And of course little Patrick will have a playmate soon too, when Ruth has hers…’

  ‘Little Patrick?’ Cathy interrupted, her voice catching a little.

  Nina nodded. ‘Yes, Patrick,’ she repeated smiling. ‘I think it suits him.’

  Cathy had tears in her eyes. ‘I think it’s wonderful.’

  Just then there was a quiet, muffled knock on the door. ‘Come in,’ Nina called out and the door opened slowly to reveal a very nervous looking Patrick.

  ‘Dad!’ she said, taken aback. In his arms he carried a bunch of pink roses, and was, as always glancing around, wary and unsure of himself. ‘Please come in,’ she said warmly.

  Patrick walked forward, taking in his surroundings, his eyes resting first on Nina and then turning to Cathy and the small bundle she held in her arms.

  ‘It seems we’re grandparents now, Patrick,’ Cathy smiled happily as if encouraging him to share in the joy of the moment.

  ‘Oh.’ Patrick hesitated a little. ‘I suppose we are.’ His gaze moved to Nina and it looked as though he was searching for some kind of reaction from her – as if worried that she’d exhibit the same postnatal symptoms that Cathy did.

  ‘Dad. It’s OK, I’m OK, I promise.’

  Patrick nodded, still seeming unsure of himself.

  ‘Would you like to meet your grandson?’ Cathy asked brightly.

  ‘Yes, please.’ He looked at the baby and then abruptly held out his arms, which Nina noticed were shaking.

  ‘It’s OK Dad, he won’t break.’

  Patrick held the tiny baby gently in his arms and looked up at Nina. ‘He looks like you, Nina.’

  She smiled. ‘Thank you. His name is Patrick too – after you.’

  There was a long silence, and eventually her father bit his lip and looked into his daughter’s eyes. ‘Oh. That’s good. I hope he likes fixing things.’

  And as her parents gathered around the newborn, Nina smiled, realising that already, her little baby son had fixed everything.

  THE END

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