By Moonrise

by Jackie Dana

  Time seemed to stand on one end as they sat in the cave, each second measurable and agonizingly long.

  Her emotions, the entire confusing web of them, were building up inside. She couldn’t untangle them long enough to label them, much less try to figure out how to deal with them. Finally she exploded. “Damn it, Arric, why do you have to be who you are?”

  He coughed. Then, after a pause, he asked, “what do you mean?”

  She crawled to the cave opening. The sky was dark, and she could not see the river, although she could hear it crashing against the banks. There were a few birds whistling, but little sound other than that. Then she spun around on her knees, facing back into the cave. “I don’t know what I mean. I don’t know anything. I’ve been sitting here for however long now trying to figure out how I feel about you, and whether or not it’s okay to feel that way, and I just come up empty.”

  He didn’t respond. She could make out nothing in the darkness, not even his outline against the black walls, but she heard him exhale heavily. Carefully, she crawled towards him, one hand held in front of her so she would not overstep her goal. A finger grazed his arm, and traced the line to his hand. A wave of her other hand guessed where his face would be, and she found the ruffle of his hair, still damp from the river. He didn’t move. Without a pause, she dropped to sit beside him.

  “I never intended to force you to choose between the Aldrish and myself,” he said softly. “Hopefully he’ll take you back when this is all over.”

  She laughed, but it sounded more like a whimper. Had Fantion not told her she might have to choose between them one day? “You say that as if it’s what I want.”

  “Nay?” he asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “Is it not, then?”

  She drew herself closer, almost into his lap, and kissed him.

  At first he didn’t move, as if her forwardness shocked him. That hesitation lasted for only the briefest moment, however. Then his hands, broad and strong, grasped her shoulders and pulled her closer.

  There was no need for second-guesses. When he kissed her, this time passionately, she returned it with equal intensity. Her own hands roughly grabbed the back of his head, and then slid down his shoulders.

  Before she could accept what she was doing, she had tangled her fingers in his shirt laces, pulling the collar away from his neck, and she explored the curves of his shoulders. With one hand under his shirt, her fingertips explored the cold skin of his shoulders, and down the expanse of his back. She touched his scars, the raised lines that offered a sharp reminder of his past. Instead of revulsion, these battle souvenirs helped her delve deeper into who he was, leading to understanding rather than fear or pity.

  Arric, meanwhile, continued to use his tongue in an exploration of her mouth, her teeth, her lips. Gently he nipped at her earlobe. Then he moved his hands down to her arms, and lifted her up. She couldn’t figure out why he wanted her to stand until she realized he had already undone the laces in the back of her shift and now was working feverishly to pull it off. As a cold hand cupped her breast, she jumped, and giggled, and then returned the favor, pulling off his shirt and then slipping a set of icy fingers into his trousers. He gasped, and then moaned once, before pulling her hand free so he could lead her to the opening of the tunnel, where the air was much warmer. Then he tugged slightly at her fingers and both collapsed to their knees.

  He bent his head down and kissed one of her breasts, while his fingers lightly rubbed her back. She nuzzled her face in his hair, which despite the river still held the slightest scent of rosemary and lavender, scents she had come to associate with him.

  He traced out the roundness of her breasts, and the curve of her waist and hips. He untangled the fabric of her shift from her legs and tossed it aside, affording him a more thorough examination of her thighs and the warm space between them. Then she bent down to kiss him again, and he grabbed her shoulders to pull her down on top of him as he fell to the floor, so he would take the brunt of the ice-cold stone.

  She untied the lacing at his waist, exposing the last of his flesh to the bite of the winter air. He quickly grabbed his trousers before she could fling them away, and she worried she had gone too far, until she discovered he only meant to lay them on the floor of the cave beside her shift. It was a crude bed, and when he rolled her over onto it she gritted her teeth against the new shock of the dampness, but instantly the heat of his body melted into her and she completely forgot about the cold.

  For a string of heartbeats they forgot their personal torments and the physical discomfort of the cold cave, instead finding solace with each other. And then, once they found their release together, dreams were but a breath away. He nudged her further into the relative warmth of the tunnel, and then she snuggled close to him, nestled in the protective crook of his arm. It was in this way that they lay together until sunrise, wrapped in a confident bond of shared slumber.

  Chapter 50

  Actually, sunrise snuck past them.

  “Kate,” Arric whispered, “it’s morning.” As she stirred, mumbling something unintelligible, he added, “we’ve no time to spare. I heard soldiers on the hill above us, so we need to move into the cave. I definitely don’t wish to be caught now.” Standing in the outer cave, he had already laced up his trousers, and buckled his belt over his shirt. Now he was working pull his stiff but dry stockings onto his feet, and then he shook out the rest of the sand from his boots.

  Alarmed by his words, she sat up quickly and wiped her eyes. Her shift still lay underneath her on the floor, and self-conscious about her undressed state in the daylight, she quickly pulled it free and slipped it over her head. Only then did she stretch out the stiffness from her arms and shoulders, and crawl out of the tunnel.

  Arric tossed her dress to her. Thanks to the breezes that slipped past the cave opening, it was dry save a few spots that had folded over on themselves, and the blue wool was now spotted with the rust of old blood. Still, she pulled it over her head without comment, grateful for its warmth in the crisp dawn air.

  Now in daylight, she was scared to look directly at Arric, unsure how to interpret what had happened between them. Patiently she waited instead to see how he responded to her.

  She was relieved that he behaved exactly as he had before. “The Sarnoc had this waiting for us,” he whispered as he held out a leather satchel. “I found it a little ways further inside the cave.”

  Opening the bag, she saw a healthy supply of jerky and small parcels wrapped in leaves that turned out to be tiny loaves of a moist, sweet bread. She broke one in half and handed it to him, and he took it gratefully.

  “They also left a flask with water,” he added, his mouth lined with crumbs, “and we should be able to refill it from the underground river.” He handed it to her. “Just a few sips. We should save the rest in case we need it later.”

  “Did they provide us with torches or candles?”

  “Nay, no such luck. Perhaps they feared fire would lead troops to us, or maybe it was to lighten the burden?” He must have seen panic on her face, for he quickly added, “don’t worry, we should be able to manage with my land-instinct to guide us.” He slung the satchel over his shoulder, and swiveled on his heels. “Are you ready?”

  She nodded, almost imperceptibly. With every fiber of her being she wished that she would not have to enter the blackness beyond. Only her faith in Arric’s innate ability enabled her to agree to this folly. Even as she hesitated, he bowed his head and slipped between the rocks, one hand extended to her.

  They plunged into absolute darkness that folded itself around them more securely than the hug of the musty stone walls. Compared to the chill of the morning outside, the cavern’s warm air was welcome. Small comfort, she thought, as she slid forward on her hands and knees after him, holding her breath as the light from the cave mouth rapidly vanished.

  “I don’t think I can do this.” She spoke after they stood up in the room that had opened up after only about fifteen feet of
tunnel. Never before had she faced a place as sinister and foreboding as this cave. One candle, one torch, and the cavern would seem manageable, for she would have dispelled the unknown with fire. As it was, the dark was overwhelming, and she struggled against panic.

  “Kate, I can guide us,” he said, his voice confident. “We shall be in no danger.”

  “That’s easy for you to say.” The drip of water, the scuttle of blind cave critters, the squeal of bats high overhead—all were magnified in her mind. Nothing could harm her here, but she was unable to fully rationalize her safety in the dark.

  “It’s difficult, but you must stop thinking of whatever it is that frightens you about this place,” he advised. “There is likely nowhere safer than this cave, even in the best of times. It’s a pity that we have no light to appreciate this space.”

  She shrugged, a gesture he couldn’t see. He also couldn’t see her tears, coming unbidden. She was terrified, and hated feeling that way, particularly around him. As a result, she couldn’t speak.

  He turned, felt for her, and then folded her in his arms. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

  His tenderness immediately eased her fears, though nothing would erase them entirely. At least now she could breathe, and when he released her, he took her hand. “We must stay together, and keep hold of one another, whenever we are in a wide-open area such as this. I will sense the best path to follow, just as if I could see it in front of me, but you will not. Without being able to see you, this is the easiest way for me to know where you are.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be like glue. Please, keep talking.”

  “Aye, that’s easy enough. So what would you like to talk about?”

  She thought about it for a moment. “Well, I was wondering. Have you and your brother—I mean, Vosira Bedoric—always...” she hunted for the right word.

  “Disagreed? Fought?” He guessed, and then laughed. “Ah, that’s an innocent enough topic to start off.” He led her into a fissure in the limestone. “Careful—it seems like it will be a tight fit. Just hang on to me.”

  Once they cleared the passage, the next room opened up and their footsteps echoed in the wide space. “I expect this would be a beautiful cavern if we could see it.”

  “You’ve been in caves before?” In her world, with electricity and flashlights anyone could be an amateur spelunker, and once at summer camp she had even rappelled down into a sinkhole, the walls of which were filled with miniature stalactites. She loved caves, usually, but this time, in the dark, it was different.

  “Aye, in Froida, we slept in caves in the winter. Naturally, dozens of men idle for months on end could not possibly leave their surroundings unexplored.” He turned to the left and she followed dutifully, if also slowly. “That is a good story, perhaps for another time. For now, you asked me about Bedoric.” He took a deep breath. “You know he’s older than me, by about five years. You might be surprised to learn that he was the serious, studious one, not me—at least for a while. I was always so much better with the sword, and on horseback, and honestly I never thought too much about studying history, learning languages, that sort of thing. So we led very different lives, really. I looked up to him as any younger brother might, but as I think on it, perhaps he resented me.”

  She wasn’t too surprised by this comment. “Really? Why, do you think?”

  “Oh, I suspect I know the reason. You see, in Sarducia book-learning is all well and good, and expected of all charnok, especially those who are the sons of the Vosira. Leaders, however, are born in the exercise yard. Even though Sarducia has not been at war in many lifetimes, it was important that the Vosira was someone who could fight if it became necessary. Bedoric was always clumsy and big. Not like he is now, mind you, but even as a boy he was awkward.”

  “I know what that’s like.” She had always been a bit on the heavy side, and tall. She never felt graceful, and now, in a place where she was expected to wear long, fitted gowns, her own awkwardness was intensified.

  Her words caught him by surprise. “You, Kate? Nay, you’re not like that at all. True, you’re not a delicate, fragile girl. That’s not a bad thing, though, don’t get me wrong. You have strength about you, and confidence. That makes you so much more beautiful than the other women in Loraden.”

  It was Kate’s turn to be surprised. He thought she was beautiful? “Thanks.”

  In response, he squeezed her hand. “Now, you’ve made me lose track of what I was saying.”

  “You were saying your brother resented you.”

  “Aye, that’s right. Well, there really wasn’t much to be done about it.” Again, they turned, this time following a narrowing corridor to the right. “We had our own talents and interests,” he continued, “and that was that. And for a while it did not present a problem.”

  She tried to imagine Vosira Bedoric as a studious child, and it was difficult. “Something happened, didn’t it? I mean, between you and your brother?”

  “Aye. You would not believe it, but I once was rather prideful.”

  “Really, you?” she said lightly, amused. “You’re right, I don’t believe it.”

  “Oh indeed. I was all of twelve in years, but I thought I was quite the horseman. I was so sure of myself that I believed I could beat the best riders among the Senvosra. So, to teach me a lesson, a couple of the soldiers challenged me to a race.”

  “This isn’t going to end well, is it?” She laughed. It was entertaining to imagine him as a young boy.

  He whistled. “Nay, you are quite right. It was a sunny summer day, and we all went out to the paddocks just below the city gates. I had chosen this one young stallion, quite a spirited horse. He was one of the fastest horses I had ridden. The race was to be the first to make it around the field three times, and on that horse I was sure to win. A lot of people followed us down, and I assumed everyone was cheering me on. In hindsight I heard they had all wagered on me—not that I would win the race, but on how long it would take before I fell off that horse.” He laughed, and the sound echoed in the cave. “Of course I knew nothing about that at the time. I felt so confident, like nothing could go wrong.” He paused, remembering the moment. “Ah, in all ways it was a perfect day.”

  Kate was enjoying the mental vision of the bright sun, and imagining Arric as a boy being so cocky and stubborn. “What happened?”

  “Ah well, I hadn’t counted on my horse getting spooked after the first circuit. I think it was a dog that ran into the field, but I’m not sure—it all happened so fast. The horse reared up, and I fell off and hit the ground wrong. The bone in my calf snapped in two, and as I lay there screaming in pain, the fool horse’s hooves nearly cracked my head open.”

  “You broke your leg?” She seemed surprised. “Which one?”

  “It was my right leg, just below the knee. It was a serious break, too, because I could see the bone sticking out of the skin. It was awful.” He chuckled at the memory. “You know, as I think about it, I’m pretty sure I passed out from the pain. I didn’t have a healer at first, because Sander was helping in a difficult birth elsewhere.”

  “Sander? You mean, Lysander was there then?”

  He laughed again. “Of course. He used to be the royal healer. Didn’t he tell you that?”

  “Yeah, I knew that, but I guess I didn’t realize he was around when you were growing up.” So he hadn’t exaggerated when he said he had known Arric for a long time.

  “Aye, he wasn’t outlawed until much later. Anyway, the Senvosra carried me back to the keep, but because Sander wasn’t able to help me right away, the bone splintered further.”

  “That sounds terrible.”

  “Oh, aye. I screamed like a baby the whole way back. Every step they took when they were carrying me felt like they were driving a horseshoe nail into my leg. After all that, because of the way the bone broke and the delay in healing it, even with all of Sander’s skill, he couldn’t fully mend it. I was unable to put any weight on it for many days, a
nd then could not walk without pain for a full season. There was an ache, you see, that didn’t go away even when the bone was healed.” He lowered his voice slightly, out of habit, as he continued. “Even now, sometimes when it’s cold and damp, the pain will come back, and it’s all I can do not to limp on it. I do not share this fact with many people, though.”

  “I bet it hurt last night, then.” Kate marveled that he had said nothing about it. “And in the Muras?”

  “Aye, back in the swamp it did bother me, that’s the truth. Anyway, for the rest of that summer I rarely left my quarters, though it was due as much to my shame as it was the pain. While I was indoors, I was forced to take my studies more seriously, and Bedoric was forced out into the exercise yards twice a day rather than once every other day.” He laughed. “I do not believe he ever forgave me for breaking my leg.”

  “Still, he’s Vosira now, rather than you.”

  “Aye.” He took a few steps and stopped. “I hear water dripping. There must be a pool just ahead.”

  It wasn’t much, just a shallow puddle collecting one drop at a time in a depression in the rock floor. Regardless, it was the first water they had encountered, and they both scooped out what they could to drink, saving the remainder of the flask for later. The water was pleasantly cool, but it was salty-tasting from the dissolved minerals of the rocks around them.

  When they resumed their journey, the ceiling rapidly sloped downwards, and Arric stopped after walking only a few feet. “From here it appears that we’ll have to crawl for a while,” he announced, and released her hand.

  Between the discomfort of crawling and the presence of a very low ceiling, it was difficult to continue their conversation. With the silence came a flood of thoughts and emotions that she had not yet had a chance to process.

  When she had first met Arric, she thought him self-important and intimidating. As time had passed, she began to see past the facade, only to realize that it was his sense of duty, as well as compassion and a commitment to his friends, which fed the intensity that she had mistaken for arrogance. She couldn’t help but be influenced by the loyalty that Fantion, Sander and Nyvas had shown for him. Most of all, despite the accumulation of sorrow and guilt, he still allowed humor and joy to be part of his life. She had developed a fondness for him, a friendship built on a few days’ close association, and that had fueled the first spark of attraction, but there had been no chance to see where it might go.