I nodded. “I’ll see you after the weekend.”
THIRTY MINUTES later, I was sitting in a black vinyl chair and staring absently out the terminal window as my plane pulled into the gate. My phone chimed with a text message, startling me from my daze.
I swiped the screen and read Jack’s message. “There’s something I need to say to you. Something I need you to hear before your interview. Please call me before then.”
He was offering me the opportunity to call him much later, knowing my interview wouldn’t be taking place until the following day. I decided to call him before I even left the state. I waited for him to answer and when he did, he dove right in to the conversation.
“Let me say these things before you speak,” he began. “Listen to my words. You think I’m in the midst of making a choice between my former life and this one. Yes, I was in love with Allison once, and we’ll always have a bond because we made the world’s most beautiful daughter. But even so, what we had together wasn’t what it should be. It was good enough at the time, but Allison and I aren’t soul mates. We never were.
“You’re right in that I don’t have a lot of choice right now. Heide’s future is on the line. She still has so much to overcome, and it scares the hell out of me that you believe you aren’t an important part of her recovery. I’m afraid that I’m to blame for that.
“I was stupid, Kathleen. I was shortsighted and unfocused. I took your love and your generous heart for granted. Now I have to face the consequences of that mistake. I know I have a lot of work to do for us. I’ve given you plenty of reason to question my loyalty.
“I failed as a husband because I always thought I knew what was best and I was wrong. So now I’m putting my faith in you to know what’s best for you. I hope beyond hope that you’ll choose me. But if I’m not the best man for you, then I want you to find the best. You deserve nothing less.”
He took a deep breath that rattled with nervousness. “I don’t want you to go to Denver, but I also know I never want you to regret not going. I don’t want you to regret passing up a good opportunity for yourself. Whatever choice you make after this weekend, I will support you. But I cannot have you walk into that interview thinking that I’m even close to considering a future without you. I love you, and I know you love me. I know you are my soul mate, Kathleen.
“After the first time we made love, you trembled in my arms and you asked me a question. Do you remember?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “I’ll never forget it.”
“Then you remember my answer.”
“Yes.”
“Nothing has changed since the first time I held your beautiful body to mine. I will always feel that way about you.”
My heart was beating heavy, eager to absorb the love it craved.
Jack’s worried voice drew me back into reality. “Are you still there?”
“Yes. Thank you, Jack. You don’t how much I needed to hear that.”
“Just as much as I needed to say it. I love you, Kathleen.”
“I love you. I do. I’m not doing this to hurt you.”
“I understand that now. I’m not trying to talk you out of going to Denver.”
“I know that.” The gate clerk made an announcement through the loudspeaker, signaling the inevitable. “They’re getting ready to board the plane, Jack. I better go.”
“Have a safe trip.”
“Jack?”
“Yes?”
“Robert asked me to think about things for a few days before I make any big decisions. I want you to know that’s exactly what I’ll do.”
“I believe in you, Kathleen.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you next week.”
“Bye.”
I disconnected the phone call and rose from my seat, gathering my purse and my carry-on luggage. I watched as arriving passengers made their way toward the main terminal and considered blending in with them and calling Robert before he got any farther down the road. Jack had been sincere with his sentiments, and I believed everything he had told me. Emotionally, I wanted to return to Bend, go to his house and kiss him madly. There was just one thing stopping me.
Sadness can overshadow the brightest day.
Sorrow can smash you and tear you inside out.
Despondency can make everything else in your life inconsequential.
Consumed by despair, my mother arrived at the point where her friends, her family, her accomplishments, her love, and ultimately her life were no longer worthwhile endeavors. Swallowed whole by her unhappiness, her misery took her away from everything and everyone that once mattered.
When my mother died, she was thirty-six years old. My father took me to the funeral home. I sat alone next to her coffin while he wandered away. I was a child, yearning for words of comfort and because my father wasn’t there to offer them, I had to come up with some of my own. That night, my child self struck a deal with my future adult self.
It was difficult to make sense from what my mother had done, but I knew it was important to remember what it was like to sit there with her lifeless body. If I had any hope of surviving beyond her age, I would forever need to remember how sadness could destroy someone.
I told myself to remember this because I was just as human as my mother was. I had to remain strong from that day forward because a time might come when I might be tempted to do the same.
Now, I was thirty-six and that frightful temptation had presented itself.
Now surrounded by dejection, and because of the promises I had made to my ten-year-old self, I rummaged for courage and introspection. By doing so, I made a surprising discovery. At the center of my emotional vortex, I stumbled upon stillness in the gloom. In the frenzy of melancholy, dismissing it could have been easy. Instead, I remembered the sight of my mother’s coffin and embraced that pocket of stillness because it offered a bewildering version of tranquility. A type of peace.
I understood what was happening in my life now, and although I wasn’t happy about it, I knew things were eventually going to get better. With my decision made, I simply had to accept the challenges standing in the way. In so many ways, Jack Evans was responsible for bringing me to this point. He was the one who opened my eyes and made me understand how much I was capable of accomplishing.
I loved Jack, but he confounded me. He had hurt me more than once. He’d essentially ignored me and infuriated me that first morning I had woken up in his bed. I’d been frustrated time and again by his varying degrees of elusiveness, but had ignored the reasons why he was holding a part of himself back.
For all that Jack had said during our call, there was still so much unsaid. He was still holding back from me, and still unwilling to address the issues from our initial argument many weeks earlier. The summer had finally ended, but there had been next to no progress in our relationship.
With everything said and done, I concluded we might never have belonged to one another. We were both in the midst of a transformational time, and now the time had come to move on. I had to move forward, because if I stubbornly hung on to him under the current circumstances I would lose everything. If I forced us to endure one another’s presence, day in and day out without being able to love him freely, my love would turn toxic. My love would end up destroying me.
I’d promised myself to remember my mother’s coffin, so I turned away from those who were taking their first steps into Oregon and boarded a flight for Colorado ready to see what opportunities awaited me there.
To Be Continued …
My long list of thanks begins with Kris, Morgan and Sue, who read this book in all its various stages. They selflessly contributed their time, advice and encouragement, and their wholehearted support of Jack and Kathleen’s story convinced me I could write a trilogy.
Thank you to my online colleagues at “Argyle Empire” and “Bookish Temptations.” As I devoted my attention to writing Constellation rather than blogging for AE, Coco, Iris and Mango were amazing. Special thanks also go to
Tamie for reading the rawest version of the manuscript and offering a cover quote. You’ve all been amazing friends since the time we met, and this instance is no exception.
I am grateful to Colleen, who provided editorial direction despite her own hectic schedule. I asked for her help, assuming it was a longshot, and she eagerly took on the project. Her fingerprint is definitively on this book and the story is better as a result.
I also enjoyed my collaboration with Janine and Lauren at Write Divas. Their professionalism as editors is unequivocal and I look forward to working on this series with them. I’d also like to express my gratitude to Marla for her amazing copy edit skills. Carol (aka the Blurb Bitch) did a tremendous favor by drafting the synopsis for this book. Without her help, I’d still be trying to summarize this novel into a few eye-catching paragraphs. JM Walker took on the task of formatting the novel, and it’s been a delight to work with someone who wants the inside of my book to be as appealing as the cover.
Jada D’Lee, Gel and Victoria all did something for this story that I never could. Jada’s cover design, Gel’s tempting illustrations and Victoria’s illo have transformed my black and white words into vibrant pictures. The three of you were my top choices as visual artists for Constellation, and I’m honored you found this story worthy of your incredible talents.
Christine and Kelley from The Hype PR have been wonderful to work with and have provided me with amazing connections beyond my own personal circles. I love how we’ve worked together as a team and I can’t wait to release other books with your help.
Melissa is not only my sister-in-law, she’s also my personal assistant. We’ve known one another for most of our lives, but we’re just beginning this particular journey together. She’s a woman who can always get the job done and someone I trust completely. I’m thrilled to no end to have her help moving forward.
Since 2010, I’ve developed wonderful relationships with many readers, reviewers, bloggers, artists and authors. The people I’ve met both online and in person provide me with daily inspiration. I can’t name you all here, but if we’ve ever spoken to one another, please know I’m speaking of you now. Because of your friendship, I am happier than I’ve ever been. My life has been a fantastic whirlwind since you welcomed me into the community. Thank you.
Having said all that, I’m including a special shout out to Ronnie. Beyoncé has nothing on her.
In that place we refer to as real life, I have a full-time career. While many authors fear losing their day jobs and conceal their published works from their employers, my personal experience differs. Not only do my work colleagues encourage my writing, they also allow me to do so under my own name. I wish to express particular thanks to Carrie, Caryl and Valencia. The three of you may not realize it, but the support you have so effortlessly given me is indeed an aberration in my publishing circles.
I need to express my love and appreciation to my children and my mother, who all patiently allow me to pursue random story ideas and all that comes with my writing endeavors. It isn’t just about spending hours lost in a Word doc or spending time on social media. It’s also about me leaving home on occasion to attend author events and other assorted shenanigans. You are all very good to me, and I hope I’m as good to you in return.
Finally, I wish to thank my husband. Morgan has been by my side ever since our introduction on a dance floor in 1988. Several years ago, he saw a spark of creativity in me and encouraged me to rekindle my connection to storytelling. Thinking about writing a novel is one thing. Sitting down to do so is quite another. Without Morgan’s enthusiasm, love and effort to draw me into the spotlight, I guarantee you never would have heard a peep out of me.
~ Jennifer
Father’s Day 2016
Jennifer Locklear lives in the Pacific Northwest region of the United States. She married her high school sweetheart, Morgan, in 1995. She is the mother of two children, a son and daughter.
Jennifer enjoyed creative writing as an adolescent, but set aside her favorite hobby to concentrate on college studies, career and family. In 2010, she rediscovered her passion for writing when her husband recruited her to edit his own stories. They co-authored and published their debut novel, Exposure, in 2014.
Since 2000, Jennifer has been employed in fundraising and development for a non-profit organization. She has been a contributing reviewer for the “Bookish Temptations” book blog and is a founding moderator of “Argyle Empire,” an approved fan site for author Sylvain Reynard. She also enjoys participating in charitable activities, both locally and online.
Constellation is Jennifer’s first solo novel.
Team Constellation:
Jennifer Locklear
Website - http://locklearbooks.com/
Twitter - @RandomCran https://twitter.com/RandomCran
Twitter - @MJLocklear https://twitter.com/MJLocklear
Facebook - Morgan & Jennifer Locklear https://www.facebook.com/MorganandJenniferLocklear/
Write Divas - http://www.writedivasediting.com/
Proofingstyle, Inc. - http://www.proofingstyle.com/
The Blurb Bitch - http://www.blurbbitch.com/
Just Write. Creations - https://www.facebook.com/justwrite.creations/?pnref=lhc
Jada D’Lee Designs - http://www.jadadleedesigns.com/
Tempting Illustrations - http://www.temptingillustrations.com/#sthash.bFewra3c.dpbs
Ruffles and Restraints - http://rufflesandrestraints.com/
The Hype PR - http://www.thehypepr.net/
Other Titles Offered by Enchanted Publications
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Fireworks by Lindsey Gray
Breathe Again by Sydney Logan
Chasing Castles by Jiffy Kate
The Other One by Jiffy Kate
Compass by Jeanne McDonald
Politically Incorrect by Jeanne McDonald
The Contract by Melanie L. Moreland
All Over You by Ayden K. Morgen
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http://www.enchantedpublications.com
Not where the storyline ends...
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Constellation Page 31