The Highlander Who Loved Me

by Adrienne Basso

  As James waited for his eyes to adjust to the dimness, the hairs on the back of his neck itched with warning. He could feel a presence. Someone was in the chamber, hiding near the bed.

  I’m being watched.

  Muscles rigid, he slowly reached for the dirk secured in his belt. Light-footed, he moved forward, blinking with shock when he saw a woman leaning over his empty bed.

  He took another step and the wooden floorboard creaked. The female straightened instantly, turning at the sound.

  “Jesus, Davina, ye startled me!” Releasing a long breath, he threw the dirk on the table.

  Her eyes widened. “Well, that was hardly the reaction that I had hoped to receive.”

  “I thought ye were an intruder.” James willed his alert senses to calm, then narrowed his gaze. “Why are ye here?”

  “Is it not obvious what a woman wants when she steals into a man’s bedchamber in the middle of the night,” she answered, her voice husky and low.

  James drew back, feeling as though he’d just been kicked in the gut. Her words brought a violent surge of heat to his manhood. It was then he took full notice of her appearance. Dressed in a linen night rail of white, her braided hair cascading down the middle of her back, she was a vision of beauty and innocence.

  A few tendrils of hair had come loose from her braid and were curling on her neck. Her creamy flesh looked so inviting. He knew her skin would feel like silk under his questing hands and lips.

  Oh, how he longed to place a kiss in that tender, vulnerable spot at her nape and trail his way downward, kissing and caressing every inch of her! Yet he stoically resisted the temptation, allowing the flame within him to slowly ebb.

  “Have ye been drinking?” he asked gently, for he could find no other answer for her uncharacteristic behavior.

  “Just one extra glass of wine fer courage,” she admitted. “But I’m not drunk. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  “Then ye best explain it to me, Davina, ’cause I haven’t a clue.”

  “I want to share yer bed tonight, James.”

  He snorted ruefully and shook his head. “I fear our past will make marriage between us a hardship.”

  She withdrew slightly. “I’m not asking fer marriage, James. But I am asking ye to lie with me and help me bury the past once and fer all.”

  “Ye dinnae mince words, yet it still makes no sense.”

  He could see that her hands were trembling, yet she fixed an unwavering gaze upon him when she spoke. “The innocent lass who believed that life would treat her well died the afternoon we were attacked. I dinnae remember much of what happened, but the feelings of terror and fear and utter helplessness remain with me.

  “Do ye know what it’s like to be fearful of yer own shadow? To feel the humiliation of being unable to leave the walls of yer home without shaking so hard yer teeth rattle?”

  “God’s blood.” His voice was raw with tortured emotion.

  “I do, James. I know. Ye tried to comfort me after that attack and I turned you away because I couldn’t bear to face the truth. Fer the past five years I’ve locked myself away, hoping to ease the pain, but it only grew worse. Fer so many years, I’ve prayed fer strength, I’ve sought solace in strong medicine to ease my pain, to pull me away from the darkness that plagued my mind and heart.”

  He bit back an oath. “Ye cannae run from the pain, Davina, fer it will always follow. Ye must face it, conquer it.”

  “As ye did, by running off to the Crusades?”

  He turned with a growl and she lowered her head. “Forgive me, James. I’ve no right to judge. I treated ye cruelly, unfairly. Ye did what ye needed to survive.”

  “So this is to be my payment? Having ye in my bed fer one night?”

  “No, James, this is my way of breaking free from the past and finally escaping the walls of isolation that surround me.”

  “Ye are no longer fearful of intimacy with a man?”

  She swallowed so hard he could see her throat move. “I’m no longer terrified of facing the truth. If I’m not a virgin, then so be it. It almost doesn’t matter, fer I will forever feel violated by that horrid outlaw.”

  James cursed under his breath. “I should have saved ye, Davina.”

  She reached for his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Oh, James, ye did save me. We are both alive to tell the tale and that’s because of ye.”

  He raised her hands and rubbed them against his cheek. “I dinnae deserve yer forgiveness.”

  “Ye are being daft!” she cried. “Pigheaded! There’s nothing to forgive. Ye did nothing wrong.”

  James bit the inside of his cheek to prevent an outburst of temper. Arguing would solve little. He would carry this guilt to the grave, yet knowing Davina did not blame him eased a bit of his sorrow. Yet he had no right to expect her to fill the emptiness in his heart.

  “I have nightmares too,” he confessed quietly.

  Her eyes watered and he noticed the trembling of her chin, but she did not let the tears fall. “Let’s join together and banish these nightmares forever,” she said. “We’ve both learned ’tis pointless to cry over what’s been lost, to spend our days and nights wishing things had been different.

  “’Tis a most unusual twist of fate that has brought us together again, James. We should not waste this precious chance. I want the memory of making love with ye to fill my dreams instead of the fear.”

  Her heartfelt plea rattled him to the core. Emotions he did not want to identify and acknowledge stirred within him. Stalling for time, James added some wood to the small fire burning in the fireplace. The flames rose, dispelling the chill in the chamber. But not the rising fear in his heart.

  Once consummated, there would be no graceful way to end the relationship. If he took Davina to his bed, she would become his wife. McKenna honor demanded no less.

  Was he ready to take that step?

  Just looking at her set off warring feelings inside him. Though he had tried to deny it, his strong desire for her remained, but it was still overshadowed by his need to protect her. He could never atone for the mistakes of the past, could never take away the pain that she suffered. But mayhap he could lessen it by helping her bear it.

  Was this the path that would lead her there?

  “’Tis a dangerous game that ye are suggesting,” he said. “A woman must be very careful when she gives her body to a man.”

  Even in the dim candlelight, he could see her blushing cheeks. He took a few steps forward, yet maintained a safe distance between them. His jaw tightened as he wondered how in the hell he was going to resist what she offered.

  “I’ve been considering this very carefully. I trust that ye’ll be slow and gentle,” she said in a quiet, reverent tone. “I trust that if I grow frightened, ye’ll stop.”

  “I’m a man, Davina. Not a saint. If things go too far . . .” He let his voice trail off, fully expecting her to turn tail and run.

  She looked at him with imploring eyes. “That’s why I’m here, James. I want things to go too far.”

  James stood in stunned silence for a moment, mulling the choices over in his mind. His pride was soothed, knowing she had come to him instead of his brother. But if he turned her away, would she then seek Malcolm’s bed?

  The tumult inside him heightened. He knew it had not been easy for her to find the courage to approach him. Whatever demons haunted her still existed in the edges of her mind. Yet she was determined to vanquish them. He could not help but admire her for it.

  But her methods flummoxed him utterly. Why were females such confounding creatures? Was this the answer? Sleeping together? His cock certainly thought it a good idea. Yet what if this made things worse?

  That thought brought an ironic laugh to his lips. How could the strain between them grow any larger?

  He wished he had the magical power to snap his fingers and obliterate her distress. But that was foolish—childish—an answer that Lileas would seek.

  Had pure d
esperation brought this idea to Davina or did it have merit? Would sharing the burden that haunted their past help them heal? Doubt crowded his mind.

  “Ye need to know that I can make no promises about the future to ye,” he said bluntly, still hoping to frighten her away.

  The angry reaction he expected was not forthcoming. She perched on the edge of his mattress, wrapping her arms firmly around her waist, and cast her eyes to the floor.

  “I understand.”

  “It makes no difference to ye?”

  “I’m certain this is what I want. Ye are what I want.”

  “Well, ye hardly look eager, lass.”

  He infused his comment with a trace of humor, hoping to break through her nerves, and was rewarded with a faint smile.

  Aye, now she’ll leave. But instead, she licked her lips and rose gracefully to her feet. He was captured by the delicate fragrance drifting toward him. Sweet and floral and uniquely Davina’s; it had the power to enrapture him.

  She held her arms open and stepped toward him. A timid smile curved her lips as she stared into his eyes. James was certain the searing heat of desire he felt was reflected in his eyes.

  It will frighten her and end this madness. And still, she came closer.

  “Will ye at least kiss me, James?” she pleaded.

  His heart jolted with anticipation, yet he stood still as a stone, his feet slightly apart, his hands clasped behind his back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering his name into the hollow behind his ear. The feel of her warm breath, followed by the gentle pressure of her lips on his neck, aroused him in a way that he never imagined.

  He unclenched his hands and splayed his fingers across her back, keeping her close. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and he felt his cock rise and harden with lust. She twisted her body, rubbing against him like a cat, then lifted her chin.

  James gazed into her passion-shrouded eyes and suppressed a groan. His need sharpened. Never before had he felt so consumed, so tormented by it. Doubting he would be content with a mere kiss, he nevertheless dipped his head.

  She took his face between her hands when he drew near and pressed her soft lips to his. Sensations swamped him. Her lips parted, their breath mingled, and then she welcomed his tongue, thrusting her own boldly forward.

  It felt like the sun bursting inside him, splintering with glorious light. She tasted like heaven. He felt the desire she evoked pumping rapidly through his veins, draining him of any resistance.

  She moved her mouth over his jaw, temples, eyes, ears, then back to his mouth. His need swelled to a profound hunger. Damning himself for having such little control, James drank deeply of the sweetness she offered, savoring the moment as though it were his last.

  He stroked her back down to the base of her spine, where he slowly traced the graceful indentation. His hands itched to cup the tempting globes of her perfectly rounded buttocks and lift her closer to his desire, but he held back.

  This was Davina’s seduction. He would follow her lead. No matter how tortuous. No matter how sorely tempted he was to take control, to spread her legs, grasp her hips, and press inside her. To finally claim her as his own.

  His body became further inflamed when he heard her whisper his name. So sweetly, breathlessly, and with obvious need. Her untutored hands pulled at his clothing, trying to push it aside and reach his bare flesh.

  James held his breath, aching with the need to help her, but he feared his passion would overcome him. Gritting his teeth, he somehow held on to his control as the delicious sensation of her fingertips glided over his partially bare chest.

  His loins quickened, his manhood was heavy and aching. His heart caught, knowing this was the time for truth between them. “I’ve been hurt and angry, but my feelings fer ye have never changed,” he whispered.

  “I’m humbled to know that ye could still want me, flawed as I am.” A lone tear escaped, trailing down her cheek.

  The sight of it made James’s chest constrict. “God’s blood, dinnae cry, Davina.”

  “The tears are born of joy, not sorrow,” she whispered. “I’ve waited far too long to belong to ye, James.”

  He felt himself starting to withdraw, to pull back into the harsh, gruff shell he used to protect himself. Davina’s eyes turned sorrowful, as though she knew what he was doing. Then suddenly a helpless feeling sliced through his heart, a fear that if he turned inward again, now, in this moment, he might never be able to escape.

  It was madness. And yet . . .

  He ran his fingers wearily through his hair, then held up his hands in supplication. Allowing his guard to crumble, James lay down on the bed, folded his hands across his chest, and closed his eyes.

  He could feel the mattress dip as Davina scrambled beside him. The air was heavy with the intoxicating scent of her. He took a very deep breath, then opened one eye and peered at her.

  “Go on, now. Have yer wicked way with me, wench.”

  She could not take her eyes from him. Her breath deepened as she looked down at him, seeking to control her uneven pulse. The sight of him lying so still sent a flutter of anticipation through her for beneath the invincibility of his hard body was a sense of vulnerability that she recognized and understood.

  She took a deep breath and emptied her mind of everything except James. A twinge of excitement pulsed through her veins and a feeling that could only be described as desire filled her—and gave her hope.

  She knew in her heart that no other man was capable of eliciting such a response from her. James. Only James. But it wasn’t only passion, there was tenderness, too. The final, small doubt that this was the right path for both of them to take vanished.

  Now all she need do was figure out the best way to continue with her seduction. She moistened her lips and stared down at him with helpless exasperation, uncertain where to start. ’Twould be far easier if James were in charge, but that was clearly not his intention.

  Nay, if this was going to happen, then she had to be the one to take them on this journey. The realization brought a blush of heat flushing her chest, which crept up her neck and into her cheeks.

  The sudden twinkle in James’s eyes let her know he’d noticed it. His amusement calmed her nerves and softened the fierceness on his handsome face. Keeping herself raised on one elbow, Davina slowly reclined beside him. Bracing her hand against his chest, she leaned close and pressed her lips to his cheek. It was rough with stubble, but she found it to be a pleasant sensation.

  Her mouth shifted, lingering over his lips. She could feel the warmth of his breath, smell the sweetness of the wine he had drunk at dinner. The embers of desire began to glow inside her as she anticipated the feel of his lips and tongue tangling with hers.

  “Are ye going to tease me or kiss me, lass?”

  “Kiss,” she murmured.

  She flicked her tongue lightly along the rim of his lips, tempting them both, then embraced him utterly, devouring him with all the pent-up ardor that had been locked inside her for years. He responded with a loud groan. His fingertips dug into her arms as he bit at her bottom lip, taking her mouth with his lips and tongue.

  Passion surged through her in a dizzying tide. The kiss woke something deep and hidden within her. Chaotic emotions came to life, making her hot and cold all in the same moment. She suddenly found the cloth of their garments an annoying, frustrating barrier. Longing to feel his skin pressing against her, Davina tugged at his clothing. With impatient hands, she pulled at the edges of his tunic, lifting it off his body. A fine linen shirt followed, the neatly stitched garment flung carelessly on the floor.

  Her breath caught, and held, as she reveled in gaining her prize—a beautifully sculpted, naked chest. She momentarily forgot about his brais, concentrating instead on the male splendor set before her.

  There was not a spare ounce of flesh anywhere on his body. His chest was lean with corded muscles that bore numerous scars, yet it made him no less attractive. He was beautiful in a raw,
rugged way. His flesh was warm and silky. She could feel his muscles knot beneath her touch, but he remained perfectly still as her finger traced the raised white line of an old scar.

  He was like a statue sculpted from marble. Well, she must do all that she could to make this statue feel.

  She leaned down and ran her cheek over his naked chest, then pressed her lips to it, tantalizing his warm flesh with her tongue. She could feel his heart drumming rapidly, could hear his deep, heavy breaths. Encouraged, she continued, allowing her lips and tongue to linger with each caress.

  She heard the sharp intake of his breath, followed by a deep groan. The sound of his pleasure encouraged her. Acting purely on instinct, she bade her hands to move lithely over his flesh, across the flat plane of his stomach and then lower.

  Her questing hand roved down the soft wool of his brais, smoothing up and down his legs, feeling the muscles in his thighs and calves. She tugged impatiently at the knot keeping the garment tied to his waist, nearly crowing with triumph when it opened. James let out a breathy moan of laughter as she pulled off the brais, leaving him naked.

  Her eyes widened and her lips parted. His penis was bold and hard, jutting proudly skyward. Fascinated, she moved herself closer to his warmth, exploring the contours of his body with frenzied hands, marveling with each new discovery.

  Strange, but the more she caressed him, the greater her own excitement grew. She could feel her breasts swelling, her nipples hardening. Her mind tripped wildly with all manner of wicked thoughts. She wanted to feel everything, taste everything.

  Did she dare?

  Aye! Wildly, she pressed her lips to his inner thigh, just below the triangle of hair that circled his manhood.

  His hips jerked upward. Delighted by his reaction, she did it again, this time using her tongue. His hips rose higher, followed by a low moan.

  “Does that please ye?” she whispered.

  A laugh burst out of his throat that quickly turned to a groan. “Ye’re killing me, lass.”

  “What should I do?”

  His chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “Anything ye’d like.”