Constellation

by Jennifer Locklear

  Jack’s fingers migrated to my back, brushing along my spine. “Is what happened to you a bad memory?” he asked in a concerned tone.

  I supposed he had good reason to be worried, but Jack was naïve. He couldn’t begin to comprehend how bad some of my memories were. I snuggled into his chest and closed my eyes.

  “It’s a fuzzy memory. It seems so long ago, so detached. I couldn’t say it’s bad. Just old.”

  We both fell silent once again and caressed one another as we danced. Serenity and intimacy were effortless. It was as though dancing naked together was the most natural thing in the world. As the song began to wind down, Jack lifted his head.

  “Can I kiss you?” His voice was gentle.

  “When your mouth is involved, it’s hard to say no,” I said with blatant desire.

  Jack brought his lips to mine. Our bare chests pressed together and our arms tightened around one another’s bodies. After a few moments, I rose on my toes to pull him closer.

  This was one of my favorite kisses with Jack. Even in the midst of the experience, I recognized this kiss would remain in each beat of my heart for the rest of my life. Our mouths opened and our tongues connected, but in a delicate way, it was different from any of our previous encounters. We explored one another, savoring each moment of the precious contact. When Jack withdrew from me, his regret at having done so was obvious. My immediate concern for his emotion made me forget my own pang of disappointment.

  “Do you still want gentleness, Kathleen?” Jack whispered just above my lips, the sensation tingling through my entire body.

  “Yes,” I said as his hands traced my backside.

  Jack brought his hands back up my body with deliberate slowness until they encircled my forearms. I unwound my hands from his neck without additional prompting, and he moved his fingers down my arms to entwine around mine. He lifted each hand one at a time and kissed them with reverence.

  “I want you relaxed. Let’s lie down.” Jack helped me onto the bed and positioned me on my back. True to his word, he eased my mood with soothing caresses of my legs and arms. My eyes drifted closed, and I surrendered to his touch.

  After a time, he asked, “Can I share a story with you?”

  I hummed my approval, and Jack knelt between my legs. My eyes opened to enjoy his new proximity. “What’s your story about?”

  “You. I’m going to tell you about the first time I was attracted to you.”

  I was astounded and my heart stuttered in response.

  “It happened at Robert’s home. During the firm’s holiday party.”

  “You noticed me then? All those months ago?” This was surprising.

  “Yes.”

  “It’s odd to hear you say that.”

  “Why?”

  “It was such an uncomfortable evening. I haven’t been back to his house since then.”

  Jack nodded, but didn’t press for details. He moved forward with his recollections. “It was awkward for me, too. Allison had left a few weeks earlier, and I was still new to the job. I didn’t know anyone well, and I wasn’t in a good frame of mind, so I arrived without a date. I noticed you because you appeared to be the only other person there who arrived alone.”

  I nodded.

  “You were in the living room, sitting on the hearth of the fireplace. You were wearing a beautiful, dark blue, cocktail dress. You looked elegant, but out of place. At first, I thought it was your choice of seat, but then it hit me.”

  I swallowed, and even though I knew what was coming next, I prompted him for it. “What did you see?”

  “Sadness. You looked as miserable as I felt.”

  “I’m sorry you were unhappy, Jack.”

  He grinned before continuing. “I considered approaching you then and there. I’d even talked myself into it. I took several steps in your direction, but then I stopped.”

  “Why?”

  “My logic began to argue with my emotions. My divorce wasn’t final. I had a daughter waiting for me at home. My complications didn’t need to become yours. I lost the nerve.”

  “For what it’s worth, you made the right decision that night. I wouldn’t have been good company and couldn’t see past my own nose.”

  “I didn’t speak with you, but I studied you. I saw so much that I’d never noticed before. I took in as much of you as I could and memorized everything I liked—your long neck, your breasts, the curve of your hip, your slender legs. You have no idea how sexy you were just sitting there by the fire. But more than anything else, I was captivated by your profile. I would have been content to spend the entire evening watching the firelight dance across your face. Watching you that night made me realize I could find enjoyment in this new life.”

  “I’d admired you by then,” I said. “You’ve been such a welcome addition to my life. Bringing you onboard is one of the few things I’d thank Robert for over and over again.”

  “I’ve wondered why you were sad. Did you argue with Robert that night?”

  “No. But the holidays can be hard to get through. Some years go better than others.”

  Jack changed the subject. “You were angry with me. That morning at my house.”

  “I was.”

  “Why?”

  “That’s a good question.”

  Jack waited as I considered my answer. Did I want to ruin this romantic moment by telling him I felt ignored that morning? I didn’t, but not just because I was wary of hurting him. In the weeks since we’d first slept together, I’d thought about that morning many times. I’d also thought about how Jack was capable of evoking such strong reactions from me. Enough time had passed that I began to doubt my own perceptions of that encounter, and as a result, I’d wondered how I could have been so warped.

  I shrugged. “I’m used to men treating me in a certain way. My mind just went there.”

  “You thought I treated you poorly?”

  I recalled my chaotic emotions of that day and found I was too ashamed to answer his question. Jack’s hand on my thigh drew my attention back to the present.

  When he had my full attention, he said, “Whatever it was I did to make you upset, I’m sorry.”

  “It wasn’t you, Jack. I wasn’t being fair—”

  “I upset you. That’s enough to warrant an apology,” he said in a remorseful whisper.

  I sat up on the mattress and looked into his eyes. “I’ve upset you now. I’m sorry, too.”

  I wrapped my arms around Jack’s neck and kissed him. He relaxed within my embrace, and I lowered us both back onto the mattress. We kissed for some time, and I held Jack against me. Lying underneath him, I was cocooned in ecstasy. In the past, we’d been vocal during sex, but this time was different. We communicated via touch and emotion.

  After a time, Jack began to chart a new course along my body, skimming his lips down my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair and soon his attentions drifted to my breasts. His kisses were erotic and tender. As his smooth lips concentrated on my nipples, Jack’s hand drifted down and grasped the curve of my waist. His grip was strong and with a subtle nudge of his knee, he coaxed my legs to open. I wrapped my legs around him, enjoying the touch of both masculine muscle and the short hairs on his skin.

  With our lower bodies now entwined, Jack returned to my mouth once more and emitted a gruff sigh against my lips as he entered me slowly. His emotional desire matched his physical pleasure, and I was in awe of him. Jack didn’t thrust hard into me, but moved deep within me, his elbows resting on either side of my head. As my own delight grew, I arched my back, prompting Jack to rise up on his arms. Jack opened his eyes and hummed his appreciation as my breasts pushed against his chest. As my body stretched taut, my head fell back into the pillows, and I surrendered to him. We both began to pant, and my heart rate increased with the tempo of our bodies.

  Being with Jack was unlike any other sexual experience I’d had before. Despite the newness of our romance, he knew how to please me as though we’d always been to
gether. When we made love, there was no awkwardness, just pure bliss. And our time together earlier in the day now had an unexpected, delightful result in this moment. We were unhurried. There was no impatient frenzy. We endured and as the minutes floated by, I found myself overcome by desire over and over again.

  Jack was in good physical shape and with measured continual strokes, he maintained our mutual pleasure and enjoyment. On occasion, he stilled his movements and placed his head on my chest for a few moments of rest, but he never withdrew from my body.

  During one of these restful moments, he hardened even more within me, and I urged him back into action with a lift of my hips. I was now consumed with pleasing Jack. I pressed my body flush against his and moved in perfect synch with him. As his self-control diminished, my own happiness increased, amplified by the intensity of our raw emotions. Together, we reached a mutual climax, my final orgasm fueled by his release.

  Moments later, Jack spooned with me, but kept enough distance between our upper bodies so he could kiss my back and shoulders.

  I smiled at the unexpected shower of affection and shivered when he ran the tip of his tongue along my bare skin.

  He stilled his movements and tightened his grip. “Are you cold?”

  I laughed. “Hardly.”

  He laughed in return and refocused his attentions on my shoulder and the back of my neck. In between kisses, he asked me a series of questions.

  “Are you warm?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you cared for?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you protected?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you feel beautiful?”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me how you are now.”

  “I’m a little afraid.”

  Jack stilled his movements.

  “Why?”

  “I keep finding new ways to fall for you.”

  He smiled against my skin. “Good.”

  I WOKE up in the middle of the night with sore muscles. I needed to stretch and eased from the bed, careful not to disturb Jack. His soft snores reassured me of my success, and I walked away from our bed to look out the window.

  I pulled the curtains back to take in the view. I wasn’t concerned about being seen by anyone. There were offices in the building across the street from our hotel room, and they were all dark. The streets below were deserted. After several minutes a satisfying form of fatigue began to set in.

  Rather than returning to the bed, I opted to sit on the chaise lounge Jack had occupied earlier. I drew my knees up to my chin as I stared out the window at the city and thought about everything that had happened in just a few short hours.

  Caring, generosity and intimacy were concepts I understood in theory, but had seldom experienced firsthand. Sex had always been enjoyable, but this was different.

  I didn’t understand how, but I did grasp that my connection with Jack Evans was life altering. I was forever changed by my relationship with him, and I didn’t know if this was a good thing or not.

  My feelings for him were undeniable and strong. I’d never experienced such intensity with any man. We had known each other for almost a year, working side by side. I’d admired him, but hadn’t lusted after him. An innocent and spontaneous dinner had triggered a staggering series of events over the course of the past several weeks, and in that short span of time, my life had changed.

  In the quietest of ways, Jack had taken hold of me—heart, body and soul. In doing so, he’d triggered an emotional tsunami. Over time, I’d become so comfortable setting my emotions aside that the coping mechanism was automatic. Jack Evans had the innate ability to dredge all my anxieties back to the surface. Positive and negative emotions were swirled in a frenzied vortex within me.

  I’d never been so happy and so frightened.

  As if my thoughts were loud enough to wake him, there was a rustling of the sheets and a sharp inhalation as Jack awoke. I turned in his direction and waited, taking advantage of the time to corral my thoughts.

  He rolled onto his side toward me and opened his eyes. When he saw me, he propped himself up on an elbow, smiled, but remained in the bed. I smiled back and held my position on the chaise lounge.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  I shrugged as I answered. “Thinking, I guess.”

  “What an incredible day this was.”

  Jack’s comment encouraged me to offer him a glimpse of my true mood. “I don’t want to let it go.”

  Jack picked up his phone and narrowed his eyes to glance at the time. “We don’t have to yet. We have hours still.”

  “What are you doing tomorrow?” I needed to prepare myself for the inevitable. Accepting this night would soon retreat into the past was not an easy thing to do.

  Jack’s eyes drifted to the wall in front of our bed as he answered, “I was going to drop in on a few clients. Then head for home in the afternoon.”

  A new and important question occurred to me—one that needed answering. “Who is Heide staying with?”

  Jack returned his gaze to me. “I’m friends with a single mom on Heide’s soccer team. We’ve been helping each other out. I’m giving her next weekend off in exchange.”

  “Oh.” My voice was timid and I regretted its tone.

  “Oh, what?” he prodded.

  “Nothing,” I whispered. Every raw nerve in my body was irrational and stinging with resentment.

  “Are you worried?”

  Fearful tears burned my eyes, and I turned my face away from Jack toward the window.

  I couldn’t stand the possibility of another woman developing an attraction for him like I had. I suffered from more than simple jealousy. I was also certain of something else. Most other woman my age had their lives under much better control than I did. By comparison, I was lacking. Despite his reassurances to the contrary, I was apprehensive that Jack would discover this truth soon enough.

  When I didn’t answer him, Jack threw the covers away from his body. He drew my full attention back, and as he strolled over to where I was sitting, I ogled him without shame. Considering how much sex we’d engaged in during the day and evening, I was surprised by his semi-aroused state.

  He bent at the waist and brought his face close to mine. Our eyes locked and he said succinctly, “Never worry.”

  He kissed me, but instead of focusing on his gentle touch, I was thinking about how I’d have to let him go in the morning. And how much I didn’t want to.

  I took hold of him by the legs and drew him down on top of me as I positioned myself on my back on the chair. Jack’s hand moved to my backside to guide me, and I whimpered at his strong grip.

  I slid my hands over his lower back and settled them on his hips, pulling him toward me. He pushed my legs apart and the moment he touched me, he was hard.

  I was still wet after spending hours in bed with Jack. When he entered me, he glided inside without resistance. I slid my hands down and pressed on his firm ass with my fingers to encourage his movements.

  Jack reared up and removed my hands from his body. He placed my arms above my head, draping them over the back edge of the chaise lounge. He began thrusting hard as he held my arms in place. I cried out in passionate excitement, my fingers pressing into the upholstery of the chair as his body claimed mine. Jack pushed down on my wrists as he continued his unrelenting pace, drawing my attention with the amplified pressure.

  “Leave your arms like this,” he instructed.

  “Yes,” I panted.

  Jack removed his grasp, brought one of his hands to my chest and caressed me as our momentum picked up. We increased our rhythm every few moments. Our initial murmurs of pleasure escalated into unapologetic grunts and groans. We didn’t worry if neighbors heard our lovemaking or if the chaise lounge survived.

  All I cared about was how quickly Jack could push himself back into me.

  When the perspiration of our slick bodies threatened to interfere with our incessant connection,
I pressed my legs against his. With my hands still clutching the back of the chair I arched my back, bringing our chests into direct contact once again.

  “I could do this with you all night,” I confessed, telling him my deepest desires.

  Without warning, Jack rose up on his knees, but did not withdraw from my body. He grabbed my legs and pulled them upward, along the length of his torso. Once my ankles rose above his shoulder, he took hold of both with one hand and braced his other hand on top of the chaise lounge, near my outstretched arms. Astoundingly, he increased his speed again. The combination of his feverish pace along with the deep penetration from the new angle evaporated all rational thought. I yelled out in surprise as the intensity of my impending orgasm took complete control of my senses.

  “Should I keep doing this?” Jack asked with a voice thick with arousal.

  “Please,” I begged.

  “Will you come like this?”

  I gasped at his words, at his tone of voice, at the stunning control he held—not only over his body but also over mine—and at my complete surrender to his whims.

  “Kathleen?” he said, punctuating my name with an aggressive thrust.

  “Yes! Jack!”

  “Tell me when you come,” he commanded. “I want to know when it happens.”

  “Soon,” I breathed.

  “Do you understand how much I want you, Kathleen?”

  Jack was fucking me into incoherence. I couldn’t answer him intelligently and cried out my acknowledgement. He lifted my legs in response, my bottom hovering in the air just above the seat of the chaise lounge. This final shift in position was enough to throw me over the edge. I had a second or two to comply with Jack’s request and managed to do so by sheer miracle.

  I cried out his name with heat, and his own control swayed as my orgasm claimed every ounce of me. My body tightened even more around his and he moaned, the sound emanating from deep within his chest. I knew him well enough to know his own climax was underway.

  “Don’t let me go!” I cried out.

  Jack tightened his grip on my ankles. After several vigorous thrusts that ensured my final orgasm, he pushed himself deep inside me. His glorious body stilled and the strength of his release overpowered us both. He surrendered to the desire of the moment and it was beautiful. My own esteem blossomed. His usual careful demeanor all but evaporated whenever we had sex. This is what I did to him, and the euphoria was profoundly addictive.