by Jackie Dana
After they had all stuffed themselves, and emptied the bottle of quinsa first, Kate leaned back in her chair, her cup now half-full with the aged havar. “So what happens now? Is tomorrow spa day?”
Both men looked at her with curious expressions. “What is that?” Nyvas asked in a solemn tone.
She threw her head back and laughed. “It was a joke. Spas are places where you get facials and pedicures and—” she stopped, realizing neither had any idea what she was talking about. “I was just playing on the idea that we need to relax. So Seb, if there’s no spa in my future, what do I have to look forward to?”
“Ah,” he nodded in understanding. “Tomorrow, Nyvas will meet with Sarnoc Vaj to determine what he needs to do next. As I understand it, they’re not accustomed to anyone just showing up with Sarnoc abilities in place. Usually a boy comes and serves a number of years as laliri, learning the skills and customs of Sarnoc, and serving them. The very few who have proven themselves worthy eventually are initiated and take the oath. With Nyvas everything is upside-down.”
“Will they force me to go through that whole process?” Nyvas asked, his apprehension rising.
“To be honest, I doubt even Sarnoc Vaj knows right now what’s going to happen. I’m certain of one thing, though.” Sebachin made direct eye contact with him. “From here on out, Sarnoc Vaj has given his word to me that you are not to be forced to do anything against your will.” He paused, to make sure Nyvas fully grasped what that meant. “The same is true for you, Kate. The Sarnoc are very unhappy at what happened earlier, as they had no intentions of frightening either of you. They wanted me to reiterate that you are both very welcome and honored guests here. In fact, I was instructed to tell you both that you are free to go anywhere within Altopon, other than private quarters and such, and as long as you remain within the torrapon borders, you will be safe from harm. You are also welcome to leave Altopon at any time, though Sarnoc Vaj strongly urges you both to stay until we all head to Loraden in a few days for the ceremony.”
“And for now?”
Sebachin smiled. “You both have accommodations in the main wing, where the Sarnoc themselves live, but for tonight I hope you’ll both agree to stay here with me. I don’t get many opportunities for such excellent company.”
***
When she woke, the sun was already high in the sky. Embarrassed to have slept so late, she looked to the other two mattresses, but she was alone in the room, and the blankets had been rolled up. She jumped up and immediately regretted it, as her head was spinning. Groaning, she first found her way to the garderobe, and then wobbled to the table, where she poured herself a cup of water and drained it quickly.
Their evening meal had been cleared away, she noted, and in its place was a selection of dark bread and cheese. She sliced a small chunk of the dry white cheese on the tray and wandered back into the side room, wondering if she had been left alone in the tower.
“Good morning,” Sebachin greeted her. He was sitting at a table by the window, taking advantage of the morning sun that spilled across a codex laid out in front of him. “Nyvas is already with Sarnoc Vaj.”
“Ah, okay.” She leaned over his shoulder to the book. “What’s that?”
“Nothing too exciting, I promise you that. It’s a protocol manual, I suppose you could call it.”
“Protocol?”
“Aye. It explains the steps to becoming Sarnoc and something about how the oath functions. I’m just trying to figure out what happened with Nyvas, so we can better understand how Sarnoc powers work.”
“Sarnoc Vaj put you up to that?”
“Ah, no, I suspect he’d rather I not study this very hard.”
“Really? That seems strange. Isn’t he interested in learning more about it?”
“Of course he is. We all are. Sometimes, though, I think he fears that too much information might be dangerous, lest someone else find out about it as well.” He closed the book and turned around to face her. “Along the same lines, we’re still puzzling how you activated the ring so you could travel here. Sarnoc Garnell suspected Rynar was involved, but Rynar swears he had nothing to do with it.”
“Well if you figure it out, let me know. I’m still wondering myself!”
Sebachin smiled. “We know how the process works, of course, just not how you managed it, untrained and without any knowledge of Sarducia. It’s things like that, though, that make the Sarnoc worry. What if others figure it out? What if others from your land started coming here? Or worse, what if our own people stumbled into a torrapon and were sent somewhere unexpectedly? It’s dangerous, do you see?”
Kate shrugged. “It sounds like a lot of paranoia to me, especially if it hasn’t been happening all along. What’s wrong with everyone knowing about the light the Sarnoc use, or the mind-speak? Or what you can do as Pasadhi, for that matter?”
“People respect us, but they do not fear us. If they knew half of what any of us could do, though—well, it’s hard to say. You don’t know of our history, do you?”
“Just a little.”
“Very well. Back in the days of the conquest, the Sards did fear the Mosumi, and all but outlawed magic. They killed many of the Mosumi, and caused the rest to flee to Froida or other lands, or go deeply into hiding here. Some even used the energy lines, traveling to your world, and possibly others. The Sards worked out a deal with the strongest of the mages, those whom they couldn’t defeat, to remain apart from the rest of the people. That’s why Altopon was built, you know. It was just a village, but the Mosumi mages raised up the defenses against the Sards, and invited as many of their people to live here as possible.
“The mages over time became known by the slang term ‘Sarnoc’, which means ‘wall’ in the ancient Sard tongue. After many years of persecutions, these mages agreed to a deal with the conqueror. They promised not to attack Sards and to help protect the land from invasion, and to not practice any of their magic out in the open. In return, the Sards promised to allow the Sarnoc to live in peace here in Altopon, and not to harm any of the remaining Mosumi people in Sarducia. Even after all these centuries the Sarnoc still mostly abide by that. Only healers and riversmiths still regularly employ Mosumi skills out in the open, and that only was allowed again many years after the agreement was reached. And in all the generations since then, nothing has really changed.”
“That’s so sad. Maybe Arric will change that?”
“It would be nice to imagine, but it’s unlikely. There are still too many people who would resist him.” He stood up and waved her into the other room, with the food. “Eat up, Kate. I’m going to have to shoo you out of here for a bit so I can study this.”
***
She climbed down the million steps from the tower and found herself back in the main hall. Adjacent to this building were a pair of four-story buildings. As she had learned in her previous visit, the wing closest to her was the Sarnoc wing, while the other was for the laliri and servants. Behind, a smaller building was the kitchen area, with its own gardens. It was in that direction that she headed.
She approached a wide, square building, with a tall roof, with windows made of vertical wooden slats. The door was open, so she stepped inside.
Immediately she felt intoxicated by the aromas of a hundred different plants. Encircling the walls were shelves eight feet high and three feet deep, although these were not shelves for books or goods. Each was a wooden frame with a length of muslin stretched across, and many were laden with leaves and flowers placed individually across the expanse of fabric. Above, the ceiling was also a series of wooden louvers, all currently set to be open for the sun to filter in, and air to circulate, and hanging from hooks stretching the width of the room were huge bundles of plants.
In the center of the room were two heavy wooden tables, one higher than the other, presumably to use while standing. A set of knives hung in loops at the end of the table, and at the lower table were three stools, and large mortar and pestles. There was a doorw
ay in the middle of the rear wall, and as she stepped around the tables and passed through the doorway, she entered a second room with tinted glass windows and several rows of shelves crammed with ceramic jars and bottles, along with woven vine baskets hanging from hooks.
It was the Sarnocs’ apothecary, she realized.
She also wasn’t alone in this second room. A single man worked hunched over, a sheet of parchment to the left of him on the table, and several jars and a bunch of dried herbs in front of him.
He lifted his head when he heard her approach. “Looking for me, my dear?”
It was Rynar, of all people. The last person she wanted to see.
“No, I was just looking around.” She tried to take in the grandness of the room. Seb—I mean, Pasadhi Sebachin—told us we could go wherever we liked.”
“Aye. Ah, well, now that you’re here—” He pulled up another stool with his foot. “Join me for a little while?”
“I’d rather not.” She wasn’t prepared to deal with him yet. “Maybe another time.”
As she backed into the outer room with the goal of leaving the building without further argument, she heard the stool scrape against the stone floor, and she moved more quickly towards the exit.
“Kate!” he called out. “Wait.”
He sounded as if he was just a few steps behind her when her hand touched the latch to the outer door. “Really, I’d rather not do this now.”
“Do what? My dear, what has come over you?” He was close, but there was still a table between them.
“Are you serious?” She spun around, her back against the door. “After everything that’s happened, you can ask me that?”
“It was my understanding that we had resolved everything when we talked last night.”
She snorted at his comment. “Maybe you’ve resolved it—maybe your conscience is clear. I don’t have that luxury right now. My whole life has been turned upside down, and you just expect me to act like nothing’s wrong.”
“I never suggested that, my dear.” He held out his hands as if to show he meant her no harm. “However, I had hoped that once you knew the truth, you would no longer wish to flee every time we met.”
“Do you blame me? I mean, seriously. What do you expect from me?”
“You’re having a difficult time accepting who I am—am I right?” He plucked at the white fabric at his chest. “If it helps any, it is the same for me, after all this time.”
“It’s more than that, and you know it.” She folded her arms across her chest. “I still don’t know what you want from me.”
“ ‘Want,’ my dear? I don’t want anything from you, other than you accepting me as Sarnoc, and as your fath—”
“Don’t!” She snapped, cutting him off. “Don’t even say it. It’s impossible. My mother would never...” she frowned and shook her head. “And don’t think you know me, or her. You don’t. None of that’s true.” Seeing him start to protest, she shook her head. “Don’t give me a line about some magic in the tower. Maybe you think you’re my father—maybe you believe it to be true. That doesn’t mean it is.”
“You act like I have a reason to lie to you, as if I had something to gain from it. My dear, I do not—”
“Maybe you do. You’ve acted all along like you’ve wanted something from me. I just haven’t figured it out yet.”
He stared down his nose, in that way of his that suggested disapproval. “And you’ve never wanted anything from me, or anyone else?” He stepped to one side, as if to go around the table and approach her.
“Rynar, stop it. Stop trying to be Aldrish or whatever.” She cast her eyes around the room, as if getting a better sense of her surroundings would help her accept the reality of the moment. “You claim to be Sarnoc, so act like one.”
With those words his facial expression changed almost immediately. A moment before he had a smug smile, as if he had gained the upper hand in the conversation, and it was a look she had seen dozens of times before. But with her comment about being a Sarnoc, his smile faded, and he looked almost defeated. “Aye, you may be right.” He turned and dropped his hands to the table, his palms smacking against its hard surface. It was like he was deflating right before her eyes. “You’re right to call me out for playing my role too well. I’ll admit, it’s a fair complaint.”
Kate had to blink to refocus her eyes. It was as if she was seeing things.
“It’s more difficult than you can imagine, coming back here. For nearly eight years I had developed, even perfected, a totally different persona. I had to become the kind of person I hated, this cold, calculating figure who had to take control of every situation, every conversation. It was the only way I could find a place within Loraden, and ultimately, to become Aldrish under someone like Bedoric, who could only respect someone stronger and more confident than himself. My dear, can you not understand? I had to become that other person. In doing so, I may have forgotten who I really am.”
She shook her head. “No way. You can’t just stand here and tell me that was all an act. You were like that every second we were together. It was always about being in control of everything. Everything,” Kate repeated, “down to the smallest detail. Even me. And you know, Sarnoc Vaj can be like that, a little, because he has to lead others. But he never acts like he has to dominate them.”
“Aye.”
“So I don’t know who you are, or what you want, but it just feels like you’re trying to control me with these stories of your past now. It’s as if you want me to pity you, because you claim to have fallen in love with my mother. Well, I just don’t believe it. She never mentioned you, never told me a thing about this place or anyone here. You can tell me you knew her, you can make up all kinds of stories, but that doesn’t make any of it true.”
With that, she grabbed the latch of the door and flung it open, and ran out into the garden beyond.
In fact, she ran beyond the flowers and the benches that graced the grounds of the main building, and kept running down the hill towards the woods, to where she had found the Isa. In front of her stretched a wide bed of ornamental herbs. Rather than turn to the side so she would avoid it, she ran right through it.
In her haste to get away from the man who caused her so much mental anguish, she tripped on one of the stones that formed the edging, and she fell forward. Landing hard on one knee, she rolled over onto her side and clutched her knee to her chest. Gritting her teeth, she tried not to cry out from the pain, but she groaned all the same.
“Kate!” She heard her name from a ways off, but at this point she didn’t care.
She tried to get her feet back under her so she could at least walk away with some dignity, but as she started to rise, her knee shot out stabbing pain under her weight and she collapsed back into the dirt. “Damn it.” She steeled herself for what was going to happen next.
“My dear, are you hurt?”
“Just leave me alone.”
“I will do no such thing.” The man with the blond hair and white robe knelt beside her in a very Sarnoc manner, and gently placed one hand over the arm clutching her knee. “May I?”
Her knee hurt too much for her to get up on her own, so she didn’t reply, but she also didn’t fight his efforts.
In response, he moved his palm from her arm to the top of the kneecap, and immediately she could feel the warmth flow from his fingertips, taking the edge off the pain. But then he pulled back, removing his hands quickly from her leg.
“What’s wrong?” Kate asked, opening her eyes again to look at him, only to notice that he had paled significantly. “What is it?” Again she was on her guard.
“Let’s get you out of the dirt,” he suggested, and helped her stand up.
She realized he hadn’t yet healed her injury, but instead supported her weight as she hobbled over to a bench.
“That was not what I expected.”
“What do you mean?” She rubbed her knee. After everything else, this should be simple for him. “Can�
��t you heal it?”
“My dear, of course. But…” he rolled his head up, staring at the sky. “I wish you would trust me again. I wish you could believe me when I say I have never meant you harm.”
“It’s hard to just forget all the things that happened between us, you know?” It was a little easier with his new appearance, she had to admit. His Sarnoc whites, and newly-bleached hair, helped her pretend he was someone else.
“I sincerely apologize for anything I did that may have hurt you. Perhaps in time, you’ll come to understand that I did everything in my power to help you.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She wasn’t one for holding grudges, but there had been too many times when he had frightened or angered her. She couldn’t just flip a switch and let bygones be bygones.
“I suppose that will do for now.”
“Um, I think I want to go back inside now.” She felt bit humiliated by today’s interaction with him, particularly now that she needed his help. “Do you think you could…” she rubbed her knee again. “You know…”
“Aye, of course.” He placed his hand back on her kneecap, and moments later, as she stretched out her leg, she could tell everything was back to normal.
“Thanks.” She felt a little less hostile towards him as she hopped from the bench.
“Before you go, Kate, there’s something else.”
She turned and looked at him over her shoulder. “Yeah?”
“I hesitate to tell you this, but perhaps it’s best coming from me.” He waved her back to the bench. “When I touched you a moment ago, I discovered something I hadn’t expected.” He had a strange look on his face.
She rolled her eyes. “What now?”
“My dear, it appears that you are with child.”
She stared at him. “I’m what?” She caught her breath. Had she misunderstood him?
“Didn’t the Vosira say the ceremony was incomplete?”