Constellation

by Jennifer Locklear

  “I should get going,” I blurted. “Let you and Heide get on with your weekend.”

  “You don’t have to rush.”

  Why are you so nice to me?

  “Your shower was great, but I think I’d like to go home and get changed.”

  “I was hoping we could talk about things,” he pressed.

  I set my elbow upon the countertop and placed my chin into the palm of my hand. I needed to know what Jack had to say, whether it was going to crush me or not. The anxiety of the entire morning blossomed into full-blown fear. I was too scared to say anything, so I waited.

  Patience, Kathleen. Strength, Kathleen.

  Jack seemed to weigh his next words.

  “Perhaps it’s too soon for either of us to know what’s happening here,” he began. “I don’t want you burdened by obligation. What I do want to say is, I don’t pursue casual sex. I’ve never been good at that.”

  I remained still.

  “I’ve always liked you, Kathleen. Right from the moment we met.”

  I nodded, but offered nothing more.

  “Even if this doesn’t work out for us, I know we’ll still have to work with one another, and I’d hate to lose that connection.”

  His words filled me with tremendous relief. I tilted my head to meet his eyes as my own welled up in response to him.

  “I like you, too, Jack. Last night was amazing, but it might be a good idea to take off the rest of the weekend. We both should let our emotions settle and then think.”

  “Last night was more than amazing,” Jack stated with conviction. “But I don’t have an adequate word to describe it yet. Give me time.”

  He smiled, and my cheeks reddened in reciprocation. He seized the opportunity.

  “Are you sure I can’t see you tomorrow? We could meet somewhere. Come Monday, we’re back at the office, and then we’ll be busy with other things. The next thing you know, a whole week will have gone by with nothing to show for it.”

  I considered Jack’s request and was tempted, but knew I had other business to attend to. With reluctance, I shook my head.

  “I’ll need to deal with Robert first. I’ve missed something by being here this morning. I’m going to get an earful as it is.”

  “All right.”

  I wanted to show good intentions and good will so I tried to lighten the moment with a suggestion. “May I have access to your phone number? You let Craig have it. You may as well let me.”

  He grinned. “Of course.”

  Satisfied this was the best moment to make my exit from Jack’s house, I stood up and wandered into the living room to retrieve my purse. He followed behind me. I pulled out my phone and was dismayed to see a message on my screen. I had four missed calls and just as many voice messages waiting for my attention. I didn’t have to look to see who’d been attempting to get a hold of me. Robert was nothing if not persistent.

  I could deal with only one man at a time, so I removed the alerts from my display, opened my contacts and handed the phone to Jack. Once he finished keying in his number, he handed it back to me, brushing his fingertips against mine and sending a shiver of excitement throughout my entire body.

  “I’ll go get my phone,” he offered.

  “No need,” I replied, shaking my head for no discernible reason. I uttered my response without consideration, more like a reflex than a conscious choice, but the words were out of my mouth. There was no taking them back. I averted my eyes to the wall to keep my composure intact. My nerves were raw and my grip on my emotions was tenuous at best. When I spoke again my voice was lower and the words were heavy as they left me. “I’ll text you when I get home so you know I made it there.”

  Jack sighed, but nodded. He knew me well enough from the office to know that once I said something, I was stubborn enough to hold my ground. “Do you promise?”

  “Yes.”

  Jack exhaled with resignation and turned toward the front door. I didn’t know whether I wanted to leave his house or not, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. I followed his lead, but did so with a measured pace.

  Jack grasped the knob, but then turned and positioned himself between me and the door.

  I paused and looked up into his brown eyes, waiting to see what he would say to me in farewell.

  His eyes fascinated me, but now that I could study them without trepidation, I was enthralled. Their almond shape complemented the dark color and while they expressed warmth and kindness, no matter what the circumstances, there was no mistaking the telltale tinge of sadness.

  His face was smooth with no noticeable scars or blemishes, and although his features were soft, he exuded a great deal of character and complexity in his expressions. His nose was long, but neither narrow nor broad—just perfect. Despite his dark hair, eyes and complexion, his lips were a rosy pink, and I longed to trace them with my fingertip as I stared at them.

  He blinked and his gaze shifted from my face, downward. As he lifted his free hand, my breath hitched in my throat. He traced the V-neck of my blouse with the pad of his finger delicately skimming my chest. My skin tingled underneath his light touch, and my nipples reacted to his close proximity, begging for him to reclaim them once more.

  His eyes were riveted to the exposed skin of my upper body and after an eternity he whispered, “Like porcelain. I wish I could have enjoyed your body more in the light.”

  I watched his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. My mind was devoid of coherency. I couldn’t react, and it didn’t matter what I would have said to him because Jack’s hand released the handle just as his other grasped me. He pushed my blouse aside to reveal my bra and leaned in, bowing his head and pressing his lips to the top of my uncovered breast.

  I arched my back toward his eager mouth, and his arm slid around my waist. His grip tightened as he pulled me closer. Jack’s breath was warm, and as his mouth traveled along the inner curve of my breast, the cautious flick of his tongue on my skin produced a corresponding warm ache between my legs.

  I plunged my hands into his hair and pulled his head upward. Jack didn’t hesitate as he covered my mouth with his. I opened to him and moaned when our tongues reunited. It had been hours since our last kiss, and the experience of touching Jack was still so new. The thrill of his lips on mine evoked nothing short of an earth-shattering response in me.

  I forgot everything that was complicated about our situation and enjoyed the blissful reconnection of our mouths. Time barely moved, and yet, I grew excited with each passing second. I pressed my body against Jack’s, hungry for him. I was grateful that my skirt was just loose enough to cooperate with my deepest desires.

  All too soon, he retreated. His eyes met mine once more as he pulled my blouse back into place. When Jack opened his mouth to speak, his voice was calm and thoughtful despite the unmistakable desire in his expression.

  “Thank you for last night, Kathleen.”

  AROUSED AND confused after those last moments at Jack’s house, I navigated the streets of my hometown of Bend, Oregon, grateful that I knew them well enough to function on autopilot. I paused at a stoplight and shook my head in an effort to clear it, taking a few moments to reorient myself to my surroundings.

  Bend was located in high desert country, on the east side of the Cascade mountain range. Its proximity to the mountains made it a mecca for outdoor enthusiasts, and it was an easy getaway from the Pacific Northwest’s metropolitan areas. I knew transplants from Portland, Seattle, Boise, even San Francisco, and although these newer residents longed to be away from urban life, they didn’t want to sacrifice their cosmopolitan habits. Bend was known just as much for its gourmet food and impressive selection of microbrews as it was for its gorgeous setting.

  And my father had seen it all coming at the opportune moment. The first decision he had made upon being named CEO by my retiring grandfather was to relocate the headquarters of the family business, Aurora Advertising, from the heart of Portland to the heart of Oregon. The choice was risky and cause
d my grandfather concern, but the unorthodox gamble paid off. My father had been in charge of the agency since I was in preschool, and even though I had been born in Portland, my childhood memories of the Rose City were of visits there to see my grandparents.

  Although I was now in my mid-thirties, my father showed no signs of slowing down in his work, but it was understood that in another five or ten years he would be ready for retirement himself. So now he was working hard to ensure that I could lead the successful firm into its third generation.

  I pulled my car into my parking space at the condominium complex I called home, gathered my belongings and made my exit from the vehicle. I moved with purpose, determined to get from my car to my apartment without running into any of my neighbors while in a state of morning-after dishevelment. I didn’t need word getting back to Robert.

  Somehow, I managed to make it inside undetected and laughed with exhausted giddiness as I collapsed on my sofa. I sat for a few minutes, trying to relax in my own home, but found it difficult. There was nothing else to do but yield to the understanding that something fundamental had changed in my life since I’d left the condo the morning before.

  Fatigue began to overwhelm my senses, so I decided to reward myself with a bubble bath just as soon as I completed one final chore. I pulled out my phone and opened a new text message conversation, pausing as I figured out where to begin. I formed my opening sentence and typed as the rest of my words tumbled out. “I’m home. Hope things go well at Heide’s game. Thanks again for breakfast and the evening that led up to it. I’ll see you Monday.”

  I sent it off before I could reconsider a single syllable. I set the phone down, stood up and stretched my arms over my head as I turned to make my way to the bathroom. Before I made it to the hallway, my phone issued a ping.

  The man is far too good with his fingers.

  Turning on my heel, I marched with purpose back to the coffee table and retrieved my phone. Sure enough, there was a message from Jack Evans. “I’m glad I have your number now. Thank you. It’s too bad I have to wait until Monday. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

  I was tempted to answer back with a flirtatious comment. Instead I set the phone down and began undressing as I walked away. By the time I reached my bedroom, the only thing I had on was a smile.

  The bubble bath was wonderful and helped me set the agenda for the rest of my weekend.

  After luxuriating in my oversized tub, I indulged in a self-spa treatment, donned my favorite pajamas, selected a book or two to place on my bedside table, turned the television on for a bit of company and settled into my king-sized bed.

  Then, my phone rang from its place in the living room and my muscles tensed.

  It was Robert. There was a certain impatient tone that radiated from my cell phone when it was him. I was never surprised to see his name on the illuminated display, demanding my immediate attention. I wanted to pretend it hadn’t rung, but things were bad between us. I needed to eat crow and make the peace.

  With a grimace, I jogged to the living room and answered the call.

  “Hello.” I braced for Robert’s response by pressing my feet to the floor.

  “Hi.” There was a long pause.

  “How’s it going?” I responded, still defiant and feisty after my time with Jack.

  “Where were you this morning?” Robert’s voice was tight, controlled. I abandoned my stalling methods.

  “I’m sorry.” There was no way I was going to be honest about my whereabouts, so an apology seemed as good a place as any to begin.

  “Hmm.” I hated when Robert didn’t offer his thoughts. I hated trying to guess which land mine to avoid, so I resorted to some version of the truth.

  “I didn’t sleep much last night. Then I wasn’t well this morning.” My voice was quiet and nervous, and it pissed me off that I worried so much about this conversation and his opinion.

  “I called you,” Robert huffed. “I left messages.”

  I rubbed my temple as I answered. If things were going to blow up with Robert, this was the moment it would happen. The shorter my remarks, the better.

  “I just picked up my phone and discovered that a few minutes ago.”

  There was no response. I couldn’t even hear Robert breathing on the other end of the call. Rather than allowing the silence to drag on, I moved the phone call along with the sincere hope that perhaps it would be over with soon.

  “To be honest, I don’t feel up to anything. I was just about to go back to bed.”

  “What’s wrong?” Robert still sounded pissed, but there was a slight shift in his tone. It was a signal I knew well—it meant he’d decided not to pick a fight with me after all, but in a tone that indicated his intention to dominate the conversation.

  I stuck to my chosen scheme of evasion, realizing Robert wasn’t interested in me and my goings on. He was only concerned about how much I’d affected his morning.

  “I’m tired. I just need to rest.”

  After a few uncomfortable beats of silence, Robert spoke again.

  “You coming over tomorrow?”

  Fuck no.

  “No,” I said. “I’ll see you on Monday. I’ll be better by then.”

  “I hope so.”

  I sighed before I uttered my next words. I needed things to be calm when I did see him again. “I’m sorry I missed breakfast. I didn’t expect … The whole thing just slipped my mind.”

  “Okay,” Robert acquiesced, satisfied that I hadn’t ignored him on purpose.

  There was, however, another long pause as he waited for me to say something else. What on earth that was supposed to be was lost on me. My patience with this awkward conversation was waning, and I decided it was time to end it.

  “I’m going to go lay down again. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “See you,” Robert answered.

  “Bye,” I responded and hung up before he could stop me from doing so. A huge weight lifted from my shoulders as I realized I now had the rest of the weekend to myself.

  I carried my phone back to the bedroom. Phone calls with Robert were terrible. It was easier to have a conversation with him in person because at least there were distractions to seize upon during the inevitable lull in discussion. But on a call, there was nothing but his words and mine to focus on, and the severe disconnect between us was never more evident than when we were connected to each other’s phones.

  I fucking hated phones and began to glare at mine as I fought the urge to fling it out the window.

  But then I remembered Jack’s text.

  I opened his message up once again and re-read it several times. Each time that I did, a rare moment of serenity overtook me. I even considered calling Jack. The idea was so tempting it proved almost impossible to resist. I even began dialing him, but then opted out.

  I was now as excited for Monday as Jack appeared to be, and it was the anticipation of being near Jack again that would get me through having to deal with Robert in person.

  I set the phone down and returned to my lounging, the call with Robert set aside and forgotten.

  My thoughts about Jack were so much more pleasant.

  “HEY K-Dog!” My favorite barista at Dutch Bros. greeted me as dance music blared in the background. It was Monday morning, but I tended to forget that when I arrived for my routine dose of caffeine. No matter the time of day, the place had a party atmosphere and it put in me a good mood.

  “Hey yourself.” This had been our standard exchange for months.

  “How was the weekend?”

  It was one hell of a loaded question. I smiled as the poor young man making my coffee moved about his station, oblivious to the potential answer.

  “It was good,” I replied. “Yours?”

  “No complaints. No complaints.” He returned my grin as he strolled to the drive-through window and handed me my beverage. I set it in my cup holder before handing over my payment. It was a sign of trust I appreciated from Dutch Bros., even if my pot
ential theft was only worth a couple of bucks. I added an extra dollar and the barista tried to hand it back to me. I refused with a smile and pointed to the almost overflowing tip jar.

  “Did you change your hair?” the twentysomething man asked me as he pushed the dollar into the jar.

  I shook my head and was surprised when he kept studying me.

  He fixated on my blouse, which I had to admit showed more cleavage than usual for a work morning. From his vantage point at the elevated drive-through window, the barista had a prime position for a good eyeful.

  “I like your shirt,” he offered.

  I glanced in his direction in mild surprise and raised an eyebrow.

  “The color I mean,” he stumbled over his words as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I like the color of your shirt. It’s ah … nice.”

  I decided it was best to let him off the hook. After all, I couldn’t remember the last time a college man had flirted with me.

  “Thank you. Have a good day.”

  “You, too.” He waved as he dashed back to his station.

  I returned his wave and drove off toward work in good spirits and laughing.

  God, I love Dutch Bros.

  After stowing my belongings in my office, I grabbed my coffee cup and wandered toward the front of the office where Tracie, the receptionist was. She and I had made a habit of touching base each morning, and I was more desperate than ever to embrace the normal routine.

  I strolled through the maze of cubicles and found it unusually empty for a Monday morning. As I rounded the corner before reaching Tracie’s workstation, I glimpsed Jack’s office. The butterflies in my stomach punctuated the anticipation of seeing him once again. The light in his office was turned off, which wasn’t a surprise. Jack drove Heide to school in the mornings and arrived at work after I did.